When Cate woke up, she wasn’t sure where she was. The room was pitch-black, disorienting her, and she sat up, uncomfortably hot. She still had her coat on and shrugged her way out of it, then rubbed her eyes. A window was in front of her, the curtains open, and the hillside glowed a ghostly white from the new-fallen snow. She turned around and found a clock by its green digital numerals, glowing in the dark. 9:30.
At night? Cate got up, walked around the bed, and found a switch, which immediately cast a harsh light around the room, reminding her. Holiday Inn. Resign or sue. Russo, after her. Marz dead. Simone, murdered. Gina and Warren.
She searched around for her cell phone and saw that the display had gone black. Her battery was dead; she hadn’t plugged it in, of course. She set it down and reached to the end table for the telephone, and her call connected after two rings, when she said, “Gina?”
“Cate! I’ve been calling your cell. Are you okay? I heard there was a crazy guy in court.”
YOU’RE A WHORE. “Oh, that. I’m fine, really.”
“Where are you?”
“A Holiday Inn in Frackville.”
“You’re kidding. Is Frackville near Frickville? What are you doing in Frick-and-Frackville?”
“I got out of Dodge. I was over the press.” Cate considered telling her she was suspended, then let it go.
“Don’t turn on the TV then. You’ll freak.”
Cate sighed. “How’s the baby?”
“Fine. We still hate the new speech therapist. Hey, why didn’t you just come here?”
“After last night, I think you guys are better off if I stay away. By the way, did you get the bodyguard I sent you?”
“Justin? He’s parked out front. You didn’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I did.”
“So why don’t you come over here, now that we’re all safe?”
“No, thanks. I feel better, away from it all.”
“When are you coming back?”
God knows. “After the weekend.”
“What about work? Don’t you have court?”
“I’m not on the bench until later.” Much later.
“Nesbitt was here today. He came and got his car. Nice guy. He was asking about you. Hubba hubba.”
Cate flashed on Nesbitt, watching her from the middle of the courtroom. “Calm yourself. I’m never having sex again.”
“Who’s talking about sex, I’m talking marriage. Oh wait, the baby’s about to knock over a glass.”
“I’ll let you go. I’m fine, and I’ll call you later.”
“Okay, stay in touch. Love you.”
“Me, too.” Cate hung up, suddenly aware that she was hungry and thirsty. She grabbed her bag, found her card key, and left, walking across the parking lot to a Cracker Barrel. The air was black, the night starless, and her Blahniks were wet by the time she reached the restaurant, warming instantly at the sight of its ersatz coziness. Antique ladles and strainers hung from the ceiling, and its fake-country store sold cast-iron skillets, Goo-Goo pies, and souvenir sweatshirts that reminded Cate she had no clothes.
She bought a tourist sweatsuit, a stash of Trident gum, and a takeout meat loaf called Comfort By the Slice, then carried her booty back to her Holiday Inn, where she ate, showered, and slept her way through to Sunday morning, ignoring all media until she picked up the free newspaper in the hotel lobby, Schuylkill Sunday. Cate guessed that it wouldn’t mention her secret sex life.
She got upstairs and skimmed the newspaper at her desk, over Cracker Barrel’s Country Morning Breakfast. Soft indirect light filled the room, reflecting off the pristine snow outside the window, and Cate felt rejuvenated for the first time in days until her gaze fell on the date on the newspaper. February 23. The anniversary of her mother’s death. She felt a familiar tightening in her chest. Her mother had died seventeen years ago, of an aneurysm. Today.
Ring! The phone jarred Cate from her thoughts. Gina was the only person who knew she was here. She crossed to the end table and picked up.
A man’s voice said, “Judge?”
Cate went silent, the fear rushing instantly back.
“It’s Nesbitt. Steve Nesbitt.”
“Oh, jeez.” Cate sat down on the bed, relieved. “How did you know I was here?”
“Your friend Gina. She called me at the Roundhouse and said you were going home. She’s worried about you.”
“I’m fine. It feels good to be alone, me and my Cracker Barrel. I’m developing a taste for Velveeta wedges on iceberg.”
“You called off the feds, and your bodyguard is eating pancakes at Gina’s. You think that was a good idea?”
“Yes.”
“When are you coming back?”
“I don’t know.” Cate hesitated to tell him she’d been fired, but he already knew much worse about her, so she did.
“I figured Sherman for a better man than that.”
“Thanks,” Cate said, touched.
“I don’t know if you’re safe up there. We still don’t have Russo, and Frackville’s not that far from the city.”
“But how would he know I’m here?”
“He could dig a little. He knows there’s a state prison in Frackville, all of us do. Does your bio show your hometown?”
“No, and Frackville isn’t my hometown anyway.” Cate had made sure to keep that to herself, in the snotty Philly bar. “Up here, I feel safer than I have in a long time.”
“I won’t take that personally.”
Cate caught herself. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
“I could call the local police. Ask them to check in on you.”
“No, that’s okay. I doubt they can spare the car, and I like that no one up here knows my story, or cares.”
“Look, it’s Sunday, and I’m off duty. I could come up, keep an eye on things. We could have dinner.” Nesbitt added quickly, “Obviously, I don’t mean anything by it. I mean, well, you know what I mean. Not like a date.”
Hubba hubba. “More above-the-call, like in the courtroom?”
“I got you in, I’ll get you out. I told you that. So what do you say? Should I come up tonight?”
February 23. “Probably not. It’s the anniversary of my mother’s death. I might go visit the grave.”
“I could sit in the parking lot, keep an eye out.”
“That’s okay, thanks.”
“Well, I’ll give a call and check in on you. Take care, Judge.” Nesbitt hung up.
Cate set the receiver down on the hook, feeling a warmth that evaporated when she eyed the snow-covered scene outside the window.
Bracing herself for what was to come.
CHAPTER 35
Cate’s was one of the few cars on Route 61, which had been plowed and salted, its shoulders triangles of clumped snow. She felt fortified by a fresh cup of Mobil-station coffee, her windshield newly cleared by a cheap scraper. The route snaked around tree-covered hillsides into the town of Ashland, and she traveled the main drive, which ended in an immense bronze statue of Whistler’s Mother, sitting atop the peak of the hill. She looked away as she passed its pedestal, which read: A MOTHER IS THE HOLIEST THING ALIVE.
The road was a single lane each way, and the modest houses were built close to the street. She drove through the entire town in about ten blocks, then traveled straight up a steep grade and reached the mountain that signaled she had arrived home. A tall, white sign marked the spot, but it didn’t bear the town’s name. Instead, this sign read: WARNING—DANGER.
Cate felt an angry twinge inside her chest as she passed the sign, following Route 61 as it had been rerouted to the right, and traveled to the summit, where the school and church used to be, sitting across the street from each other like family at a holiday table. St. Ignatius Cemetery was off the road on the left; her mother was buried there, but Cate wasn’t ready for that yet. She drove ahead, down the valley, passing the abandoned landfill, where it had all begun. Locust Avenue, as this stretch had been called, used to be lin
ed with two-story row houses, but the houses were gone. Cate descended into the valley and encountered a sight that looked like hell on earth.
The trees were dead, their tops stumps and their branches reaching brittle into the gray sky. Green street signs remained, jutting pointlessly from the new-fallen snow. Billowing smoke burned from various holes and wafted in white drifts that rolled across Locust Street. The smoke looked as innocent as the homey white curls from a chimney, but it contained carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide, and toxic steam. Its stench, acrid and sulfurous, seeped into Cate’s car; the odor defined her childhood, along with baking apple pie and Play-Doh. It used to make her light-headed, and her mother had been among the first to realize that it wasn’t her child who was sick. It was the town.
A fire had been raging underground for decades, fueled by a seam of anthracite coal that lay under Centralia and the surrounding towns. The fire started back in 1962, in the dump behind Cate’s school, and state and federal governments botched chances to put out the fire when it was still possible. As a result, row houses that had housed fourteen hundred people had been demolished, and the town had ceased to exist. Whoever said you can’t go home again must have been from Centralia.
Cate took a left, then another, driving up the street, the toxic smoke momentarily engulfing the Mercedes. She held her breath and pulled up at the top of the street, where her house used to be. Under the snow, only a rim of black asphalt remained of their sidewalk, and a sinewy trail of poison smoke snaked from where her living room had been. The gases had seeped in through their basement, causing her mother to fall asleep in her recliner at night. The Fantes were told that the gas levels were safe, but they still kept the windows open on the coldest winter nights and shared a gas monitor with neighbors, placing it in the basement, so that its alarm would wake them before the poison gas sent them to a more permanent slumber. Cate eyed the snake of poison smoke in the middle of the ghost town that was her hometown.
Time to go. She turned around and drove to St. Ignatius Cemetery, set among the bare trees. Steam rose everywhere around the graves. Local lore always held that the mine fire never reached underneath St. Ignatius, but Cate doubted it. Her mother had still wanted to be buried here. Cate drove through the gates, left open, but the asphalt road up the center hadn’t been plowed. She cut the ignition, got out of the car, and steeled herself. The cold air hit her fully in the face, along with the awful sulfur odor, and she flipped up the collar of her coat. She approached her mother’s grave, her jaw set and her chest constricted. She stood almost immobile at the corner, her feet in warm slush, reading a monument she had never seen before, because she could never bring herself to visit.
DEIRDRE FANTE, it read. APRIL 10, 1937—FEBRUARY 23, 1989. Underneath was BELOVED MOTHER, because that said it all.
Cate bowed her head, and her gaze fell upon the rounded monument next to her mother’s, a tiny, white angel, its cherubic cheeks pitted from the natural and unnatural elements in the air.
WILLIAM FANTE. JANUARY 11, 1970—JANUARY 11, 1970.
Cate’s baby brother, stillborn. He had been born severely underweight, his brain underdeveloped. Her mother didn’t have the heart for the autopsy, she would tell Cate much later. The cause of death was filling their nose, and making their eyes water, anyway.
Cate felt suddenly stiff as she looked at the miniature tombstone. Her brother’s birth and death marked the Before and After of her mother’s life. Before, her mother had been a vital woman, a natural force, a blonde of the flashiest magnitude, her star brightly set in relief against this dark, grimy mining town. Cate remembered her as laughing, dancing, and making jokes—before the baby was born, and died. Her mother never recovered, blaming herself, the gases, the mine fire, and the borough council. Her father left them just after.
Cate bit her lip, realizing she hadn’t brought any flowers for either of them. This cannot be was still all she could think, and then tears came to her eyes, too persistent to deny. She was sniffling, getting a snootful of sulfur dioxide, when she heard the sound of a car door slam. A red Toyota was parking in front of the cemetery, and an older man in a gray cabbie hat had gotten out. She wiped her eyes with her hand and heard crunching behind her as the old man made his way up the road, stooped and with difficulty. He seemed to be heading in her direction, and she moved aside to give him room to pass.
“Hello,” the old man said, giving her a friendly little wave, a pass of gray wool gloves with brown leather palms.
“Hello.” Cate wiped her eyes again, remembering that people in small towns always said hello. She had been in Philly too long. When he drew closer, she asked, “Am I in your way?”
“No, not at all.” The old man smiled pleasantly, his teeth even, and brushed back a sparse, flyaway white thatch that had fallen over his lined forehead. His light blue eyes flashed with liveliness behind his bifocals, and he had a bony nose, pink at the tip. “Pardon me, but aren’t you…Deirdre’s daughter, Cate?”
Cate’s felt her lips part. “Yes.”
“My, my. You have your mother’s good looks.” The man smiled again, offering his handshake. He was tall, almost six feet one, and too thin, even in a navy blue down jacket. He wore tan Timberlands with his brown slacks. “How nice to meet you, finally. My name is Ed Pell.”
“Hello, Ed,” Cate said, though she didn’t recognize the name.
“Deirdre was very proud of you. My condolences on this very sad day.”
“Yes, thank you.” Cate felt mystified. “How did you know my mother?”
“Deirdre was an old friend of mine, a very dear friend. We knew each other after you left for college.”
Cate thought back. “I didn’t see you at the funeral.”
“You were too upset to see anything that day.”
Mr. Pell’s eyes strayed to the grave, and Cate watched them move across the headstone, reading it. After a moment, he said, “It’s funny, all the fussing and the fighting, the things that matter so much in life, all come to nothing, in death.” He grew suddenly sad, the crease from his nose to his chin deepening. “Excuse me, would you?”
“Of course.”
He shuffled to the head of the grave in the snow, and Cate reached out to support his elbow as he leaned slowly over and placed a bouquet of pink carnations at the foot of the monument. “All my love, dear,” he said softly.
What? Cate had no idea who this man was, so she asked him.
And she almost didn’t believe the answer.
CHAPTER 36
Cate found herself sitting on a worn brown plaid couch in the small, cozy living room of Mr. Pell’s apartment, waiting for him to return with the tea. Handmade bookshelves filled with plastic-covered biographies, history books, and mystery novels bought at library sales lined the room, many still bearing the yellow stickers of Sherlock Holmes. Amateur photographs of local landscapes, enlarged and mounted on foamcore, covered the paneled walls. The rug was a shaggy brown, and lamps on the end tables had heavy wooden bases. Across from the couch sat an old TV and a matching plaid chair, on which an overweight gray tabby slept in an oblivious ball.
“Here we are.” Ed entered the room with a tumbler of ice and a can of generic cola. He’d taken off his coat and, with his brown slacks, had on a maroon sweater vest over a white shirt, well-worn but spotless. “I’m out of tea. Is Coke okay? It’s a classic bait and switch, I’m afraid.”
“Thanks.” Cate rose, accepted the glass, and set it down on a cork coaster on the table.
“Do you mind if we share the couch?” Ed came around the coffee table and gestured at the cat. “I can’t disrupt Mr. Puggy. He looks asleep but he’s on the job, you know. He’s a paperweight, for chairs.”
Cate smiled. “How old is he?”
“He’s seventy-five. I’m fifteen.”
Cate laughed, and so did Ed.
“Well, this is nice to have you here,” he said, patting his leg and leaning back, regarding her through the bottom half of his bifocals. “Y
ou do look so much like Deirdre. Yes, you’re almost a carbon copy.” Ed searched her face in a way that managed not to be creepy. “You have her blue eyes and the exact same color of her hair. You’re both lovely women.”
“Thank you.”
“She was so proud of you, as I said. Of your record as a student. And she was so thrilled that you were going to law school.”
“So you knew her just before she died.”
“Yes.”
Cate felt a twinge. Her mother’s life insurance had paid for her tuition at Penn Law. She never could have afforded it otherwise.
“How she would have loved to see you become a judge, even with your troubles of late. I’ve been following them in the newspaper.” Ed shook his head. “Up here, Philadelphia seems like a different world, with its murders and such.”
“Oh,” Cate said, surprised. She hadn’t realized that he knew she was a judge. Bait and switch indeed.
“Oh now, I can see I’ve gone and upset you. My apologies.” Ed frowned. “I can be too blunt. My wife always says that.”
“Your wife?” Cate glanced around. It was clearly a man’s apartment, everything set up for one.
“I’m a widower. My wife, Melinda, died three years ago. I met her at a photography class I was teaching. Did you come up for the day, today, to visit Deirdre?”
“Uh, no. I’ve been up—” Cate started to explain, then stopped herself. “How did you meet my mother?”
“I used to be an investigator. Here, I brought this out to show you. It’s my favorite snap of us.” Ed pulled a curled photograph from his sweater vest. “Don’t judge my photographic abilities by it, please. We took it with the self-timer on the camera. Set it on a ledge at a custard stand, on the boardwalk.”
“The boardwalk?” Cate took the photo. It was of her mother and Ed, both grinning broadly, their cheeks pressed together. The sun shone high in a cloudless blue sky and shimmered on the sea behind them. They were giggling, their arms around each other, their love palpable. Cate couldn’t get over it. Her mother, with this man. And happy, even After.