To my private amusement, she sank to sit on the bed and stared at me in astonishment. Zack lowered himself into a sit-kneel.
“And your sweetie’s demon name is Zakaar,” I said, unable to resist adding one more level of weird to the whole thing.
She blinked, shook her head like a dog shedding water. “Wait. Ryan . . . Ryan is a demonic lord? Ryan?!”
“Weeelll, it’s complicated.” I grimaced and rubbed the back of my neck. “Ryan Kristoff is . . .” I had to swallow back a sudden wave of sadness. “He doesn’t actually exist. There was a real Ryan Kristoff and, as far as I can tell, he died and his, um, life was taken over as a cover for the exile of Szerain.” The grief clogged my throat briefly, and it was a few seconds before I could speak properly. “He’s an overlay, basically. An identity with a real person’s background, but he’s an aspect of Szerain. He’s not real.”
“Ryan Kristoff died in my arms,” Zack said.
I stared at him, unable to form any possible reply to that statement. I’d thought about it, rationally accepted the truth that the Ryan I knew and, yes, loved wasn’t a real person. But hearing it like that—from someone who knew—seemed to wrench my whole world off its axis. “What happened?” My voice cracked. Since I already knew the basics, I hoped that Zack had enough freedom around his oaths to fill in the details I so desperately needed.
“I sought a candidate for Szerain, for his exile. Similar in body and face.” He tipped his head back, inhaled deeply. “I was carefully watching many possible choices. Ryan Kristoff was the one to succumb in a circumstance that proved suitable. He and a friend went hiking in the Adirondack mountains. Ryan lost his footing and tumbled a hundred feet down a steep rocky slope.” Zack lifted one long-fingered hand, tilted it to indicate a precipitous grade. “His friend went for help. I went to Ryan.”
Grief swallowed me as I listened. I pygahed in an effort to maintain any sort of control. I’d wanted to know this. As hideous and painful as it was, I wanted to know the truth.
“He was close to death,” Zack continued after a moment, voice a bit less rich. The memory affected him as well. “I eased him, removed the pain, held him, and spoke to him, in the moments he had remaining.”
Tears slid down my cheeks, but I didn’t wipe them away. I felt frozen in shock and sorrow, dimly aware that Jill also quietly wept, eyes on Zack as he spoke.
“What did you do with his body?” I finally asked.
“I incinerated him. Collected the ashes.” Zack lowered his head.
“And then you created the overlay?” A part of me marveled that I was able to continue to question him so calmly.
“The Demahnk Council sent Szerain through to me,” Zack said. “He had been submerged for some time already, but yes, I then formed the overlay, shifted his features, and—” He paused for a long moment, iridescence of his skin dulling. “And created injuries appropriate to such a fall, including head trauma to account for memory loss.” He shifted, settled his wings and lifted his head. “When Ryan’s friend returned, he found his hiking buddy injured but alive. The ultimate identity theft.”
I stood in numb shock, pulse ringing in my ears as the strange and horrific savagery of the entire thing rolled over me. And what must it have been like for Zack to brutalize Szerain for the sake of a stable prison? “What happened to the ashes?”
“I still have them,” he replied, words barely a ripple in the air.
Jill found her voice. “What happens now?”
Zack went still and pulled his wings in close. I felt a tug from the sigils and realized he’d recovered enough to make the shift back to human form. Carefully, I fed power into the sigils and observed his transformation. First the dissolution to sparkly-transparent, a pause, then finally to solid limbs and torso. The change from demahnk to human seemed easier for him, perhaps because he was so used to being in human form after all these years.
He drew a deep breath, then lifted his head and gave me a nod. “It is enough,” he said in reference to the sigils. “Thank you.” He gave Jill a weary smile. “Sorry, babe. I know it’s weird.”
I dispelled the sigils and sat on the floor. “You might want to tell her how old you are too.”
Zack shot me a disgruntled look before he spoke to Jill. “Millennia,” he told her.
I didn’t miss that he kept it nice and vague.
Jill gave a breathless laugh. “Wow.” She stroked a hand over her belly. Then she gulped, fear darkening her eyes again. “Will our baby look like, um, your winged form?” She’d seen a normal-looking ultrasound, but after witnessing Zack’s transformation into Zakaar, I didn’t blame her one bit for wanting more reassurance.
Zack laid a hand on the bed, used it to help him rise from the floor. “No,” he said as he sat beside her. “She will be beautiful like you.”
“God, you’re a slick talker,” Jill murmured as she leaned in for a kiss.
Zack returned the kiss. “You know it, sweetie.”
And that’s my cue to leave. They could handle it from here. I quietly departed and closed the door behind me.
A lovely heady scent filled the hallway, chocolate but more, and a bit of sniffing told me it originated in the kitchen. Paul and Bryce were there, chatting and relaxed, while Bryce stirred the contents of a saucepan.
“What am I smelling?” I asked as I moved forward, nose twitching like a bloodhound’s.
“Bryce makes the best hot chocolate ever,” Paul announced, grinning. “He’s doing up a big batch.”
I nosed my way in to peer at—and inhale the scent of—the contents of the saucepan, then shifted my gaze to his face. “I’ve always liked you, Bryce. You know that, right?”
Smiling, he snagged a mug from the cabinet. “As much as you’ve done for me, I think you’re pretty much guaranteed a full serving.” He ladled the thick, creamy liquid into the mug and passed it to me. I wrapped my hands around it, sipped.
“Marry me,” I moaned.
Bryce laughed. “I’m flattered, but I don’t think that would go over very well with the lord.”
“Details!” I sat and spent some lovely minutes savoring the creamy drink. “If chocolate was a weapon, the Mraztur wouldn’t stand a chance.”
“Weaponized chocolate.” Paul grinned. “Turn any bad guy good.”
I grinned and sipped. “We have you two as allies. That’s pretty hard core.” It was nothing to sneeze at either, I knew. Paul could supposedly work miracles with computer and infrastructure, and I’d already had the chance to see Bryce in action. My posse was getting bigger and better.
I finished the hot chocolate and resisted the urge to shove my face into the mug to lick out as much as possible. My ring clinked softly against the ceramic as I set it down, and I dropped my gaze to the thin crack in the blue gem. Unique and beautiful—which gave me an idea. The summoner who’d received Idris on Earth had worn an unusual ring, red and black stones set in a gold filigree. “Paul, if you had a picture of a fairly unique ring, would you be able to track it down?”
Paul screwed up his face. “That all depends on how unique it is, photos, sales records, stuff like that. Sure, it can be done in some cases, but I can’t make any promises until I get into it. What do you have for me to go on?”
“I’ll, uh, get a sketch to you later,” I said, tentatively. Crap. Good idea, shaky execution. My drawing skills sucked.
“Do that, and I’ll do what I can,” he said cheerily, then grabbed another mug of hot chocolate and returned to the office. Bryce poured more for me, gave me a wink and then retreated to the living room.
A few minutes later I heard the guest room door open and close quietly. I looked down the hallway to see Zack.
“She’s napping,” he told me softly, then moved on to the basement door. Time for him to tend Ryan/Szerain.
I found paper and a pencil, then settled at the table to drink awesome hot chocolate and sketch the ring as best I could. The house wasn’t exactly quiet—the sound of whatever game
Bryce was playing mixed with the hum of the washing machine and the whirr of the air conditioner—but it all wound together into a comforting white noise of home and family. An odd family, to be sure.
After about half an hour I decided there wasn’t much more I could do with my raggedy sketch of the ring. I quietly entered the office and slid it onto Paul’s desk. He didn’t even twitch in acknowledgment of my presence, eyes totally locked on the screen. I bit back a low laugh as I returned to the kitchen, then pulled my phone out and sent him a text to tell him the sketch was in front of him. A minute later I heard, “Got it!” from the office. Now to see what he could come up with.
Jill came out of the guest room and gave me a smile. “I hate to admit it, but you were right. I needed to know about Zack’s demon-ness.”
“Yes, you did,” I agreed. “For the bean’s sake as well.” I gave her a smile. “Anyway, I’m glad that’s over with. You staying for the night?”
She shook her head. “I don’t have a change of clothes here, and I’d rather sleep in my own bed than wake up early to go home and get ready for work.” She slung her purse over her shoulder and gave me an exaggerated mock scowl. “Also, Zack and I talked about the whole moving in thing again, and,” she rolled her eyes and sighed, “I told him I’d think about it.”
“Cool,” I said. “I’ll add you to the chore rotation list.”
She snorted. “I knew you had an ulterior motive.”
“Always. Give me a call tomorrow, okay?”
“If you’re lucky,” she said with a laugh, then departed..
Pleased, I returned to my seat at the kitchen table and busied myself with arcane homework—boring-but-necessary stuff that wasn’t anywhere near as cool as tracing glowing sigils, but was essential in order to understand the fundamentals and theory and why certain strands linked only in certain ways, etc.
Sometime around midnight, Zack finally came up from the basement and closed the door quietly behind him. I looked up as he approached, but I didn’t say anything. I still wasn’t sure how he felt about what I’d done.
“A warning would have been preferable,” he said, but gave me a smile as he dropped into the chair across from me.
Relieved, I returned his smile with a wry one of my own. “I was afraid that a warning would give either of you a chance to escape.” I shrugged. “And I figured it was time.”
“Time for Jill, perhaps,” he said. “It was not ideal for me.”
I angled my head, regarded him. “When would it have been ideal?”
He sighed, passed a hand over his face. “With warning, in a day or two. Still not ideal, but not detrimental. And yes,” he said with a faint nod as if reading my thoughts, “I could have refused today, but then where would that have left Jill?” Regret flickered in his eyes. “Hurting more.”
Spreading my hands on the table, I carefully mulled over his words. “I honestly didn’t know how you’d react to my pushing the issue,” I admitted. “You haven’t allowed me into your thought processes and plans lately. And, at that point, I was more concerned about Jill.” I took a deeper breath. “That said, I apologize for putting undue stress on you.”
He regarded me in silence, for long enough that I began to conclude he wasn’t going to respond at all. But then he laid a hand on top of mine. “You are right,” he said quietly.
Until that moment, I hadn’t realized how scared I was that he might reject me. I sucked in a ragged breath that was perilously close to a sob and turned my hand over to clasp his. “When you talked about Ryan, the real Ryan, something broke inside me,” I said. “I see Szerain coming out more and more, and I tell myself I know Ryan’s not real, that he’s only an overlay, but I couldn’t make myself believe that he’d be going away.” My throat tightened. “But now I know he will. Someday, probably not too far off, Ryan will be gone. He’ll really be dead.” I felt tears slide down my face. “And I’m sitting here watching my best friend die, and he doesn’t even know it.” I was crying in earnest now as I looked up at Zack. “Promise me,” I said almost desperately. “Promise me you’ll let me say goodbye to him before . . . he’s gone forever. Please.” My voice cracked on the last word, and I fell silent.
“Yes, I promise.” His fingers closed around mine. “I am deeply sorry,” he said, sounding as if he was apologizing for more than the current topic.
I gripped his hand while I cried, feeling the full grief of the loss of Ryan for the first time. It wouldn’t be the same with Szerain. It could never be the same. I struggled to get a hold of myself before Bryce heard me bawling and came to investigate, but it was a lost cause.
Keeping a firm hold on my hand, Zack stood, tugged me to my feet and led me out to the back porch. As soon as the door closed behind us, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.
And then I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I clung to him as I sobbed into his chest and let it all out. He held me, somehow giving me the comfort of being enfolded in wings even though he was most certainly in human form.
Gradually, I quieted to sniffles, though I kept my head leaned against him.
“It is unfair and unjust,” he said gently. “And, from my perspective, the opposite.”
“The opposite?” I tipped my head back to look into his face. “I don’t understand.”
“Ryan masks the one I know,” he said. “The one I . . .” He exhaled, troubled sadness in his eyes. “The one I know.”
“Oh, I see.” It was, indeed, the opposite viewpoint of mine. “I don’t understand why you can’t be his ptarl.”
He went eerily still, barely seemed to even breathe.
“Zack?” I said, worried. “Did I say something wrong?”
His eyes met mine. “No, Kara Gillian, you said something very right.”
“You mean about becoming Szerain’s ptarl? I mean, his ptarl is gone, and it seems like he could sure as hell use one.”
“Yes, he could,” he agreed, tension whispering across his face before he shook his head. “Though we both are bound elsewhere with bonds that serve none.”
I fell silent for a moment, turning all of that over in my head before speaking. “A bond—any bond—should be a benefit to both parties,” I stated. “If it isn’t, then one of the parties is a parasite.”
He closed his eyes and lowered his head. I felt a tremor pass through his body. He was already stressed to the nines, and I wasn’t exactly helping matters right now. Maybe time for me to ease up on the dude for a while.
I sniffled. “Sheesh, I’m all puffy-faced and red-nosed now.” I gave him a squeeze, then pulled away. “Jill said she was considering moving in. You got through to her.”
He smiled softly. “Like you said, there were some past issues she needed to face. I can’t say they aren’t a factor anymore, but I don’t think they’ll keep her from making the right decision. And she almost smiled at the idea of a double-wide mobile home rather than an RV.”
“You know just how to charm her.” I yawned and considered going out to the pond to snuggle with Mzatal, but when I extended I felt him sleeping. I didn’t want to risk waking him when he needed the rest so badly. “I’m going to sneak to my bedroom and do my best to sleep the sleep of the righteous.”
“Righteous,” he echoed, faint smile on his mouth. “I suppose there are times when the word suits you.”
“As long as it suits me with about eight hours of sleep.” I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, then returned inside to see how much righteous or unrighteous sleep I could manage.
Chapter 24
A weird tingling sensation rippled through me, jerking me out of a sound sleep. Fully awake, I assessed, realized it was wards I’d laid, triggering. I sat up and focused to determine which wards, dimly aware that it was still dark outside my bedroom window. A glance at my clock told me it was 4:13 a.m.
Another ripple. Jill’s place. I threw off the covers and pelted down the hallway, burst into the kitchen to find Jekki burbling softly by the table and Zack st
anding stone still, a knife poised over mushrooms on the cutting board.
He had wards at Jill’s house too, I remembered, and was no doubt assessing. I ducked into the utility room to grab jeans, t-shirt and sports bra out of the dryer, tugged them all on while I kept my eyes glued to Zack and waited for him to come out of it.
He finally exhaled, shoulders relaxing. “No immediate danger. No one’s on the property now.”
“What happened?” I demanded. “Do we need to go there? Or was it a new paperboy or something.”
“I don’t know what happened exactly,” he said. “There were two men. It was quick and on the periphery. They’re gone now.”
“I’m going,” I told him. “You coming with me?”
He gave a serious nod. “Give me a sec to get my gear. I’ll meet you at my car.”
I left him to get my own gear, found shoes, buckled on my gun and holster. I felt Mzatal awake and deep in his work with the mini-nexus, seeking Idris, and I asked Jekki to let him know what happened, and that I was going with Zack to check on Jill. He scurried out the back, and I went out the front to pace by the car. A moment later Zack came down the porch steps, phone in hand and expression stone cold.
I headed around to the passenger side of the car. “You don’t want her going out into something dangerous,” I said. “You should call her and tell her to stay inside.”
Zack slid smoothly into the driver’s seat and passed the phone over to me after I got in. “Make the call?” he asked, starting the car.
I found Jill’s number on his list, called and waited impatiently for her to answer.
“Zack?” she said muzzily.
“No, sugar muffin, it’s Kara. Your sweetie and I are on our way over because something pinged the wards we have around your house. And if you go outside to check, I swear I’ll string you up by your cute little ears. We’ll be there in about—” I was going to say twenty minutes, then took Zack’s demon-enhanced driving into account. “It’ll be about ten minutes.”