In a matter of minutes, we ran past the courtyard toward the opposite end of the kingdom where Rachel and Betta shared a room in the castle. When we arrived, Jolie was waiting outside the door for us.
“Who is with …” I started to ask.
“Mathilda and Mercedes are with her,” my sister answered. She glanced at me. “I needed you here in case any questions come up about the baby that I can’t answer.”
“Yes, of course,” I said. Naturally, I was figuring she meant questions regarding the hybrids, the Elemental-Daywalkers, one of which was currently in the process of being born. Not that I could answer her questions, because this was all new to me as well.
“And I need you, Sinjin, for moral support,” Jolie continued as she looked at Sinjin with a big smile. “You’re always the best person to soothe everyone’s nerves.”
He smiled, looking more handsome than I could ever remember. “It is both a privilege and my fervent desire to help in any way I can, my queen.”
A shrill cry of agony split the silence of the hallway outside the bedroom. I suddenly hesitated, too fearful to continue forward. Childbirth wasn’t my thing. I didn’t know anything about babies or childbirth in general, and I preferred to keep it that way.
“Jolie, I should probably stay out here with Sinjin,” I said when I spotted her hand on the doorknob before she started turning it. Betta was right behind her. “This isn’t really my strongest suit.”
“Come on,” she answered with an encouraging smile. Betta walked into the room in front of her, apparently not wanting to wait around for us to figure it out, which was just as well. She was a good friend to Rachel. “It will be good training for you.”
Another high-pitched shriek rent the stillness of the air, and I ground my heels into the floor like an old, obstinate goat. I glanced at Sinjin.
“Your sister is correct,” he said with a warm and secretive smile. “Your presence might be needed, and it could also be informative for you,” he added with a chuckle. “I will remain outside should either of you require my assistance.”
“Thanks, Sinjin,” Jolie said as I took a deep breath, trying to brace myself for what I was about to observe. Jolie faced me and shook her head. “This isn’t your first rodeo, Bryn,” she said. “You delivered Emma, remember?”
I nodded quickly as the memory of my sister’s delivery hit me like a dropped anvil. Unfortunately, my recollection did not provide any sort of excitement about the task ahead. “Yeah, but it wasn’t as though I enjoyed it,” I grumbled. “And as you must recall, I didn’t have a choice in the matter either.”
“Blah blah blah,” Jolie answered with a big smile as I begrudgingly followed her into the room. I glanced back at Sinjin and found his eyes already fastened on me with the same hungry, predatory look in them. I swallowed hard and immediately faced forward to confront my doom.
As soon as we walked into the room, Rachel screamed out louder than she had before. At the same time, a baby’s cry also echoed in the room. My heart swelled with delight. I was so relieved the hardest part was basically over already. If the baby was already born, it meant there’d be less for me to do. Yes, there was a part of me that felt ashamed for seeking my own relief, but it was also important to recognize one’s limitations. And childbirth was definitely mine. I couldn’t say I did well with witnessing prolonged periods of painful labor. I watched Mercedes handing the newborn to Rachel’s waiting arms and exhaled a huge sigh of relief.
Rachel ran her hands over the baby’s wet hair and face while beaming with unmasked pride. Mathilda cut the umbilical cord and used a soft sponge to wipe the child off. He was a big infant, with chubby legs and arms, along with a healthy wail.
“What’s his name?” I asked.
“I’m going to name him Damek,” Rachel replied, never taking her eyes off him. “That’s a good name, isn’t it? Strong and noble.”
“Yes, it’s the perfect name for him, Rachel,” my sister agreed with a big smile.
Beads of sweat the size of bullets rolled from Rachel’s forehead, down her cheeks and yet, her smile, weak and lovely, remained on me. “Do you see how beautiful he is? He’s perfect! Ten toes and ten fingers.”
“Does he look any different considering he’s … you know, the offspring of an Elemental and a Daywalker?” Betta asked, looking at me hesitantly.
“I can’t tell any difference,” I answered with a shrug. “He just looks like a chubby, little baby to me.”
Rachel laughed. “That’s exactly what he is.” She smiled at the newborn. “And he will only ever know love from here on out.”
There was something about her words that made me swell with warmth on the inside. “Yes, he will only know love,” I repeated, promising the same thing.
As Mathilda and Mercedes began cleaning up, I moved to the side of the bed. I couldn’t stop staring at the baby’s perfect complexion and tiny hands and feet. When he cried, his lungs belted a strong and clear message, and when he was peaceful, he seemed angelic. This child was the first naturally born Elemental-Daywalker hybrid I’d ever seen, and he couldn’t have been more perfect in any way. His tiny fist gripped his mother’s finger. As natural as a newborn pup, his mouth found her nipple and he began to suckle the precious food Rachel produced just for him.
“Then I guess I’m not really needed here?” I asked, facing Mathilda, Mercedes, and finally my sister.
“I guess not,” Jolie answered with a sweet smile. “Thanks for coming though.”
I nodded as I turned to hightail it out of there. I was eager to be as far away as I could. For some unknown reason, babies always made me nervous in general. They were just so fragile and helpless. I walked past Sinjin, but he caught up with me easily.
“I assume the baby arrived healthy and without any complications?” he asked.
I nodded as I stopped walking and faced him. “Do you want to see him? I’m sure Rachel would be happy to introduce you to him.”
He shook his head. “There is plenty of time for me to meet the sprog, and I am certain Rachel would appreciate spending time alone with him. As for my choice of activities, I am only interested in seeing you at the moment.”
“Well, here I am!” I said, adding an uncomfortable giggle to my already stupid words.
“Are you en route to your room?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I answered with a shrug. “I can’t exactly say I’m too tired after all of that.”
“Good, shall we both take a walk then?”
I cocked my head to the side and nodded before he rested his hand on the small of my back. Heading through the courtyard, we aimed toward the meadow that overlooked the cliffs below. We both said nothing as we walked to our destination; but once we reached it, Sinjin was the first to speak.
“What happened in your room …” he began to say.
“I don’t regret it, if that’s what you’re about to ask me,” I interrupted as I turned to face him. I thought it was important for him to understand that he wasn’t the only one who dearly valued our friendship or whatever we shared. And he also wasn’t the only one feeling … sexually frustrated.
“I appreciate your honesty,” he answered. We continued across the meadowland until we reached the edge of a steep cliff. We both watched the waves crashing into the rocks below. The moonlight bathed Sinjin in an eerie, milky glow that imbued him with the magnetism of a mystical creature. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that was exactly what Sinjin was—a mystical creature. Gorgeous, mysterious, deadly, and completely unpredictable.
“It’s a beautiful night,” I said, without taking my eyes from his.
He nodded and glanced out at the sea before returning his attention to me. “There was a time, just before I left for Montana, when I asked you to become my lover,” he said, breaking the silence between us as he faced me. My stomach dropped all the way down to my toes.
“I remember,” I answered with a gulp.
“The offer made you u
ncomfortable then.”
“It still does.” I shrugged as I recalled him saying he would be glad to show me what physical love should feel like between a man and a woman. “And it wasn’t just your offer to become my lover,” I said as I remembered it in more detail. “There was much more to it.”
He frowned. “Much more to it?”
I cleared my throat. “You were afraid that I would form an attachment to you, if you became my first lover.”
“Yes, I do recall saying that.” He was quiet for a few seconds and appeared slightly irritated that he said it. He stopped walking, and I did too. “My views have changed considerably since then.”
“Oh, really?” I replied with a laugh. “Your views regarding my attachment to you have changed?” He nodded so I continued. “What does that even mean?”
He straightened his posture and looked completely uncomfortable. “I no longer fear it.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “Because your attachment can, perhaps, be the predictable outcome of …” He cleared his throat and I had to keep myself from laughing out loud. “If it happens, I no longer fear it. Our connection is completely out of our hands,” he finished quickly and gruffly. “Do you not agree?”
I watched him for a few seconds, enjoying his temporary disquietude. He was usually so suave and collected and polished that I liked to see him struggling for the right words. But as I considered the true nature of our conversation, my innocent amusement blanched right out of me. “I don’t know what to think, Sinjin. We have both agreed on several occasions that we have no interest in love.”
“Lady Bryn, there is always a defining moment in one’s life. One that has the ability to move mountains and change minds,” he said softly. I had to admit my honest fascination in watching him eat his own words. He didn’t do that nearly enough.
“So, just for the sake of argument,” I started, proud to clearly have the upper hand for once, “if you and I should become … physically intimate with one another, would you still insist on having other lovers?”
Having never experienced the real thing regarding love, I had no clue whether love and attachment were things I wanted or not. But I also couldn’t deny what seemed to be growing between Sinjin and me. There always had been. But I attributed this conversation to one of fact collecting more than anything else. It wasn’t as though I could seriously consider it …
“I have no desire for any other woman except you,” he answered solemnly.
At hearing his words, my heart swelled with something that felt like happiness. I couldn’t explain it. “So are you telling me that your offer still stands?” I asked, just to make sure I understood. “And the only change you would make to your first offer is that any attachment on my part …”
“On both of our parts,” he corrected me.
I smiled. “Any attachments on both of our parts would be acceptable and wouldn’t bother you now?”
“Yes, and that is very well put.” He paused for a moment and replied, “I should like nothing more than to spend the rest of my centuries making you happy and pleasing you in ways you have never experienced before.”
The irresistible urge to accept his offer clashed with something else I had to consider: Dureau Chevalier. Not only that, but a huge part of me had no trouble or regret in swearing off men entirely—the part that felt safest as a warrior.
To be honest, though, I couldn’t say my opinions towards men and love were the same as they were a few weeks ago. Something inside me had definitely changed. The idea that I could be alone for the rest of my life seemed unacceptable now. I refused to say I enjoyed the feelings I was experiencing now, but they were there all the same.
The smile on my lips soon vanished when I realized the quandary I was in. For a girl who normally avoided any romantic liaisons with men, I was now potentially dealing with two of them. But truthfully, I didn’t want to turn down either one.
“There is something more foremost than my words on your mind,” Sinjin declared rather matter-of-factly.
“Yes,” I answered, figuring there was no reason to lie to him. He could see right through me anyway. He always had that ability.
“Dureau,” he guessed correctly, and his tone dropped an octave or so.
“Yes.”
“Is he offering you a similar arrangement?” he asked, trying to sound casual, but I knew him well enough to know he was clinging to every word I said.
“No one but you could ever imagine such an arrangement, Sinjin,” I answered with a smile. “Of that, I’m fairly sure.” I took a breath and noticed he was watching me with fixed determination. “But, yes, Dureau has made his intentions towards me quite clear.”
“And, may I dare to ask, what are those intentions?”
I shrugged. He was starting to make me feel uncomfortable with the conversation. “Well, you know,” I trailed off.
“No, I fear I do not know.”
“Well, he’s … he’s also interested in me romantically, I guess, if you could say that,” I tried to explain without ruffling his pride. “He agrees with me that now isn’t the time for such luxuries because of the impending attack and our need for preparations …”
“Is he engaging you now so that he can pursue you in proper style after the potential war?” Sinjin interrupted. “Perhaps he aims to ensure that he has your hand before I may act on the opportunity.”
“I don’t know, but maybe that’s what he was thinking, Sinjin.”
“Irrelevant,” he concluded before waving his hand in a dismissive manner. It became quite clear that he didn’t care to discuss Dureau any longer. “What is your position regarding this topic?”
I shrugged again, unquestionably uncomfortable. “I’m not really sure,” I answered, choosing to tell him the honest truth.
“Are you physically attracted to him?”
“Yes,” I managed to squeak out, my voice no more than a whisper.
He frowned immediately. “And me? Are you physically attracted to me?”
“Yes,” I responded, perhaps a little too eagerly. I was long beyond being simply attracted to Sinjin. “But you already knew that.”
“I shall reserve comment.” He paused for a few seconds before he added, “Then it seems, my capricious pet, that you have found yourself in a most enviable position. You are the undeniable recipient of more than one man’s affections,” he said quickly and with little emotion. “I must encourage you to decide which man has captured your heart, and I would ask you to do so swiftly, for your sake as well as mine.”
“Well, who says I have to decide at all?” I shot back at him. I was starting to feel more than frustrated and irritated by the whole situation.
“I fail to comprehend your response.”
“If you remember, Sinjin, I totally swore off men. I already chose my path: to strive to become the best warrior I can be and defend my sister and her baby as well as Kinloch Kirk,” I proudly stated before breathing deeply and setting my chin out stubbornly.
He laughed at me. “I believe it is safe for you to admit now that your interest no longer fully lies in that direction!”
Anger and embarrassment colored my cheeks because he was right. However, I refused to admit that. “Why is that safe for me to admit?”
“Because of your undisguised response when I kissed you just now,” Sinjin answered nonchalantly. “Yours was not the kiss of a woman who has dedicated herself to a passionless life of combat and strife.”
Okay, I couldn’t argue with that, so I didn’t bother to try. But that didn’t mean he was right. “Well, for your information, Sinjin, that’s still up in the air,” I managed to retort. Lifting both of his eyebrows at me, he smiled like he knew I was lying to him and myself. Damn him! “But let me remind you that we are on the brink of war?” I inquired sarcastically.
He nodded and immediately replied, “That subject, my pet, looms ever constant, and you make a good point. I must agree without reservation that our efforts
should be devoted exclusively to tactics, strategy, and planning.” I nodded in agreement, pleased that he was so astute and smart about this. “But engaging in a physical love affair should not conflict with or become an impediment to our war effort,” he said, throwing me a curve ball that nearly knocked me off my feet. “As a matter of fact, releasing the body’s stress throughout the day and night are reportedly essential to the sustenance, growth, and vitality of an incisive mind.”
I shook my head, feeling defeated already. “Sometimes I wonder why I even bother trying to talk any logic with you.”
“I am a very patient and logical man, bête noire,” he argued with a devilish smirk.
I instantly found myself back in front of my bedroom door again without a clue as to how it happened. As soon as the realization hit me, my heart began to speed up. I vividly remembered what Sinjin and I were doing before Betta interrupted us.
“Do not panic, my dear,” Sinjin crooned with a knowing smile. “I will not try to seduce you again this evening. As the dictates of protocol require, I shall gladly await your reply to my offer as any other gentleman suitor.”
“Panic?” I started to deny.
“I could hear your heart speeding up as soon as you realized we were back in your bedchamber,” he explained.
“Actually, it sped up because I had to sneeze,” I retorted.
He chuckled as he turned around and headed for his bedroom. “Of course you did.” When he unlocked his door, he faced me once again. “Good evening, my little minx. I only ask that you ponder the questions I have posed to you and try not to dally too long with your reply … for everyone’s sake.”
With a brief nod, he quickly disappeared behind his bedroom door, and I stood in front of mine. Now, I could only wonder what in the hell I was going to do.
***
I was in the forest again, lost and wandering.
It was dark, but the moonlight was bright enough to illuminate my path through the never-ending trees. I was being led somewhere.