“How did he do that? Don’t tell me he’s going to parent-teacher conferences. He was never around to do much of that for me.”
“No, he bumped into Dr. Steiner.”
“Really. How is old Dr. Steiner? Talk about a stick-in-the-mud. She has a stick up you know where.”
“She’s been nice to me,” I said.
“I guess so, if she’s bragging about you.”
Something in her expression and tone of voice warned me against mentioning the necklace just yet. But she continued to stare hard at me, waiting for more.
“Don’t you have something else to tell me about my father?” she asked. It suddenly occurred to me that Jordan might have told her.
“He bought me a present to celebrate my high school grades, if that’s what you mean,” I said, trying my best to make it sound like nothing. “I told him it was too soon. I could still not be the valedictorian.”
“A present? My mother thought it was quite beautiful and expensive. How come you didn’t tell me about it before this?” she asked, but before I could try to come up with an answer, she gave it. “You thought I would be jealous, upset?”
“Yes,” I confessed.
“He’s bought me plenty of expensive things. I’m not jealous as much as I’m surprised. When they bought you that car, I was amazed, but then I realized these things are so minor to my parents. We’re so rich.” She laughed. “I don’t blame you for getting as much as you can.”
“I’m not. I didn’t ask for the car or for the necklace or anything.”
“You’re like me. You don’t ask in so many words.”
“I don’t understand. How do we ask, then?”
“Forget about it,” she said sharply. “None of that is important now. Cars, jewelry, expensive vacations are just taken for granted among the girls at this school. No one would be impressed if you drove up in that car and you were wearing the necklace.”
“Where did all of your friends go for the weekend? I thought I might meet some of them.”
“Oh, for what?” she said. “I just told you that they’re a bunch of spoiled rich kids. You don’t need to meet any more of them. You have me.”
“What about the girls you went to Europe with?”
“What about them?”
“You hardly mention them anymore.”
“They’re all . . . jealous of me and Richard now. Isn’t that the way with your plain-looking girlfriends, too, back in Pacifica? My girlfriends don’t want to hear or know about my good times, so they deliberately avoid me.”
“It’s not that way back at Pacifica. They’re constantly asking questions, but I try not to make them jealous,” I said, and sat on the chair by the small desk.
“That’s you, not me. You’re more considerate. Oh, I don’t want to talk about girls!” she cried, looking like someone with a mouthful of sour milk. “I want to talk about Ryder Garfield. What have you done with him? What sort of dates? Where have you gone? What kind of lover is he?”
“I told you, he was at your house, and then I went to his. That’s all we’ve done together so far. He wasn’t easy to get to know or like.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“C’mon, Sasha. I’ve been sharing all of my intimate details concerning me and Richard with you. It’s only fair that you describe all of yours.”
“Quid pro quo,” I muttered, thinking about Ryder.
“What? What’s that?”
“Nothing. A Latin phrase that means an equal exchange.”
“Huh? Stop with the dictionary, and get down to the sex,” she said.
I looked at my watch. How far behind me was he? I hadn’t been with Kiera five minutes, and already I was tense and nervous. I hoped she was telling the truth when she said she would give us plenty of time alone.
“Stop looking at your watch and worrying about the time and talk,” she said.
“We haven’t done the big I yet, if that’s what you mean.”
“Big I? What’s that?”
“It. Done it.”
She laughed and then turned serious again. “Well, what exactly did his sister make up about the two of you, or wasn’t it all made up? There are other things to do beside the big I,” she said.
Was this something I should feel comfortable doing? The girls at Pacifica seemed quite uninhibited when it came to discussing their love affairs. I remembered how embarrassed I was when Kiera first brought me to a meeting of that phony Virgins Anonymous club and the girls told their sex stories. Or made them up, I should say. Even though Kiera sent me her stories about her and Richard through the Internet, it was still embarrassing to know the details.
“Let’s just say she might have read your Kama Sutra book.”
“And?”
“I really don’t know what she said, Kiera. All I was told in school was that she was telling her friends that she saw us do everything.”
She nodded. “Very clever of her. That way, she leaves it up to their imaginations, and people always exaggerate when they imagine. I,” she quickly added, “don’t have to do that, of course. You want a drink?” she asked, getting up.
“No, not right now,” I said.
“I hope you’re not going to be the perfect little teenager or something up here.”
“I’m far from perfect.”
“Apparently, not according to Daddy Dearest,” she said, and poured some vodka into a glass. I saw she had ice cubes in a pail. She opened the minibar and took out the orange juice. “Sure you won’t have one? They’re good, and they’ll relax you. You’re obviously a nervous wreck.”
“Okay,” I said, “but I’ll pour my own,” I added quickly.
“Suit yourself. We have a little balcony out here,” she said, and opened the curtains and the sliding door. There was a table and two chairs on it.
I poured myself a quarter of what she had poured for herself and added more juice. The patio overlooked the parking lot but did afford a view of the mountains in the distance, too. I sat and sipped my drink.
I remembered that I had promised to let Jordan know when I arrived, so I made the call but got her answering machine. I left a message.
“Who are you calling already?”
“I promised your mother, but she’s not home. I could call her cell phone.”
“Will you relax? You left a message.”
I put my phone away.
“Richard called me from London last night,” she said. “He might be away longer than he thought. He’s very dedicated to his family. There’s no doubt that if I marry him, I’ll have to live in England. I know that would just break my parents’ hearts, especially my mother’s.”
“She’s trying.”
“Trying to what? Love me?” she snapped. And then she calmed and smiled. “I have someone who really loves me.”
“Where’s your engagement ring?”
“Oh.” She smiled. “Why discourage any other boys in the meantime?”
“What do you mean?”
“I told you we’re going to this fabulous dance club tonight. If I walk in wearing an engagement ring, I doubt I’d get the second look. I know I’ll get the first.”
“But . . . do you want to go out with other boys?”
“Do birds want to fly?”
“What if Richard finds out?”
“He’s not having me followed, Sasha, and I’m sure he doesn’t expect me to sit in my dorm room and do needlework.”
“I do think being in love means being faithful, Kiera.”
She tilted her head and smirked. “Please. Do you think my parents are faithful to each other?”
I felt my face redden. Had Jordan told her about her suspicions about Donald? Somehow, because of the strain in their relationship, I couldn’t see Jordan confiding in her. Did this mean that Kiera knew something about her father that her mother didn’t know?
“I thought they were,” I said.
“Even after all I’ve taught you and all
you’ve been through, you’re still so naive.”
“How do you know?”
“What? That you’re naive?”
“No, that your parents aren’t faithful to each other.”
“I just know,” she said, and turned away. Even so, I saw the look on her face. For a moment, I thought she was going to cry. Then she caught herself, took a deep breath, and turned back to me. “You didn’t tell Ryder I was engaged or something, did you?”
“No.”
She smiled. “Good. I don’t need someone else making me feel guilty if I fancy someone later. That’s the way Richard puts it . . . fancy. Isn’t that cute? The first time we met, he said, ‘I fancy you.’ I didn’t know what he meant. I said, ‘Well, that’s because I’m fancy,’ and he laughed. We have such good times together. He has a wonderful sense of humor.”
“He sounds so great. Did you bring a picture to show me?”
“Picture? Oh. No, I didn’t think of it. I was in too much of a hurry to get out of there. The girls in my dorm were getting on my nerves with their trivial talk. They’re always trying to find out what I do to keep looking beautiful. Like I have to do something. Is that him?”
“What?”
“The car that just drove in,” she said, nodding toward the parking lot.
I stood up. “Yes,” I said.
“He couldn’t have been too far behind you, or else he was speeding. You know what that means?”
“What?”
“He expects a good time, not a goody-goody time,” she said.
Ryder parked and stepped out of his car.
“We’re up here!” Kiera shouted. He looked up and waved. “He is handsome,” she said. “Better keep your eyes on him.”
I went ahead of her to the door and stepped out to see him come up the stairway. As soon as he appeared, I ran to him, and he hugged me.
“Was it difficult getting away?” I asked him.
“I had to wait until Summer went to her class. I thought I could use the head start, so I went to class and then asked to go to the bathroom. I left my books on the desk. It probably took until the end of class before I was reported missing.”
“Then you must have been speeding,” Kiera said, coming up behind me.
“A little,” Ryder said. “Hi.”
“Hi. C’mon in. We started the party already,” she said, holding up her glass of vodka and orange juice.
Ryder looked at me and then smiled. “Sure.”
“I hope this is okay,” Kiera said when we entered.
“It’s fine,” Ryder told her.
She went to the vodka and poured his drink, adding some ice cubes. “You want the orange juice?”
“Sure, thanks,” he said after she handed it to him.
“Well, now,” Kiera said, sitting in one of the chairs. We sat on the sofa. “So, you’re the famous couple who have been tearing up the floors of old Pacifica.”
Ryder took a sip of his drink. “Not the floors. Just a few walls.”
“Well, let’s not worry about it for a few days,” Kiera said. “There’s a great dance club we can go to nearby. I know the guys at the door, so you two won’t have any trouble getting in. Are you hungry?”
“A little,” Ryder said, looking at me.
“I’m talking about food,” Kiera said. She downed the rest of her drink. “Tell you what. You two need to catch your breath and stuff. Lots of stuff. I’ll go pick up a couple of pizzas for now. I want to stop at the mall near here and get a few other things first, so I’ll be gone about two hours.”
She stood up.
“That way,” she continued, “you can get a night’s sleep, too.”
“Night’s sleep? Why would that be a problem?”
“I meant, when it comes time to sleep, you’ll just go to sleep and won’t need to think of or do anything else,” she replied. She tossed her hair back and reached for her purse. “We’ll have plenty of time later to get to know each other.”
“Right,” Ryder said. “Thanks for setting this up.”
“I know it looks like it, but I didn’t do it only for you two. I intend to have a fun night away from the dull dorm. Call me if you think of anything you need,” she told me. “Although I think you have all you want for now,” she added, nodding at Ryder.
We watched her leave.
“Wow,” he said. “She doesn’t beat around the bush.”
“You can believe her when she says she did all this for herself as much as for us. She enjoys doing forbidden things or being part of them.”
“I don’t want to ever think of you as being forbidden, Sasha.”
“I know. I feel the same way about you, but I can’t deny that I’m afraid.”
He put his glass down and turned to me. “Fear makes it all more exciting, not that I need anything to make me more excited about you,” he said, and kissed me. “The whole time driving up here, I thought only of your eyes and your lips.”
His words weren’t just wonderful to hear. They were calming me, making me feel safe. This was right, I thought. What was being done to us was wrong. We kissed again, and then we both rose and walked slowly to the bedroom. I leaned against him, resting the side of my head on his shoulder. He kissed me again, softly and then more demandingly. I felt as if I was sinking into his arms, sinking into him. He pulled back the cover sheet on the bed, and we sat, still kissing and holding each other. His lips grazed my cheek, my neck. He lifted my light sweater off me. I raised my arms to help, and in moments, both moving in a delicious frenzy, we were naked, clinging to each other.
Before, when we were moving this quickly in his bedroom, I feared that I was being as gullible and as naive as I had been with Kiera’s friends. It took me a long time to stop blaming myself as much as if not more than I blamed them for my being seduced. While most girls would be cautious and even reluctant for other reasons, I couldn’t throw off the weight of my horrible memories that easily. Of course, I would question every kiss, every touch, every pronouncement of love and affection any boy made.
But I felt very close to Ryder now, despite how short our romance was to this point. In my heart, I felt the beat of his. In my mind, I heard his thoughts and fears. I had the same sense of desperation and the same great need to become closer, more intimate, more trusting. We found sanctuary in each other. In his smile and in his eyes, I saw not only the same sort of pain but also the way past it. It was difficult for either of us to believe in anyone or anything, for that matter, but we knew instinctively, even when we had fenced with each other verbally, that once we believed in each other, we would find the joy and salvation that love could bring.
He moved between my legs. He raised himself so he could look down at me, and then we began to make love, truly to become one with each other for a glorious time when all of the troubles we knew retreated, fled from our hunger for each other. This can’t be bad, I thought. We will know each other deeply, fully, and completely after this. I’ll know his every whim and worry. He’ll read every smile and silence in me. We’ll sense each other’s trepidations. We’ll realize what really makes each of us happy. We will become knowledgeable about each other’s moods and navigate safely to each other’s hearts.
My little cries of pleasure made him more graceful and gentle. When we were comfortably exhausted, we kissed to put a seal of satisfaction on each other’s lips and then just lay there silently, holding hands and waiting for our hearts to calm, our blood to settle.
Suddenly, he laughed.
“What?”
“I was just imagining my father’s face when my mother tells him I ran off. If he’s with some actor friends, he’ll moan and groan about how he’s done everything he can for me. He’ll become Othello or some other Shakespearean character crying out his frustration. He might even slip into a soliloquy or two.”
“And your mother?”
“She’ll rush out to get a facial. This could bring on a deep wrinkle.”
“Oh, maybe we have gone t
oo far, Ryder.”
“They’ll get over it.”
“What will you tell them when you go back?”
“I went somewhere to think. They like that. I’ve used it a few times before. It makes me sound authentic. Worse comes to worst, I’ll have to join Summer at the therapist’s office. Let’s not worry about it right now. I like Kiera’s idea of having a good time. And I’m getting hungrier. I didn’t eat much at lunch.”
He sat up and looked at his watch.
“Maybe we should just meet her somewhere.”
“I’ll see where she is,” I said, and got up, too. We both dressed, and I went to my cell phone. Hers rang and rang, but she didn’t pick up. Her silly message came on.
“I know you’re just dying because I didn’t answer, but have hope and leave your name and number. I might call you back.”
“Kiera. We were wondering if it wouldn’t be better for us to meet you to eat. If you haven’t ordered anything yet, call me and tell me where you are.”
“She’s probably in a place in that mall where cell phones don’t pick up,” Ryder said.
He went to the minibar to look for something to eat and found a package of peanuts and some cheese and crackers.
“Dinner!” he cried, and offered me some.
We both gobbled it all.
“This is the best meal I’ve had in a long time,” he said. He checked his watch again. “I’ve got to get over to the mall, too, wherever it is, and buy a few things I’ll need for the next day or so.”
“You going to stay the whole time?”
“Maybe. What do you think?”
“Might look better if you leave earlier. I’ll need to give Kiera some attention anyway.”
“Right.” He poured some juice for me and for himself. Then he sat back with a wide grin on his face.
“What’s so funny?”
“How wonderful you are and how great this is,” he said. “Yesterday at this time, I was about as depressed and down as I’ve ever been.”
“Me, too.”
“To us,” he said, raising his glass.
“To us.”
We had started to drink when we heard a knock on the door.
“Isn’t she considerate?” Ryder said with a wide smile again.
“If anyone knows what goes on behind closed doors, she does,” I said. “Coming,” I called, and opened the door to face two California highway patrolmen. They looked past me at Ryder, who slowly rose.