Mr. Sullner retrieved a syringe and brought it over to me. I groaned when the needle pierced my skin. It felt as though there was acid in my veins and the seeping portion of my blood was drawing it from hiding, circulating it throughout my body. When the needle was removed and pressure applied, the pain abated.
His equipment put away, Mr. Sullner stood looking at me. He didn’t have to say anything. His eyes expressed his sympathy for me. And his inability to ease my suffering. I tried to convey my thanks for his gesture without words.
*****
Chapter 8
Agony awoke me. My body was burning from the inside out. I was soaked and shivering. My eyes saw nothing but distorted versions of the images before them so I closed them again. A sudden hot sting on my arm caused me to cry out.
After what seemed like a lifetime, the pain eased somewhat. I was able to open my eyes to the blurred reality of my surroundings.
“Does that help?” Mr. Sullner asked, standing over me with an empty syringe in one hand.
I managed a jerky nod.
Mr. Sullner pulled up a chair next to the bed and sat down, watching me closely. He folded his hands between his knees in a lecturing pose.
“The blood test had remarkable results,” he said as if I cared to know. “The vampiric venom works somewhat like that of a funnel web spider – only exceptionally more potent and slower-acting. It's unlike anything I have ever encountered before.
“Your white cell count its very high. Your immune system is trying to counteract the toxin, but it is failing. The poison is breaking your defenses as though they were nonexistent.”
I stared at him. Mr. Sullner was terminally analytical. At present, his zeal irritated me to no end. I have never had a very short temper, but my patience was stretched to it's overtaxed limit with his calm intrigue due to the amount of pain I was in.
“What does that mean?” I hissed behind gritted teeth.
“That means,” he explained calmly, “that the toxin will spread throughout your body destroying everything and eventually resulting in the complete shut-down of all major organs. In layman’s terms, Adam, you're dying.”
The last word was spoken with such subtle emotion that I felt ashamed. I had never witnessed Mr. Sullner become emotional about anything. The sadness he now emanated seemed too private for me.
I let my gaze drop from his. “How long?” I whispered in the silence.
Mr. Sullner drew a deep breath, let it out and continued in his same indifferent tone. “It's difficult to say. When you account for mass and level of activity, plus the damage already done...Well, you could be looking at another week.”
I sighed loudly imagining seven days of suffering.
“The morphine seems to be helping,” Mr. Sullner offered hopefully.
I nodded, not wanting to tell him that it was already wearing off. I was acutely aware of the fire building up inside me rendering the drug useless.
I refused to speak anymore and eventually fell into a restless sleep. I could still feel the heat and low drumming of my heart spreading death inside me as my subconscious mind played out horrors in forgettable complexities.
Mr. Sullner was standing over me shining a pinpoint of bright light in the eye he held open.
“You're jaundiced,” he said from miles away.
I snapped back to the dull pain and realized he must have given me some more morphine. It occurred to me that I could overdose before the venom had a chance to finish it's work.
“Your liver is failing,” Mr. Sullner stated. His hand felt unbelievably hot against my skin.
I closed my eyes.
The next time they opened the pain was immense. I gasped for air but couldn't get enough. I was shaking violently. My head throbbed and my vision was off. My heart was pounding fiercely in some vain attempt to prolong my existence.
I sensed Mr. Sullner's presence and croaked “Morphine” in a shaky, hoarse whisper.
“I'm sorry, Adam. I ran out this morning.”
I succumbed to the pain and prayed for it to be over soon.
I don't know how much longer I lay in that dank, mildewy cellar before I finally died. I had no sense of time. There was nothing to concentrate on. Nothing to take my mind from my suffering. My memories of then are foggy. Much like a mother forgets the pain of childbirth, I have managed to forget my own death. All I can say is that there was nothing from the time my eyes went dark until they reopened fifteen minutes later. That was on May 10th, 1935 – six days after my encounter with Helena.
*****
I remained in New York at Tom's family estate for about five months after my transformation. Most of that time was spent in the cellar reading or testing my new abilities. I was nearly as fascinated by my vampire self as Mr. Sullner was.
I managed to break the chains holding me two days after my change. I had yet to sleep and was not tired. I sit idly tugging the links to see how much stress they could take when they snapped. I was amused to find such boundless limits to my new strength. Mr. Sullner, however, rightly viewed me as a threat and kindly ask that I remain confined to the basement. I agreed, perfectly aware of the havoc I could wreak if I chose.
It took me all of those five months to achieve what could be viewed as a harness on my blood lust. I still do not always control myself as I should, but it is much easier now than it was in the beginning. It took every ounce of what humanity was still in me to keep myself from ripping Mr. Sullner's throat out when he would bring me reading material or make one of his daily visits. He rarely stepped over the threshold of my cell the first week, but that would not have stopped me if my willpower were less – or if he had not provided me with victims every day.
I still remember my first victim. Peggy Frost. A streetwalker that would not be missed. She had dyed blond hair cut in a bob and wore a tight satin dress that swished when she walked into my lair. I was still chained and she asked why.
“I'm dangerous,” I told her.
Peggy foolishly smiled at me and sat down on the bed next to me. She smelled of cheap perfume and cigars. But there was another smell – sweet and revitalizing – that appealed to me and made my throat burn with thirst. My mouth tasted like it was full of pennies when she leaned toward me in a provocative way.
“You don't look dangerous,” she said and I grinned. “You got a name?”
I am not sure why I lied to her about my name. I had not yet seen my obituary in the weekly paper at that time. Nevertheless, I told her my name was Ben.
“I'm Peggy,” she told me scooting closer. “But you can call me whatever you want.”
Peggy leaned over to kiss me. I turned my mouth away from her. She laughed playfully and put her slender arms around my neck.
“It's okay, Ben,” she said the name as if she disbelieved its authenticity. “I don't bite.”
I put my face close to hers. Her aroma was enticing me in a way no humanly food ever had. Peggy was beautiful and I could have loved her in life. Yet all she was to me now was a carrier for what I craved. The irony was not lost on me and I allowed myself a minute to feel sad for her. Then I remembered I was a predator and my new instincts took over.
“I do,” I said before sinking my incredibly sharp teeth into her neck.
Peggy made only a shocked moan as her warm life essence filled my mouth. I drink until the gush turned to a trickle and Peggy fell slack in my arms. I pulled back with her blood on my lips. I felt a drop ooze down my chin and wiped it away.
I looked around with remarkably clear vision. My senses were assaulted by sights, sounds, smells, and feelings. I had never felt more alive.
I looked down at Peggy's slight form crumpled in my lap. I could hear the slow, quiet efforts of her heart giving up.
ba-bomp.......ba-bomp.....ba-b-
I heard it no more.
I still remember the way she smelled, the way she looked, the way she moved, and the way she tasted. She was my first kill.
I will n
ever forget Peggy Frost.
*****
Chapter 9
It was day forty-six and I had not slept in all that time. I spent most nights either reading, staring at the ceiling or at my mother's picture, or pacing the first floor while everyone else slept. Mr. Sullner had allowed me to go to the living area a few times since I had yet to pose any real danger to the inhabitants of the house.
That night, I was in the midst of War and Peace when I heard raised voices drift to me from the upper rooms. I recognized them as belonging to Mr. Sullner and Catherine, Tom's unwed sister to whom the house actually belonged.
“He's not one of your experiments, Robert,” Catherine was saying. “He is still a living, thinking being.”
I stopped reading and listened as they continued to talk about me. I had never really met Catherine and I wondered what cause she had to defend me.
“He's also very dangerous, Catherine,” Mr. Sullner stated in his reasoning tone. “He must be kept at bay.”
“You mean like a prisoner?” I could hear the indignation in her voice. I was awed to hear someone talk to Mr. Sullner in such an informal and familiar way.
“What would you have me do? Let him roam the streets, killing at will?”
I heard a loud bang as something – a book by the sound of it – was dropped on the table.
“There has to be enough conscience left in Adam to learn control otherwise he would have killed us all a month ago. He doesn't like this, Robert. And if you bothered to looked at him any other way than logically, you would see that. You have never paid any attention to him.”
I was astounded to hear Catherine say that. Not because it wasn't true, but because it was. I had yearned for Mr. Sullner's attentions since he had brought me to New York. Yet he had always kept me at arm's length.
Catherine was also right about my dislike of my current circumstances. I was beginning to hate what I had become and wondered if there were any other way to live. I loathed killing. But I had yet to master my control over my hunger. It was difficult to stop. And the few times I had tried, my victims were so horrified I killed them just to get them to stop screaming.
The debate upstairs continued as Mr. Sullner defended his care taking abilities.
“I have given him everything I have to give. I have provided for him amply-”
Catherine cut him off sharply. “Have you ever once considered how Adam thinks of you? He loves you like a father and you have never treated him like a son.” A pause then quietly, “He's not Nicholas.”
The next words Mr. Sullner spoke were laced with anger. “Do not speak to me of my brother.”
“I will speak of who I choose in my house. Nicholas may not have been the scientist you are, but he was a wonderful friend. You would do well to be more like him.”
The discussion ended and I heard footsteps retreating to the second floor.
I lay still, thinking of what I had heard. I had never known of Nicholas Sullner before that time. Mr. Sullner had never mentioned any of his family to me. I wondered what all the missing pieces were.
*****
A few days later Mr. Sullner allowed me to begin taking short walks around the grounds of the small country home. It was a beautiful place to be in the summer. Catherine had large beds in the fenced back yard featuring many types of flowers. There were hollyhocks, begonias, azaleas, marigolds and morning glories. The hypnotic aroma and mesmerizing rainbow of colors tantalized my keen senses.
Underneath, I caught a familiar scent and followed it. I found Catherine knelt in the dirt turning the soil of a large group of begonias. I had become light-footed which was advantageous for sneaking up on people, but I didn't consider that when I call out her name.
Catherine jumped and turned with surprising speed for someone her age. She put her hand to her heart and sighed loudly when she saw me. She was a small woman and must have been lovely in her youth. Even with the streaks of gray in her auburn hair and the lines on her face, Catherine Langfield had class.
“Great balls of fire, Adam,” she spat. “You scared ten years out of me. And at my age I don't have ten years to spare.”
“I'm sorry, ma'am,” I said helping her to her feet. The smell of the fresh blood coursing throughout her body caused my mouth to fill with molten copper. I fought to control my desire.
“Drop the formality,” she chided. “Call me Catherine. Are you enjoying your walk?”
I smiled. “Yes. Your garden is beautiful.”
Catherine surveyed the flowers with a trained eye. The warm breeze whipped a lock of hair in her face. She brushed it away with a dirty hand leaving a streak on her face. “Not for long. The days are getting hotter.”
“Catherine, can I ask you something?”
She shrugged. “Shoot.”
I tried to gently coerce her into a conversation that might not be appropriate. “The other night, I heard....”
I stopped as she got a knowing smile on her face. “You heard that, huh?”
I nodded. “I wasn't trying to.”
Catherine tossed the spade on the ground and wiped her hands on her dress. She put a hand on my shoulder and led me through the yard. I walked while looking at her. She was nothing like Tom. Where Tom was refined and tactful, Catherine was brash and stubborn. It was hard for me to believe they were siblings.
“You want to know about Nicholas?” I nodded. “Nicholas was young and full of life. He cared about everyone. He was never a scholar, no matter how hard Robert tried to make him one. But he loved his brother more than anything. Nicholas sought his approval in everything he did. Robert never gave his approval to much of anybody though.”
Catherine's face changed with emotions of memories long past. She got a light in her eyes when she spoke of Nicholas and I realized that she had loved him. It made me miss Allison, even though I had barely thought of her in the last two months.
“What happened to him?” I asked softly.
Her eyes grew sad. She looked at me hard. “Nicholas never gave up hope on anybody. He thought he could change the world.”
Catherine became serious. “Adam, you do know that if Lucian believes you are still alive, he will kill you. Don't you?”
I nodded and so did she.
That was as far as our conversation went. As I reflected on it I was able to fit the pieces together and come to the conclusion about Nicholas Sullner's fate. It was clear how Mr. Sullner knew so much and why he was so adamant about my self-control. It really was a small world. I discovered just how small a few weeks later.
*****
I was on the floor in the sitting room with a copy of the Bible, reading. It was Catherine's idea. She said it was the one book where I could find the answers to all life's questions. I had laughed, but she said if I looked hard enough, I would find what I was seeking: the ability to stop killing.
So I read. Everyday. Then I reread.
Something was helping. I was able to sate my lust before draining my victims and even find ways to help them remain calm in the face of their fears. It was a monumental achievement for me. I had not killed in two weeks and I was growing accustomed to the mild hunger that I was left with from only a pint or two of blood.
Catherine also prayed with me daily. I asked her if it were not a contradiction in terms to be a Christian vampire. She smiled and said everyone has a vice. And God is merciful.
I was reading the book of Matthew for the third time when I heard Mr. Sullner let out a quiet exclamation of surprise. I looked up at him. He was sitting in the chair nearest me reading the paper. He saw me and held it out.
I took the paper and scanned it wondering what I was looking for. I gasped when I saw it. It was under the Wedding Announcements, fourth from the top. Terrence V. Groves to Allison M. Hollman.
I did the only thing I could think of to do. I laughed.
Catherine, knitting in the corner, and Mr. Sullner stared at me. I could not stop laughing. I found it incredibl
y funny that the same paper that announced my engagement to Allison six months ago now proclaimed her marriage to my best friend.
Catherine came over and took the paper from me and examined it. “I don't see what's so funny, Adam.”
My hysterics lessened. I pointed it out to her and explained the situation. She eyed me carefully.
“They think you are dead, Adam,” Mr. Sullner told me.
I sat back down on the floor and leaned against the wall. I bent one leg and propped my elbow on my knee. I still had a large grin on my face.
“I don't blame them,” I chortled. “I wish them all the happiness in the world.”
“How very noble of you,” Catherine said. She folded the paper and handed it back to Mr. Sullner, then went back to her knitting.
Mr. Sullner watched me from the corner of his eye. “Nobility can only be taken at face value,” he said coolly. “Why should a man care who a woman chooses if he does not love her.”
I stopped smiling, but found no cause for argument. I did not love Allison, not wholly. I only engaged her because it was what was expected of us.
That night I could not abate my hunger and killed a poor girl named Elena. I relished the feel of power that her life gave me.
Later, Catherine prayed with me for forgiveness.
*****
Chapter 10
It was nearing October when I went to London with Mr. Sullner under the alias Benjamin Moore. I was sorry to leave Catherine. She was a good friend and I was fond of her. However, I couldn't help feeling gladdened by finally getting to travel overseas.
It was my first time riding an airplane. The height gave me a pleasant sensation of queasiness. I sat by the window staring at the passing landscape with wonder, my hand in my coat pocket caressing the trinket Catherine had given me before parting, a gold pocket watch that had belonged to Nicholas Sullner.
I had told Catherine I could not possibly accept such a gift, but she insisted.
“Take it,” she begged, closing my hand around the watch. “As a reminder that there is good in everyone.”