My heart swelled as I watched as Jack, in his expensive designer suit, shoved his fingers into the slim space between the grass and the gravestone. He dug around, coming up with black fingernails and a small handful of soil.
Shoving the dirt into his pocket, he looked very pleased with himself as he dusted off his hands on his slacks. “I’ll grab a handful from Junior’s and empty out my pockets at the house.” He glanced down at his pants. “I’ll have to wash these later.”
“You? Do laundry?”
He tilted his head. “I meant I’d ask Jade to take them to the cleaners. But, hey, I’m not totally incompetent,” he replied, his gaze traveling down the length of my body. “You look beautiful today.”
I looked down at my green Sunny’s T-shirt and the faded black hoodie I was wearing. “I didn’t even get a chance to change out of my uniform. And my hair is a mess.”
“Take the compliment,” he said, shaking his head. “You look beautiful no matter what you’re wearing or how messy your hair is. Hell, remember our first Halloween party together, when you dressed up as Ursula from The Little Mermaid? And I still fucked you in the hotel bathroom that night, gray skin, fat suit, and all.”
My breath came in shallow gasps as I thought of how much I’d missed Jack these last three weeks. I’d missed the deep resonance of his voice, the way it echoed through me, making my bones ache for him. I missed the heat of his skin, how he used to laugh at me when I’d follow him around the house in the winter to stay close to my heat source. I missed his scent, as crisp as a mountain breeze and as warm as a wool coat, it was just like him: part gentle and part rough, but all man.
Before I could stop myself, I whispered, barely loud enough to be heard over the distant traffic sounds, “I’ve missed you so much.”
The muscle in his jaw flexed as he stepped forward, closing the chasm between us, and folded me into his arms.
Oh, how I missed being held by Jack.
I buried my nose in the collar of his coat and breathed deeply. Maybe if I inhaled him, I could hold my breath and hold him prisoner at my mom’s house.
Reluctantly, I released him, and he laid a soft kiss on the top of my head as I pulled away. Grabbing my hand, he began leading me toward Junior’s grave, which was about eighty yards away, nestled under the minuscule shadow of the sapling we planted two years ago.
My mom planted a Mountain Moon dogwood evergreen tree in our backyard when I was little. She told me it was the only dogwood in our garden that wouldn’t shed its leaves in the winter, and its fruit would bring flocks of birds to our yard. I didn’t pay much attention, as she was always talking about gardening, and I mostly found it boring. But when the dogwood bloomed late the next spring, the entire canopy fluffed up with creamy white blossoms that clung to the branches longer than any of the other flowers in the garden, it became my favorite tree.
I had months to wait before this tree and the one in my mother’s backyard blossomed. But it was comforting to know that every year, when I visited Junior on his birthday — May 10th — I would find the tree in full bloom.
The gravestone was simple. With the media frenzy that followed the murders, I didn’t want to make a spectacle or attraction of his grave. A piece of polished granite was no consolation prize, no matter how beautifully carved or adorned it was. And despite the comforting thought of knowing Jack and I had already purchased the plots on either side of Junior, I would never be at peace with the idea that my son was buried under there.
I got down on my knees and closed my eyes as Jack squatted next to me. I wanted to speak to Junior, but part of me feared that speaking to him would make this more difficult. Then, I realized I didn’t have to talk to Junior when Jack was right next to me, ready and waiting to listen.
Wiping at my eyes as I opened them, I found Jack staring at the gravestone, very deeply lost in thought. His jaw was set and I could hear each breath he inhaled through his nose. I didn’t know if he was angry or trying not to cry.
“Jack?”
He flinched. “Hey,” he said, blinking furiously. “I was just thinking about the day Junior was born. I almost lost you both that day, before they decided to do the C-section.”
I wiped more tears away. “I would have died that day if it meant none of this would happen.”
“Don’t say that,” he replied in a low growl. “Don’t ever fucking say that.” He took my face in his hands roughly and forced me to look him in the eye. “I can’t lose you. You’re all I have left.”
I grabbed onto his wrists as I took a couple of deep breaths. “I need to leave. I don’t feel good.”
Jack knew that when I said I didn’t feel well, it meant that I was on the brink of an anxiety attack.
He quickly helped me up, then he dug up a small handful of dirt and shoved it into his pocket as he stood up and took one last glance at the gravestone. “Goodbye, monkey.”
He followed me back to my mom’s house and unloaded the dirt from his pockets, as well as the gardening supplies in the back of my SUV, onto the potting bench in my mom’s garden shed. I ignored the temptation to walk around the backyard and start pruning and watering. It seemed my mother’s hobby had finally taken root in me.
Jack and I climbed into his truck and went to grab some lunch, since I hadn’t been grocery shopping in more than a week. On the way to our favorite taco place, Jack was pulled over for rolling through a stop sign.
As he watched the officer approach in his side mirror, a smile spread across his face. “How’s it going, Ed?” he said, as the cop leaned over to look inside the car.
“Jack? What are you doing out here?” the young officer with the thin lips and boyishly-round eyes asked.
Jack glanced at me. “My wife and I are just on our way to get a bite to eat.”
He didn’t really answer the officer’s question. Officer Ed obviously knew Jack from the collaborative efforts of the Hood River Police Department and the Portland Police Department on our case. He knew we — well, Jack — lived an hour away. It didn’t really make sense for us to drive out here to “get a bite to eat.” But thankfully Ed let it go and we didn’t have to explain our current living situation.
“I probably won’t have to ticket you, but I’ll need to run your license and registration. You know, standard procedure,” Ed said with a shrug.
I reached for the glove compartment, but Jack held out his hand to stop me.
“Ed, you should know I have a concealed carry license and I have a legal gun in the glove compartment.”
My heart raced as I realized Jack had been keeping another secret gun in yet another location.
Ed nodded. “I appreciate you letting me know, even though Oregon is not a duty to inform state. You can go ahead and grab that registration.”
I closed my eyes as Jack reached across me to open the glove compartment. Once I heard the latch click closed, I opened my eyes again and watched as he handed over his driver’s license and registration.
After a brief, uncomfortable silence, Officer Ed returned with Jack’s documents and sent us on our way without a ticket.
As soon as we turned the corner, I rounded on Jack. “Why do you have a gun in your glove compartment?”
“Because I have a concealed carry license. You know that.”
“I know, but you’ve never kept a gun in your truck. You know I hate those things.”
“Relax,” he said, knowing how much I hated it when he told me to relax. “The safety is always on.”
“I don’t care if the safety is on! I want to know why you’re carrying it with you in your truck. Are you looking for him?”
He knew what I meant by “him.”
“No. It’s just for protection,” he said, but he stared straight ahead, unable to say the lie while looking me in the eye.
We didn’t speak to each other at all until we were seated in the Mexican restaurant with our food ordered and drinks in front of us.
Jack sighed. “I need to ask you a
favor.”
“What kind of favor?” I replied blankly.
He stared at me for a long moment, and I wondered if he was thinking of saying “just promise me you’ll say yes.” But he had to know that now was not the right time.
“I need you to accompany me to the Halo Halloween party,” he said. “We decided to scrap the company Christmas party since half the office doesn’t celebrate. You don’t have to dress up if you don’t want to. It’s just so Kent and the others don’t think we’re broken up.”
I rolled my eyes. “Can I think about it?”
He shook his head. “Actually, you know how much I hate it when you think.”
I cocked an eyebrow, clearly unamused.
He laughed. “Of course you can think about it. Just don’t take too long. The party’s in six weeks.”
“Six weeks is a long time.”
“Yeah, but if you decide not to go, I need time to make other arrangements.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Other arrangements? Like what? Do you plan on taking someone else if I don’t go?”
He didn’t even laugh. He just stared at me for a long moment, his expression deadly serious. “No.”
“Don’t look at me like that. It’s a valid question.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Do you seriously think I would do that to you?”
I hung my head and tried not to smile. “No.”
“That’s what I thought,” he said. “But I will say one thing, jealousy looks very fucking sexy on you.”
My gaze dropped, focused on the surface of the table as I suddenly felt light enough to float away. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“Do what?”
I looked him in the eye. “I can’t figure out how to sit across from you and not wish I was right next to you.”
He clenched his jaw, drawing in a deep breath through his nose. “I hope you never figure that out.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Okay, I’ll go with you to the party.”
But even as I savored the warm smile on his beautiful face, I wondered how we would deal with the party. I didn’t know if I had the ability to lie about being separated. Then again, the party wasn’t for another six weeks. Maybe Jack and I would be back together by then.
Maybe we’d be back together by the end of the weekend.
This thought made me smile.
* * *
As Jack pulled his truck into my mother’s driveway behind my SUV, he reached into the cab and pulled up a bottle of some type of liquor.
“What’s that?” I asked as he handed it to me. But when I saw the label, I recognized it as his favorite bourbon.
“It was a gift from a colleague for a successful 1023 submission for Halo Foundation,” he replied.
I gasped as I looked up at him. “Oh, my God. I feel awful I totally forgot about that.”
“Ah, don’t worry about it. We’ve both had a lot on our minds.”
I smiled. “Well, for what it’s worth, I’m really proud of you.”
He stared at me for a while before he responded. “Your opinion is worth a lot.” He turned off the truck and reached for the door handle. “Why don’t you bring that in? We can celebrate the foundation and Japan, and your mom’s birthday.”
I stared at him for a moment, wondering if it would be a good idea to drink with Jack. Especially since I knew he never drove after he drank, which would mean he would likely spend the night.
I swallowed hard as I reached for my purse on the floor and looked up at him. “Let’s celebrate.”
I still hadn’t unpacked all of my mom’s dishes, most of which were still piled up in boxes in the garage. Rather than drinking bourbon from coffee mugs, we decided to drink straight from the bottle. After the first few sips, I was tipsy enough to call Jack a hobo every time he tilted the bottle to his lips. After four sips, Jack screwed the cap back onto the bottle and placed it on the coffee table.
Leaning back on the sofa, I nearly knocked the bourbon over when I put my feet up. I laughed as I reached up to touch my face, which was slightly numb already.
“You’re such a lightweight,” Jack said, putting his feet on the table. “And speaking of weight… I noticed you gained a few pounds. And let me tell you, I love it.”
“I want a dog,” I blurted out.
“I can be your dog,” he replied. “Ruff!”
I turned to him and his goofy smile made me laugh. “I mean it. I think I want a dog.”
He leaned in close and whispered in my ear. “Woof-woof.”
“I’m serious, Jack,” I declared through my laughter.
Suddenly, I was on my back on the sofa and he was on top of me, pressing his lips to my ear as he barked again. “Woof-woof!” He used his knee to spread my legs apart as I cackled uncontrollably. “Hey, girl. I’d love to bury my bone in your backyard.”
We both lost it. He fell on top of me as we laughed hysterically for a couple of minutes until we caught our breath.
“My abs hurt,” I said as he nuzzled his face into my neck, but as soon as he kissed me I forgot all about the pain.
As I wrapped my arms around his neck, he tilted his head back to look down at me. “Let’s go upstairs.”
I bit my lip, unable to control my smile as I nodded.
We raced upstairs like fugitives from the law. When he tried to go to my bed, where we’d slept the last time we were here, I pulled him into the guest room, which had a king-sized bed.
“Sweet Jesus. You have no idea how gorgeous you are,” he said as I climbed onto the mattress.
He stood at the foot of the bed, the heavy rise and fall of his chest got me more excited. He watched me undress with an obscene hunger in his eyes, a lion stalking his prey. I was about to be devoured.
Once I was naked, he let me watch him as he undressed slowly, smiling as my gaze fell on his smooth, hard cock. I was dizzy with anticipation. He climbed onto the bed and settled himself between my legs, and my eyes rolled back as he slid into me.
God. Why did I need this so much?
Grabbing hold of the rock hard triceps on the backs of his arms, I gasped as his cock hit my core. He alternated, slow and methodical at first, then fast and furious, then slow again. He rolled his hips, grinding his pelvis into my clit. The flesh at my opening burned as his cock stretched me in deliciously slow circles.
He wasn’t just fucking me. He was dirty dancing inside me. And, yes, I was having the time of my life, and I owed it all to Jack.
Once the orgasm began to roll through me, raising the hairs on my skin and making my limbs tremble, he picked up his pace again. Lifting both my legs onto his shoulders, he pounded me so hard, I feared I’d be split in two.
As if he could hear my thoughts, his thrusts came to an abrupt stop, and his cock twitched as he let go inside me. That was when it dawned on me.
He hadn’t asked me if I’d taken my pill.
I did take my pill, but the fact that he hadn’t asked meant something. Did it mean he was serious when he said he wanted to try for another baby? Or had it just slipped his mind? It had never slipped his mind before.
Suddenly, his lips were on mine again. His weight was heavy and comforting as he draped his body over mine. His erection still twitched inside me as he kissed me slowly and so tenderly I began to cry.
He propped himself up on his elbows, brushing my hair away from my face as he looked down at me. “Hey, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”
I shook my head adamantly. “No, I’m just… having a moment.”
He laughed and the vibration against my clit made my walls squeeze around his dick. The clenching made his cock jump, and we both laughed this time. He planted a kiss on my forehead as he slid out of me.
“I’ll go get a towel,” he said, but I grabbed his arm before he could roll out of bed.
“Don’t go.” I didn’t care that his hot cum was dribbling out of me.
He chuckled again. “You dirty thing. You want to go another round?” br />
I nodded as I arched my back a little, tempting him with my assets.
His face grew serious as his hand landed gently on my abdomen. “This time,” he said, his hand sliding between my legs, “I’ll fuck you slow.” He slid a finger inside me. “I’ll fuck you with purpose.”
My heart raced as I tried to deduce the meaning of his words. “Jack?”
“What, pixie?” he said, kissing my neck as he lightly swirled his finger over my clit.
“Should you wear a condom?” I asked.
He continued fingering me as he looked down at me. “Why? You didn’t take your pill?”
He didn’t look worried. He seemed genuinely curious, possibly even amused by my bringing up the condom.
I moaned as the pad of his middle finger feathered my clit. “I did, but you always wear a condom.”
He smiled as his cock, still slick with my cum, began to harden against my thigh. “Not always. Besides, I trust you. I know you’d tell me if you missed a pill,” he said, sliding two fingers inside me now as he searched for my G-spot. “And I already told you that I’ve been thinking maybe we should start trying for another baby.”
I gasped when he located my spot and began teasing me slowly and torturously. “But you said we should start trying for a baby if the counseling goes well,” I replied breathlessly.
His thumb rubbed my clit as his middle finger worked my G. “It’s going well. Don’t you think?”
“Oh, fuck,” I whimpered, grinding my pussy into his hand. “Shouldn’t we wait until we’re living together again?”
He slid his fingers out of me and rolled me onto my side, facing away from him. “You should come home,” he said, pulling my body flush against his. His rock hard cock prodded the crease of my ass as he pulled my leg back and draped it over his body. “Like Bonnie said, it will make it easier to work things out if we’re not so far apart. Besides, the garden looks great, you look great. You’d look even better lying naked in our bed at home, with my baby growing inside you.”
I had to concede that Bonnie and Jack were right. We did need to be closer if we were to have any chance at working things out. But I worried that everything else he said was just what he thought I wanted to hear, because it was exactly what I wanted to hear. And no one knew me like Jack.