have lived in this world now nearly 18 years. Not once, in all that time, have I felt that I fit in. I remember when I was young, I was so sure I could fly. Still, when I jumped off that roof, I came crashing down to the ground. I hate it, but that’s been an analogy for my whole life. I’ve always had such confidence in myself, such certainty that I understood the world, but somehow I always just end up crashing. It’s time I finally admit that, and a few other things.
See, there’s no such thing as magic. There’s no combination of words and rituals that can solve my problems in this world. In the past year, I’ve come to accept that. The problem is, only magic could save me at this point. In real life, there’s nothing I can do, nothing I can say, that can right all the mistakes I’ve made in the past. I’ve come to accept that too. I’ve made myself alone in this world and that’s my fault, not anybody else’s.
So, I hope nobody blames themselves for my actions. Don’t get me wrong--many of you are at fault. You all mocked me, ridiculed me, knocked me down in any way you could. All because I saw the world a little... differently. Then, when I changed, when I tried to see the world as you did, you wouldn’t let me. You didn’t want me to be like you because you needed someone to scoff at. I get that. Life’s hard, and a scapegoat makes it easier. I made myself the easy scapegoat when I was younger. It was my actions that caused this. Still, I ask you, did I deserve to be the scapegoat? Was it fair to push that on me?
I know most of you will act surprised and upset when you hear about my death, but I have to ask, what the hell did you expect to happen? When you beat me down, and rip out my heart until I’m afraid of every aspect of my life--until I’m afraid to ever be myself--how the hell did you think I’ll react? I’ll tell you how. I choose to die whether then live in the world you created. I choose to die whether then spend one more day putting up with you. Again, I know it’s not your fault. We are all natural consequences of the world we live in. Just, couldn’t one of you have stood against that flow? Couldn’t one of you have chosen to see me not as a scapegoat, but as a human? Peter did once, but I’m afraid that his dad beat that straight out of him.
So, instead of living in a world where being my friend is reason for a beating, where my only purpose is to be mocked and ridiculed, I choose to jump. I will jump with a broomstick, as my final evidence that I am not a wiccan. Even if I am, I will still choose to fall because even if I have magic, it is just one more thing making me different, one more reason for all of you to hate me. After all my studying of nature, I think I finally understand how this world works.
Goodbye.
As soon as I finished, I put the note in my pocket. I grabbed a broom and snuck out to a large bridge near my house. I stood at the edge of the bridge, tucked the broom under my legs, took a deep breath, bent my knees, pushed off, and flew threw the air for a fraction of a second before beginning to fall. Right at the moment when I was to collide with the ground, I felt my body jerk upwards.
About the Author
Michael P is a college student majoring in Electrical Engineering and minoring and math. He is also a member of his school’s varsity tennis team. During summers, he works at a camp with younger kids. Of course, he’ll have to start doing internships soon, so that won’t be the case for long. While his schedule is already busy, he also enjoys writing and posting fiction and fantasy stories online as a hobby.
Connect with Michael P
Thank you for reading Away From Home! If you want to read more of my writing, check out my weekly serial and other stories at https://thephoenixsaga.wordpress.com/. All my writing is free, but if you are able to I would appreciate any support at https://www.patreon.com/Phoenixsaga.
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