“Do you really wanna know what happened?” Jack and Katie were walking back to the academy, and had decided to grab a sub and eat lunch in the athletics stadium before afternoon classes began.
She thought about it. Did she truly want to know? Sometimes it was better to live in ignorance. Whether this was one of those times… she had no idea. It would just make it harder to deny any of this had happened – like that was a possibility now. But Katie had been planning to lock all this knowledge away in a mind-box and not bring it back out until she was legally old enough to know any of it, by the screwed up rules of the town. And now what had she gone and done? She had been in fights she hadn’t even started, tried to rescue lost souls because they had put faith in her, given a girl free reign to kill some-one in exchange for people she loved, had faced an ugly death in a world no-one alive knew about. Katie hadn’t wanted any of it. It was, however, better than festering in Worth, living in a stagnant comfort zone of the college her school-mates were attending, the town where so many people knew her and felt sorry for her; where people treated her with care and caution and censored everything they said and did in case it hurt her feelings. “Not yet.”
He laced his fingers with the bits wiggling over the top of her bandage. “You’re finishin’ the day? Broken bones, perfect excuse for a day off.”
“Tempting as that sounds, I should at least try to get through the afternoon. Besides, what could we do with the day that wouldn’t get at least one of us in trouble?”
Jack arched his eyebrows and tried to play the innocent card. It wasn’t working. Both of their minds had leapt to the same conclusion – that they would spend the time snuggled up together, kissing and cuddling until the moon began to rise. Which would be a fine thing if they didn’t know that Katie would lose all memory of Jack and God knew what else if their lips so much as touched. She didn’t believe he wanted to remove things from her head. The way he looked at her – green eyes heavy with shadows and secrets that were too much to carry alone – told her that much. It was just a rule. Another one. There was something about her still being underage that meant she wasn’t supposed to know Shades existed and intimacy was a way of making her forget about them. Totally messed up, if you asked Katie. If people wanted to raid her brain then surely basic ethics would demand she gave permission first.
So why did she remember being with Jack in the Other Place? She remembered every touch, every smile, every moment they had shared. And now she knew how good, how right, it felt to kiss him, she never wanted to give that up. “Jack? When we were in that place…I remember it all. The good bits and the bad.”
He looked a bit sad at that. Not surprised, just sad. “Humans were never meant to go there. I can’t take that away. I wish I could, there’s so much you shouldn’t have to know.”
She could read it in his face. Under the scar and Stetson, he was a teenage boy with 150 years of pain behind him. However much he wanted to make this all better, he couldn’t and Katie wouldn’t have let him. She was dragged into this fight the day she got to Northwood, and she was in it for a reason. So she couldn’t afford to put her clarity of mind at risk. She couldn’t kiss Jack again.
“I can’t believe Mom never told me I should have brothers.”
“Maybe she was tryin’ to protect you. Y’know, so you didn’t get upset.”
“They were my family! You should be told the truth about family, whether it’s nice or not.”
“She probably didn’t really want to talk about it either. Parents shouldn’t have to watch their own kids die. Shouldn’t have to go to their funeral.”
“Sorry, I didn’t think.” Katie chewed her bottom lip and started picking dirt out of her fingernails. For some reason, she felt very guilty. Jack had had a funeral and his mother had had to see her own son buried. “We did something good, didn’t we?”
“Lady Katie, listen to that.”
She put her sub down and listened. All she could hear was the buzz of activity from the track and field below her and snatches of conversation from the other al fresco diners. What was she supposed to be hearing? The girls sitting next to them and moaning about the lack of eye candy in their class? The absence of something nice to look at during double maths was a talking point but not exactly important. Was it the group at the bottom of the benches – a teacher congratulating his students on excellent exam results? Maybe it was the tall red-haired boy telling his coach about a talented student who could fill that empty place, right on the other side of the track?
Wait.
Why could she hear that? Katie took a breath and opened her mouth to speak. Before a sound could come out, Jack covered her eyes with one hand and out his other hand on the back of her head.
Stop listening with your ears.
Well, listening to anything was pretty difficult without ears. Katie clung to that slippery logic.
Don’t fight me, Lady Katie. Relax. You’re safe now.
And her grip fell away. Nothing would hurt her. Chill reality was out there, existing for other people. Her thoughts felt sluggish and syrup-thick – the remnants of the pain-killers – and detaching from the real world was hard, harder than it had ever been before. She was numb to pain in her wrist and ribs but dimly aware that it was there and that anchored her to reality. Impending pain and constant fear that somebody was going to come along and rip her world apart. But she was with Jack and nothing would hurt. He wouldn’t let it.
What’s happening?
Katie knew they had spoken like this before. Knew it. So why did it feel so different today? Why did it feel as though they were doing something they shouldn’t? Why didn’t she want to stop? And then it all became clear.
I love everything about you, Lady Katie. I love how strong you are. I love how you keep fighting when anyone else would give up. It’s amazing. You’re amazing. And I love the fact you don’t believe it.
You think I would have done any of those things if I’d had a choice.
You did have a choice.
I chose to run away before. And my problems just chased me here. Clarity was suddenly beginning to sound very over-rated. A thought was forming in her brain and she grabbed for it, but it slipped away. The man who killed you… did you know him? Katie pushed her question against a thinning mental wall, much like the one she had used to lock her bad memories behind. There was something amid all those thoughts that Jack was not ready to think about just yet. It was something Katie herself was trying to put off as long as possible. He didn’t kill you in the heat of anger. Or he wouldn’t have kept coming back for you. He hated us both.
“Don’t talk like that,” said Jack, snapping back into his regular voice. “Just enjoy right now.”
“Why was it so hard to get into your head? It felt wrong. It shouldn’t feel like that because… you and me, we’re right. We make sense when nothing else does.”
“You’re wound up so tight, just waiting for somebody to jump out at you.” Katie shrugged her jacket over her arm and let her boyfriend fasten it over her sling. “You never told me how that really happened.”
She let her eyes drift over Jack and touched her free hand to his face. There were old shadows, lost secrets. And something new; a fresh tear ripped deep into his soul. “What aren’t you telling me?” His ocean eyes were begging her to talk to him but she wasn’t ready yet. She might take his advice and stop worrying, be a teenager for the rest of the day. Jack circled behind her, his arms around her waist. One hand traced around to her back and his fingertips walked up her spine, sending aches spinning away where-ever they touched with that curious/glorious coolness. Then he eased her long locks out of her knotted sling until it was cascading down her back in a poker straight but slightly messy waterfall. She wasn’t picture perfect but she was Jack perfect.
She turned around to thank him.
He was gone.
“I’m
ba-ack!”
Dina was allowed home a few days later, even though the hospital had advised against leaving so soon. There were forms to sign and prescriptions to collect – pain pills and ointment for her scars. She moved straight back into the big room with Jaye despite Katie offering to swap in case she wanted her own space. But the offer was declined – Dina said she never wanted to spend so much as a night alone again. Katie wondered how much she remembered of her time in Room 4. She didn’t like to ask though.
“You missed tryouts the other day,” Adam reminded Katie the following Monday morning. “Decided to give them a miss this year?”
“Just putting them off for a while. Work’s keeping me busy.” She put her hands together in a praying pose and fluttered her eyes at Leo. He rolled his eyes at her – not one for light-hearted mockery when it came to his religion, but he was starting to learn that the girls only did to get a reaction – and stalked over to cut and put ketchup on her bacon sandwich. Even the most basic things were impossible when you were one hand down. “I wanted to ask… am I still on for a free self-defence class? You know, when I’m all healed up.”
“What happened to the one on one tuition thing?”
She shrugged and tried not to blush as Lainy bounded into the kitchen obviously exciting after getting off the phone. “Still hoping but, you know, team player and all that.”
“Well, if you’re up for personal training, I could teach you a few things, cast or not.”
“Oh, I can’t keep it in any more!” squeaked Lainy, the words coming out like one long word. “You’re all here now and I can’t wait for the house meeting tonight.”
“Lainy,” Katie said. “Breathe. In, out, in, out-“
“Shake it all about. Shake it, baby, shake it. But be careful not to wake it.”
“Not helping, Jaye. Also, doesn’t make sense. Now, why the hell are you excited at this time in the morning? It’s disturbing.”
“Well, that was Dr de Rossa on the phone. We were talking and… how would you guys feel if I went back to nursing? It’s only a few shifts a week so I can still be here a lot. But I seem to be patching one of you lot up all the time so I figured… why not get paid for it? I was quite good back in the day and then it was… I had to stop, but I miss it every single day.”
“I think it’s a great idea. You should definitely go for it!”
After a long pause, which Lainy was too hyper to notice, Adam muttered “I think we should talk,” then started to clear up.
About the author
Wendy Maddocks lives in Birmingham, England, with her slightly crazy family. She blames them for her twisted imagination. Sanity is not her friend. She enjoys reading and studying, working out and eating cake, which makes her fat and in need of yet another gym session. (Yes, I’m a masochist!) She also has a fear thing about sheep. After graduating from university, Wendy began publishing her own work online and is always working on new writing projects. What will happen when she runs out of ideas?
No, let’s not wonder that.
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