“Nope. I’m good.” Kin let out a huff and I shook my head at her impatience. “I’ll see you on Sunday, okay?”
“Okay, baby. Have fun with Kin.” But she didn’t say goodbye or try to hang up, which had me tensing.
“Mom?”
She let out a long, tired sounding breath. “Sorry. It’s nothing. I’m just glad you’re home, Lucy. I love you, baby. See you on Sunday.”
Before I could even tell her I loved her back she had hung up and I set my phone down distractedly. Something was up with my mom but I had no clue what it was. I hadn’t seen her since she and Dad had dropped me off at Georgetown back in January. We talked regularly, but she could have been keeping things from me.
Just as I was keeping things from her.
Chapter 3
Lucy
I passed out halfway through Kin’s big sleepover Friday night. Between the stress of end-of-semester exams, the flight, and the anxiety of being home, I hadn’t been able to keep up with Kin. Even though I fell asleep by six, I was the last one up the next morning but I still felt exhausted.
Kin wasted no time in getting me out the door. She was already marking off things on her list and I was glad to go along. Anything to keep my mind off of the actual graduation ceremony, and more importantly the after party. I found myself smiling a little more easily as the day wore on and by that night as we climbed back into her bed my face didn’t feel nearly as stiff and the smiles came a little more easily.
I stretched out on my stomach beside Kin and bunched one of her pillows under my head. “Thanks for today,” I mumbled as I fought sleep.
She turned on her side, propping her head up on her hand. “It was fun, but it showed me just how much I’ve missed you. Are you sure you want to go back to Georgetown for the summer term? I mean, really, summer school?”
“I don’t want to take a break. It helps to keep my mind occupied.”
Blue eyes darkened and she scooted closer. Reaching out she pushed a few of my curls back from my face. The gentle touch of her fingers to my cheek had my eyes stinging but I didn’t shy away from her. “I know it’s been hard, Lu, but things haven’t been easy for him either.”
I turned my face away from her. “Is that why he’s been in the trash mags with a handful of different chicks the last few months?” I didn’t mean to sound so bitter about it, but I couldn’t seem to help myself.
It had been a hard pill to swallow when I’d first seen Harris on the cover of some trashy tabloid with his arm around some blonde with killer legs and an even deadlier body. He’d been grinning down at her like she was his whole world and I’d fallen a little deeper into the black abyss that I’d been in from the day he’d told me we didn’t belong together.
I’d tried to tell myself that I was happy if he was moving on. If he was happy then that was all that really mattered. Right?
Wrong.
It had hurt so fucking bad and I’d resorted to old coping methods.
The next week Harris had been featured on yet another tabloid with that same smile but a different blonde with legs that went on for miles and a chest that had to have set her back a good ten grand. The gossip magazines had been keeping up with how Harris Cutter had a different beautiful blonde on his arm every week and how much fun he seemed to be having.
Even though it killed me to see him with so many different chicks, I was still thankful that the media hadn’t gotten wind of what had happened with Tessa after she had nearly killed him. Aunt Emmie had kept me up to date on what was going on regarding Jenna’s ex. She’d pleaded guilty to a few lesser crimes and had gotten five years. It was the best the district attorney could come up with to keep what had happened out of the papers. Aunt Emmie had made sure to tell me that Tessa wasn’t faring well inside, either. The second day of her five-year sentence Tessa had been jumped by five women and had ended up in the prison infirmary with a concussion and a broken wrist.
I didn’t want to think about the kind of connections my aunt had to have pulled that off, but I knew instinctively that she’d been responsible for what had happened to Tessa. Emmie Armstrong could make anything she wanted happen with just a few phone calls. She was kind of dangerous.
Okay, so she was very dangerous. That was just one of the many things I loved so much about her, though.
Kin blew out a heavy sigh. “You shouldn’t read those things, Lucy. You, better than anyone, should know that those things don’t have a bit of truth to them.”
Maybe the paps who had printed those stories about Harris had gotten it wrong, but the pictures told their own story. Harris was definitely having fun with them.
That he had been able to move on so easily while I was fighting just to get out of bed each morning hurt more than anything else could have right then. It had been easier when I thought he was just as destroyed as I was—not much more, but some. I’d felt so stupid when I knew he wasn’t. It was more than obvious to me that Harris hadn’t been nearly as invested in us as I had been.
I didn’t feel like arguing about it with Kin, though. She didn’t want to choose sides and I respected that. For the most part. It stung a little that she wasn’t completely on my side when I’d stuck by her when she had claimed to hate Jace. She cared about Harris and that was okay because I knew she cared about me too.
“You could always come home and go to UCLA with me and Kassa.”
I sucked in a deep breath and turned my head to give her a tight smile. “I’ve wanted Georgetown since I was ten, Kin. I love it there.”
The look on Kin’s face told me she didn’t completely buy my lie. “You might love the school, but you don’t love being away from your family and friends. You haven’t really smiled since you left and it’s taken you all day to finally smile like you mean it. You can lie to your parents and even yourself all you want, babe, but I can see you aren’t happy.”
As much as I loved that girl, I hated that she could see through my bullshit so easily. I turned on my side so I could see her better and told her the truth. “Me being unhappy has nothing to do with where I am. I would be just as unhappy if I was living in California or if I was living on the moon. It takes all my energy just to get out of bed each morning.”
“Lucy…”
I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. Honest.” Another lie, but what the hell, all I did anymore was lie to the people who loved me. “It’s just slow going, but I’m getting there.”
“You’re strong, Lucy. The strongest person I know.”
I shifted onto my back to keep her from seeing the pain I knew would be shining in my eyes. She had no idea. I had never been strong. I was weak, so damn weak. If it weren’t for the things I did to help deal with all the emotional shit that seemed to constantly be dumped on my head, I wasn’t sure how sane I would have been right then.
Kin yawned and pulled her comforter up over her shoulders. “Tomorrow will be another fun day,” she said as she closed her eyes.
I wasn’t going to hold her to that promise. There was no way the next day was going to be fun for me.
Kin fell into a deep sleep easily, but I just lay there, staring up at the ceiling and dreading the next day.
There was no time to waste the next morning. There were only two bathrooms in Kin’s apartment and three chicks trying to get ready in them. It was a small nightmare to say the least. I rushed through my shower, made sure my leather bracelet was in place and then hurried to put on enough makeup so I didn’t look like a freaking ghost.
There was no time for breakfast so we all grabbed an apple as we ran out of the apartment. The school parking lot was already overfilling by the time we got there and I ran in my heels to catch up with the rest of the class as they got in line to walk out for the opening part of the ceremony.
Being late was a good thing in my opinion. I didn’t have to go through the tears and hugs and all the other crap I knew I would be subjected to all over again after the ceremony. There was
no time for nerves or to wonder who had come and who hadn’t. I barely had time to fix the yellow honor stole as I took my place near the back of the line with my fellow classmates.
Kin was closer to the middle of the line and went out before me, but I heard my family as well as her own call out her name as she walked out. I couldn’t help the small smile that tilted my lips when I heard their voices. I could easily identify Aunt Emmie and my mom. Could have picked out my dad’s whistle in a crowd of ten thousand.
All too soon it was my turn and I had to bite my lip to keep from looking up to find my family when their yells got even louder once they saw me. I lifted a hand and waved when I heard my nieces and the twins call out my name, but kept my eyes on the guy in front of me so I wouldn’t have to see if Harris was up there or not. I knew Natalie and Devlin would be; I’d sent the invitation out myself and even confirmed their attendance with Natalie weeks before through email. I hadn’t invited Harris, though. There was no way I could have handled seeing him.
That didn’t mean Kin left him out. She hadn’t said if she had or not, but I knew she would have wanted him there.
Finally in my seat with everyone else, I crossed my legs and pulled off my heels as one speech after another was given. I was thankful for the delays as I rubbed the arch of my left foot. I hated heels, but all the girls had been told repeatedly that we had to wear them. I thought it was bullshit and I wouldn’t have worn them if my mother hadn’t insisted she had found the perfect shoes to match both my dress as well as the cap and gown.
Three rows in front of me, Kin turned her head and made a face at me. I snickered only to get a glare from the two people on my right, which only made me snicker harder. Winking at me, Kin turned back around and I focused on the final words the principal was saying.
“Now, as you leave us, go out into the world and make mistakes. Break rules—as I’m well aware most of you are good at by now—but learn from those rules too. Make life what you want out of it and never be afraid to fight for your dreams.” The woman smiled with warmth at us and stepped back as everyone clapped.
I didn’t even move as her words washed through my head like a tsunami. I’d never really thought of the principal as a deep person, but those words were deeper than I could have ever imagined and they stuck with me even as I walked across the stage to shake her hand and accept my diploma.
Chapter 4
Harris
“Move your ass, Harris. We’re going to be late.”
I flipped Jace’s back off as he sprinted toward the auditorium where his girlfriend was graduating in just a few minutes. I wasn’t in the mood to watch a bunch of high school kids graduate. Fuck, I wasn’t in the mood for much of anything most of the time. I especially wasn’t in the mood to see Lucy.
Liar.
I gritted my teeth as Jace glanced over his shoulder to see if I was following him. Seeing that I wasn’t keeping up with him, he stopped and turned to glare at me. “You make me late for this and I’m gonna kick your ass. Hurry the fuck up, asshole. I’m not missing Kin walk across that stage to get her diploma.”
Kin was the only reason I was even out of bed on a Sunday before noon. She hadn’t just sent me an invite to her graduation but had asked me personally. I hadn’t had the heart to tell her no. She and Jace had been my rocks over the last few months and without them I wasn’t sure where the fuck I would have been. Showing up today was the least I could do for her.
Muttering a curse, I jogged to catch up with my best friend and he gave me a nasty glare before leading the rest of the way inside. The place was already full to capacity and at least fifty of the attendants were either rockers or the family of rockers. As soon as we stepped inside I heard Jace’s name being called and then my own.
Turning, I glanced up at the rows of faces and immediately found my parents and little sister waving at me. Jace, seeing Kin’s stepfather and stepsiblings, told me he’d see me after the ceremony. I nodded and took the stairs two at a time. Before I could reach them, my little sister rushed forward and I scooped her up in my arms as she threw herself at me.
Trinity grinned, making her matching dimples pop and I was helpless not to smile back. “Hey troublemaker.”
Blue-gray eyes identical to her mother’s narrowed on me. “I’m the good one,” she reminded me with the kind of sass her mom was so well known for, making me chuckle. “Missed you, Harris.” Her tiny arms hugged my neck and she held on tight.
I hugged her closer, breathing in her sweet little girl scent and finding a small taste of peace that I’d been desperate to find for so fucking long now. “Missed you too, Trin.” Not letting her go, I climbed the rest of the stairs until I reached our parents and took her empty chair beside Natalie.
My stepmother gave me a welcoming smile before reaching for my tie to straighten it. “I thought you were going to shave,” she said with a huff.
I shrugged. “Didn’t feel like it.” I didn’t feel like doing anything most days. If it weren’t for work, I would stay in bed all day, hating the world.
Hating myself.
Trinity turned around on my lap. “Daddy is taking me and Mommy to lunch afterward. Wanna come with us?”
“He’s coming, Trin.” The rocker’s voice left no room for arguing.
I shot a glare past Natalie to where my dad was sitting, watching me like a hawk. “I have plans already,” I told him.
“To do what? Go home and stare at your walls?” He rolled his eyes. “That’s bullshit. Your ass is going to go eat with us. You look like you need a few steaks, dude.”
“Jace is giving Kin a party at her apartment. I’m going.”
That had both my parents lifting their brows. “Kin…and Lucy?” Devlin Cutter said her name almost hesitantly, as if he knew just how much hearing her name would affect me. There was no way he couldn’t know that just the mention of Lucy’s name sliced into me like a hot blade.
I forced my hands to unclench and stroked my fingers through Trinity’s long dark hair. To have looked at us right then most people would have assumed that she was my daughter and not my baby sister. I looked so much like my father, and Trinity was the perfect female clone of the both of us.
“Yeah,” I gritted out after a long silence where both my dad and stepmother just sat there watching me. “Kin and Lucy.”
“Good,” Devlin said with a nod, making his own long dark hair fall over his shoulder. “You’re still eating with us, though.”
“I’m not hungry.”
Natalie turned toward me in her chair, her maternal instincts taking in every little detail about my face and finding all the unspoken answers that she needed. “Stop arguing. You’re going with us. Now shut up. The girls will be out soon.”
Trinity shot me a smirk, having gotten her way. I tapped her on the nose before turning her on my lap so she could watch the ceremony that was about to start. Seconds later the lights in the auditorium went dim and the stage became brighter as the seniors all walked out.
As each student stepped out in their cap and gowns my heart sped up a little more. Halfway through, I saw Kin. With her height and long red hair, she was hard to miss. I yelled out for her along with my parents, Jace, and her family, refusing to turn my head when I heard a chorus of other people whistling and calling out to her from across the auditorium. The Demons had welcomed Kin with open arms from the first day Lucy had brought her home with her. I watched as Kin smiled and lifted her hand to wave at everyone as she took her seat.
Ten students later and my heart was no longer beating my chest to death. It stopped as all the air in my lungs expelled and wouldn’t fill back up. With five-inch heels and her curls bouncing around her shoulders, Lucy walked out and the people around me went crazy as I tried to find the will to make my lungs work again.
Even from where I was sitting I could make out her face, could see her shy little smile as she lifted her hand and waved as her brothers and nieces called out to her. I
caught sight of a leather bracelet on her left wrist as her hand started to lower and I wanted to storm onto the stage and rip it off, to expose the ink that matched my own.
Fuck. She was so goddamn beautiful. I’d tried to play her beauty down in my mind, tried to lie to myself about the effect she had on me. I’d only been fooling myself. Just looking at her made it hard to breathe. Knowing that I’d thrown what we could have had away didn’t help my breathing situation any. The muscles in my chest protested and I released my hold on Trinity to rub a hand across them.
I hadn’t seen her since she’d run out of my parents’ house in January. Hadn’t tried to follow after her, to tell her I hadn’t meant it—that it was all a lie. That I was sorry. That I didn’t want her to go. That I fucking loved her more than any other person in the world. Including myself. Instead I’d stood in the doorway watching her run away from the pain I’d caused. Away from me. Even though it had nearly killed me, I’d let her go without another word.
All that shit with Tessa had shown me that Lucy was better off without me. That I would just bring her down. She had been ready to change her college plans for me. Would have stayed in California to be with me. All her dreams of going to Georgetown from the time she was ten would have gone down the drain and it would have been my fault. She deserved more out of life than the fuck up I’d felt like I was back then.
That I still was.
There hadn’t been a day I didn’t regret not following Lucy. Wasn’t ten seconds that went by that I didn’t ache to call her and beg for another chance.
She was doing good at school, though. Emmie kept Natalie up to date regularly since they worked together. Nat in return told me how Lucy was doing. If she had been falling behind, if she had been falling apart, then maybe I would have called her. The smallest sign that she needed me as much as I needed her and I would have been on a fucking plane. But she wasn’t, and I wasn’t about to fuck up her life all over again.