“What about Kiera? When will she know?”
“After Donald returns and sees what’s what, we’ll discuss informing Kiera. When you and I first met in the hospital after that horrible, unnecessary tragedy, you’ll remember I blamed Donald for Kiera’s behavior. He defended her too much and used his influence to get her out of trouble too often. It’s very true when they say you reap what you sow in this world. I’m not wholly without blame, but Kiera is more Donald’s daughter than mine, I’m afraid. She’s always been closer to him than to me.”
Not lately, I thought. She hadn’t been close to either of them. Maybe she sensed that her father was drifting away. Perhaps it never had occurred to her that he would be an adulterer, and that was why she blamed his attention to me for his diminished interest in her.
“I’ll let Donald lead the charge when it comes to explaining this to Kiera. But please try not to think of it all right now. Concentrate on building yourself back up. You have a wonderful future ahead of you, especially with your school grades. You have to decide on a college soon, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“There’s lots to think about and lots for both of us to do. Keeping busy is the best cure for sadness and disappointment.”
I looked at my watch. “I guess I had better get going,” I said, and rose.
“Call me if you need anything or decide you’d rather be home today, too. If you don’t feel like driving back . . .”
“I’ll be all right,” I said.
“Of course you will. Be careful,” she said.
She kissed me, and I started out. I picked up the books I had left the night before on the bench the way I always did and went out to my car.
I had eaten more than I had thought I would at breakfast. My reason for that was Mrs. Duval’s watchful eyes. The butterflies in my stomach flew up and into my throat, but I swallowed them back. Now that I was actually going, it was as if I hadn’t eaten a thing. My stomach felt hollow and empty. My body was so light that I thought I might float off. I forced myself to focus on everything I had to do and actually recited aloud the steps to starting my car and driving away as if I were taking my driver’s test again and there was a motor vehicle agent right beside me. I thought that if I kept saying everything aloud, I would keep myself from thinking about what lay ahead.
“Turn right. Turn left. Stop at the stop sign. Speed up. Slow down. Signal.”
Anyone overhearing me would think I had truly gone crazy. I tried not to look at anyone when I pulled into the parking lot and into my space. I kept my head down and my gaze low as I walked to the entrance. I was hoping to make it to my locker and then to homeroom before anyone approached me, but word that I had come to school was already being transmitted with the speed of a cell-phone call, especially to my classmates. Sydney and Jessica were waiting at my locker.
“How are you?” Sydney asked with the exaggeration of an amateur actor.
“Fine,” I said, not looking at her. I started to open my locker and stopped. I had nothing to take out and nothing to put in.
“We’ve all already met with the counselor Dr. Steiner brought in. Maybe they’ll bring her back for you,” Sydney said, clearly making the point that I was the one who would really need it.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Jessica said. “You just tell us if you need anything.”
“I need to be left alone,” I said, and walked to homeroom. I tried not to look at anyone else. My memories of the first day I had entered this school came surging back. There I was, limping my way from class to class, my face a portrait of terror for sure. I had not been in a formal school setting for some time, and despite the fiction Jordan had created for my biography, I still believed that anyone who looked at me saw nothing more than a street urchin.
I sucked in my breath, pressed my lips tightly together, and entered the homeroom, unable not to glance at Ryder’s empty desk. To my surprise, Shayne Peters was sitting at it. For a moment, the shock kept me from moving. He smiled at me. I glared at him and went to my desk. Jessica sat just across from me in homeroom.
“Why is Shayne in Ryder’s seat?” I asked her. She looked ecstatic because I was talking to her.
“We all got together yesterday and talked about what happened and about you. Everyone wants to try to do whatever he or she can to help you forget,” she said.
“Forget?”
She nodded.
I could just imagine what else they had planned. They wouldn’t let me be anywhere alone. To me, it was like being attacked by killer bees.
“I don’t want to forget him, Jessica. You don’t want to forget people you like just because something terrible happens to them. You don’t erase human beings as easily as you change songs on your iPod.”
Her eyes widened. I didn’t realize it, but I was raising my voice. It had stopped all conversations.
“That’s what everyone here is used to doing,” I continued. She had opened a door that had kept years of frustrations trapped. “Whenever something unpleasant happens, you buy something or something is bought for you.”
“Well, who wants to be unhappy?”
“No one wants to be unhappy, but no one should want anything and everything to be written off as just another bad hair day,” I snapped. I looked back at Shayne. “Tell everyone not to do me any favors.”
Homeroom began with the day’s announcements, and I stopped talking. My outburst had the desired effect. They all kept their distance. In a way, I was grateful that they had gathered to decide on this plan. It made me so angry that rage took the place of sorrow for most of the morning. I didn’t participate in class discussions, but I took notes and paid more attention than I had thought I would.
The only one I did talk to was Gary Stevens, the one Ryder had been comfortable talking to. I had always thought of Gary as a gentle, modest boy.
“I wish I had gotten to know him better,” he said. Then he smiled. “But once he became friendlier with you, I knew my chances were slim.”
That brought a smile to my face. “Save me a place at lunch,” I said.
His face lit up. “Sure will.”
Just before lunch, I went to my locker to put my morning-class textbooks away. I was feeling stronger and felt sure that I could not only get through the day but also get through the remainder of the school year. I would discuss my college choices with Dr. Steiner and, despite the turmoil that was soon to set in at the March household, concentrate on my future. I would never forget Ryder. I would never treat any of the loving moments we had had together as something I could easily replace.
I opened my locker and started to put my books on the top shelf, but there was something already there. I laid the books down on the floor of the locker and reached in to take out a shoe box. There was a note attached to the top of it. I tore it off, unfolded it, and read: “This one is for you.”
I opened the box and lifted out a small bottle with a delicate-looking sailboat inside it.
He had put it there before he started out to meet me, I realized.
It was so beautiful.
The sight of it brought my sorrow and shock back in waves. I just managed to put the bottle back in the box and the box back on the shelf before something inside me seemed to snap. It was as if my heart had cracked in two. My legs softened, and my eyes rolled back. It seemed to take me forever to hit the floor, but before I did, I was unconscious.
19
An Unwelcome Visitor
I awoke in the nurse’s office. She and Dr. Steiner were at my side. Mr. Huntington, whose classroom was right across the hall, had rushed to me first, picked me up in his arms, and carried me to the nurse’s office. Seeing them all standing there looking at me as our nurse, Mrs. Millstein, took my blood pressure confused me for a moment, because I didn’t realize that I had fainted. When she was finished, she looked up at Dr. Steiner.
“It’s fine,” she said. “Her pulse is okay, too.”
“What happened?” I asked. I felt
the cold cloth on my forehead.
“Apparently, you fainted, Sasha. I tried to reach Mrs. March, but she wasn’t at home and didn’t answer her cell phone. I did, however, reach Mr. March, and he’s on his way here.”
“Donald?”
“Excuse me?”
I closed my eyes. It was all coming back to me quickly. “What happened to the ship in the bottle?”
“Ship in the bottle?” Dr. Steiner asked, and looked at Mr. Huntington.
“I think it might be something in her locker. Should I go look?”
“Yes,” I said before Dr. Steiner could respond. “Please, Mr. Huntington.”
He smiled and headed out.
“Do you remember if you banged your head?” Mrs. Millstein asked, inspecting it and looking for some blood. “Does anything hurt you?”
“No. I feel funny, but nothing hurts.”
“Did you skip eating today? Yesterday?” she asked.
“I didn’t eat that much yesterday, but I ate breakfast this morning. Mrs. Duval wouldn’t let me out of the house otherwise,” I said.
Mrs. Millstein looked at Dr. Steiner and shrugged.
“Mr. March will probably take her to be examined. Perhaps you returned to school too soon,” she told me.
The expression on her face told me she knew all about Ryder Garfield and me.
“I think I’m all right,” I said, sitting up. I took off the cold compress, but for a moment, I was dizzy.
“Take it easy,” Mrs. Millstein said. “You’re not completely aware of what’s happening. It’s better you rest and do get checked out further.”
“There’s nothing physically wrong with me. I just . . . I was just surprised by what I found in my locker.”
“Surprises don’t cause us to faint, usually,” Mrs. Mill-stein said.
“This was different. This was . . .” I paused when Donald entered right beside Mr. Huntington, who was holding the ship in the bottle that Ryder had given me.
“How’s she doing?” Donald asked.
Mr. Huntington handed me the bottle. I clutched it tightly.
“Her blood pressure is good. So is her pulse, and she has no fever. I don’t see any injuries on her,” Mrs. Millstein said. “However, you should have her checked out further.”
“Will do,” Donald said. “As you know, she’s had quite an emotional shock,” he told Dr. Steiner. She nodded.
“I can take her out in the wheelchair,” Mrs. Millstein said.
“I can walk,” I said. I knew that would create quite a scene, just the sort of soap-opera drama the girls in my class fed on. My phone would be ringing off the hook again.
“Sure you can,” Donald said. “But we’d better let the nurse do it, okay, Sasha?”
Mrs. Millstein brought the wheelchair up to me before I could say anything else. She helped guide me into it, and then she started me out. I kept my ship in the bottle in my lap. Donald remained behind for a few moments to talk to Dr. Steiner. He caught up with us at the door to the parking lot. I didn’t look back or around, but I knew that many of the students were watching from classroom windows.
After I got into Donald’s car, he said he would send Alberto for mine. He sat there for a moment without doing anything. I thought for sure that he had found the divorce papers and evidence of his adulterous affairs and wondered if I knew what was happening.
“Luckily, I wasn’t far from the school when Dr. Steiner’s call came. What is that you’re holding?”
“Something Ryder Garfield made,” I said. “He left it in my locker. I didn’t know it was there until just now.”
“Oh? And you fainted when you saw it?”
“Yes.”
“That makes sense. I was surprised Jordan wasn’t found first,” he said. “I don’t know where she is,” he added, still not starting his engine. “But I was happy to be the one to come fetch you. I spoke to Dr. Battie on my way over here. We don’t have to take you to be checked out. He said you should take the sedatives he gave you that day and get some more rest. You returned too soon.”
“I’m all right,” I said. “I don’t need any pills.”
“Jordan will bawl me out if you don’t do what the doctor said.”
He started the car. Apparently, he had not been home yet and knew nothing of what was awaiting him. It was far more than being bawled out.
“You just close your eyes and relax, Sasha,” he told me as he pulled away. “Young people do take these things harder. I shouldn’t expect that just because you’ve been through a great deal more than the average girl your age, you’d be as tough as nails.”
I felt his hand on my thigh.
“You’re as soft and delicate as anyone your age, if not more so.”
He squeezed gently. I closed my eyes again and pretended to fall asleep. He was on the phone with his office during the trip most of the time, anyway. Apparently, he had called ahead to the house before he arrived at the school, because both Mrs. Duval and Mrs. Caro were waiting when we drove up, with very worried expressions on their faces.
“Is Jordan back yet?” he asked them immediately.
“No,” Mrs. Duval said. “I didn’t try to reach her. I thought you would. How is she?” she asked, nodding at me.
“She’ll be all right. Just get her up to her room and in bed. I’ll be there in a few minutes to give her the medicine our doctor prescribed for her,” he said. “Where’s Alberto?”
Mrs. Duval told him, and he went looking for him.
Mrs. Duval helped me up to my room and got me undressed and into bed. She brought me a glass of water, and I asked her to hand me the ship in the bottle.
“What is this?” she asked.
“It was a present from Ryder Garfield,” I said. “He had left it in my locker.”
She nodded. I didn’t have to explain any further. If this house had ears, one pair of them were hers and another pair were Mrs. Caro’s. I put it beside me in my bed. She left to look for Donald. He was up a few minutes later.
“Here are your pills,” he said, handing two of them to me.
“Two?”
“It’s what Dr. Battie prescribed after I explained what happened. Go on. You need to rest. Mrs. Duval will look in on you. I can’t believe Jordan hasn’t returned my call yet. I’ve got to get back to my company office for a few hours, but Mrs. Duval will look in on you.”
I took the pills, and then he stroked my hair and smiled down at me.
“Even like this, you look amazingly beautiful, Sasha. Just rest. You’ll be fine,” he said. “You sure you want to leave that bottle there? You might roll over on it or something.”
“I’m sure,” I said.
“Okay.”
I watched him leave and then closed my eyes. The pills were taking effect quickly. After another ten minutes or so, I felt light and comfortable and imagined Ryder lying there beside me. Like a genie, he came out of the bottle.
“Sorry about all this,” he said.
“It was a very selfish thing to do,” I told him.
“Yeah, well, I’ve been brought up by experts when it comes to that.”
“That’s no excuse, and you know it, Ryder. You’re better than they are.”
He was silent a moment. “Only when I’m with you,” he said.
“So?”
“They were sending me away. I wouldn’t have been with you.”
“We would have found a way.”
“Naw. It would have been too difficult. You’d have lost interest and found someone else. Besides, I stopped wishful thinking some time ago.”
“Well, I didn’t.”
He leaned over to look at me. “You’re different from any girl I ever met,” he said. “You deserve someone better than me, anyway. Don’t you worry. You’re going to be something.”
“I’m not thinking about me. I’m thinking about us.”
“There will still be us,” he said. “Just not in the here and now but someplace where no one can reach us or h
urt us anymore.”
“Where?”
“In the bottle. I’m on that ship waiting for you.”
He started to float back into the bottle.
“Stop it,” I said. “Ryder! Don’t!”
I must have been shouting for a while at the top of my voice, because my throat was aching when Jordan shook me and I opened my eyes.
“Sasha. What happened? Why are you screaming?”
“What?” I looked at the bottle.
“I’m sorry. I was in a meeting and didn’t pick up my messages until a half-hour ago. I came rushing home. What is it? What’s wrong? What were you yelling about?”
“He’s in the bottle,” I said.
“What? Who’s in the bottle?”
“Ryder.”
I closed my eyes again. She put her hand on my cheek. It felt cool and comforting. I smiled, and then, when I woke the next time, it was dark outside. There was just a small lamp on in my room. I groaned, and Jordan appeared, seemingly forming out of the shadows. She had been sleeping in a chair near my bed.
“How are you?” she asked.
“I don’t know.” I ran my hands down the sides of my body to see if I was all there. That’s how light and empty I felt.
“You have to eat something. I’ll have Mrs. Caro make some oatmeal for you and some tea and toast with jam. Do you remember what happened to you?”
I sat up and wiped my eyes. Images began to return, but they were so vague and distant I wasn’t sure when it all had occurred.
“How long have I been sleeping?” It felt as if it could have been days.
“Five or six hours, I think. Donald brought you home after you fainted at school, and apparently at Dr. Battie’s orders, he gave you sedatives. I spoke with Dr. Battie, and I also spoke with Dr. Steiner. She told me what happened. It’s all my fault. I should have insisted that you remain home longer.”
“Yes, Donald brought me home,” I said, more and more coming back to me.
She nodded. “He’s been in his office downstairs with the door locked ever since he came home from work. I suppose he’s been speaking with his attorney and trying to devise some sort of defense.” She smiled gleefully. “I’d like to be a fly on the wall in that office.”