CHAPTER X.--"KINGS AND QUEENS GALORE."
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URRYING back to the Palace Boy found a great crowd of people on thesteps at the principal entrance--most of them carried bundles andparcels, and some even had articles of furniture on their heads.
"Why, whatever is happening now?" he thought, and on inquiry hefound that these were some of the newly elected Kings coming to takepossession of the Palace.
King Caesar Maximilian Augustus Claudius Smith (now called King SmithI.), whose crown had not yet arrived, had ingeniously contrived atemporary one of alternate silver forks and spoons stuck in the bandof his hat, and, with a velvet pile table-cloth from one of thedrawing-room tables thrown over his shoulder, looked quite imposing ashe stood at the door and explained to the people that he was now as mucha King as the rest of them, and intended to keep the Palace for himself.
"_You_ may come in, though," he said, catching sight of Boy, and as soonas he had entered, King Smith I. closed and bolted the door, and theother disappointed Kings had to carry their bundles and parcels homeagain.
"How do you like being a King, Your Majesty?" asked King Smith I.pleasantly, when they had reached one of the state apartments in whichhe had established himself.
"Well, I don't know," laughed Boy, "I don't feel any different atpresent."
"Ah! that's because you haven't a crown and sceptre, Your Majesty;we must see what we can find for you. You are sure to be treated withdisrespect if you don't maintain your kingly dignity. The late Lord HighAdjudicator, who is now King Joshua Dobbs, seized the regalia as soonas he knew that he was elected King, and so the rest of us will haveto make shift with such crowns and things as we can manufacture forourselves. Now let's see. What can we make you a crown out of? Oh!I know. There are some packets of tea downstairs with some beautifulsilver paper around them; suppose we make you a crown of that, and twistsome around a stick for a sceptre."
So with some paste and cardboard and this silver paper, which KingSmith I. brought up from downstairs, they soon made quite arespectable-looking crown, and particularly as King Smith I. had foundsome fancy buttons, which he fastened into it, to look like jewels.Another small table-cloth, pinned to Boy's shoulders for a cloak,completed his costume, and he felt quite proud of his appearance when hesaw his reflection in the looking-glass at the end of the room.
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"Will there be any meeting in the House of Words to-day?" asked Boy,"and if so who will sit on the Throne? I expect there will be a rarescramble for it, won't there?"
King Smith I. laughed. "The Busybody Extraordinary," he said, "tookpossession of it immediately he heard that he had been elected Kingand won't leave it on any consideration whatever. He has sat in it eversince the Election and at first declared that he would carry it aboutwith him wherever he went, and when he found that it was too heavy tomove, he sent for his wife and family, and they have taken up theirresidence on the dais on which it is placed, and intend to remain there.The First Lord of the Cash Box has the best of it, though, for he hasall the money--he absolutely refuses to part with a penny; and althoughI tried to persuade him that I ought to have an allowance made me as Iwas now a King, he wouldn't see it He said that if he made every one whowas elected an allowance he would have no money left for himself."
"What time do we dine to-day?" asked Boy, who began to feel ratherhungry.
"Well, you see," explained King Smith, "all the other servants haveleft, and I expect we shall have to manage for ourselves; fortunatelythere is plenty of food in the larder, but who's to set the table? Idon't think, now that I am a King, I ought to have to do that sort ofthing, you know."
"Oh! I don't mind helping to set the table," suggested Boy, "if you willshow me where the things are."
"Very well, Your Majesty," said King Smith I.; "one King is as good asanother, and if you don't mind helping we will soon have a nice littledinner party all to ourselves."
So Boy and he went down into the great empty kitchens, and brought upplates and dishes and laid them in great state in the Banqueting Hall,and with the pies and pasties which they found in the pantry they hadquite a feast.
After they had enjoyed their dinner, King Smith I. washed the dishes,and Boy wiped them and put them away, and then he thought that he wouldlike to stroll into the town and see what was going on. He found thestreets full of Kings and Queens dressed with the most ridiculousattempts at royal grandeur; the Queens wore long court trains made oftable-cloths and window-curtains, and any other old finery that theycould scrape together at such short notice, while the Kings did theirbest to appear grand with such odds and ends as were left.
Dish-covers and fireirons were very fashionable substitutes for crownsand sceptres, which, of course, were necessary for everybody.
Boy's crown of tinsel paper was evidently much admired, and many of theKings and Queens cast envious glances at it as he walked through thestreets. On the whole, though, they all seemed pretty well satisfiedwith themselves, and treated each other with a considerable amount ofhauteur.
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Boy called in at the House of Words just out of curiosity to see theBusybody Extraordinary, and found him, looking very dignified indeed,seated on the great gilded throne at one end of the Hall; the effectwas rather marred, though, by the dais being littered with all kinds ofhousehold furniture which had been hastily brought across from his oldhome. Her Majesty the Queen, his wife, was busy making up a bed for thebaby on one of the lower steps, and the Princess, his daughter, andthe Crown Prince, his son, were squabbling as to who should wash up thedinner plates in a tin pail at the back of the throne.
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They received Boy in great state, however, for when they perceived himcoming towards them the King arose and the Queen and the Prince andPrincess formed a group around him, with their noses in the air in avery superior style, and the Queen informed Boy that "he might kiss herhand if he wished."
Boy, however, said, "it didn't matter, thank you, and he had only calledto see how they liked living on the dais."
"Oh, of course," said the King with a grand air, "it's only for a veryshort time--until I have an opportunity of re-organising my Kingdom.It's rather awkward, at present, you see, there being so many otherKings and Queens about."
"Yes, I should think so," laughed Boy.
The King got down from the throne, and coming close to Boy, whispered inhis ear,--
"Would you mind calling me 'Your Majesty' when you speak to me, please?"and then went back to his throne again.
"What nonsense!" replied Boy. "I can't keep addressing everybody as'Your Majesty,' you know, and, besides, I'm as much of a King as youare."
The Queen looked very severe.
"What shall we do about it, my dear?" asked the King anxiously.
"Send him to the deepest dungeon beneath the Castle Moat," replied theQueen, waving her hand tragically.
"Yes, we shall really have to do something of that sort, if you don'ttreat us with proper respect," remarked the King warningly.
"What rubbish!" laughed Boy. "Why, you haven't got a castle moat, ora dungeon either," and he walked away while the King sat down on thethrone with a great air of offended dignity, and the rest of the Royalfamily resumed their domestic duties.
Out in the town Boy found all the shops closed; for, you see, none ofthe Kings and Queens would think of working, and so everything was at astandstill.
After hunting about for a little time Boy found the house where theAdvertiser General had lived, and thought he would call on him. He foundhim seated at one end of the long studio while the Public Rhymester satat the other; they had each arranged a chair on the top of a table tolook something like a throne, and the Advertiser General had really madea very regal-looking cloak out of a large piece of calico, by paintingone side red and drawing little black tails on the other to look likeermine. They seemed very miserable, though, and explained to Boy thatthey had not been able to get anything to eat.
"We went out a l
ittle while ago," complained the Advertiser General,"but His Majesty the butcher was most rude when I commanded him to sendme some meat for dinner, and Her Majesty his wife asked me if I knew whoI was talking to?'
"It was just the same with His Majesty the grocer. He was seated instate on a sugar-barrel at one end of his shop, which he now calls thePalace, and would no more think of serving me with a pound of tea thanif he had been the Emperor of China himself."
"I'm sure I don't know what will become of us," chimed in the PublicRhymester. "I am thinking of emigrating and letting myself out on hireat people's houses in some country where Kings and Queens are not quiteso plentiful as they are here. I have drawn up a little Prospectus. Youmight like to see it, and if you could recommend me to a good familywhere they know how to treat a King properly I should be much obliged,"and the late Public Rhymester handed Boy the following:--
HIS MAJESTY THE KING OF ZUM
ATTENDS PARTIES AT MOST DISTANCE NO OBJECT
REASONABLE TERMS. DISTANCE NO OBJECT.
``"Oh! kings are plentiful to-day;
``And if you want one, step this way,
```My modest terms to hear.
``You hire me by the day or week,
``Eightpence an hour is all I seek,
```My washing and my beer
``"Suburban dinner parties, hops,
```The Opera and 'Monday Pops'--````Why, I'm the very man.
``You really seldom have the chance
``Your social status to advance
```By such an easy plan.=
``"Just think how Smith and Jones will stare,
``And Robinson and Brown will glare,
```If to your house they come,
``And you with easy, careless grace
``Can introduce us face to face,
```My friend the King of Zum.'=
``"And then when nobody's about
``There's heaps of little things, no doubt,
```That I could find to do.
``It's seldom that you find a King
``So handy about everything,
```And yet so regal too.=
``"When in my Royal Robes I'm drest,
``I'll be most gracious to each guest,
```Attending your 'At Home.'
``And when they've gone I will not scorn
``To mend your children's clothes, if torn,
```Or hair to brush and comb.=
``"You give a Dinner--just so--look--
``I'll help the Footman--Butler--Cook,
```Before the guests arrive.
``In fact, I humbly claim to be,
``Without the slightest question, _the_
```Most useful King alive."=
"Can you suggest any improvement?" he asked when Boy had finishedreading the Prospectus.
"No," replied he, "I think it reads very well indeed, and I hope thatyou will soon get an engagement."
"I intend going into trade," remarked the late Advertiser General fromthe throne at the other end of the room. "So many of the nobility nowopen shops that I don't see why Kings should not do so too. I intendto establish some Stores at Zum, and call it the 'Royal Service SupplyAssociation for providing Kings and Queens and other members of Royalfamilies with the necessaries of life!' You see something of the kindmust be done or we shall all starve."
"Yes, I think that is a capital idea," said Boy. "I will ask King SmithI. to deal with you when I get back to the Palace; but I must be goingnow. Good-afternoon, Your Majesties," and Boy bowed politely, and wasjust going out of the door when he heard both of the Kings hurriedlyscrambling down from their thrones. He waited to see what they wanted,and when they reached him, each King caught hold of one of his arms, andwhispered in his ear,--
"Would you mind inviting me home to tea?"
"Oh! certainly, come by all means, if you like," said Boy, rememberingthat there were lots of things left in the larder.
"Thank you awfully," said the Advertiser King.
"Much obliged," echoed the other, and hurrying down the stairs and outinto the street the three Kings went arm-in-arm to the Palace.