She was right, but the five-year-old had been a supergenius from New York who was raised by chefs and lived in an old restaurant that was supposedly haunted by other dead famous chefs. I tried a different argument.
I needed a sister more noble and supportive, like Princess Leia. Libby was making things awful. I wanted to fling taco meat at her like a monkey flings its waste.
I knew, however, that I needed to play it cool. There was no way I was going to include Tuffin, but if I was too mean about it, I might not be able to go out later tonight to take on Wilt. I tried to look pathetic and sad to get some sympathy.
My dad was falling for it, but my mom wasn’t so sure. She tried one last time to guilt me into saying yes.
I told her how sorry I was, but that this might be okay, seeing as how sometimes life is hard and this probably was a good lesson for Tuffin to learn. Tuffin didn’t look very grateful at all.
After rinsing off my plate, I went to my room. Hairy was still in my pillowcase, talking to himself about casting a spell on Darth Vader. We went over the plan again and what his small role might be tonight.
Hairy was beginning to sound more and more like Dumbledore from Harry Potter. He would say wise things, but they were never quite right.
I didn’t care—I liked Hairy a lot. In fact, I was beginning to hope that my closet would never open again and that Hairy might hang around for good. I glanced over at Beardy. I think he was listening to what Hairy and I had been talking about.
I was hoping that the smile on his face meant he approved of our plan.
CHAPTER 11
THE GRAVEYARD
At eight o’clock on the dot, the doorbell rang. I was sitting on my beanbag reading and pretending to be studious. Hairy was already in my backpack, along with the other supplies I would need.
I heard my mom get the front door, and I continued to act like I was reading. I was nervous about tonight, but I knew we needed to stop Wilt once and for all. A few moments later, my mom came into my room.
The first part of our plan was genius and failproof. Trevor knew there was going to be a full moon tonight, so he had told my mom that we needed to study it and write a report. I pretended like I didn’t want to go, and that was all my mom needed to insist that I had to—she loves making me do homework.
I threw on my backpack and walked quickly to the front door. Trevor was standing on the sidewalk with a small telescope and his science book. I was happy to see that someone had fixed his regular glasses. They were still crooked on him, but at least he looked normal again.
Once we were out in the front yard, Trevor whistled and the rest of our friends popped up from behind the bushes. We were all supposed to bring something we could use to protect ourselves. Jack had his assault flashlight, Teddy had soap-on-a-rope that he was swinging around like a mace, Aaron had a flyswatter, and Rourk was wearing gloves that he thought gave him a super grip. Trevor’s weapon was the pair of steel-toed boots he had borrowed from his dad. Me? I had my Nerf crossbow. Altogether, we made a pretty impressive team.
The full moon was so big it looked like we could reach out and touch it. Its light made it very easy to see things. Hairy growled softly in my backpack, and Jack thought it was me.
Rourk was an expert on eating, but as all six of us began to run to Temon Cemetery, Rourk’s love of eating seemed to be having a negative effect on him.
Rourk kept begging us to slow down. By the time we got to the cemetery, he was so far behind, none of us could see him.
After a few minutes, he caught up, limping and breathing wildly. We all had to wait for him to calm down before we could continue.
The main gate to Temon City Cemetery was locked, forcing us to climb over the ivy-covered wall. Once inside the wall, all of us pulled out bathrobes from our backpacks and put them on as disguises.
I had borrowed my dad’s robe, but Teddy had borrowed his mom’s, and Jack seemed to be wearing his grandma’s. Trevor’s robe was normal, but Aaron’s was a big thermal thing with a long zipper down the front, and Rourk was wearing a huge T-shirt pulled up over his head.
We walked carefully to the clearing and the single tall tree. We then reached into our backpacks and pulled out bedsheets. All of us had brought plain sheets except for Jack.
Trevor tied the sheets together using a knot he had learned in Scouts. We then stretched them out across the clearing. Jack held one end while Trevor held the other.
The rest of us moved into different places to wait for our part. Once I was alone, I took off my backpack and unzipped it. Hairy crawled out and shook. He still smelled like mint, and he was smiling. He seemed pretty taken with my bathrobe.
I pulled out the extra sheet I had packed and laid it on the ground. Hairy pointed his wand and then said a few words. The end of his wand glowed slightly, and the sheet began to rise.
The sheet hovered like a magic carpet for a few seconds before Hairy let it drop softly to the ground. We then crouched low and waited for Rourk to blow the duck call.
The night was full of strange noises, and the headstones made it seem like at any moment, zombies could show up. There were falling stars dropping from the sky.
It seemed like forever before I heard rustling in the trees and saw Wilt step out into the clearing. He was alone, with no sign of my bike.
Wilt walked to the middle of the clearing and stood in front of the full moon and near the single tree. He leaned his head back and called my name.
Rourk blew his duck call, and instantly Trevor and Teddy pulled the rope of sheets up. They ran forward and around Wilt as Aaron and Rourk made unsettling ghost noises. Wilt was so surprised he just stood there. In a couple of seconds, he was wrapped up to the tree.
I looked at Hairy and nodded. It was time for him to do his stuff. He pushed back his small sleeve and waved his wand. After chanting a few words, he levitated the sheet, and it floated up and out of the trees. It flitted toward Wilt like a hovering ghost and draped over his head.
Hairy climbed into my backpack, and I nervously stepped out of the trees and over to Wilt. I stood in front of him and in my deepest dad-sounding voice, asked …
Wilt started to apologize for a bunch of things he had done. He listed people he had pestered and stuff he had broken. I wasn’t surpised by all the things he was saying, but I really just wanted my bike back. I asked him again where it was and he mumbled …
Still using my dad voice, I told my friends what to do.
They all answered back in their best grown-up voices.
I waved for Trevor to come with me, and the two of us raced through the trees and tombstones toward the back of the graveyard. The full moon was in front of us, and there were shooting stars flying through the sky.
The maintenance shop sat right next to Wilt’s house. It was big and square with a small front door. I jiggled the knob, but it was locked. Looking up, I saw a small window above the door.
I pressed my face against the glass while Trevor shined a flashlight. There inside, leaning against the wall, was my bike.
I took off my backpack and unzipped it. Hairy popped out. Trevor was surprised to see him.
I put my backpack on and hoisted Hairy up. Hairy pushed the top window, and it creaked open. He pushed it some more and then began to crawl in.
Hairy slipped all the way in and dropped down to the floor. Trevor and I could see him jump up and grab the inside handle.
The door popped open, and we rushed in. Trevor flipped the flashlight back on, and I yanked the handlebars and flipped the bike around. I was wheeling it out the door when a porch light went on at Wilt’s house, and there was the sound of someone yelling madly. My heart withered like a weed.
CHAPTER 12
ESCAPING
The yelling was coming from Wilt’s mom and dad. They had rushed out of their house and could see us taking something from the maintenance shed. Trevor turned off the flashlight just as Wilt’s dad came charging after us.
I pushed my bike as T
revor scooped up Hairy. We shot toward the trees and tombstones with Wilt’s dad chasing after us screaming …
We ran through the grass and gravestones back toward the clearing. I tried to get on my bike but my robe was in the way. When we reached the clearing, Wilt was no longer wrapped up, and there was no sign of the sheets or our friends. Trevor stopped to investigate. I yelled at him as I turned my head and shot my Nerf bow back behind us.
When we got to the wall at the front of the cemetery, we could see our friends all looking over and waving for us to hurry.
I didn’t need to be told to run, I was already moving as quickly as I could. Trevor reached the wall first and scrambled up over it with Hairy. I would have done the same thing, but I had my bike. I lifted it up and Aaron reached over and yanked the other side.
Wilt’s dad was getting closer and yelling things that didn’t make a lot of sense.
As I climbed up onto the wall and tried to get over, the bottom of my robe snagged on something and made it so I couldn’t move. I tugged and tugged, but it was caught hard. All my friends were too busy running away to notice I hadn’t made it over.
Thanks to the knot I had tied on my belt, I couldn’t slip out of my robe. I was in so much trouble. I shut my eyes and imagined all the things my parents were going to take away from me if I actually got through this alive.
As I was imagining my awful fate, I felt Hairy climb out of my backpack and crawl down my robe. I could hear tearing and chewing, and in a few seconds, my robe ripped and I was free. Hairy had chewed me loose. I pulled myself all the way up onto the wall and looked back. What I saw was pretty scary.
Wilt’s dad had snagged Hairy! My mind raced as chapters from Star Wars: A New Hope consumed me. I couldn’t leave Hairy. I was Han Solo, and he was my short wingman.
There was no way I could leave him behind. I ripped off my torn bathrobe and threw it back over the wall so it landed on Wilt’s dad’s head. I quickly climbed over the wall and tried to wrestle Hairy from his grip. I think Wilt’s dad thought I was some sort of spirit.
I made some scary sounds and pulled Hairy free. Hairy clung to my neck as I picked up my backpack and jumped the wall one last time. I fell hard onto the dirt, jumped up, and grabbed my bike that was lying on the ground. Hairy climbed onto the top of my head, and I rode as fast as I could away from the cemetery and back home.
It was hard to tell which one of us sighed a bigger sigh of relief.
CHAPTER 13
AFTER MATH
Here’s the good thing: once we got over that wall, nobody came chasing after us. I biked home without any other problem. My friends were all waiting on the island, where Jack explained what had happened.
My friends had unwrapped Wilt. He thought they were all dads and ran away yelling for his mom. I couldn’t believe it. We had done it! When I returned home, I was pretty scratched up and messy, but my parents didn’t question me about it. They just thought I had been staring at the moon.
At school the next day Wilt avoided all of us. In fact, he went out of his way to make sure no one saw him.
The news of what we had done traveled around the school like the wind. People I didn’t even know started coming up to me in the halls and thanking me for whatever I had done to Wilt. It was like we had blown up the Death Star of bullies and now we were free.
As I walked out of my math class, I was stopped by Principal Smelt.
I know from experience that every time Principal Smelt wants to have a word with me, it’s usually bad. Not that he’s a mean principal; in fact, he’s pretty interesting and very nice. Also, he plays the pan flute in what he calls a …
His progressive rock group is actually just him and some other old guy singing about things they think kids need or like. Their group is called Leftover Angst, and they perform at every assembly and school event we have. They write their own embarrassing songs. A couple of months ago, after a kid came to school with lice, they wrote a song about it and called a special assembly.
Principal Smelt cleared his throat and smiled. He then tugged at his mustache, which meant that he had good news. Of course, his version of good news was a lot different from mine. A couple of days ago, he had told me …
Like I said, he and I view good news differently. Today Principal Smelt told me that his progressive rock group had been invited to perform at the Average Chef tryouts tomorrow. I tried to look happy, but suddenly the tryouts didn’t seem as cool as they once had. He told me how proud he was of me for being brave enough to, as he put it, “give it a go.” He then added that he couldn’t cheer for my team any louder than he could cheer for Janae’s. He insisted that he needed to be an impartial cheerer and that, as principal of Softrock Middle School, he was required to like us all equally.
Principal Smelt had pulled out the gender sticks that he used when talking about the differences between boys and girls. The bell rang for my next class, but he just kept talking. He went on and on about how girls are important and began listing some of the things he thought women had invented.
Then, to be fair, he listed a few things that men might have invented. He didn’t really have any idea what he was talking about, so he just went with things that sounded right.
I thanked him for the information and told him that I should probably get to class before I was marked tardy. I tried to pull away, but he had one last thing to say.
I just stood there in shock as Principal Smelt patted me on the back and went on and on about brotherhood. He felt I should include Tuffin in my cooking tryout because things like wars and hatred were caused by brothers not getting along.
I broke free and took off to class. I couldn’t believe my mom had called my principal. There was no way I was going to include Tuffin now.
Before reaching my class, I ran into someone much prettier than Principal Smelt—Janae.
Janae was walking down the hall by herself. I thought it was a sign of how perfect we were for each other, us both being late to our classes. I could even see us as an old couple talking about it.
Or maybe she was late because the vice principal had pulled her aside and told her she needed to include her sister in the tryouts. We both stopped a few feet away from each other. I knew I was supposed to be mad, and strong, and driven by the competition coming up, but Janae still made me weak in the neck.
I don’t know why she made my whole body stop working. The two of us had known each other since we were little kids. We had even been through things like Imagination Camp together.
Ever since I had won the dramatic poetry contest, she had been extra nice to me at school. But now Average Chef was making everything more uncomfortable than ever. The whole reason I had wanted to try out was because I thought it would make Janae like me more. That was before I put my foot in my mouth and told her we would win.
Janae asked me if I was ready for the tryouts tomorrow, and in true nervous fashion, I replied …
My face turned bright red, and Janae looked like I had just stepped down hard on her toes. I had no idea how to talk to girls. I was going to take off running, but she had something else to say.
I tried to move my lips to speak, but they just sort of flopped open and closed. Not only did I say dumb things like “yeppy smeppy,” my mom was calling Janae and bothering her. Janae shook her head and walked off.
By the time I got to science, I was double tardy, and feeling triple dumb.
Right before bed that night, Libby came into my room to announce that she was going to sleep, so everyone needed to be extra quiet. I was playing Yo Mama with Hairy, which is just like Old Maid, but instead of calling the lady the Old Maid we call her Yo Mama.
I didn’t have a chance to hide Hairy before Libby barged in. She saw him on my floor holding cards, and gasped. Hairy just froze.
I pushed Libby out of my room and then tried to calm Hairy down. He thought she was out of line telling people lies like that.
He finally cooled off and we finished our card game. We the
n spent the rest of the night reading cookbooks and trying to prepare for tomorrow.
CHAPTER 14
ONE LAST OBSTACLE
I woke up the next morning to the sound of Libby screaming. Someone had snuck into her room and mysteriously messed up all her makeup. I’m not positive it was Hairy, but something about the way he looked and spoke made me suspicious.
I tried to explain to him that he had done a bad thing, but he didn’t understand.
Hairy growled again, vowing to cast a spell on the troll himself as soon as he remembered a good one.
I probably would have been more interested in coming up with a spell that would cause Libby grief if I hadn’t been so nervous about the tryouts this afternoon. There would be lights and cameras and lots of contestants. There would also be people from the show with microphones asking us questions.
Besides, I would be working with Jack and Teddy and Rourk and Aaron and Trevor. They still knew nothing about baking and making food, and only Aaron lied about having any skills.