Garrick
BLISS STOOD FRAMED in the bathroom door, and I was at a loss for how to act. I had no idea how things had gone with my mum or afterward. All I knew was that she was quiet. Too quiet. And as much as I didn’t want her to be feeling ill, I hoped that that’s all it was about.
“How are you feeling?”
She crossed her arms over her stomach and said, “Okay. I think it was just . . . a long day. And it got to me. I’m fine now.”
“And my mother?”
“Should be a Disney villain.”
I exhaled a laugh. Even sick and stressed she was . . . remarkable.
“But that was okay, too?”
After a torturous moment, she nodded. “I think so. We came to an understanding.” That sounded ominous. “She invited me to lunch the day after tomorrow.”
My eyebrows shot up.
“That means it went more than okay. It went well.”
A small smile blossomed across her face. What was that science theory? Every action has an equal and opposite reaction? Seeing her smile lightened me. She anchored my thoughts, recentered my focus, balanced my life. And I needed that . . . desperately. Being back here . . . it was strange. I was struggling to walk that line between being polite and friendly, and falling back into my old ways.
“Now about these exes . . .”
Speaking of old ways.
“Exes?”
“Oh yes. Rowland estimated there were about ten in attendance.”
Goddamn it, Rowland.
I closed my eyes to resist the urge to go downstairs and mangle him.
“I’m sure he was exaggerating.”
The arms crossed over her stomach raised to cross over her chest, and she looked so deliciously bossy. Couldn’t we just skip this part and get on to what we’d planned earlier?
“Do you have that many exes here in London?”
I wracked my brain for a way that this conversation wouldn’t be disastrous.
“I don’t know that exes is the right word.”
“So they weren’t all relationships? What . . . just sex?”
I grimaced. Guess we were cutting to the chase then. I didn’t so much like this bold side of her when it was directed at me.
“Bliss . . . I was a right prick when I lived here. You would have hated me. My parents were not so good at the parenting aspect of life. They gave me money and a long leash, and like a stupid teenage boy, I took advantage of it. Often. Things are so beyond different now that that feels like a different life. A different person. And it was, really. When I left London, it was a rude awakening to live life outside this bubble of money and influence and tradition. But it was good for me. I grew up. I found something I really love, which led to finding someone I really love. If there were girls from my past here tonight, I didn’t notice them. They don’t matter. Nothing about this place matters at all in comparison to you.”
She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, surveying me. There was just a hint of a tear shining in the corner of her eyes, then she closed her eyes and shook her head. “It’s impossible to be mad at you. This is setting a dangerous precedent for our relationship.”
That was a good sign.
I stepped forward and settled my hands on her hips. “I like that precedent.”
Her hands came up to my chest. “I know where you get it from. Your charm. Your father joins you and James Bond as a smooth-talking Englishman. He was really nice about the vase thing.”
I groaned. “He is a smooth talker, yes. But don’t let him fool you. He’s not nearly as nice as he pretends to be.”
She traced her fingers along my jaw and pulled my face down toward her. “What does that mean?”
I shook my head. “Nothing you need to worry about. We just have different priorities is all. Business and money and class always come first to him.” I laced my fingers at the back of her neck and grazed her jaw with my thumbs. “I may have inherited some things from him, but not that. You will always come first. Our family will always be my primary concern.”
Her eyes were wide and glassy, and I didn’t know if that look was because of something I said, or just the long day getting to her again.
She said, “It’s funny how children end up being so different from their parents.”
“It’s funny how we managed to grow into reasonable people despite our crazy parents.”
She swallowed and laughed once. “Right. How does that happen?”
I pulled her into my arms, laying my cheek against her head. Her hair smelled sweet and calming, like lavender.
“Let’s go out tomorrow. I’ll show you around the city. I just need a break from this house.”
“Sure. That sounds great. I need to run to the store anyway. I forgot a few things.”
I kissed her forehead. “Like what? We might have whatever it is.”
She pulled back. “Oh, it’s nothing important. Just some little things.”
She went to her suitcase on the floor and bent to gather her pajamas.
I stepped up behind her. “You sure you’re not feeling sick anymore?”
“No, I’m fine,” she called over her shoulder. “I just had a moment, that’s all.”
“Good.” I swept an arm under her legs and pulled her up into my arms. “Because I’m pretty awake. But I’ve got an idea of how to tire myself out.”
She dropped the clothes she’d picked up to clutch my shoulders, and her pretty little mouth formed a circle. That was all it took. No matter that there were hundreds of people downstairs, and we were in my parents’ house. I wanted her as badly as I ever had.
I walked her toward the bed and she said, “Garrick! The people downstairs.”
“Won’t hear a thing unless you plan on screaming my name. In which case, it might be worth it.”
She swatted my shoulder, and I deposited her on the bed.
“What if your mother comes upstairs?”
I knelt at the foot of the bed and slipped off her shoes.
“Then we’ll have another awkward occurrence to add to our repertoire.”
“That’s not even remotely funny, Garrick.”
I kissed the inside of her knee and said, “Do you see me laughing?”
She swallowed, and her eyes followed my hands as I reached for her. Her cotton dress was stretchy, and I slipped the straps down over her shoulders easily. It fell around her waist, revealing more skin to me. She wore a lacy blue bra that looked sweet and innocent, and damn if that kind of thing didn’t always do me in.
“Do you have any idea how hot it is to think of having you here in my old room?” She shook her head, but her tongue darted out to wet her lips, and I think she knew exactly what I meant. “It reminds me of last year.” How much it had fucked with my brain to think of her as a student, and how very little it did to deter my feelings for her. If anything, I wanted her more. “Every class I was so tempted to ask you to stay after everyone left. Even though your friends were outside and anyone could have walked in, all I wanted to do was touch you. Taste you.”
Her eyes were large and dark, and her breath hitched. I kissed the side of her knee again and ran my hands up her thighs to the hem of her dress.
She asked, “Why didn’t you?”
“Because that wouldn’t have been fair of me. So I had to settle for my imagination.”
Thank God I didn’t have to do that anymore.
“And what did you imagine?”
I leaned over her and laid her back against the bed. Her arms stretched out across the mattress, and she looked up at me with wide, apprehensive eyes. It reminded me so much of the night we met, and all my blood rushed south so quickly that black spots dotted my vision.
I slipped my hands under her dress and said, “I imagined a lot of things. I thought about having you against the wall back behind the curtains.” She closed her eyes and fisted the blankets in her hands. “I saw you in that skirt you wore the first day of school with your legs around my waist.”
I
hooked my fingers around her underwear and slid them down her gorgeous legs. “I wanted you in every seat in the audience.” She made a low noise and tried to sit up, but I braced a hand on her stomach to hold her in place. “I wanted you in every seat so that you wouldn’t be able to sit anywhere in that theatre without thinking about me.”
“That was already true.”
I smiled. “Good to know.”
She laid both of her hands over mine on her stomach, and held my hand tighter against her for a second. She said, her voice small and quiet, “I love you so much.”
I stood and leaned over her so that I could see her face. She blinked a few times, and I couldn’t read her expression. It was sad and happy and confusing, and she had never had this kind of response in bed before.
I didn’t know what was going on, but I could feel the panic rising under my skin, at the back of my throat, in the lining of my lungs.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
She shook her head until her expression cleared, and then smiled. “Yeah . . . just thinking about the future.”
My heart jerked in my chest, and I tried to explain away the sadness and the fear I saw in her eyes. They didn’t have to mean she was having doubts. They could mean a thousand other things. But for the life of me, I couldn’t conjure one more possibility.
I dropped a kiss on her lips and said, “I did promise you forever. That’s a lot of future.”
She nodded, and then after a too long moment she smiled. “I’m sorry. But do you think we can . . . just go to sleep? I’m sorry. I know I said I was fine, but I’m feeling a little off after all.”
I took a deep breath and tried not to read too much into this. She’d been sick. It didn’t have to mean anything else. But damn it, now I couldn’t think about anything else.
As calmly as I could I brushed her hair back and kissed her forehead. “Of course. Can I get you something? Water? Medicine?”
She swallowed and shook her head. “I think . . . I think I just need some sleep.”
I nodded. “Of course.”
I folded down the blankets, and she slid between the sheets, still only half covered by her dress. I took another deep breath that did absolutely nothing to relieve the pressure in my jeans or the pressure in my head.
I kissed her cheek one more time.
“I love you,” I said, slowly, deliberately. I needed her to hear that through whatever noise might be happening in her head. “Get some sleep. I’m just going to go take a quick shower.”
“I’m sorry,” she called again as I walked away.
“No need to be sorry, love.”
Unless she was saying sorry for something else, something she hadn’t said.
“I’ll make it up to you,” she said.
“Also not necessary, though I do like the sound of that.”
She pulled the blankets up to her neck, settling back on the pillow. I switched off the lights and said, “Good night, Bliss.”
Then I ended our roller coaster of a day with an ice-cold shower and too many worries to count.
“WAIT, WAIT! JUST one more!”
“Bliss, there are children waiting.”
And they probably hated us, but I was just so glad to see her smiling that I didn’t care.
“Yeah, well, they all just jumped on the bandwagon. Most of them weren’t alive when I read Harry Potter for the first time.”
I turned to the Canadian family behind me and said, “I’m so sorry. This is the last one, I promise.” Then I took one more picture of Bliss pretending to push the luggage cart through the wall at the Platform 9¾ monument at King’s Cross Station.
A little boy stuck his tongue out at Bliss as we left. I pulled her away before she could follow suit.
“That kid better watch it. I’m totally a Slytherin.”
I shook my head, smiling.
“Love, I’m going to need you to pull back on the crazy a bit.”
“You’re right. Realistically, I’m a Ravenclaw.”
I laughed. Even when I didn’t quite get her, I loved her. Probably because I didn’t get her. She knew who she was, and she didn’t ever compromise that. Not even for me.
I chuckled.
“What’s so funny?”
“I’m just imagining you with kids someday. You’ll probably end up fighting them to play with the toys.”
I didn’t notice that she’d stopped walking until I went to round the corner, and she wasn’t beside me. I turned and she was still standing a few feet back.
“I was joking, love.”
She crossed her arms over her middle and shrugged. “I know that.”
“Then why do you look so freaked out?”
“I just didn’t realize you thought about stuff like that.”
Oh God. The last thing I needed on this already stressful trip was to scare her off with talk of kids, not when she seemed mostly back to normal today. I could be really thick sometimes.
I laid my arm across her shoulders and said, “Whatever thoughts are unspooling in your mind, stop them. I’ve still got a lot to show you, and I was only having a laugh.”
“Right, where to next?”
“Well, we’ve seen the Globe.”
I felt her relax beside me as we walked, and she said, “You mean the replica of the Globe.”
“Close enough. We’ve done Big Ben, the Parliament, the Tower. What about the Eye?” I asked.
“Is that the giant Ferris wheel thing?” I nodded. “Yes, let’s do that!”
Just spending the day with Bliss and introducing her to my old city was enough to erase some of the messiness of last night, to erase some of my worries. She really must have just needed sleep because this morning, she was as perfect as ever.
“Can we stop by a store first?” she asked. “A pharmacy? I just wanted to get something in case I start feeling sick again.”
“Of course,” I kissed her temple, and we headed for the tube that would take us to the other side of the city.
10
Bliss
WE STOPPED AT a small store that was just a little bigger than a convenience store. It had food and toiletries and a random assortment of items, but the pharmacy in back was my concern.
“Would you mind grabbing me a drink?” I asked. “I’m going to run to the bathroom, grab that medicine, and I’ll meet you back up here.”
I didn’t wait for Garrick to agree before I turned to walk away. I headed for the pharmacy at a stroll, glancing behind me to see when he was no longer looking. When he turned, I picked up the pace and began scouring the shelves for pregnancy tests. It took me three tries to find the right aisle, and then all I could do was just stare at the display.
Why did there have to be so many?
There were brand names and off brands, digital and sticks and cups, one lines and two lines and plus signs and the signs of the apocalypse.
And oh God, why was this so terrifying?
Maybe I should just get one of each.
Then I looked at the price.
Eh . . . probably just one would do for now.
I grabbed the stick one with the plus sign, and bolted for the pharmacy counter at the back. An Indian guy in glasses was typing away at the computer.
“Excuse me?” He looked up. “Can I check out here?”
“No ma’am. Cashier is up front.”
Fabulous.
I grabbed a couple other things. Ibuprofen and sunscreen and a box of tampons (wishful thinking). I gathered all the items in my arms, hiding the pregnancy test behind them all. Then I went to the front to meet Garrick.
He stood holding a bottle of Coke, smiling and perfect, and God, I wanted to tell him. But his comment about kids earlier had my head all twisted. I’d thought about telling him then, but then he’d been so insistent that it was a joke that I started to worry that he would freak out. I mean, why wouldn’t he? We’d only been together a year. We were just about to get married. There were probably prison cells roomie
r than our apartment.
I waited until it was our turn to check out and then I turned to him and said, “Oh honey, I’m sorry. Would you mind switching that out for a water instead? Or maybe juice? I just think that would be better for my stomach.”
As soon as he was gone, I dumped all of my things on the counter and thrust the pregnancy test at the cashier.
“Can you ring this up first?”
The girl on the register was blond, couldn’t be much older than sixteen, and she laughed at me. Actually laughed at me.
“Look, I realize this is crazy. But please. Just do it quick.”
She shrugged and said, “He’s going to notice sooner or later.”
I so did not need attitude right now.
She scanned the test, and I shoved it in my purse just as Garrick came around the corner. He set the water on the counter, and then scanned my things.
“I thought you were getting medicine?”
Excuse me, sassy checkout girl, could I borrow your register for a moment to smash against my face?
I picked up the bottle of ibuprofen and shook it.
“I’ve been having headaches, and I think that’s what caused the nausea.”
The girl snickered when I said nausea. It probably didn’t bode well for my future as a mother that I really wanted to punch this teenager.
Garrick took the bag from her as I paid and carried it outside for me. On the sidewalk, he said, “You could have told me. I’m not that naive.”
I choked on the sip of water I had just taken and said, “What?”
He held up the bag, and I could see the box of tampons through the semi-transparent plastic. “This? The painkillers? You could have just said you were having your monthly.”
Only I could suffer the humiliation of discussing a nonexistent period with my boyfriend.
“Oh, I’m not. No, these are just . . .” I totally blanked. “It was on sale.”
He raised an eyebrow. “So you decided to buy it now?”
I was going to look into a career as a mime. Because that appeared to be the only way I was going to stop saying stupid things.
I took the shopping bag back and stuffed it in my giant purse. “How close are we to this Eye thing?” I asked.
We turned a corner, and he pointed up ahead to a giant white Ferris wheel. “Very close.”