Whispers can come right through Sheldon's head, apparently.
I put my chin in my hands.
“I don't stand a chance in this stupid egg hunt,” I said to Herb.
He gave me a little pat.
Sometimes a little pat is all a friend can do.
Only guess what?
Just then, something very nice happened!
And it's called, Lucille's nanna walked over to where I was sitting. And she sat in a chair at the end of my table!
I jumped up real thrilled.
“NANNA! NANNA! LOOK! LOOK!
IT'S ME! IT'S JUNIE B. JONES! AND YOU ARE SITTING RIGHT EXACTLY NEXT TO ME!” I shouted.
The nanna glanced her eyes at Lucille's mother and daddy.
“Yes. I know, dear. I lost the coin toss,” she said kind of annoyed.
I sat back down and tickled her arm.
“This reminds me of when we ate dinner together last year,” I said. “That was very fun. Except I accidentally broke your crystal glass. Remember that, Nanna? Huh? Do you?”
The nanna nodded.
“Oh yes. I remember,” she said.
I thought back. “Plus I accidentally busted your feather pillow. And if I'm not mistaken, I spilled beanie weenies on your expensive linen tablecloth,” I said.
The nanna looked at me.
“You're not mistaken,” she said back.
I smiled and patted her hand.
“Good times,” I said real soft.
May heard me talking.
“Well, Lucille and I are going to have good times, too. Right, Lucille? When I come to swim in your pool, that will really be good times,” she said.
Sheldon looked at her and grinned.
“Don't count your chickens before they're hashed, May,” he said.
The nanna did a little chuckle.
“I think you mean hatched, dear. It's don't count your chickens before they're hatched. Not hashed,” she said.
Sheldon raised his eyebrows.
“Really? Are you sure? ’Cause at our house, my aunt Bunny brings chicken hash for dinner every Sunday,” he said. “Chicken hash is her specialty.”
He smiled real proud.
“Aunt Bunny was a chef in prison,” he said.
The nanna's face went funny.
She lowered her head to the table. And she rested her cheek on her napkin.
I leaned my face down next to her.
“Speaking of bunnies … Lucille said the Easter Bunny would be here today. Only I haven't actually seen him yet. And so where is he, anyway, Nanna?” I asked.
Lucille did a huff at me.
“Nosy Junie B. Jones. Why did you have to ask that question?” she said. “My nanna does not want to talk about that. Do you, Nanna? You made a teensy little mistake about the bunny. And you don't want any-one to know about how you almost ruined the party.”
The nanna did a groan.
Lucille kept on talking.
“My nanna was in charge of hiring the Easter Bunny. Only instead of hiring the real Easter Bunny, she hired a cheap, fake Easter Bunny. Right, Nanna?”
The nanna did not reply.
Lucille went on.
“The fake bunny came to our house to get his pay yesterday. Only his fur was real matty. And the top of his ear was chewed off. But he told my nanna that he freshened up nicely. And so Nanna gave him cash money in advance. And then he hopped out the front door. And he never came back.”
The nanna raised her head. “Thank you, Lucille,” she said. “Thank you for sharing that with everyone.”
“You're welcome, Nanna,” said Lucille very pleasant. “You're welcome.”
The nanna rolled her eyes.
Lucille does not understand sarcastic, I believe.
Just then, Lucille's daddy stood up at his picnic table. And he said it was time “to get this show on the road.”
He held up a silver bell and rang it in the air.
TING-A-LING-A-LING!
TING-A-LING-A-LING!
Then boom!
Waiters started bringing food from all over the place.
And it was the deliciousest food I ever saw!
There were barbecued hamburgers! And tasty hot dogs! And crispy chicken fingers! And crunchy salad! And yummy potato chips! And sweetish pickles! Plus there were even delicious devilish eggs!
“Whoa! What a spread!” I said.
I stuffed a devilish egg in my mouth. Also I stuffed in a pickle. And some chips! And a giant chicken finger!
I didn't stop stuffing for a real long time.
Then finally, I leaned back. And I rubbed my big fat tummy.
“Whew! I am about to bust a gusset!” I said. “Are you, Nanna? Huh? Are you about to bust a gusset, too?”
The nanna frowned her eyebrows. “Ladies don't bust gussets, Junie B.,” she said.
I was surprised to hear that information.
“Really?” I said. “Then what do ladies bust?”
Roger raised his hand.
“At our house, we bust our guts,” he said.
Herb smiled.
“At our house, we bust our buttons,” he said.
Sheldon stood up.
“At our house, we just unzip our pants,” he said.
After that, everyone at our table laughed and laughed.
Except for not the nanna.
Finally, all of us got finished eating. And the waiters took our plates away.
Then wowie wow wow!
Lucille's daddy brought out the most beautiful box I ever saw!
It was wrapped in shiny yellow paper with twirly, curly ribbons!
He held it way high in the air so all of us could see.
“Whoa! Whose birthday is it?” I shouted real excited.
Lucille jumped up and giggled.
“That's not a birthday present, Junie B. It's a game prize!” she said. “Before we hunt for eggs, we're going to play a very fun game. And whoever wins that prize will get the thrill of a lifetime! Right, Daddy?”
The daddy smiled.
“Well, we certainly hope the winner will be thrilled,” he said. “It's a pretty good prize, we think.”
Just then, he put down the box. And he pulled a big jar of jelly beans out of a paper bag.
“This game is called the Jelly Bean Game,” he said. “Can everyone see all the jelly beans in the jar? We've got lots of colors, don't we? We've got reds and yellows and blues and blacks and greens and oranges and whites.”
He stopped and held up his finger.
“But,” he said, “in this whole big jar of jelly beans, there is just one purple one.”
All of us made a hushy sound.
“OOOOH,” we said together. “JUST ONE PURPLE ONE.”
The daddy smiled.
Then he put the jar back in the bag so we couldn't see the colors anymore.
“Okay. Now I'm going to walk around to each picnic table. And each of you will have a chance to reach in the jar and pull out a jelly bean,” he said. “But remember. You may only pull out one, okay?”
“OKAY!” we hollered. “OKAY! OKAY!”
Lucille hurried over and held up the beautiful box.
“And remember this, too! The first person to pull out the purple jelly bean will get this prize!” she said. “The thrill of a lifetime!”
All of us clapped and clapped.
Then we bounced and giggled and wiggled and clapped. And we waited for the jelly-bean jar to come to us.
It was the nervousest wait of my life, I think. Because what if someone got the purple jelly bean before I even got my turn? That would ruin my whole entire chance!
I put my hands in front of my eyes.
Then I peeked through my fingers.
And I watched the children pick.
Roger's table went first.
He picked a red bean.
Then Camille picked an orange bean.
And Chenille picked a green bean.
And Shirley picked a blue
bean.
My table came next.
My heart beat faster.
José picked a yellow bean.
Then Lennie picked a white bean. And May picked another white bean. And Sheldon picked a black bean.
And then at last! At last!
It was time for me!
My heart was pounding like crazy.
I bent over and did some deep breathing.
The daddy held out the bag to me.
I breathed some more.
“Okay, Junie B.,” he said. “Anytime now.”
I stood up and did a gulp.
Then, very slow, I reached my hand inside the bag. And I felt all around for purple.
I wrinkled my eyebrows real curious.
“Hmm. What does purple feel like, I wonder?” I said to just myself.
The daddy said please hurry up.
I swished my fingers through the jar some more.
Then, all of a sudden, I felt it, I tell you!
I felt purple!
It felt roundish … and beanish … and purplish!
I grabbed it real tight.
Then I quick pulled my hand out of the jar.
And I opened up my fingers.
AND GUESS WHAT?
GUESS WHAT?
GUESS WHAT?
IT WAS PURPLE!
THAT'S WHAT!
I jumped up and down and all around.
“Purple! Purple! I got purple!” I shouted. “I'm getting the thrill of a lifetime! I'm getting the thrill of a lifetime!”
I skipped over to May. And I smiled real big in her face.
Then I skipped to the middle of the tables. And I did a giant bow.
Giant bows are very enjoyable. Even when no one is actually clapping for you.
After I stopped bowing, Lucille's daddy handed me the beautiful box.
I pulled off the paper as fast as I could.
Then I lifted off its lid.
And I stared inside.
“Hmm,” I said very puzzled. “It's, um … a box of pink fur.”
I scratched my head.
“I've always wanted a box of pink fur … possibly,” I said.
Lucille laughed real loud.
“Silly Junie B. Jones! It's not just a box of pink fur! Take it out so you can see what it really is!” she said.
Then—just as I was about to pick it up—Lucille grabbed the pink fur.
And she held it up in front of me.
And that is the last actual fun I had at the party.
“A bunny suit! See? It's a bunny suit,” shouted Lucille. “Junie B. is going to be our party's very own Easter Bunny!”
May laughed real loud.
“SHE'S GOING TO BE OUR DUMB BUNNY, YOU MEAN!” she called out. “JUNIE JONES IS GOING TO BE OUR VERY OWN DUMB BUNNY!”
Just then, the rest of the children began to laugh, too.
Lucille stamped her mad foot at them.
“Stop it!” she said. “Junie B. is not going to be our dumb bunny! She's going to be our Easter Bunny! This is the finest bunny costume money can buy.”
She held it out to me.
“Here, Junie B. Put it on and show everyone how cute it is!”
She handed me the costume.
I swallowed real hard.
“Yeah, only here's the problem, Lucille. I don't actually like costumes that much. Not even at Halloween,” I said. “Mostly, I just like dressing up as Junie B. Jones, and that's all.”
Lucille's whole mouth came open at that news.
She put her hands over her ears.
“Oh no! Do NOT tell me that, Junie B. Jones!” she said. “You have to be the bunny. You have to!”
She ran to her daddy and pulled on his arm.
“Make her, Daddy! Make Junie B. be the bunny! Make her!” she yelled.
Lucille's daddy rubbed his chin.
“Well, we certainly would like it if Junie B. was the bunny,” he said. “But we can't really make her, Lucille.”
Lucille jumped up and down at me.
“You're going to ruin my whole party, Junie B. Jones!” she grouched. “We hired an expensive photographer and everything! We're all supposed to get our pictures taken with you!”
My ears perked up at that news.
“Pictures?” I said kind of curious.
Lucille nodded.
“Yes! Pictures!” she said back. “The photographer has a seat set up for you in the flower garden!”
My ears perked up some more.
“A seat?” I said. “You mean like … a Santa seat?”
Lucille jumped way high in the air.
“Yes, yes! Exactly like a Santa seat!” she said. “The photographer is waiting for you! You're going to be a celebrity, Junie B.! Will you do it? Huh? Will you?”
I sat down in the grass to think about it.
Lucille's daddy bent down next to me.
“You don't have to do this if you don't want to, Junie B.,” he said. “But we do need to get on with the party. So could you make up your mind, please? Do you want to be the bunny? Or do you want us to get someone else?”
Just then, Sheldon shot his hand in the air.
“I'll do it! I'll do it!” he yelled real excited. “I would love to have my picture taken with everyone!”
“Me too!” hollered Shirley. “I would love to do that, too!”
I looked at those two kind of curious.
Maybe I was wrong about this situation.
Maybe being a famous bunny really was the thrill of a lifetime.
I pulled the bunny suit closer to me.
Then, very slow, I put one foot inside the costume … then the other foot … Then ZIP, ZIP, SNAP! The daddy fastened me up! And bingo! I was a bunny.
I looked down at myself.
My bunny feet were bigger than clown feet.
Also, my ears were floppish.
And my bunny hands looked like giant paw mitts.
I held them out in front of me.
“I could take a pie out of the oven with these things,” I said.
Lucille skipped around me and clapped.
“Yay! Yay! Yay! We have a bunny! We have a bunny!” she sang real happy.
After that, she grabbed my bunny paw. And she started skipping me to the flower garden.
Only too bad for me. ’Cause skipping with giant bunny feet does not actually work that good.
And so … KERPLOP!
I fell right over in the grass.
Some of the children started to laugh.
Lucille shooed them away.
Then she quick hurried to pick me up. Only her dress started to get wrinkly. And so she dropped me in the grass again. And she smoothed her skirt very neat. Plus also she fluffed her hair. And she shined her shoes.
After that, she yelled to her daddy real urgent.
“DADDY! DADDY! THE BUNNY'S DOWN! COME GET THE BUNNY! COME GET THE BUNNY!”
The daddy ran over and picked me up.
Then he started carrying me to the flower garden.
It felt embarrassing up there.
I tapped on his head.
“This does not actually make me feel like a celebrity,” I said.
The daddy kept on going.
I tapped on his head again.
“No one actually carries Santa,” I said.
Just then, we got to the flower garden.
The daddy put me down. And he showed me the photographer.
His name was Bud.
Bud sat me in my bunny seat. And he arranged my floppy ears.
After that, he went to his camera. And he took my picture.
“Beautiful!” he said. “Gorgeous!”
I smiled.
I liked this Bud.
Pretty soon, the children lined up to get their pictures taken with me.
And guess what?
My bestest friend named Herbert was the very first one in line!
He zoomed to my seat real happy.
“I think you look nic
e in that bunny costume,” he said. “You don't even look stupid, hardly.”
I smiled again.
“Thank you, Herbert. You don't look stupid, too,” I said back.
After that, both of us said cheese. And Bud took our picture.
Lennie came next.
Then after Lennie came José. And after José came Shirley. And after Shirley came all of the other children in Room One.
Except for not May.
Instead, May sat in the grass all by herself. Because she was not a celebrity, of course.
I said cheese a million times.
Bud kept on saying beautiful and gorgeous to me.
I felt very puffery inside.
“I am an excellent celebrity,” I told him. “I am making these children's day.”
Bud laughed.
I do not know why.
Finally, all the pictures got taken.
Bud shook my paw mitt goodbye.
I will miss him.
After that, Herb and I walked back to the picnic grounds.
And wait till you hear this!
Lucille's mother was passing out baskets for the egg hunt!
I started to run to get my basket.
Only what do you know?
KERFLOP!
I tripped and fell in the grass again.
The children laughed some more.
I pretended I didn't care.
“It's fun to fall,” I said real stupid.
Even Herb rolled his eyes at that one.
Lucille's mother helped me up and gave me a basket.
I looked at her very upset.
“Yeah, only how am I supposed to hunt for eggs in these big, giant bunny feet?” I said. “I can't even run in these clumsy things. Plus also, I can't tackle or scuffle.”
The mother looked shocked at me.
“Tackle?” she said. “Scuffle? Oh my, no. This is going to be a polite egg hunt, Junie B. There will be no running, or tackling, or scuffling. We're all going to behave like little ladies and gentlemen.”
Just then, there was a loud commotion behind me.
I turned around.
May was pointing and yelling at Sheldon and Lucille.
“Stop whispering secrets, Lucille!” she shouted. “You're telling Sheldon where the golden egg is! I know you are! I'm telling your daddy! I'm telling your daddy!”
The daddy rushed over there and separated those guys.
“This bickering has got to stop!” he said.
“If you three can't behave yourselves, you won't be hunting for eggs at all.”