“What?” Her heart pounded so loud she was sure he could hear it. She pulled her hood down so she could see him. The campus was quiet this time of day, only a few people out of class walking across the outdoor mall.
Cody’s eyes were intense, full of questions. “I had to run to catch you.”
“Oh.” Her mouth went suddenly dry, and she wondered if her heart might burst from her chest. “My hood … I can’t hear anything with it up.”
Snow fell softly around them, and Cody tried to catch his breath. “Did you get a new phone?”
“No.” Bailey looked down and kicked at the loose snow gathering near their feet. She lifted her eyes to him. “I’ve been busy.”
He looked like he was trying to process that. “Okay.” He shrugged and for a long moment he seemed at a loss. The muscles in his jaw tightened and he exhaled hard. “I’ve called a bunch of times. You know that, right?”
“I guess I’m not sure why.” She took a step back and folded her arms across her chest. A chill cut through her, one that came more from being so close to Cody than because of the winter wind. “You went months without calling, and now … Now I don’t get it.”
“That’s why I’ve been calling.” He moved like he was going to take a step closer, but then changed his mind. He buried his fists in his coat pockets and held his ground. “During your show, it was like —” He hesitated, struggling, his eyes lifting to the slate-gray sky. After a few seconds he looked at her again, his eyes bathed in emotion. “I can’t let you go, Bailey. It was my fault. I talked about being your friend, but I didn’t act like one.”
Bailey thought of all the times Cody had blatantly ignored her, the times when he’d talked to Andi but couldn’t be bothered to call her. Tears poked at the corners of her eyes, but she held them back. “I was so mad at you.” Her voice caught between heartbreaking sorrow and fighting mad. “You had Andi and it was like … I didn’t matter at all.”
“You did.” He released a frustrated breath. “You do. I wish you could know how much I miss you.”
“You miss what we used to have.” She took another half step back from him. A talk like this would get them nowhere. They had their own lives now. “You’re all about Andi. She can be your friend.”
“No!” His answer was sharp, and it caught them both by surprise. He worked to calm himself. “She and I are nothing.”
“Okay.” Bailey, too, fought for composure. “Then I’m in love with Tim.”
“Are you?” He was breathing harder now, leaning toward her, his eyes intense. A couple of kids passed on a nearby sidewalk, and again he lowered his voice. “Are you really, Bailey? ‘Cause I see you with him, and all I’m saying is other than on stage, I’ve never seen you look at him, the way …”
“The way what?” She practically spat the words, and in that moment she didn’t care if they hurt him. She almost wanted them to hurt, so he’d give up and walk away. She didn’t need him to play with her heart now.
Tears blurred her vision and she couldn’t tell where her anger stopped and her hurt began. “The way I looked at you? Back when I thought you had feelings for me?” She looked over her shoulder, planning her escape. “I was wrong, okay. I was younger then and ridiculous. You never saw me that way.” She backed up again. “It’s too late now. We’ve moved on.”
He came a few steps closer. “Don’t leave.” But before he could say anything else her cell phone went off.
She pressed her fingers to her eyes and pulled the phone from her pocket. It was her parents. “It’s home.” She held up one finger and took the call. “Hello?”
“Honey, it’s Mom. We’re at the hospital. Ricky’s having trouble with his heart.” She sounded controlled but scared. “His doctor’s not sure what’s happening. They’re trying to stabilize him.”
“Mom, no …” She put her hand to her face and turned from Cody. “He’s okay, right? I mean, he’s not in real danger?”
“The doctor isn’t sure.” There were tears in her mom’s voice. “Can you please come?”
“I’ll be right there.” She snapped her phone shut.
“What happened?” Cody was at her side again, his eyes filled with concern.
“Ricky. His heart.” She looked up at him, and fear paralyzed her for a moment. “He’s in the hospital.” She took a step in one direction, and then changed her mind and started in another. Her car was in the parking lot outside her dorm, but she couldn’t remember which way to get there. “I need to go.”
“Come on.” He took hold of her hand and started running. “My car’s close. I’ll drive.”
Bailey tried not to think about the feel of his hand around hers as she ran beside him, the discussion from seconds ago forgotten. Cody had lived with them, and he loved all the Flanigan boys as if they were his own brothers.
Cody didn’t release her hand until they were in his car. On the way to the hospital they talked about Ricky’s recent cold. “He’s been more tired than usual.” Bailey had knots in her stomach. “We all figured he was just growing or something.”
“We need to pray.” Again Cody reached for her hand, and he begged God to be with Ricky and to give the doctors wisdom to get him out of danger. When the prayer was over, Bailey pulled her hand back. Her mind was racing in a million different directions. What was happening with Ricky, and how come his heart was having trouble so many years after his heart surgery? And why … why was her whole body trembling because of a single touch from Cody?
They reached the hospital and raced inside and up the elevator to the fifth floor — the cardiac unit. As soon as the elevator doors opened Bailey spotted her parents down the hall talking to a doctor. Her mom broke off from the group and met her halfway down the hallway. “He’s stable.” She pulled Bailey into a long hug. “Thank God, he’s stable.” She drew back and kissed Bailey’s forehead. “You got here fast.”
“Cody brought me.” Bailey’s knees shook and she shivered. “What happened?”
“Thank you.” Her mom hugged Cody and then rested against the hospital wall. She looked pale and exhausted. “He was playing outside, shooting baskets.”
“It’s freezing out.” Bailey felt faint. She leaned her shoulder into the wall, facing her mother.
“You know Ricky. He’s never cold.”
“I remember that.” Cody moved in close to them, his voice low. “You couldn’t get the kid to wear long pants even in the dead of winter.”
Bailey wasn’t sure why, but Cody’s presence made her feel safe and warm and protected. She couldn’t analyze the reasons right now. “Then what?”
“He came in and he was white as a sheet. He said his chest felt funny, so I checked his pulse.” Her mom closed her eyes. When she opened them, there were tears in her lashes. “It was racing so fast, Bailey. So fast I couldn’t count it.”
“You brought him in?”
“I was about to, but he fainted.” She gulped and a stream of tears slid down her cheeks. “I called 9 – 1 – 1 and I went with him in the ambulance. Your dad followed behind with the boys — they’re in the waiting room.”
Bailey’s head spun. Her little brother passed out? Did that mean he’d come close to … to … She couldn’t think about the horrible possibilities. “What was it? Do they know?”
Her mom nodded. “His heart went into an abnormal rhythm. Maybe from the cold or from his exertion, or maybe because something’s wrong with the electrical part of his heart.”
“Meaning it could happen again?”
“It could. They’ll check a few things while we’re here, and then Monday we’ll go to Children’s Hospital in Indianapolis. They can run the rest of the tests there.”
“What’s the worst case?” Bailey wasn’t sure she wanted to ask. She pictured her blond little brother shooting free throws in the front yard near the family garage this past weekend. If he had to cut back on sports, he’d be devastated.
“He might need a pacemaker. Something to help make sure it does
n’t happen again.”
The idea sounded horrific. “He’s so young.”
“It’s only a possibility. He’s on a medicine for now, to keep his heartbeat controlled.” Her mom straightened and put her arm around Bailey. With her free hand she wiped at her tears again, then reached out and put that arm around Cody’s shoulders. “It was so scary.”
“Is he awake?” Now that they weren’t outside in the freezing air, Bailey could smell Cody’s cologne. She hated how easily she responded to his presence, falling for him as if she didn’t have a boyfriend, as if he’d never ignored her, never chosen to be friends with Andi over her. She bit her lip. “Can we see him?”
She drew a long breath and released the hold she had on them. “He’s tired, but he’d love to see you.” She looked at Cody. “You too.” She paused, sincerity in her tone. “It’s been a long time.”
“Too long.” Cody didn’t break eye contact.
Her dad was still talking to the doctor, but as Bailey and Cody walked up he stopped and hugged them both. His eyes told them that he was as concerned about Ricky as her mom had been. “Things were very bad for a little while there.”
“We prayed on the way here.” Bailey kept her arm around her dad’s waist. “I’m sure everyone was praying.”
“At church too. I called on the way here. And the Colts team chaplain rallied the guys.”
“I could feel the prayers the whole ride here.” Her mom steadied herself against her dad.
Bailey felt herself relax a little. “At least he’s okay.”
“For now. They want to watch him tonight, and then he can come home in the morning if his heart rate stays steady.” Her dad frowned. “The tests next week will tell us a lot.”
“Jenny said something about a pacemaker.” Cody shifted so that he was a little closer to Bailey.
“He could end up with another open-heart surgery.”
A sick feeling ran through Bailey. She couldn’t stand the thought of her brother having that kind of surgery. She shuddered slightly and moved toward the door of Ricky’s room. “We wanna see him, okay?”
“Go ahead.” Her dad gave them a weary smile.
Her parents stayed out in the hall, talking in hushed tones while Bailey and Cody went in to be with Ricky. He looked tired but happy, unaware of the danger he’d survived in the past few hours. “Hey, Cody, how’d you get here?”
“I brought your sister.” Cody took the spot on one side of the bed, and Bailey moved to the other. “We were together when she heard about this.”
“Yeah, kinda weird, huh?” Ricky made a face. “I think I just got a little too cold.”
“It’s definitely cold out there.” Bailey ran her hand over his now matted pale hair. “How you feeling, bud?”
“Tired.” He yawned. “But I can breathe better.”
They talked for awhile, and eventually Bailey’s parents and brothers joined them. After half an hour, Bailey and Cody had to get going. Both of them had homework, and Cru was that night. With Ricky out of immediate danger, there was no reason to stay longer. They said their good-byes, and her brother Connor gave Bailey an extra-long hug. “It was really bad,” he whispered. “God saved him, Bailey. Seriously.”
Again Bailey felt a sick feeling pass over her. God, thank You for helping him. She uttered the silent prayer as easily as she drew her next breath. “Text me if anything gets worse.”
Connor agreed. “You’re home for the weekend, right?”
“Definitely.”
“Good.” Connor was in the latest CKT play, but he didn’t have practice this weekend, so they could have time together. Time to catch up and laugh about the latest funny videos on YouTube or the news at Clear Creek High, where Connor was a sophomore.
Before they parted, Connor raised an eyebrow. “What’s with Cody?”
Bailey’s heart fell flat. “Nothing. He was there when I got the call. That’s it.” She drew back and waved once more to Ricky and the others.
“Hey!” Ricky made an effort to sit up, but he seemed too tired to pull off the move. “Cody, you gotta come around more. I can throw a football thirty yards now.”
Cody chuckled. He and Ricky had always shared a special connection because of football. “I definitely have to see that.”
Exhaustion and relief made Bailey feel tired as she and Cody walked back to his car. His elbow brushed against her arm a few times, and she tried not to enjoy the sensation. This whole crazy afternoon was like something from a dream, like it had never happened. They were quiet on the ride home, but the time gave Bailey a chance to collect her thoughts, to find solid ground again.
When Cody dropped her off at the front door of her dorm, he got out and stood facing her. The awkwardness was back, now that they no longer had a reason to be together. The wind chaffed at their cheeks and the barren branches in the trees overhead clacked together with every light gust.
Cody found her eyes and held them. He had a way of looking straight to her heart, and this late afternoon was no different. Finally he took a slow breath. “I meant what I said.”
“About?”
“Being friends. I’m not giving up.” He seemed to gather himself, his frustrations from earlier in check. “I’ll keep calling and texting until you trust me again.”
Bailey felt like the air had been sucked from her lungs. Until she trusted him again? Did he really know her that well? After so much time had passed since they’d talked, could he be so exactly spot on about how she felt? She wasn’t sure what to say, so she looked down again and studied the snow.
“That’s it, right? I pulled a disappearing act, and now you don’t trust me.”
She wanted to tell him to stop, that he had no right reading her thoughts. But she was too touched by how well he still knew her. Even so, she had to be honest. “I have Tim, now … and you … you need to move on too.”
He started to say something, but again he changed his mind. “I can’t do that.”
Bailey felt the sadness build and grow inside her. Because this was where he was wrong. “You can.”
“I wanna talk about you and me, what we could —”
“There is no you and me, Cody.” She steeled her heart against him, protecting herself. “You wanted me to date Tim, and that’s what I’m doing.”
“You’re in love with him?”
“Yes.” She couldn’t help the hesitation that followed. “Sometimes I think I am.”
For a few seconds she thought he was going to note that a person in love would think so all the time. Not sometimes. But instead he seemed to lose the will to fight her. His shoulders sank a little. “Okay, then.” He drew her tenderly into a long hug. “I’m glad Ricky’s okay.”
“For now.” She could barely draw a breath, her heart racing from the feel of his arms around her. She couldn’t remember feeling this way in Tim’s arms even once.
“Yes, for now.” He was still hugging her. “It was good seeing you today. Nothing’s felt so right in a long time.”
She exhaled, and tried not to cry. “Thanks.” She spoke the words against his neck. “For being there today.” When she couldn’t stand another moment being so close to him, she pulled back. She wanted to tell him how wonderful it felt seeing him, and how he’d made her feel safe and protected at a time when she was scared to death. But there was no point. She took a step toward her dorm. “See you at Cru.”
A subtle disappointment shaded his eyes, but he smiled anyway. “Okay. See ya.”
Bailey turned and took quick steps up the walkway and into the dorm. She didn’t turn around and wave one last time even though a part of her wanted to steal one more look. The fact was she couldn’t turn around. Not because she was afraid he’d see the tears finally streaming down her face, but because she didn’t want him to see something far worse. Her eyes would no doubt give away the fact that no matter how she lied to him or to herself, the truth remained — Tim or no Tim.
She was still in love with Cody Colem
an.
Thirteen
KELLY WANTED TO BE HAPPY FOR Chase, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t work up anything but the familiar feeling of despair. She sat on the edge of their bed and watched her husband buzz around the room, packing his bag and practically bursting with the thrill of all the week held.
“I mean, really, Kelly, I was beginning to wonder if the whole Unlocked things was really going to happen, like maybe Kendall was just being optimistic, you know?”
Kelly’s stomach hurt from the waffles she’d eaten that morning. She crossed her arms and nodded. “I wondered too.”
“But this is just like God. Four weeks with nothing, not a hint that Kendall’s news was going to pan out. I mean, Brandon Paul might’ve changed his mind or maybe the studios weren’t as interested as before. And then —” He snapped his fingers. “Out of the blue a call like this. I mean, Kendall’s the real deal. She can make things happen, I’ll say that.”
Kelly wondered if her husband could hear himself. “She must be really something.”
“She is.” Chase stopped, as if for the first time in the last five minutes he grasped how he was coming across. “As far as the industry goes.”
They were at the end of February and the call had come in yesterday morning. Kendall had been working behind the scenes, apparently, and now she wanted Chase and Kevin to come to LA for a week of meetings. Talk about making things happen. Kelly had never known jealousy before, but she understood it completely now. Her husband could barely stop talking about Kendall and the magic she could work in Hollywood.
The first meeting this week would be a private screening of The Last Letter at Kendall’s house Monday evening. In attendance would be Kendall; her father, Ben; Stephanie; and NTM’s very own Brandon Paul — teen sensation and easily one of America’s most well-known superstars. She could understand Chase’s excitement. If only Kendall didn’t have to be such an integral part of it.
“I can’t believe it.” Chase’s smile seemed permanently etched into his face. His tone hadn’t come down once since Kendall’s call. “All those powerful people in one room just to watch our movie.”