“We meet again in two nights’ time,” Rand said to the whole room. “Here, in this room. Eight p.m. sharp.”
Everyone nodded. But my sister still didn’t seem content. Instead, she stared at me while chewing the inside of her lip like she always did when she was lost in deep concentration. Finally, she spoke.
“Earlier, Mathilda told me it was possible for you to relive your vision,” she said with some hesitation. My entire stomach sank to the floor as soon as her words registered.
“What do you mean?” I demanded.
Mathilda faced Mercedes, who nodded slowly, her pensive expression revealing that she was considering something and weighing it. Mercedes took a big breath and turned to me. “It is possible for you to relive your vision with the aid of magic.”
“No,” I said and immediately gulped down the acid that climbed up my throat. Mathilda stepped toward me and rested her hand on my arm, instantly calming me with her fae magic.
But I remained steadfast. There was no way I could do that! I couldn’t relive the most horrible day of my life. Even though it hadn’t happened yet, it was a vision so real, it felt as bad as if I had actually experienced it. Experiencing it once was more than enough. I couldn’t contemplate going through it all again. “I can’t.”
“It’s the only way to ensure we haven’t missed anything,” Mathilda said softly. She raised her finger to her mouth and tapped her lip as she studied me.
“What if there is something within your vision that you may have overlooked? Something that could possibly save the lives of our people?” Mercedes asked me. “We must first know that we’ve exhausted any and all possibilities.”
“They are right, Bryn,” Jolie agreed. “We need to pinpoint when this attack is due to happen. Right now, we don’t know enough—we don’t even know what season it’s supposed to occur in!”
I couldn’t argue her point. That was mainly because I couldn’t remember the particulars of the vision, only the ugliness, the pain, and the suffering. Frustrated, I glanced from my sister to Mathilda and then back to Sinjin. He just stood quietly, watching the events unfold. I had no idea about what he was thinking, as usual.
“And how do you propose I do this?” I finally asked. The thought of diving back into the atrocious vision was weighing heavily on me. I suddenly felt exhausted; no, far beyond exhausted.
“We, child, not you,” Mathilda corrected me.
“Fae magic?” I asked with a sigh.
“Yes, with Mercedes’s help,” Mathilda answered.
I looked at my sister, suddenly ill-at-ease. It was no secret that Mercedes hated me. I saw it in the way she looked at me—with complete suspicion and distrust. Even now, that expression hadn’t gone away. She was and probably always would be convinced of my undying allegiance to Luce. The last thing I wanted was to rely on Mercedes for anything.
I don’t trust her, I thought the words in my head so Jolie could hear me. She hates me. You know that.
She doesn’t hate you, Jolie responded. She’s just suspicious by nature. But she’s also extremely powerful, and she would be a huge help to us to have her there. Especially if something goes wrong …
I sighed as I realized there was no way out of this. Okay.
“Mercedes will help us,” Jolie announced with a triumphant smile. “I want to be there too.”
Mathilda, Sinjin, Rand, and I all spoke at the same time, and each of our outbursts was a snappy retort. The thought of my sister traversing my mind while I revisited the awful vision made me more than uncomfortable. I would never want her to see what I saw. The way Luce killed Rand and the princess was merciless and cruel …
Are you crazy? I asked her through our mind connection. There is no way I’m going to let you do this!
No, I’m not crazy, she responded icily. I just don’t think it’s right of me to ask you to do that without offering to do it with you, she responded. This is the fate of my kingdom that we’re talking about! My people. My family. It isn’t right for me to sit and watch from the sidelines.
You are the queen, I reminded her. And it is our duty to protect you.
I will be protected. Nothing can happen to me.
Once you see what I saw, you won’t be the same again, I insisted.
Then she faced the others. “As this is my kingdom, if I’m to protect everyone, I have to know what we are up against.”
“Yes, but you don’t have to witness what I saw in order to do that,” I argued. “And, furthermore, you shouldn’t.” I turned to Rand. “Tell her!”
He swallowed and nodded as he addressed his wife. “Jolie, please trust your sister. She’s only looking out for you.”
But she shook her head in that stubborn way of hers. “I need to understand what we are up against, and the only way I will know that is to see it the way Bryn did.”
“I do not trust Luce,” Mercedes suddenly piped up. “For all we know, he put the vision into Bryn’s mind and orchestrated whatever she saw.”
Jolie worried her lower lip as I shook my head. I knew this vision was my own. But it wasn’t like I could insist on it, because Luce was so damn powerful. He could have implanted something like it into my subconscious. Even though I doubted that sincerely in my heart of hearts, it wasn’t a sound enough argument.
Jolie took a deep breath as she faced me. “What if the vision was something Luce sent to you, Bryn?”
“He could have done it to throw us off,” Mercedes agreed.
“He could have plans to attack us much sooner, all the while knowing that we’re expecting to have months to prepare,” Trent piped up.
“He’s that conniving, wouldn’t you agree?” Jolie asked me.
I thought about her comment. Luce had plenty of access to my thoughts in the past, and although we placed wards around me and I was doing my best to keep interlopers out of my head, he still had the power and know-how to create any kind of chaos he wanted to inside my mind. But there was something within me that rebelled at the thought. Something that insisted I was and always had been strong enough to keep him out.
And then I remembered the man from my dreams who appeared to me in the forest. I recalled what he said about strengthening my powers against Luce, by keeping him out of my mind …
“I don’t think it’s Luce,” I said finally. “I mean, yes, he has accessed my thoughts in the past and is strong enough to do it now; but always before, I knew when he attempted to tamper with my mind. And I haven’t felt anything like that recently.” I was quiet for a few seconds. “I honestly believe that Luce had nothing to do with it.”
“But you don’t know for certain,” Mercedes argued.
“No, I don’t,” I said with a shrug, figuring there was no point in arguing.
“But her feelings about it are good enough for me,” Jolie argued. “Bryn knows Luce better than any of us do. And if she believes that this vision has nothing to do with him, I suggest we have no other choice than to agree with her.”
“Thank you,” I started, but my sister wasn’t finished yet.
“And it is for that reason that I’m comfortable in sharing the vision with Bryn.”
“Mathilda,” I turned toward the older fae woman, searching for someone whom Jolie respected who could talk her out of this lunacy. “Please tell Jolie that this is a terrible idea. If my vision were planted by Luce, then this is a dangerous mission.”
“But it wasn’t planted by Luce,” Jolie argued.
Mathilda took Jolie’s hand and mine. Her face was serious yet loving and soft. Her faded green eyes scanned each of us as if we were her own children. After a few minutes, she turned to me and said, “Jolie is your twin, Bryn. Who better than your own twin to share your vision? Together, you both can search for anything that might have been left behind, clues that perhaps you failed to pick up yourself.”
“But,” I started.
“You know that the two of you are stronger than each of you alone,” Mathilda finished. Smiling, she squeez
ed my hand before she turned her attention to Jolie. “And there is something you need to know, my queen.”
“What?” Jolie asked.
“What Bryn saw is something that will haunt you forever, just as she says.”
“I understand that,” Jolie said.
“But there is more, child. If you lack control of your own emotions whilst you are in the visionary state, you could become lost in her mind.”
“And if that happens, it will be up to you to pull yourself out of it,” Mercedes added. “Bryn won’t be able to help you.”
“That’s why this is a terrible idea,” I said with a frown. “And that’s also why both of you should be talking her out of it!”
“Jolie, your sister is right,” Rand said softly as he tilted her chin up and forced her to look him in the eyes. “I don’t want you to do this. Not if it’s going to endanger you.”
Jolie was quiet for a few seconds as she chewed on her lower lip. She glanced from Rand, to Matilda, and then me. “I know the dangers. And I also know the harsher danger of what the outcome might be if we don’t pick apart this vision and find out what clues we need to know,” she answered with finality.
“Jolie,” Rand said, but she shook her head.
“It’s settled then,” she said as she turned to face Mathilda and Mercedes. “How much time will you need to prepare?”
“I need at least a few days,” Mercedes responded.
Mathilda just nodded her agreement.
“Then we will plan for four days’ time just to be safe?” Jolie asked them. “And then we will travel into the visionary state,” she finished as she faced everyone in attendance. Then she turned toward me. “And together, we’ll scour the vision to see if we missed anything.”
There was no changing my sister’s mind. But I wasn’t finished trying. I reached out to her through our mind connection.
If Luce had been the one to plant the vision, it’s probably a trap. And if it’s a trap, what happens if we both get caught by it?
She gave me a kind grin. Then I suspect my warrior sister will protect us and bring us out safely.
I glanced at Sinjin as I shook my head. His dead expression told me, without a doubt, that he was against the plan. And so was I. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” I demanded.
“There is nothing left to say, my dear,” he answered. “Your sister, the queen, has declared her orders. Who am I to question them?”
NINE
Bryn
After the meeting, I needed some time alone. I stood on the veranda outside of my bedroom, under the bright moonlight and reflected on my life. I thought about where I’d been and where I was going. I also thought about Luce and his plot for revenge against us. And of course, I could only wonder if my vision were just a façade, an intentional transplant deliberately placed in my brain. On that subject, myriad new questions began swarming in my mind—frustrating me because I couldn’t answer them.
“Bête noire?”
Sinjin’s voice was soft, warm, and dare I say it? Sensual even. A smile pulled the corners of my lips up involuntarily, but as soon as I realized what was happening, I stopped it.
“Sinjin,” I answered without turning around to face him.
“Why am I not surprised to find you alone?”
“Ha, I guess you know me that well,” I answered with little or no interest.
But as soon as the words left my mouth, I was interested in hearing more. It did seem that Sinjin knew me too well. Maybe in some ways, he knew me better than anyone else here did. He seemed to understand who and what I was, as well as what made me tick, and why I felt the way I did. And I couldn’t say I was altogether comfortable with that information. That’s because I didn’t know Sinjin as well as he knew me.
At first, I thought I had him pegged as a playboy—charismatic and easygoing on the outside—but his attractive features were only an intentional distraction from his calculating and manipulative agenda. It was constantly brewing inside his head. But when he pursued the men who hurt me—he revealed a new side of himself I wasn’t expecting, much less prepared, to see.
It felt like my eyes were in the process of being pried open, and I was forced to view Sinjin in a completely different light. The more I considered it, the more I realized that I couldn’t figure him out. He wasn’t the character I perceived him to be. In fact, I saw a glimpse of something pure, passionate, and genuine in him. Yes, he was much more genuine than I ever imagined he could be.
“Do I know you well?” he asked, his voice sounding closer—like he was standing right behind me.
“I wonder,” I answered, suddenly nervous. I turned around to face him and instantly wished I hadn’t.
He was so close to me. His body was much closer than I previously anticipated. The bright moon rays cast an eerie glow across his face that highlighted the icy blue of his irises. His thick, black hair appeared almost navy blue in the celestial illumination, and I found myself holding my breath without even realizing it.
“Penny for your thoughts,” he said.
“You can’t be a man,” I heard myself saying, although I wasn’t sure why. I wasn’t intending to say anything, least of all something so … personal. “Out here, under the moonlight, you’re as much a part of the darkness as the night itself.” It was like my subconscious was overcoming my conscious will, compelling me to say the words which baffled me as soon as I heard them.
Sinjin eyed me curiously. “I have not been a man for centuries, pet,” he nearly whispered, and his voice sounded hoarse and raw.
“I can’t imagine that you ever were.”
My eyes stayed riveted on his, and the previous blueness of his eyes turned white, as if they were glowing. My jaw instantly locked. Suddenly, I began to panic because I wanted to say something, anything at all, to make him cease his staring. He was looking right through me.
“I was,” he answered before reaching down and taking my hand in his much larger one. We both looked down, and I watched him caressing the tips of my fingers with his. His tender touch was undeniably soft but also very cold. I remembered my unique ability to warm him up, or at least, my blood had that ability.
“But it has been such a long hiatus, I sometimes forget what it feels like to be human,” he finished.
“You aren’t missing much,” I managed to reply. My heart was hammering in my throat, and I anxiously wanted to pull my hand away from his, but I couldn’t.
He glanced into my eyes again while smiling with boyish charm and a devilish twinkle in his eyes. “It is relatively simple to abandon oneself to the ways of the monster and allow it to rule you, but when one rediscovers one’s own humanity, the ways of the monster might suddenly become shallow and meaningless.”
“I suppose you’re referring to yourself as the monster?” I asked, not entirely sure I was following him. That was how I felt most of the time when I was around Sinjin. He was such an enigma, eagerly offering subtle hints and clues about his inner thoughts but never allowing anyone to figure him out.
“Is that not what I have become as a vampire?”
I shrugged, not really sure if he had a legitimate point. “Some people might call you a monster.”
“And what about you, pet?” he asked, his eyes boring deeper into mine. “What name do you prefer to call me?”
“Sinjin,” I answered simply with a little shrug.
He nodded and the hint of a smile lingered on his lips. “I never cease to enjoy the sound of my name when it leaves your lips.”
I wasn’t sure why, but I was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that he was going to kiss me. Maybe it was the way he was standing there, looking at me so seriously. Or the way his eyes narrowed before holding mine captive. I had a clear understanding that washed over me and I was not in any kind of trance. But instead of my chronic anxiety kicking in before my deepest fear took over, I felt inexplicably warm.
“The only time I managed to perceive the remnants of my former hu
manity was courtesy of you,” he blithely continued. I worried I would soon choke on my own tongue if I didn’t suffer a cardiac arrest first. I was sweating with anticipation, an unfamiliar feeling since I was always so sure of myself. Nervous anxiety. I hated it.
“Me?” I asked, hoping I sounded surprised. But I was thinking about the sensation of his minty, cool breath when it blew against my face. And although we weren’t touching, except for our two hands, I would not have been surprised to learn that he could feel my heart beating against my chest.
I wanted to pull back and step away from him—if only to stop the sensation of butterflies in my stomach, but I didn’t. I let him continue to stand in my space. He seemed to drink me in with his tortured, haunting eyes. And it made me feel good, if strange and awkward, and not wrong. I experienced many emotions all at once because Sinjin could make me tremble when he stood so close and stared at me.
Strangest of all, he made me feel safe when there was no reason for me to feel that way. He helped me lose all my modesty and sense of self. I was still capable of keeping him at arm’s length, but tonight, in the romantic, lustrous rays of the moon, I wanted him closer. I liked the way my hand felt in his. I longed to stare deeply into his eyes and let the gnawing desire that was growing in the pit of my stomach continue to consume me.
“Yes,” he answered. “After I drank your blood, I was awakened.”
“What do you mean?” I asked breathlessly.
“I have no explanation for it,” he answered, seeming somewhat perplexed by that fact. “Yes, your blood imbued me with your warmth and allowed me to walk freely beneath the sun’s harsh rays, but that was not the full extent of its wonders.”
“What was?”