“Being a fire vampire doesn’t mean that you’re going to hurt anyone you get close to. Don’t use it as an excuse to run away.”
Brigid stiffened and turned away. “I appreciate the useful information. Please thank Max as well. Now, I’m going to go to the kitchen and get some—”
“You hurt him more by running than you did by burning him.”
Brigid spun around and hissed, “That’s none of your business.”
“Yes, it is.”
“No, it’s not.” She turned back toward the castle, but Cathy intercepted her and tugged on her arm. Brigid immediately sent out a quick burst of energy, which caused Cathy to stumble back.
“Will you stop?” she yelled. “You bet it’s my business! Carwyn is part of my family. He’s my husband’s sire, and he’s also a friend.”
She just kept walking.
“What are you afraid of?” Cathy yelled.
Brigid spun around. “Everything! Don’t you understand that?”
Cathy frowned. “But I just showed you—”
“I’m a mess, Cathy!” Brigid walked toward her slowly with her arms spread out. “A horrible, destructive, damaged mess. Before I was a vampire, I had to take drugs just to let a man touch me. My anxiety may be gone, but now…” Brigid stopped and drew in a ragged breath, determined not to cry. “I hurt everything I touch. Not just physically.
“It doesn’t have to be that way!”
“I’m a mess,” she continued. “And he’s a priest. I shouldn’t even allow myself to think about him that way because he’s so… so good. And I’m not. I don’t know what he thinks he sees in me, but—”
“Shut up!” Cathy glared. “Just shut up. Don’t insult yourself and him by finishing that sentence.” The taller woman paused, then looked out over the lake until she turned back to Brigid. “I understand that you have problems, Brigid. Both of you. And I may not believe the same things that Carwyn does regarding God and the church, but I respect that he does. And it’s something he’s dedicated a thousand years to. Think about that before you dismiss his feelings, because it’s not a step he would have taken lightly.”
Brigid swallowed the lump in her throat. “I know.”
Cathy’s eyes softened. “Don’t lose something precious because the timing doesn’t seem right. I almost did and it would have killed me. You have time, Brigid. Time to mess up and make up. Time to figure things out. Together.” Suddenly, Cathy laughed. “Remember, when it comes to relationships, he’s probably just as clueless as you are!”
“That’s both comforting and offensive at the same time,” she muttered.
“Take your time, but don’t throw it away, Brigid. You’ll regret it forever.”
Time. Brigid took a deep breath and relaxed. She kept forgetting how much time she had. An eternity of it now, if she wanted.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“And thank Max, too.”
“Oh, he doesn’t mind. He likes showing off his scars, too.”
Brigid’s eyes widened. “I thought you said—”
“You don’t have to hurt your lover.” Cathy gave a wicked grin. “Doesn’t mean they might not want you to.”
Brigid shook her head. “Speaking of things I didn’t need to know.”
Cathy laughed. “Also, a warning. Never underestimate the possessive streak we all carry. Fire vampires tend to be worse than others. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. It’s just a reality, so don’t forget it.”
Brigid thought about her reaction to seeing the scars she’s put on Carwyn’s body. Horror. Guilt. Sorrow. Then… desire. Possession.
Mine.
Her thoughts must have shown on her face because Cathy burst into laughter. “I knew it,” she said. “You can argue as much as you want, but you’re so done for. Totally nuts about him.”
“Shut up, Cathy.”
When the other vampire finally stopped laughing, she said, “And don’t forget, showers are your friends. And baths. When you really want to let loose, that’s probably your best option. Especially when you’re young.”
“I get the idea.”
“Once you get in the throes—”
“Please.” Brigid winced. “Please stop now.”
“I’ve heard Carwyn is very fond of the beach. Just thought I’d mention that.”
Brigid just groaned and covered her face.
“Hey, the guy hasn’t been laid in a thousand years. It’s about time.”
“I’m going to go curl up in my room and die now.”
“Whatever, Guilt-Girl. This is why you should be an atheist.”
Brigid just shook her head and kept walking.
“Hey, Brigid?” Cathy called behind her. “Tell me, did the earth move? Because, you know, it can! Having sex outside takes on a whole new dimension when you’re with an earth vampire. Just another thing I wanted to mention.”
“Shut up, Cathy!”
Carwyn stared into his beer. “Who knew that the most effective way of keeping modern women away was to tell them you were in love with them?”
He let the sounds of the pub wash over him, ignoring the football game in the background, ignoring the chattering of his two sons, and ignoring the persistent ache in his chest that pulled his thoughts back toward the castle and Brigid.
Brigid, who had avoided him for almost seven days.
Carwyn knew that, superficially, he was a handsome man. He’d always drawn female attention, whether he wanted it or not. And he loved women. He loved the layers of them. Loved the tangles and hidden corners of their minds and hearts. He’d loved the many female friends he’d had over the centuries. And he’d certainly never complained about the sight of a beautiful girl. Women were the crown of God’s creation. Ignoring their beauty was akin to sacrilege. And more than one had taken a fancy to him over the centuries; some he indulged more than others. Harmless flirtation had been a game to him. Though many had tried to take it further, he’d pushed them away with a gentle nudge.
Who knew that a declaration of love was the surest deterrent?
“Oh, Brigid,” he groaned quietly. A thousand years old and he felt clueless as a boy. The woman might be the death of him. He ached for her. Dreamed about her.
“You’re pathetic,” Tavish said.
He sighed. “I know.”
“Why are you down here at the pub?”
“Because you and Max insisted I give her some space.”
Tavish shrugged. “Well, we were wrong. Go get your woman, Father.”
Carwyn frowned. “Why are you suddenly so eager to see me leave?”
“Because you’re sighing into your beer and ruining the match. You’re pathetic. Go convince her she’s not going to hell for kissing you, then live happily ever after or something. But stop sighing into your beer.”
Max slid next to him and set down another pint. “And stop being pathetic.”
“Wonderful children, both of you. Such support and love. And why does Brigid think she’s going to hell for kissing me?”
Tavish rolled his eyes, clearly disgusted. “Very, very dumb bull.”
Max laughed at his brother, then turned to Carwyn and lowered his voice in the quiet corner of the pub where they were sitting. “Carwyn, are you forgetting who she is? You’re not dealing with an immortal of age and perspective. She’s young. And yes, Brigid knows when you were human priests often married and had families. Yes, she knows that you are a thousand-year-old earth vampire who doesn’t often abide by the orthodoxies of your faith. I’d even say she loves you, too. But she’s also an Irish Catholic who has seen you wearing a collar. Of course she has reservations.”
Carwyn sat, blinking in surprise. “You think she loves me, too?”
Tavish snarled. “Pathetic! Go away. Maybe you should take up writing sonnets in your spare time.”
Max shook his head, smiling. “Tavish was right about one thing. This is going to be more entertaining than wrestling.”
r /> An hour before dawn, Carwyn was still mulling over what Max had said as he wandered back to the castle. He cut through the woods where he had kissed Brigid.
Oh, that kiss.
Too much and not enough. Kissing Brigid had been like pressing his lips to bottled fire. Her passion was a revelation. As he passed by the clearing, he caught her scent and approached quietly, resisting the urge to pounce.
She was standing in front of the tree where he’d cornered her. She had her hand pressed against the black outline she’d left in the trunk of the oak and wore a concentrated frown. He stood behind some thick brush and watched her for a minute.
“I know you’re there, Carwyn.”
He smiled and stepped into the clearing. “Of course you do.”
“Besides, the rather powerful feel of your amnis, you’re not very stealthy when you move above ground.”
Carwyn leaned against a tree, careful to keep his distance. He ached for her, but he wanted to talk to her more. “I’ll keep that in mind. How are you?”
She finally looked at him and the corner of her mouth turned up. “Complicated.”
“Good. I hate being bored.”
A sad uncertainty came into her eyes. “Carwyn, I just don’t know what you expect from—”
“Do you really think you’re going to hell because I kissed you? Is it the collar? Is that why you ran away?”
The sadness turned stricken, and her mouth gaped open in shock. Then Brigid turned heel and ran.
His head fell back against the tree and he groaned. “You’ve really got to stop doing that, love.”
Carwyn took off after her, his long strides eating up the distance between them. He tackled her just before she reached the castle; then he picked her up, kicked open the door, and carried her toward the basement living room.
“You bastard, put me down!” She beat on his back as they walked down the stairs, but he didn’t release her. If she really wanted to be let down, all she’d have to do was—
“Bloody hell!” he yelped when she pulled up the back of his shirt and lay two burning hands on the small of his back. He dropped her immediately, but luckily, they were already in the den. “That hurts, Brigid!”
“I told you to put me down, you big brute! Next time, listen to me.”
“Is it so wrong that I want to talk to you and not worry about you running away?”
She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Carwyn just stood, staring at her, blocking the door, and waiting.
Finally, she blurted out, “I had a crush on you when I was sixteen!”
He smothered a smile. “You did?” Well that was… completely adorable. He tried to remember what she had looked like when she was sixteen.
“It was ridiculous. I’d built you up in my mind like some kind of knight who had rescued me from the dragon. And—and you were so handsome, and I just… I had a massive crush on you. But then, you came to visit Ioan once, and you had just come from some meeting in Dublin with the bishop, and you had on your collar and your jacket and you just looked so… so holy.”
Carwyn stood, actually rendered speechless. Which was an accomplishment, he had to admit. Brigid was still rambling.
“And I felt so guilty. So, so guilty. I went and confessed to Father Jacob. I told him… well, not everything, of course, but he knew you were a priest. And that I had lustful thoughts toward you and that—”
“You had lustful thoughts?” That was promising.
She glared at him. “I did a lot of penance! I actually added to what he gave me because it didn’t really seem like enough. So, to answer your question, yes. I know it’s not entirely logical, but a very deep ‘raised by my aunt’ part of me feels like I am absolutely going to hell for kissing you and enjoying it so damn much that it’s almost all I can think of. And I want to do it again. A lot. And…”
She trailed off, a dazed look in her eye. Then she fell to the floor in a dead heap. Carwyn’s heart gave a leap as he sped over to catch her. “Brigid?”
He looked at the clock. Sunrise. Damn. That had to be the most inconvenient interrupted conversation that he’d ever been a part of. Still, he smiled as he looked into her peaceful face. Then he grinned.
“You enjoyed it? A lot? I’ll be hearing more about that very soon.” He lifted her up and took her to the couch. “I want to kiss you again, but it seems a bit wrong when you’re asleep. I can be patient.” He settled down on the couch and tucked her into his side, making sure her head was tilted so that he could look at her. “And yes, I know this is somewhat creepy, but I’ll fall asleep soon, too. So you don’t have to worry about me staring at you all day.”
Brigid didn’t say a word. She was sleeping the sleep of the newly immortal. At times it was hard to remember that she was so young. But she was. He ran soft fingers through her cap of dark hair. She was young in some ways, but perhaps even older than he was in others. She had suffered. She had fought. His Brigid had conquered demons and beaten back fire. She was remarkable.
“It’s no wonder that I love you so much, Brigid Connor. Now, I just have to convince you that all of this is God’s plan.” He kissed her forehead and leaned back, closing his eyes. “We’re meant, love. You’ll see.”
Brigid woke slowly. There was a luscious scent in her nose and the comforting smell of a warm fire. She could hear Madoc’s snores in the background. Her pillow was warm and firm beneath her cheek. It rose in a comforting breath as she opened her eyes.
Not a pillow.
She froze when she came to and her face was nestled in the crook of Carwyn’s shoulder. His arm was draped around her shoulders and his fingers trailed lightly along her wrist. He took deep steady breaths as her eyes closed again.
Brigid was resting with him. And she didn’t feel uncomfortable; it felt… right. It was Carwyn. And she knew without a doubt that he would sooner tear off his own arm than see any harm come to her while she slept. He must have known she was awake because his breathing changed slightly and a low heartbeat sounded beneath her ear as it lay on his chest.
“Carwyn?” she whispered.
He spoke in a soft voice when he answered. “Yes, love?”
She kept her eyes closed, trying to hold on to the peace of the moment. “Did I sleep here all day?”
“Mmmhmm.”
“Sorry I fell asleep.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s natural. Your body needed the rest.”
They fell silent again, and the only sound was the soft tick of the clock on the wall. What had they been talking about when she fell asleep? Oh, God. Her pathetic schoolgirl crush… When she remembered, she tried to pull away, but his arm tightened around her, holding her in place.
“I’ve been thinking,” he said in a soft voice.
“About my embarrassing confession?”
“No. Well, yes, but I don’t consider it embarrassing. I’m quite flattered, really.”
“Of course you are. And I’m going to die of embarrassment now.”
“No embarrassment.” He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. She felt the current of it spread over her skin. Past her shoulders. Straight down to her…
“I am definitely going to hell.”
She felt, rather than heard, the low chuckle. “Now who’s being silly?” Carwyn paused, but didn’t stop stroking the inside of her wrist. It was hypnotic. She wanted to curl into his lap and stay forever. “I don’t want to talk about my collar, or your problems. I’m not denying them. I’m just not interested in all the marks against us tonight.” His fingers left her wrist to tilt up her chin so their eyes met.
“What do you want from me, Carwyn?”
“Many things.” A lazy smile spread over his face. “But tonight, I want to hold you, and kiss you, and tell you that I love you as often as I like. And you’re not going to run away—”
“But—”
“Or argue.” He pressed a finger to her lips before he traced around them with care. Brigid’s skin was on fi
re. “Shhh,” he soothed her. “I’m not asking you to say anything. Or do anything. Just… let me love you for a bit like I want. Please, Brigid?”
His blue eyes burned into hers, her heart gave a quick lurch, and she fell. Utterly and completely.
But she couldn’t say the words. Couldn’t say them when he thought it might be in thanks or out of obligation. So she knit their fingers together and lifted her face to kiss his lips.
Oh, it was sweet. Achingly slow and gentle. One hand pressed against his chest and she felt the sure, steady heart give a solitary thump. Slowly, as if he was trying not to startle her, Carwyn pulled her onto his lap so they were face-to-face. One hand rested lightly at her waist, and the other made a slow, soothing circuit up and down her back, occasionally stopping to play along her neck and the fine, dark hair that covered the nape.
She melted into his arms as he made love to her mouth, interspersing light kisses with teasing bites.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I’ve waited so long for you, Brigid.”
It made her ache. Why me?
As if he could hear her thoughts, he whispered again, “I love your strong heart. I love your mind and your passion. When you fall in love with me, you’re going to love me madly. Completely. Because that’s who you are.”
I do! She almost cried as he kissed her.
“I should also point out that I’m extremely fond of your mouth at the moment.”
She smiled against his lips. How could he do it? How could he make her heart bleed and laugh at the same time? How could she ever be his equal?
“Carwyn, I…”
He pulled back slightly. “What?”
I love you, and I’m so hopelessly incapable of being who you need me to be. “I… don’t know what to say.”
He smiled at her. That teasing smile that made her insides melt. “Then don’t say anything.” He kissed her again. “I love you. That’s all. I love you.”
There was nothing to say. Nothing. So Brigid gave herself fully over to his kiss. To the comfort and strength of his arms. And she loved him.
They spent hours in the den. Kissing. Laughing quietly. And she lost count of how many times Carwyn told her he loved her. That she was beautiful. That she was a treasure. It was as if he were making up for a thousand years of loneliness and filling her to the brim with tenderness all at the same time. She was heady with it, and grateful that he made no other move than to tuck her more firmly into his side or nestle her head against his chest.