CHAPTER XIII.
ABOUT VISITING
"GOOD-BY, Tommy, dear. Be sure to tell Mamma that I thought she wouldnot mind my staying, when Mrs. Merryweather was so perfectly heavenly asto ask me. Be sure to tell her that my skirt is _all_ cockled up, sothat you could put it in your waistcoat pocket, Tom; and that the _only_way to save it is to press it _damp_, and let it _dry_ before I put iton. Tell her that I have got on a dress of the Snowy's that is simply_divine_,--more becoming than anything I ever had on; and that my silkwaist has run--oh, tell her it has run _miles_, Tom, so that I cannever--"
"There, there, Vi!" cried Tom Vincent, pushing his boat off. "_I_ mustrun, before you swamp me entirely with messages. I'll come back for youto-morrow, and bring your toggery. Ever so many thanks, everybody.You've been awfully good. I've had a corking time. Good-by!"
The sail filled, the boat swung round, and was soon speeding along thelake, while her owner still waved his cap and looked back to the wharf,where the campers stood, giving back his greeting with hearty good will.
"Nice chap!" said Gerald to Phil.
"Corker!" said Phil to Gerald.
"Nor," added Gerald, turning to look after the girls as they walked backalong the slip, "nor is the sororial adjunct totally devoid ofattraction. What thinkest, Fergy?"
He shot a quick glance at his brother, and seemed to await his replywith some eagerness.
"I think she's as pretty as a picture," said Phil, soberly.
"You have a nose on your face, if it comes to that," said Gerald. "Atleast it passes for one. _Weiter!_"
"I think she's awfully jolly, and all that," said Phil. "Nice, jolly,good-natured girl."
"Granted; she's great fun."
"But," Phil went on, slowly,--"oh, well! you know what I mean. If ourgirls went on like that, we should be under the painful necessity ofducking them. Now, Peggy--"
He paused and examined the mooring of the boat, critically.
"Now, Peggy," Gerald repeated, jogging him with his elbow. "Alwaysfinish a sentence when you can, son. It argues poverty of invention tohave to stop in the middle. You can always fall back on 'tooral loorallido,' if you can't think of anything else. What about Peggy?"
"Oh, nothing. Only she is just like the rest of us, and that seems morenatural; that's all."
"And 'beyond a doubt we are the people; and wisdom will perish withus,'" quoted Gerald, his face brightening as he spoke. "'Tis well. Comeon, thou antiquated ape, and let us pump out the float."
Meantime the girls had sought their favorite pine parlor, and were deepin talk. _High_ would be a more descriptive adjective; for Viola Vincentwas the principal talker, and her shrill, clear treble quivered up tothe very tree-tops, startling the birds in their nests, and sending thesquirrels scampering to and fro with excitement.
"My dear, this is too delicious, simply _too_! I should expire, if Ilived here, of pure joy. Oh, Snowy, what a darling you are! Your nose isjust as straight as ever, isn't it? Rulers, my dear, are crooked besideit, aren't they? If I had a straight nose, I should pass away from sheerbliss. My nose turns up more every year; it's the only aspiring thingabout me. Pothooks are straight by comparison. Isn't it a calamity?"
"Tiptilted like the petal of a flower," said Gertrude, laughing. "Ialways thought your nose one of your prettinesses, Vanity, and I believeyou think so, too."
"Oh! my _dear_, how _can_ you?" cried Viola, caressing her little nose,which was certainly piquant and pretty enough to please any one. "Youdon't really mean it, do you? You just say it to comfort me, don't you?You _are_ such a comforting darling! Where did you get that heavenlyshade of green, Snowy? I never saw anything so lovely in my life. It isjust the color of jade. My dear, I saw some jade bracelets the other daythat were simply _made_ for you. I wanted to tear them from the girl'sarms, and say, 'What are you doing with the Snowy's bracelets?' She wasa dump, with a complexion like Doctor Somebody or other's liniment. Aperson who can wear jade is simply the--"
"Oh, come, Vanity!" said Peggy, good-naturedly. "Come out of themillinery business, and tell us about yourself, and about the othergirls. What has become of Vex--of Vivia Varnham?"
"My dear! haven't you heard?"
"Not a word! You have never written, you know, since we left school, andshe would not be likely to."
"You didn't love each other quite to distraction, did you?" said Viola."Poor V. V.! she really was the limit sometimes, wasn't she? I neverminded her, of course, because I never listened to what she said.Besides, she was like pickles, you know; you just took her with the restof your dinner, and she didn't make much difference. I used to tell herso. Well, poor V. V.! You never could guess: married, my dear!"
"Married!" echoed Peggy and Gertrude.
"Married! to a missionary; widower, with four children. Gone to China!You need not believe it unless you like; I don't believe it myself,though I saw them married."
"It is hard to believe, Vi!" said Gertrude. "How did it happen?"
"My dear, _the_ limit! positively, the boundary line, arctic circle, andthat sort of thing. Love at first sight, on both sides. Spectacles,bald,--not the spectacles, but he,--snuffy to a degree! You really never_did_! I was the first person she told. I simply screamed. 'My dear!' Isaid, 'you _cannot_ mean it. You could _not_ live with that waistcoat!'
"She told me I was frivolous--which I never attempted to deny--and saidI did not understand, which was the truth. She looked really quite sweetin her wedding-dress, and when she went away she was quite softened, shetruly was, and wept a little weep, and so did I. You see, Snowy, thevery first thing I can remember in my life is V. V.'s breaking my dollover my head. I miss her dreadfully, I do indeed; nobody has been--well,acidulated, to me since she went, and I need the tonic. And speaking oftonics, where is Beef? where is the Fluffy? You know"--turning toMargaret--"I used to call the Snowy and the Fluffy and the Horny mytriple tonic, Beef, Wine, and Iron; and the Fluffy was Beef. Steady andsquare, you know, and red and brown; exactly like beef; simply _no_difference except the clothes. How is she, Snowy?"
"The Fluffy--Bertha Haughton, you know, Margaret--is teaching inBlankton High School; very busy, very happy, indeed, perfectly absorbedin her work. I have a letter from her in my pocket this minute, thatcame last night. Would you like to hear it?"
And amid a clamor of eager assent, she drew out the letter and read asfollows.
"'Dear Snowy: It is good to hear about all the jolly times at Camp. Iwish I could come, but see no way to it just now. Yes, I know school isover, but there are the rank lists to make out, and all kinds of oddend-of-the-year chores to be done; besides, two of my boys haveconditions to work out,--going to college in the fall,--and I amtutoring them. They are two of the dearest boys that ever were, only notvery bright, and I have promised to stand by them.' This is the way shebehaves, after teaching all the year; she is incorrigible! 'All theothers passed without conditions, and three of them got honors, so I amvery proud and happy. This has been the best year of all; but then, Isay that every year, don't I? I do feel more and more that I am doingthe thing in the whole world that I like best to do.'
"The rest is just messages, and so on; but you see how happy she is, andhow utterly absorbed."
"My dear, it is _too_ amazing!" cried Viola Vincent. "The very thoughtof teaching makes me simply dissolve with terror; little drops of water,my dear, would be all that would be left of poor Vanity; not a grain ofsand to hold her together. Hush! let me tell you something! Last year Itried to teach a class in Sunday school,--great, terrible boys, tallerthan I was,--and I _almost_ expired, I assure you I did. They never knewtheir lessons, and two of them made eyes at me, and the rest made facesat each other; it was simply excruciating. Then the rector asked me if Ididn't think I could dress more simply; said I set an example, and soon. I told him I was dressed like a broomstick then, as far assimplicity was concerned, and so I was, simply and positively like abroomstick; only my dress--it was a rose-colored foulard, _the_ mostangelic shade you ever saw, girls; jus
t like a sunset cloud, somebodysaid--happened to have ruffles to the waist, and ribbons flutteringabout more or less. He _said_ I fluttered, and I told him I certainlydid. 'I always flutter, Mr. Monk,' I said. 'When I don't flutter, Ishall be dead.' Which was true. He was quite peevish, but I was firm;you know you _have_ to be firm about such things. Only, the next Sundayhe happened to come by when one of those great dreadful boys asked me ifSolomon's seal was tame, and I said I didn't think it was. Well, I_didn't_! But he wrote me a note next day, saying he thought teachingwas not my _forte_, and perhaps I would like visiting better. I fullyagreed with him, so now I visit, and it is simply dandy. I just loveit!"
"Tell us about your visiting, Vi!" said Gertrude. "I am going to take itup next winter, and I should like to know how you do it."
"My dear! Such sport! There are some dear old ladies I go to see,perfect old ducks; in a Home, you know. I go once a week, and I put on_all_ my frills, and never wear the same dress twice if I can help it,and I tell them all about the parties I go to, and what I wear, and whatmy partners are like, and about the suppers, and take them my Germanfavors, and they simply _love_ it! Mr. Monk thinks it's terrible that Idon't read them tracts; my dear, they abominate tracts, and so do I; wefound that out at once. So I read them the gayest, frilliest littlestories I can find, that are really _nice_, and they _adore_ it. Oneday--my _dears_! will you promise never to breathe it if I tell yousomething? never even to _sneeze_ it?"
"We promise! We promise!" cried all the girls.
"Well--hush! It was simply fierce; and _the_ greatest sport I ever hadin my life. There is one old lady in the Home who is too perfectly sweetfor anything. Miss Bathsheba Barry; did you ever hear such a deliciousname? She is just my height, and as pretty as a picture in her cap andkerchief. They all wear caps and kerchiefs, and little gray gowns, themost becoming costume you ever saw; I am going into the Home the veryminute my looks begin to go, because I _do_ look quite--but wait! Hush!not a word! Well! I had been teasing Miss Barry for ever and ever solong to let me dress up in her things, because I knew they would suitme, and at last, one day, the dear old thing consented. It was the timefor the matron's afternoon visit, and she is very jolly, and I wanted tosurprise her. So I put on the little gray gown, and the delicious cap,just like Rembrandt's mother, and the white net kerchief--don't youadore white net, Snowy? it softens the face so!--and the apron; and thenI went and sat down in Miss Barry's chair by the window, with herknitting, and put on her spectacles--oh! how she did laugh. Then weheard steps, and Miss Barry went into the closet and shut the door allbut a crack to peep through, and I turned my head away from the door,and knitted away for dear life. Oh, girls! The door opened, and I heardMrs. Poddle say, 'This way, gentlemen! This is Miss Barry's room.'_Gentlemen!_ My dears, I thought I should pass away! Then there camegreat, loud men's steps, and I heard Mr. Monk's voice--'This is one ofour most interesting inmates, Bishop! Eighty-seven years old, and assprightly as a girl. A most pious and exemplary person. Good morning,Miss Barry! How is your rheumatism to-day?'
"'SIMPLY FIERCE, YOUR REVERENCE!' SAID I."]
"'Simply fierce, your reverence!' said I, in a little squeaky voice, aslike Miss Barry's as I could make it. I kept my face turned away, andpretended to be counting stitches very hard.
"'Ahem!' said Mr. Monk. I could hear that he was surprised, for, ofcourse, Miss Barry wouldn't say 'simply fierce,' but it slipped outbefore I knew it.
"'Miss Barry,' he said, 'I have brought Bishop Ballantyne to see you. Iam sure you will be glad to receive him.'
"'Oh, I should perfectly _love_ to see the Bishop!' I said; becauseBishop Ballantyne is simply a duck, an adorable duck; but still I didnot turn round; and I could hear Miss Barry squeaking with laughter inthe closet, and it was really getting quite awful. But now Mr. Monkbegan to suspect something. I believe he thought I had been drinking, orrather that Miss Barry had, poor old dear. He said, in a pretty awfulvoice: 'What does this mean? Miss Barry, I desire that, if you areunable to rise, you will at least turn round, and receive BishopBallantyne in a fitting manner. I cannot conceive--I must beg you tobelieve, Bishop, that this has never happened before. I am beyondmeasure distressed. Miss Barry,--'
"And then he stopped, for I turned round. I had to, of course; there wasnothing else to do.
"'How do you do, Bishop Ballantyne?' I said. 'Can you tell me whetherSolomon's seal was tame or not?'
"For a minute they both stared as if they had seen a ghost; but then theBishop went off into a great roar of laughter, and I thought he wouldlaugh himself into fits, and me, too; and the more solemn Mr. Monklooked, the more we laughed; and Miss Barry was cackling like a hen inthe closet--oh, it was great, girls, it truly was! At last Mr. Monk hadto laugh too, he couldn't help it; it was simply too utter, you know. Hesaid I was enough to break up an entire parish; and the Bishop said hewould take me into his, cap and all. And then the matron came back, andMiss Barry came out, and we all stayed to tea, the Bishop and Mr. Monkand I, and had the time of our lives; at least, I did.
"So you see, girls, visiting _can_ be the greatest sport in the world,if you only know how to do it. But we all had to promise Mr. Monk andMrs. Poddle not to tell, because they said it was enough to break up thediscipline of the Home, and I suppose it was."