“We are gonna do lots and lots of drinking …”
Now Holly was popping open the champagne, then the girls were knocking back shots in Boudoir, and eventually it showed Holly with the crooked tiara on her head, drinking out of a champagne bottle with a straw.
“We are gonna go clubbing …”
There was then a shot of the girls in Boudoir doing some very embarrassing moves on the dance floor. Sharon was shown next, speaking sincerely.
“But nothing too mad! We’re gonna be good girls tonight!”
The next scene showed the girls protesting wildly as they were escorted out of the club by three bouncers.
Holly’s jaw dropped open and she stared in shock over at Sharon, who was equally surprised. The men just laughed their hearts out and slapped Declan on the back, congratulating him for exposing their partners. Holly, Sharon, Denise, Abbey and even Ciara slithered down in their seats with humiliation.
What on earth had Declan done?
Eighteen
THERE WAS COMPLETE SILENCE IN the club as everyone stared at the screen in anticipation. Holly held her breath; she was nervous now about what was going to appear. Perhaps the girls would be reminded of what exactly they had all conveniently succeeded in forgetting about that night. The truth terrified her. After all, how drunk must they all have been to completely forget the events of that night? Unless somebody was lying, in which case they should be even more nervous right now. Holly looked around at the girls. They were all chewing on their fingernails. Holly crossed her fingers.
A new title appeared on the screen, “The Gifts.” “Open mine first,” shrieked Ciara from the television, thrusting her present toward Holly and shoving Sharon off the couch and onto the ground. Everyone in the club laughed while they watched Abbey dragging a horrified Sharon to her feet. Ciara left Daniel’s side and tiptoed over to the rest of the girls for security. Everyone oohed and aahed, as one by one Holly’s birthday presents were unveiled. A lump formed in Holly’s throat as Declan zoomed in on the two photographs on the mantelpiece while Sharon’s toast was made.
Once again a new title took over the screen, “Journey to the City,” and showed the girls scrambling over one another to get into the seven-seater taxi. It was obvious they were pretty pissed by now. Holly was shocked; she had actually thought she was quite sober at that stage. “Oh, John,” Holly moaned drunkenly to the taxi driver from the passenger seat, “I’m thirty today, can you believe it?”
John the taxi driver, who couldn’t give a flying flute what age she was, glanced over at her and laughed, “Sure you’re only a young one still, Holly.” His voice was low and gravelly. The camera zoomed in on Holly’s face and she cringed at the sight of herself. She looked so drunk, so sad.
“But what am I gonna do, John?” she whinged. “I’m thirty! I have no job, no husband, no children and I’m thirty! Did I tell you that?” she asked, leaning toward him. Behind her Sharon giggled. Holly thumped her.
In the background you could hear the girls all chattering excitedly to one another. Actually it sounded like they were talking over one another; it was hard to see how any type of conversation was going on.
“Ah, enjoy yourself tonight, Holly, don’t get caught up in silly emotions on your birthday. Worry about all that shite tomorrow, love.” John sounded so caring, Holly made a note to call him and thank him.
The camera stayed with Holly as she leaned her head against the window and remained silent, lost in thought for the rest of the journey. Holly couldn’t get over how lonely she looked. She didn’t like it. She looked around the room in embarrassment and caught Daniel’s eye. He winked at her in encouragement. Well, if she needed winks for encouragement, she thought, then everybody must have been thinking the same thing. She smiled weakly and turned back around to face the screen in time to see herself screaming to the girls on O’Connell Street.
“OK, girls. We are going to Boudoir tonight and no one is going to stop us from getting in, especially not any silly bouncers who think they own the place,” and she marched off in what she thought at the time was a straight line. All the girls cheered and followed after her.
The scene immediately jumped to the two bouncers outside Boudoir shaking their heads. “Not tonight, girls, sorry.”
Holly’s family howled with laughter.
“But you don’t understand,” Denise said calmly to the bouncers. “Do you not know who we are?”
“No,” they both said and stared over their heads, ignoring them.
“Huh!” Denise put her hands on her hips and pointed to Holly. “But this is the very, very extremely famous … em … Princess Holly from the royal family of … Finland.” On camera Holly frowned at Denise.
Her family once again howled with laughter. “You couldn’t write a script better than this,” Declan laughed.
“Oh, she’s royalty, is she?” the bouncer with a mustache smirked.
“Indeed she is,” Denise said seriously.
“Finland got a royal family, Paul?” Mustache Man turned to Paul.
“Don’t think so, boss,” was the reply.
Holly fixed the crooked tiara on her head and gave them both a royal wave. “You see?” Denise said, satisfied. “You men will be very embarrassed if you don’t let her in.”
“Supposing we let her in then, you’ll have to stay outside,” Mustache Man said and motioned for the people behind them in the queue to pass by and enter the club. Holly gave them a royal wave as they passed.
“Oh, no no no no,” Denise laughed. “You don’t understand. I am her … lady-in-waiting, so I need to be with her at all times.”
“Well then, you won’t mind waiting till she comes out at closing time then,” Paul smirked.
Tom, Jack and John all started laughing and Denise slithered down even further in her seat.
Finally Holly spoke. “Oh, one must have a drink. One is dreadfully thirsty.”
Paul and Mustache Man snorted and tried to keep a straight face while still staring over their heads.
“No, honestly, girls, not tonight, you need to be a member.”
“But I am a member of the royal family!” Holly said sternly. “Off with your heads!” she commanded, pointing at the both of them.
Denise quickly forced Holly’s arm down. “Honestly, the princess and I will be no trouble at all, just let us in for a few drinks,” she pleaded.
Mustache Man stared down at the two of them then raised his eyes to the sky. “All right then, go on in,” he said, stepping aside.
“God bless you,” Holly said, making the sign of the cross at them as she passed.
“What is she, a princess or a priest?” laughed Paul as she entered the club.
“She’s out of her mind,” laughed Mustache Man, “but it’s the best excuse I’ve heard while I’ve been on the job,” and the two of them sniggered. They regained their composure as Ciara and her entourage approached the door.
“Is it OK if my film crew follow me in?” Ciara said confidently in a brilliant Australian accent.
“Hold on while I check with the manager.” Paul turned his back and spoke into the walkie-talkie. “Yeah, that’s no problem, go ahead,” he said, holding the door open for her.
“That’s that Australian singer, isn’t it?” Mustache Man said to Paul.
“Yeah, good song that.”
“Tell the boys inside to keep an eye on the princess and her lady,” said Mustache Man. “We don’t want them bothering that singer with the pink hair.”
Holly’s father choked on his drink from laughing, and Elizabeth rubbed his back for him while giggling herself.
As Holly watched the image of the inside of Boudoir on the screen she remembered being disappointed by the club. There had always been a mystery as to what “Boudoir” looked like. The girls had read in a magazine that there was a water feature inside that Madonna had apparently jumped into one night. Holly had imagined a huge waterfall cascading down the wall of the club that continued
to flow in little bubbling streams all around the club while all the glamorous people sat around it and occasionally dipped their glasses into it to fill them with more champagne. But instead of her champagne waterfall, what Holly got was an oversized fish bowl in the center of the circular bar. What that had to do with anything she didn’t know. Her dreams were shattered. The room wasn’t as big as Holly thought it would be, and it was decorated in rich reds and gold. On the far side of the room was a huge gold curtain acting as a partition, which was blocked by another menacing-looking bouncer.
At the top of the room the main attraction was a massive king-size bed, which was tilted on a platform toward the rest of the club. On top of the gold silk sheets were two skinny models dressed in no more than gold body paint and tiny gold thongs. It was all a bit too tacky.
“Look at the size of those thongs!” gasped Denise in disgust. “I have a plaster on my baby finger bigger than those.”
Beside her in Club Diva, Tom chuckled and began to nibble on Denise’s baby finger. Holly looked away and returned her gaze to the screen.
“Good evening and welcome to the twelve o’clock news, I’m Sharon McCarthy.” Sharon stood in front of the camera with a bottle in her hand serving as a microphone, and Declan had angled the camera so that she could get Ireland’s famous newsreaders in the shot.
“Today on the thirtieth birthday of Princess Holly of Finland, her royal self and her lady-in-waiting finally succeeded in being granted access to the famous celebrity hangout Boudoir. Also present is Australian rock chick Ciara and her film crew and …” She held her finger to her ear as though she were receiving more information. “News just in, it appears that Ireland’s favorite newsreader Tony Walsh was seen smiling just moments ago. Here beside me I have a witness to the fact. Welcome, Denise.” Denise posed seductively at the camera. “Denise, tell me, where were you when this event was taking place?”
“Well, I was just over there beside his table when I saw it happening.” Denise sucked in her cheekbones and smiled at the camera.
“Can you explain to us what happened?”
“Well, I was just standing there minding my own business when Mr. Walsh took a sip of his drink and then shortly afterward he smiled.”
“Gosh, Denise, this is fascinating news. Are you sure it was a smile?”
“Well, it could have been trapped wind causing him to make a face, but others around me also thought it was a smile.”
“So there were others who witnessed this?”
“Yes, Princess Holly beside me here saw the whole thing.”
The camera panned across to Holly where she stood drinking from a champagne bottle with a straw. “So Holly, can you tell us, was it wind or a smile?”
Holly looked confused then rolled her eyes. “Oh wind, sorry, I think it’s this champagne that’s doing it to me.”
Club Diva erupted in laughter. Jack as usual laughed the loudest. Holly hid her face in shame.
“OK then …,” Sharon said, trying not to laugh. “So you heard it here first. The night when Ireland’s grimmest presenter was seen smiling. Back to you at the studio.” Sharon’s smile faded as she looked up and saw Tony Walsh standing beside her, not surprisingly without a smile on his face.
Sharon gulped and said, “Good evening,” and the camera was switched off. Everyone in the club was laughing at this stage, including the girls. Holly was finding the whole thing just so ridiculous that she had to laugh.
The camera was switched back on and this time it was focused on the mirror in the ladies’ toilet. Declan was filming from outside through a slit in the doorway and Denise and Sharon’s reflections were clearly visible.
“I was only having a laugh,” Sharon huffed, fixing her lipstick.
“Don’t mind the miserable sod, Sharon, he just doesn’t want the camera in his face all night, especially on his night off. I can understand that.”
“Oh, you’re on his side, I suppose,” Sharon said grumpily.
“Ah shut up, you moany old whore,” Denise snapped.
“Where’s Holly?” Sharon asked, changing the subject.
“Don’t know, last time I saw her she was doing a few funky moves on the dance floor,” said Denise. The two of them looked at each other and laughed.
“Ah … our poor little Disco Diva,” said Sharon sadly. “I hope she finds someone gorgeous out there tonight and snogs the face off him.”
“Yeah,” agreed Denise. “Come on then, let’s go find her a man,” she said, putting her makeup back in her bag.
Just after the girls left the toilet another toilet flushed from the cubicle. The door opened and out stepped Holly. Holly’s big smile faded quickly when she saw her face on the screen. Through the crack in the door you could see Holly’s reflection in the mirror; her eyes were red from crying. She blew her nose and stared miserably at herself in the mirror for a while. She took a deep breath and opened the door and carried on downstairs to her friends. Holly hadn’t remembered crying that night; in fact, she thought she had gotten through it very well. She rubbed her face while she worried about what else was coming up next that she couldn’t remember.
Finally the scene changed and the words “Operation Gold Curtain” came up. Denise screamed, “Oh my God, Declan, you bastard!” very loudly and rushed off to the toilet to hide.
She had obviously remembered something.
Declan chuckled and lit himself another cigarette.
“OK, girls,” Denise was announcing. “It is now time for Operation Gold Curtain.”
“Huh?” Sharon and Holly announced groggily from the couch where they had collapsed in a drunken stupor.
“Operation Gold Curtain,” Denise exclaimed excitedly, trying to drag them to their feet. “It’s time to infiltrate the VIP bar!”
“You mean this isn’t it?” Sharon said sarcastically, looking around the club.
“No! That’s where the real celebs go!” Denise said excitedly, pointing at the gold curtain, which was blocked by possibly the biggest and tallest man on the planet.
“I don’t really care where the celebs are, to be honest, Denise,” piped up Holly. “I’m fine here where I am,” and she snuggled into the cozy couch.
Denise groaned and rolled her eyes. “Girls! Abbey and Ciara are in there, why aren’t we?”
Jack looked curiously across at his girlfriend. Abbey shrugged her shoulders weakly and held her face in her hand. None of this was jogging anybody’s memory except of course Denise’s, and she had fled the room. Jack’s smile suddenly faded and he slid down in his chair and crossed his arms. It was obviously all right for his sister to act the fool but his girlfriend was a different matter. Jack placed his feet up on the chair in front of him and quieted down for the rest of the documentary.
Once Sharon and Holly had heard that Abbey and Ciara were in the room, they sat up attentively and listened to Denise’s plan. “OK, girlies, here’s what we’re gonna do!”
Holly turned away from the screen and nudged Sharon. Holly couldn’t remember doing or saying any of these things at all; she was beginning to think Declan had hired look-alike actors as a horrible practical joke. Sharon turned to face her with wide worried eyes and shrugged. Nope, she wasn’t there that night either. The camera followed the three girls as they very suspiciously approached the gold curtain and loitered around like idiots. Sharon finally built up the courage to tap the giant on the shoulder, causing him to turn around and provide Denise with enough time to escape under the curtain. She got down on her hands and knees and stuck her head through to the VIP bar while her bum and legs stuck out from the other side of the curtain.
Holly kicked her in the bum to hurry her along.
“I can see them!” Denise hissed loudly. “Oh my God! They’re speaking to that Hollywood actor guy!” She took her head back out from under the curtain and looked at Holly with excitement. Unfortunately, Sharon was running out of things to say to the giant bouncer and he turned his head just in time to catch Denise
.
“No no no no no!” Denise said calmly again. “You don’t understand! This is Princess Holly of Sweden!”
“Finland,” Sharon corrected her.
“Sorry, Finland,” Denise said, remaining on her knees. “I am bowing to her. Join me!”
Sharon quickly got on her knees and the two of them began to worship Holly’s feet. Holly looked around awkwardly as everyone in the club began to stare, and she once again gave them the royal wave. Nobody seemed very impressed.
“Oh Holly!” her mother said, trying to catch her breath after laughing so hard.
The big burly bouncer turned his back and spoke into his walkie-talkie. “Boys, got a situation with the princess and the lady.”
Denise looked at both the girls in panic and mouthed, “Hide!” The girls jumped to their feet and fled. The camera searched through the crowds for the girls but couldn’t find them.
From her seat in Club Diva, Holly groaned loudly and held her head in her hands as it finally clicked with her what was about to happen.
Nineteen
PAUL AND MUSTACHE MAN RUSHED upstairs to the club and met up at the gold curtain with the very big man. “What’s going on?” Mustache Man asked him.
“Those girls you told me to keep my eye on tried to crawl through to the other side,” the big man said seriously. You could tell by looking at him that his previous job involved killing people if they tried to crawl over to the other side. He was taking this breach of security very seriously.
“Where are they?” Mustache Man asked.
The big man cleared his throat and looked away. “They’re hiding, boss.”
Mustache Man rolled his eyes. “They’re hiding?”
“Yes, boss.”
“Where? In the club?”
“I think so, boss.”
“You think so?”
“Well, they didn’t pass us on our way in, so they must still be here,” Paul piped up.