“Hey, I’m a doctor, remember?” He grinned. “You can wrap Jack’s blanket around you until your sweater is dry. He’s got my jacket to keep him warm.”
She had absolutely no desire to walk around with nothing more than a threadbare blanket to cover her. But Lily knew it would be silly to spend the night in wet clothes and risk hypothermia when she could dry them over the fire.
“I brought some dried fruit and nuts,” Robert said. “Let’s get your clothes hung and then we’ll eat.”
“We’ll eat after that wound on your shoulder is cleaned and bandaged,” she said firmly.
Robert smiled. “Yes, ma’am.”
At that moment he looked very much like the man she’d fallen in love with two years earlier. So much that it frightened her.
Moving away from him, Lily stooped and eased the blanket from Jack, replacing it with Robert’s jacket. “Sleep tight, sweetheart.”
Blanket in hand, she left the warmth of the fire and walked to a dim corner where the air was cold and damp. In her peripheral vision she saw Robert rummaging in his backpack with his back to her.
“Stay right there and don’t turn around,” she said.
Robert straightened, but kept his back to her. “No problem.”
Never taking her eyes from him, she swiftly lifted the sweater over her head, then unhooked her bra. Her skirt was wet, too, so she stepped out of it. Shivering against the cold, she withdrew the mini Magnum and unbuckled the holster from around her thigh. Wearing nothing except her panties, she wrapped the blanket around her and started toward the fire.
Aware that her heart was beating too fast, she risked a look at Robert—just to make sure he still had his back to her. But the sight of his muscular back and broad shoulders stopped her cold. The fire cast a warm glow that turned his skin golden. His jeans were wet. He hadn’t yet removed them, and the wet material hugged every toned muscle of his backside. She tried hard to deny the sharp zing of awareness that crept over her, but she didn’t have much luck.
Lily reached the fire and looked at the soggy clothes in her hands. “Where’s a clothes dryer when you need one?” she said, trying not to feel awkward.
Robert turned. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, but she felt his gaze sweep over her as surely as if he’d touched her.
“I’ll hang them for you,” he said.
She did look at him then, and the contact was as shocking as the snap of a bullet through the air. She saw the quick flex of his jaw. The jump of heat in his eyes. She was aware of that same heat jumping through her blood, warming her from the inside out. Aware that her knees had begun to shake, that neither of them had made a move to close the short, dangerous distance between them, she looked away. “I can do it.”
She concentrated intently on draping her sweater and skirt over the wire, but she was starkly aware that he was standing just a few feet away. That he was watching her every move. That he hadn’t said a word. And that if they didn’t do something about the tension, the air around them was going to shatter.
As she smoothed out the wrinkles in her skirt she heard Robert move away. Her nerves settled a bit when she looked over her shoulder and saw him spreading a second tarp on the ground.
Leaving her clothes hanging, she crossed to him. “How’s your shoulder?”
“Flesh wounds always hurt the most.”
“It’s going to be stiff tomorrow.”
“I don’t think I’ll be playing basketball for a while.” He rolled the shoulder in question as if testing it and ended up grimacing. “It could use a bandage if you’re up to it.”
Bandaging the wound wasn’t the problem. Standing scant inches from a bare-chested man to whom she was incredibly attracted while she was wearing nothing more than a threadbare blanket was the problem. “I’m up to it.”
He sank onto the tarp and dug into his medical bag. Lily watched as he removed a roll of gauze, first aid tape, antibiotic cream and a small container of peroxide.
“Unless you’ve got really long arms, you might try coming over here,” he said. “I don’t bite.”
Feeling herself flush, she stepped over to him and knelt. “I think we both know your biting isn’t the problem.”
He frowned at the wound. “Clean it up with a little peroxide, add a thin glaze of the antibiotic ointment, cover it with a bandage. Think you can do that?”
“Of course I can.” Lily hoped he didn’t notice that her hands were shaking when she tore open an alcohol pad and sterilized her hands. Robert didn’t so much as wince when she drizzled peroxide over the wound. She twisted the cap off a tube of ointment, then applied it directly to the wound. The graze wasn’t deep, but the bullet had definitely done some damage. He would have a permanent scar. If the bullet had been a couple of inches deeper, it would have shattered his shoulder.
“You’re incredibly lucky this wasn’t any worse,” she said.
“I’d say all three of us were pretty damn lucky.”
He made a sound that was more annoyance than pain when she laid the gauze over the wound and pressed the tape over it.
“Sorry,” she said. “I know it hurts. I’m just about finished.”
“Take your time,” he said between clenched teeth, then glanced at her handiwork. “You ever consider taking up medicine?”
Smoothing the last strip of tape, she sat back on her heels. “I’m much too good at journalism.”
Working his shoulder, Robert rose and walked to his backpack.
“I’m hoping you have a couple of filets mignons and a bottle of Merlot in there,” she said.
“Close.” He grinned. “Almonds and dried apricots.”
“That’ll do in a pinch.” She watched as he withdrew a tiny computer and headset.
“I need to check in with Dr. Orloff at the hospital,” he said.
“That’s pretty high-tech gear for a doctor on a humanitarian mission,” she said.
Instead of acknowledging the statement he carried the tiny computer several feet away, slipped on the headset and tapped several keys.
Because she needed an outlet for the nerves snapping through her, she rose and walked to where he’d set out a bag of almonds, a smaller bag of dried apricots and a bottle of water. As she opened the bags and twisted off the bottle cap he spoke in very low tones to whomever was on the other end of the line. Not for the first time she wondered about the air of secrecy that had surrounded him since he’d arrived in Rebelia. If he were here on a humanitarian mission, why all the secrecy? Where on earth had the high-tech communication gear come from? What about those eraser-size explosives he’d used to escape the soldiers? Or was there more going on with Dr. Robert Davidson than he was letting on?
Several minutes passed before he snapped the computer closed and returned to where she sat near the fire. He didn’t look at her as he stowed the computer in its case.
“Is everything all right with Dr. Orloff?” she asked, passing him the water and a handful of almonds and dried fruit on a napkin.
She knew something was wrong the instant he looked at her. As hard as he might try to hide his emotions, there were some things a man couldn’t hide. Some things a woman sensed instinctively. Lily wasn’t sure what was going on, but she knew it wasn’t good.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Is there a problem at the hospital?”
Sitting on the tarp with his elbows on his knees, Robert looked down, then his eyes met hers. “Do you want the truth? Or do you want me to pretty it up for you?”
“You know me well enough to know I want the truth.” A terrible thought struck her. “It’s not about Jack, is it? Robert, please, if it’s—”
“DeBruzkya raised the bounty to five hundred thousand dollars,” he said.
The words struck her with the force of a speeding tank, shocking her with fear and a cold, hard reality she hadn’t ever wanted to face. “That’s outrageous! And how did he know—”
“The soldiers told him we were together,” he cut
in. “They told him we have a child.” He shot her a canny look. “The bounty is for the three of us.”
“Oh, God.” Rising, Lily turned away from him and pressed her hand to her stomach. She felt physically ill. “He knows about Jack.”
“He doesn’t know where we are, but I’m sure he’s got a vague idea.”
“I’ve put you in danger.”
“No. DeBruzkya put us in danger,” he growled.
“My God, I’ve put Jack in danger.” The realization tore through her like sharp claws. She’d done this. It was her fault. She’d put not only a man she cared deeply for in danger, but her precious son, as well.
She jumped when strong hands closed over her shoulders. Lily hadn’t heard him rise, hadn’t noticed his approach. “Don’t do this to yourself, Lily.”
“This is all my fault,” she said.
“This is DeBruzkya’s fault.”
“I’ve been blind.” She looked at him. “I’ve been lying to myself. I’ve been in this country not to free her people, not to give the orphans food and medicine and hope, but because I’m afraid to leave.”
“Any sane person would be afraid of DeBruzkya.”
“That makes me a coward.”
“Stop it, damn it. You’re one of the bravest people I know.”
For the first time, the reality that she’d failed stared her in the face. She’d failed the Rebelian people. She’d failed herself. But worst of all, she’d failed Jack. Sweet, precious Jack. The taste of that failure was bitter.
Determined not to cry, she blinked back tears. “I wanted to make a difference.”
“You did.”
“I wanted to bring him down. That monster DeBruzkya. I wanted that so badly it blinded me to the harm I was doing to my own child.”
“Honey, you didn’t harm Jack. He’s fine. You’ve been a good mother. But you can’t do it all by yourself.”
She raised her clenched fist. “I was so close. But I’m not going to get him, am I?”
“No, you’re not.” Robert’s jaw flexed. “It’s time for you to go home, Lily. It’s time for you and Jack to go back to the United States.”
“DeBruzkya will never let me leave,” she whispered. “I know him, Robert. He’s crazy and cruel and obsessive.”
Using a firm touch, Robert turned her to him. When she refused to look at him he put his fingers under her chin and forced her gaze to his. “I can get you out.”
“He has an entire army looking for us.” She squeezed her eyes close to lock in the tears, but they squeezed through her lashes. “He’ll kill you. I know it. He’ll kill you just to get at me.”
“DeBruzkya isn’t going to do anything.”
A sob escaped her when she thought of who else was vulnerable. “He’ll hurt Jack.”
“He’s not going to get near my son,” he said, his voice taking on a dangerous edge.
“DeBruzkya doesn’t care about you or Jack, Robert. The only reason he wants either of you is to get to me. I’m the one he wants.”
“Damn it, Lily, don’t go there.”
But Lily already had. She didn’t have a choice. She’d been fooling herself to believe she could outmaneuver a master. To actually believe she could bring down someone as diabolical and cunning as DeBruzkya. All she’d managed to do was put Robert and her son in danger.
“I’ve got to turn myself in,” she said after a moment.
“No.”
She tried to twist away from him, but his hands tightened on her biceps. “There’s no other way.”
“Listen to me.” Grasping her arms, he gave her a little shake. “You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to do this.”
“I’m not willing to risk Jack.” She looked into his eyes. “I’m not going to risk your getting hurt, either.”
“DeBruzkya will kill you!” he shouted.
“No, he won’t,” she said.
“How can you possibly know that?”
“Because he’s in love with me.”
His lips drew back in a snarl. “That doesn’t matter.”
“How can you say that? I’m the only person who can get close to him. I’m his weakness. How can you deny that using me isn’t the best way to get to him?”
“Because I love you!” he shouted. “And I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you get yourself killed because you don’t have the good sense to know when you’re out of your league.”
Chapter 11
Robert stared at her, breathing as if he’d just run a mile, his heart pounding pure adrenaline. Lily stared back, her eyes wide with shock, her face as pale as death. All the while the words he’d just uttered ricocheted between them like a hollow-point slug.
I love you.
Shocked by what he’d said—deeply disturbed because he’d meant it—he gathered the tattered threads of his dignity and grappled to focus on the issue at hand. “What did he do to you that made you hate him so much?” he asked roughly.
His emotions shifted dangerously when she winced, and Robert realized he’d hit a nerve. A live nerve that jumped when prodded. She tried to twist away, but he held her gently, sensing she needed to talk but knowing the words wouldn’t come easily for her.
“Lily, it’s me. Come on. Talk to me,” he pressed.
Lily looked at him, her eyes stricken. “He…murdered someone I cared about very much. Her name was Alina,” she whispered.
“A child?”
“She was seven years old. An orphan in a village not far from Rajalla. Her mother had been killed by a land mine. Her father went to fight in the war, but he never came home. Alina was sent to the orphanage when she was five. I met her a year later when I was tutoring some of the kids.” She smiled, but he saw the pain in her eyes. “She had strawberry-blond hair, like mine.” She choked out a laugh. “As silly as it sounds, I think that’s what drew her to me. I started calling her Strawberry. My little Strawberry.”
Robert could feel the tremors moving through her. He loosened his grip, but she didn’t pull away. It was as if she needed his support just to stand as she remembered. “Tell me about her,” he said gently.
“She liked dolls. Plastic or porcelain or wooden, it didn’t matter. I bought her a Raggedy Ann at a tourist shop in a border town over in Holzberg. It was just a cheap, poorly sewn doll. But Strawberry didn’t care. In her eyes, that doll was made of gold. She loved her. Took Raggedy Ann everywhere.”
A breath shuddered out of her. “I tutored her two days a week. She wanted to learn English. So she could be a schoolteacher. She was so sweet. So innocent and smart and so undeserving of all the terrible things that had happened to her.”
The tears flowed freely down Lily’s cheeks, and she let them fall. The sight of her pain moved him. He hurt for her. He could feel the pain curling inside him. And even though he didn’t yet know what had happened to Strawberry, he hurt for that little girl, too, because he knew the outcome hadn’t been good.
“Then one day I went to the orphanage to pick her up. We were going to go to the park. Strawberry and Raggedy Ann and I. But when I got there, the building…it was gone. Leveled by a bomb. I stood there in the rubble and fell to my knees and I cried like a baby. I looked for her but never found a trace.” She raised ravaged eyes. “But I found Raggedy Ann. That’s when I knew.”
“Lily…”
“That’s when I knew she was dead.” A sob escaped her.
“Shh. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.”
He could feel the pain coming off her, like heat rising from the desert floor in shimmering waves. He didn’t even realize it when his arms went around her. “I’m sorry, honey.”
“Something died inside me that day, Robert.”
“Nothing died inside you,” he said.
“I couldn’t believe anyone could harm innocent children. I can’t reconcile myself to that.”
He pulled back slightly. “DeBruzkya?” he asked.
She nodded, tears glistening on her cheeks. “He m
urdered that beautiful child. He murdered all of them. I can’t forget about her, about them.”
“No one expects you to.” Feeling helpless and ineffectual, he caressed the back of her head, wishing he could take away her pain, knowing he couldn’t. “You never told anyone this?”
“I never spoke of it after that day. It’s like I locked it away and pretended it never happened. But inside I was seething.”
“It’s not good to hold something like that inside for so long.”
“I know, but…I couldn’t accept it. And I couldn’t walk away.”
He knew she was referring to the day he’d asked her to leave with him. He’d known her for a couple of months at the time. Odd that he’d never had a clue she’d been hurting so desperately. And for the first time her refusal to leave with him made sense. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know. The time just never seemed right. What we had…it was really good. The emotions inside me were ugly. Hate. The need for revenge. I just couldn’t bring those into what we had.”
“You lost someone you loved. It’s okay to grieve.”
“I hate him,” she said. “That’s not grief.”
“Sometimes it’s hard to tell one emotion from another when you’re hurting.” When she wouldn’t look at him, he put his fingers under her chin and forced her gaze to his. “You were very brave.”
“I hurt you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. It’s not okay.” Pulling away slightly, she shook her head. “Now I’ve put you at risk. I’ve put my own son at risk. All because I’ve been blinded by hatred—”
“Not hatred,” he said firmly.
“It’s in my heart, like a black hole in my soul, bottomless and terrible and—”
“Love was part of it, too, Lily. You loved Strawberry.”
“Yes, I did, but—”
“You stayed because you didn’t want another child to suffer the same fate. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.” Unable to bear to see her hurting like this, he took her face in his hands and stared into her eyes. “Come on, Lily. You did what you could.”
“I failed.”