“That’s bad, right?”
“It would be, yeah, but it won’t happen. It’ll take me a long ass time, though. Idiots.” She sighed as she fit the heat awl with a smaller tip, and dialed down the temperature. For a while, they said nothing. Her neck was already feeling cranky from hunching. “Hey, um, listen, I know I don’t know you at all, but can I ask you a question?”
“Considering what you’re doing for my ship, I’d say you have the right to ask whatever you like.”
“Fair enough.” She kept both eyes fixed on the sealant. “Okay, so, the gun thing. We’ve established this is a thing you do a lot.”
“You mean using guns, or having them pointed at me?”
“Both, I guess. I mean more like being in situations where people are angry and also there are guns.”
“I’m not sure that it happens a lot. But more often than for most, perhaps.”
“Enough for you not to be scared of it.”
“I never said that.”
“You did so.”
“I said I was familiar with it. That’s very different.”
“But how do you stop being scared about it? Like, when it’s happening?”
“I don’t understand.”
The top edge of the sealant started to glisten. “Well, you kind of said it was something you can be in control of. I mean, if you’ve got a gun pointed at someone, and they’re returning the favor, you’ve got to be not scared enough to deal with it before they do, right?”
“That’s…not how it works.” Pei paused. “Is this about the Akaraks?”
“You heard about that.”
“I did. Is it still bothering you?”
Kizzy licked her lips. Fuck it. We might be dead in an hour. “I haven’t been able to sleep much since it happened, and I can’t figure out how to talk to my crew about it. And I’m tired, like bone-crunchingly tired, but I get so scared I’ll wake up to strangers pointing guns at me that I can’t sleep. I either have to knock myself out with drops, or work work work until I fall over. And I know it’s stupid. I know what happened to us was a freak thing, and it’ll probably never happen again. But I’m more scared of that than I am of this wall of death I’m staring at right now. I just — I don’t make sense, and I’m kind of pissed at myself about it.” The acrid smell of melting sealant tickled her nose. She poked at the seam with her fingertip. Gooey, but still holding fast. She scowled. “Stars, just melt already.” She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be spewing this all over you. It must sound so stupid.”
“It doesn’t sound stupid. Though I am wondering why you’re talking to me about it.”
“Because you know about this stuff. I thought maybe…I just want to know how I can live with knowing this kind of shit is out there and not be scared of it.”
Pei said nothing for a moment. “Kizzy, I am scared of everything, all the time. I’m scared of my ship getting shot down when I have to land planetside. I’m scared of the armor in my vest cracking during a fight. I’m scared that the next time I have to pull out my gun, the other guy will be faster. I’m scared of making mistakes that could hurt my crew. I’m scared of leaky biosuits. I’m scared of vegetables that haven’t been washed properly. I’m scared of fish.”
“Fish?”
“You haven’t seen the fish on my home colony. Very thin teeth.”
“But how do you deal with that?”
“With what?”
“Being scared of all that stuff.”
“You mean how is it that I can sleep and you can’t. Is that what you’re asking?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s just different for us. We’re different species, after all.” She paused. “Or maybe because I never thought to ask anyone what you’re asking. I never thought of fear as something that can go away. It just is. It reminds me that I want to stay alive. That doesn’t strike me as a bad thing.”
“Hang on, pause,” Kizzy said. Melted sealant began to drip onto the floor. Finally. She took a thin pair of pliers from her belt and tugged the cable through the clear gunk. She flipped down her lenses and examined the blasting cap. Warm, but not enough to cause trouble. She gave a satisfied nod, cut the cable, and wiped the goo off on her pants. “Okay, we’re good.” She looked up the walkway, where little yellow lights sat blinking, waiting. “This might sound weird, but it’s really nice knowing that you’re scared of fish. And all the other stuff.”
Kizzy didn’t have the easiest time reading Pei’s face, but the lady looked amused. “I’m glad, but I’m not sure I understand. I don’t think I answered your question.”
“You did.” She cracked her knuckles and popped off the blasting cap. “I hate that this is the first time we’ve met you. Especially given the circumstances.” She looked back toward Pei. “I know it’s hard for you, but you can come stay with us any time. I can think of a certain Exodan captain who’d like that a lot.”
“I’d like that, too,” Pei said. She was quiet a moment. Her cheeks went orange. “Maybe some time.” She took a breath and nodded toward the walkway. “But first, let’s keep my ship from blowing up.”
●
Jenks leaned back, letting the weight of the tub of bolts in his arms fall against his chest. Arms aching, he carried the tub out of the freight elevator, down the corridor, and into the Fishbowl. Ashby sat on a garden bench, staring out the window at the speck that was Pei’s ship. Jenks walked around the bench, standing where Ashby could see him.
“Hi,” he said.
Ashby turned his head. “Hi.”
Jenks upturned the tub. The bolts clattered to the floor like heavy rain. “These are several hundred bolts. They are all different shapes and sizes, and Kizzy always keeps them in one communal tub. It drives me crazy.”
Ashby blinked. “Why are they on the floor?”
“Because we are going to sort them. We are going to sort them into nice, neat little piles. And then we’re going to take those piles and put them in smaller tubs, so that when I need a bolt, I don’t have to go digging.”
“I see.” Ashby blinked again. “Why are we doing this?”
“Because some jackass dumped them all over the floor, and they have to be cleaned up. And if they have to be cleaned up, we might as well sort them while we’re at it.” Jenks sat down, leaning comfortably against a planter. He began to pick through the bolts. “See, my best friend in the whole galaxy is currently on another ship, holed up in a wall, disarming hackjob explosives. It’s dark in there, and her fingers are probably sore by now, after tugging at all those little wires, and I’m shitting myself over the possibility of something going wrong, because I seriously do not know what I would do without her. And I can’t help. I can’t do anything. Not one damn thing. I know she’s the best person for this, and I know she doesn’t need my help. But all the same, she’s facing some dangerous shit, and it is completely out of my hands. I want to do something, and it’s driving me fucking crazy that I can’t. I can’t even smoke because there are Aeluons around. So, fine. I’m going to sort bolts.” He swung his eyes up to Ashby. “And I think anybody who has similar feelings should join me.”
Ashby rubbed his beard. “Why?”
Jenks brushed aside a swath of bolts with his hand, clearing a workspace. “Because this is going to take hours, and it’s something to do. And it’s better than staring out a window.”
Ashby sat quiet for a moment. He leaned forward, clasping his hands together in a business-like way. “Are we sorting them by size, or shape?”
“Shape to start. Then we’ll make sub-piles by size.”
“Should I get us some kick?”
“I think that would be best.”
●
Kizzy and Pei returned to the Wayfarer some two hours later. There had been forty six mines behind the wall, all now in pieces. They’d spaced the kedrium, much to Kizzy’s chagrin, and Pei’d run two more scans of the ship, just to be safe. Kizzy??
?s hands were aching, and her back was stiff, and her head was pounding from squinting in the dark. She was glad to be back home.
Everybody had jumped all over her when she came through the airlock. Sissix nuzzled her head so hard that her hairdo came loose, and Rosemary got all misty-eyed, and Jenks gave her the best hug ever. Lovey was rambling about how worried she’d been, and even Ohan came down, limping on his weak legs, to give her a respectful bow.
She felt like a hero.
Dr. Chef made an enormous dinner for everybody — red coast bugs and fried spineroots and spicy crunchy salt peas. The Aeluons had been a little weirded out by the bugs at first — red coasters were pests to them, after all — but they warmed up to it, maybe out of novelty more than anything. Everybody was swapping stories and chowing down, and after a while, you could almost kind of forget that in a parallel universe, they all might be dead by then.
There reached a point where both Sissix and Oxlen were looking at the time on their scribs with that frowny we-need-to-get-going look that all pilots got. Everybody said their goodbyes. Kizzy’s heart went to pieces when she saw Pei and Ashby give each other a friendly farewell handshake. Let them make out, dammit! It just wasn’t fair. Oxlen caught her eye and gave her a secret, knowing nod. Huh. Maybe all Aeluons weren’t such prudes, after all.
As the Aeluon ship sailed off, Kizzy excused herself. She took a long shower, giving herself twenty-two minutes instead of the fifteen she demanded of everybody else. She figured she’d earned an extra seven minutes, and the filters could take it. Afterward, she went back to her room. Dr. Chef had left a mug of tea and a couple spring cakes waiting for her. She smiled, put on some comfies, and crawled into bed with her snacks. She wrote a letter to her dads, just to say she loved them. She ate her cakes. She drank her tea. She watched the stars go by. Without meaning to, she slept.
●
Received message
Encryption: 0
Translation: 0
From: Nib (path: 6273-384-89)
To: Rosemary Harper (path: 9874-457-28)
Subject: Re: Question about Toremi reference files
Hello Rosemary! Good to hear from you. We all enjoyed you staying with us, unplanned as it was.
And it’s no trouble at all! I’m always happy to answer archive questions (and recruit new volunteers…?). I know, the Toremi files are seriously lacking in details. I’m not part of that project, but I have a few friends who are, and they’re pulling their hair out. Everything Toremi related has been receiving an absurd amount of traffic lately, but the problem is, there’s just not enough verifiable data yet for us to approve much for public access.
However, if you promise to keep this to yourself, I did manage to dig up a few tidbits for you. Bear in mind, none of this has been verified to our standards yet, but it’s the best the Toremi team has got right now. Here’s what we know:
1. The Toremi are obsessed with patterns. Not geometric patterns. They believe that the whole universe follows some sort of elaborate path — or series of paths, maybe. Nobody’s quite sure which, far as I can tell. Their whole thing is that they’re trying to figure out the pattern and match their lives to it. Apparently, that’s why they’ve been circling the core since who-knows-when. The galaxy spins, so they should, too. That’s where the clans come in. Everybody’s got a different idea on how the patterns work, and they get pretty violent over it. And clans can change really fast when new ideas come in. They sound like a very compulsive sort of people. The only thing the clans obviously agree on is the whole circling-the-core-thing. Or they did, at least. Which brings us to…
2. You may have heard this by now, but I’m still so excited by it: generally speaking, the Toremi are a dual-sexed, sexually reproductive race. But a small number of them have started to go parthenogenetic. I know! But as fascinating as that is, it’s been a mess for the Toremi. Remember that whole pattern thing? Yeah, every clan has a different idea on what this new evolutionary path means. Some of them revere the “New Mothers,” and have elevated them to positions of power. Some do the opposite, subjugating or enslaving them. And some kill them. The Toremi Ka, our new allies, fall into the former group (thankfully).
3. The reason the Toremi have started scrambling for territory all of a sudden is because the emergence of the parthenogenetic females is the biggest change to their pattern in a very long time. They call it a yegse, a change which rules all. When a yegse takes place, the Toremi drop what they’re doing and take time to figure it out. For them, that means turning off their engines and grabbing some ground. This hasn’t happened in centuries. Maybe millennia.
4. Hedra Ka — or Hedra, which I’ll get to in a minute — is a very young planet in a relatively new star system. The reason the Toremi want it so bad is because it, too, is shifting around and changing. They think, as far as I can tell, that the universe wants them to go there. Not that it can be terraformed or even settled. It’s a hellhole, from what I’ve read. As for the name, “Hedra” is the name of the planet. “Ka” just marks which clan it belongs to.
That’s all we’ve got for now, but feel free to ask any other questions you’ve got. I’ll keep you posted if I find out anything else. I know the Toremi team will keep squeezing GC delegates for more info. Stingy bastards.
Fly safe,
Nib
Day 397, GC Standard 306
HATCH, FEATHER, HOUSE
Rosemary walked into the control room and looked out the window. Nothing but clear space, with one ringed planet, Theth, hanging fat in the middle. A scattering of moons floated nearby, just beyond the wreath of sandy rings. The Wayfarer was heading for the fifth moon on the left — Hashkath. Rosemary held up her hand and covered the Aandrisk homeworld with her thumb. Hard to believe that glistening green marble was larger than Mars. But then, space had a way of putting size into uncomfortable perspective. She looked to the pilot. “Is something wrong?”
Sissix’s hands darted quick over her navigation panel. “No, why?”
“Because you’re flying manually. When you do that this far out of orbit, that usually means something’s wrong.” Rocks. Gas clouds. Junk. Other ships. More rocks. There was no end to rocks in space.
“I’m flying home,” said Sissix. “That’s something I’ve got to do myself.”
Rosemary took a seat beside her. “Why?”
“When Aandrisks first took to space, we used these awful solar-sail pods. Really skittish, could only fit one person. Not for the claustrophobic.”
“Ours were the same. Not the sails, but still. Tiny.” She shuddered.
“You guys lucked out, though. There’s nothing floating around your planet except the stuff you put up there yourselves. Your flyers could just orbit ‘round and round forever. Smooth sailing. But our moon’s got moons of its own, and it’s orbiting a ringed planet. That takes some very tricky maneuvering, especially when you’re talking about a little metal can with flimsy sails. And this was before artigrav made it our way, so you’re just floating there, hoping you touch ground again. Being able to say that you went all the way out here and got yourself safely back home — that made you a hero. It meant you were strong and skilled, that you’d worked hard to make sure your family didn’t lose you.”
“Ah,” said Rosemary. “So this is a matter of pride.”
“I suppose,” said Sissix. She paused. “Yeah. In a good way.”
The vox snapped on. “Sissix,” said Kizzy. She sounded timid. “You know I love you, right?”
Sissix sighed. “What did you do?”
“How much will you hate me if Jenks and I don’t come to your family’s for dinner tonight?”
“Deeply and unendingly,” said Sissix in a tone that suggested otherwise. “Why?”
“Well…oh, now I feel bad…”
There was a rustle on the vox. Jenks’ voice took over. “Sissix, we just found out that the Bathtub Strategy is on tour and they’re playing at that big concert field in Reskit tonight.”
&n
bsp; “The Aksisk?” Sissix sounded impressed. “Guys, I will hate you if you don’t go.”
“You sure?” Kizzy said. “Because it’s not a big deal, really — ”
“Kizzy,” Sissix said. “Go.”
“You’re the best.” The vox switched off.
“You can go with them if you want,” Sissix said. “The Aksisk is an amazing venue.”
“Charthump’s not really my thing,” said Rosemary. “Besides, dinner with your family sounds nice. I’m excited to see where you’re from.”
“Well, it’s a lot less exciting than the Aksisk, but it’ll be friendly, at least.” Her hands flurried with commands. The ship veered to the left. “You’ve never been to an Aandrisk home before, have you?”
“No.” She cleared her throat. “And, ah, if you don’t mind, I could use a refresher course.”
Sissix laughed. “Humans are so cute.” She met Rosemary’s eyes and smirked. “Don’t worry, it takes all of you forever to get this. Okay, so.” She took one hand off the controls and counted down on her claws. “Hatch family, feather family, house family. Tell me what you know.”
Rosemary leaned back. “You’re born into a hatch family.”
“Right.”
“Then you grow up and leave for a feather family.”
“Stopping you there. It’s not like you leave as soon as you get your feathers. You leave when you’ve found a good feather family, or when you find other adults worth making a feather family with.”
“A feather family is friends and lovers, right?”
“Right. People you emotionally depend on.”
“But feather families change often, right?”
“Not often, necessarily. Often by your standards, I guess. People change feather families whenever they need to, and people need different things at different times in their lives. It’s almost unheard of for an Aandrisk to stay with the same people their entire life. Two or three people, maybe, sometimes, but not a whole group. Groups change regularly.”
“So, feather families are usually people all around the same age?”