CHAPTER XX
He had resolutely put the thought of Julia as much out of his mind aspossible. He had conquered his disappointment at not being able to see herfor a month, and had resolved to devote that month exclusively to hardwork. And now came another one of those small, square, brief letters withits disturbing scent of lavender, and its stamp stuck upside down near themiddle of the envelope.
"I will be in town tomorrow when you get this," she wrote, "But only for aday or two. We are going to move up to the capital for the rest of theyear. Gordon is going to stay here now. Just mother and I are coming downto pack up our things. You can come and see me tomorrow evening."
It was astonishing, it was disturbing, it was incomprehensible. And it didnot fit in with his plans. He had intended to go North and return beforeshe did; then, with all his affairs in order, ask her to go away with him.Cortez had already sent word to Alfego that Ramon was coming to ArribaCounty. He could not afford a change of plans now. But the prospect ofseeing her again filled him with pleasure, sent a sort of weakeningexcitement tingling through his body.
And what did it mean that he was to be allowed to call on her? Had she, byany chance, won over her mother and brother? No; he couldn't believe it.But he went to her house that evening shaken by great hopes andanticipations.
She wore a black dress that left her shoulders bare, and set off the slimperfection of her little figure. Her face was flushed and her eyes weredeep. How much more beautiful she was than the image he carried in hismind! He had been thinking of her all this while, and yet he had forgottenhow beautiful she was. He could think of nothing to say at first, but heldher by both hands and looked at her with eyes of wonder and desire. Hefelt a fool because his knees were weak and he was tremulous. But a happyfool! The touch and the sight of her seemed to dissolve his strength, andalso the hardness and the bitterness that life had bred in him, the streakof animal ferocity that struggle brought out in him. He was all desire,but desire bathed in tenderness and hope. She made him feel as once longago he had felt in church when the music and the pageantry and sweetodours of the place had filled his childish spirit with a strange sense ofharmony. He had felt small and unworthy, yet happy and forgiven. So now hefelt in her presence that he was black and bestial beside her, but thatpossession of her would somehow wash him clean and bring him peace.
When he tried to draw her to him she shook her head, not meeting his eyesand freed herself gently.
"No, no. I must tell you.{~HORIZONTAL ELLIPSIS~}" She led him to a seat, and went on, lookingdown at a toe that played with a design in the carpet. "I must explain. Ipromised mother that if she would let me see you this once to tell you, Iwould never try to see you again."
There was a long silence, during which he could feel his heart poundingand could see that she breathed quickly. Then suddenly he took her face inboth hot hands and turned it toward him, made her meet his eyes.
"But of course you didn't mean that," he said.
She struggled weakly against his strength.
"I don't know. I thought I did.{~HORIZONTAL ELLIPSIS~} It's terrible. You know{~HORIZONTAL ELLIPSIS~} I wrote you {~HORIZONTAL ELLIPSIS~}some one saw us together. Gordon and mother found out about it. I won'ttell you all that they said, but it was awful. It made me angry, and theyfound out that I love you. It had a terrible effect on Gordon. It made himworse. I can't tell you how awful it is for me. I love you. But I love himtoo. And to think I'm hurting him when he's sick, when I've lived in thehope he would get well.{~HORIZONTAL ELLIPSIS~}"
She was breathing hard now. Her eyes were bright with tears. All herdefences were down, her fine dignity vanished. When he took her in hisarms she struggled a little at first; then yielded with closed eyes to hishot kisses.
Afterward they talked a little, but not to much purpose. He had importantthings to tell her, they had plans to make. But their great disturbinghunger for each other would not let them think of anything else. Theirconversation was always interrupted by hot confusing embraces.
The clock struck eleven, and she jumped up.
"I promised to make you go home at eleven," she told him.
"But I must tell you {~HORIZONTAL ELLIPSIS~} I have to leave town for a while." He found histongue suddenly. Briefly he outlined the situation he faced with regard tohis estate. Of course, he said nothing about the _penitentes_, but he madeher understand that he was going forth to fight for both their fortunes.
"I can't do it, I won't go, unless I know I am to have you," he finished."Everything I have done, everything I am going to do is for you. If I loseyou I lose everything. You promise to go with me?"
His eyes were burning with earnestness, and hers were wide withadmiration. He did not really understand her, nor she him. Unalterabledifferences of race and tradition and temperament stood between them. Theyhad little in common save a great primitive hunger. But that,none-the-less, for the moment genuinely transfigured and united them.
She drew a deep breath.
"Yes. You must promise not to try to see me until then. When you areready, let me know."
She threw back her head, opening her arms to him. For a moment she hunglimp in his embrace; then pushed him away and ran upstairs, leaving him tofind his way out alone.
He walked home slowly, trying to straighten out his thoughts. Her presenceseemed still to be all about him. One of her hairs was tangled about abutton of his coat; her powder and the scent of her were all over hisshoulder; the recollection of her kisses smarted sweetly on his mouth. Hewas weak, confused, ridiculously happy. But he knew that he would carryNorth with him greater courage and purpose than ever before he had known.