His heart gave a single hard kick, then melted. Images of the night before spun through his brain. Remembering, he grinned. “You’re a sight for sore eyes in the morning.”
She frowned, rolling her eyes upward toward her hair. “More like I’ll give you sore eyes in the morning.”
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
“And you’re getting cold standing there without a shirt.”
“Mind if I join you?”
She smiled again, that secret woman’s smile that always made him feel a little dizzy. “Only if you bring the coffee.”
“Oh, right.” Stepping into his boots, Jake dragged a small butane stove from his saddlebag and set the pan of water on the flame. He removed two cups and the tin of instant coffee.
“I hope you’re not hungry,” he said.
“I’m okay.”
He’d been about to say they were only a few hours from a warm room and hot food, but he didn’t want to bring that up. Not now. Looking away from her, he waited for the coffee.
How the hell was he going to handle this?
Minutes later, he carried two steaming cups over to the water and set them on a flat rock. He was aware of Abby watching him as he unzipped his jeans and stepped out of them. He couldn’t hide that he was aroused, but she didn’t say anything, merely watched him with those incredible violet eyes.
He stepped into the water, picked up her coffee and took it over to her. With their faces less than a foot apart, they sipped.
“You make really bad coffee,” she said.
Jake tried to smile, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop thinking about the dream, about what the next hours would bring for him. For her. How had he gotten into this situation? How could he have let himself get so involved?
He’d never felt so lousy in his life. Guilt and conscience and the cold, hard knowledge that he’d put everything he’d ever believed on the line tangled in his chest. The ensuing emotions strangled him. He wasn’t sure what was worse, wanting her and knowing he could never be with her. Or wanting her and knowing he was going to destroy her when he took her back.
“Jake?” she asked after a moment.
“Abby….” He didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how to begin. How could he tell her how he felt without sounding like a hypocrite? I care about you, but I care about my career more and I’m going to take you back to jail so I can get on with my life.
Hell.
“Jake, what is it?”
Only then did he realize he was shaking. His hands were shaking so badly, he’d spilled some of his coffee into the pool. Concern glimmered in her eyes when she reached for him. Jake took a step back, but he wasn’t fast enough and her hand brushed the side of his face.
He wasn’t sure exactly what happened next. Just that one minute she was touching his face, the next his arms were around her and he had her up against the rocks, kissing her as though his life depended on it. She stiffened in surprise for an instant, then melted against him.
Her body was warm and supple against his. Urgent need coiled and snapped inside him. He knew she didn’t deserve to be taken this way, but his desire for her was too powerful and he wasn’t a strong enough man to resist. Reaching around her, he gripped her hips and brought her to him. He groaned when she opened and her legs went around his hips. He entered her with a single thrust and went deep.
Abby cried out once. Jake heard his own voice, but he wasn’t sure what he’d said. His mind blanked when she began to move with him. They moved together, slowly at first, testing their limits. Jake closed his eyes against the burst of emotions. He tried to concentrate on the pleasure exploding in his body, about to reach a fever pitch. He didn’t let himself think about what would happen when they reached the ranger station. He didn’t let himself think of the dream or the guilt eating away at his conscience. That he was taking an innocent woman to jail for a crime she hadn’t committed. He told himself he hadn’t fallen for her. That the only thing between them was lust and a sort of mutual respect bred from three days of hard travel, high emotion and close proximity.
Completion bore down on him. He felt her muscles contract. Once. Twice. Jake let go of his control, and the climax crashed down on him with the force of an avalanche. Closing his eyes, he rode the waves, let the pleasure consume him.
For a few minutes the only sounds came from their heavy breathing and the wind through the trees. Jake was halfway out of the water. His back was getting cold. Abby shivered in his arms.
Gently, he lowered her into the steaming water. “You’re cold,” he said.
“Just my shoulders.”
“I didn’t…uh, mean for that to get out of hand like that.”
She dipped her head, catching his gaze. “What’s got you so worried?”
Jake couldn’t meet her gaze, couldn’t look at her after making love to her and knowing how terribly he was about to hurt her. He felt like such a bastard. “Abby…”
“Jake, it’s okay.”
“No, damn it, it’s not. I’ve been beating my brains out, trying to think of a way to handle this without taking you back to D.O.C., but I can’t. At least not right away.”
She stared back at him, her expression stricken, and it practically killed him.
“I meant everything I said to you. I’m not going to let this go.” He was still intimately connected to her. As much as he needed to touch her, as much as he loved being inside her, he couldn’t have this conversation that way. Moving slightly away, he rubbed his hand over his face. “But that doesn’t change what I have to do.”
“Go back without me. Tell them I got away. Tell them about the sniper—”
“Abby, I hate this, but I can’t do that.”
“You can, Jake. Between the two of us, we ought to be able to prove what I suspect about Reed. I mean, you believe me. You know I didn’t—”
“No, Abby.”
She drifted back in the water, her eyes wide and accusing. “Oh, I get it, I’m good enough to sleep with, but I’m not good enough to stand up for, is that it?”
“No,” he snapped. “Damn it, don’t ever let me hear you say that again.”
“I don’t need to say it, Jake. Your actions speak louder than words.”
“I can’t leave you up here with no food or water or transportation and a sniper on the loose! We’ve had this conversation before, and I haven’t changed my mind.”
“What about what happened between us last night?” Panic fringed her voice. “Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
“Hell yes it does! It means a lot to me. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to leave you up here to die!”
“I’d rather take my chances with the sniper.”
“You have to go back. At least until I can get some proof. A few days. A couple of weeks, max. I won’t let anything happen to you. Do you hear me?” One step and he was upon her. His fingers wrapped around her arms, and he shook her gently. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I care, damn it! I care about you more than you know, Abby. So don’t go laying guilt on me. I’m doing the only thing I can. I’m doing what I think is right.”
She choked out a sob. “You didn’t care about right or wrong a moment ago!”
Guilt pierced him. Jake let her go and stepped back. He knew how this looked to her. That he’d used her in the worst way a man could use a woman and was about to discard her back into the same system that had let her down so horribly.
“You’re going to have to trust me,” he said after a moment.
“The last man who asked me to trust him sent me to prison.”
“I’m nothing like Reed,” he growled.
“You’re just a little bit more up front about it.”
“I’m not going to let you do something stupid, Abby. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. And I’m not going to let you rot in prison for something you didn’t do.”
He could tell by the look in her eyes that she didn’t believe
him. It shouldn’t have hurt, but it did. And Jake felt the pain all the way to his soul.
* * *
By the time Jake and Abby hit the dirt road leading to the ranger station, the snow had changed to drizzle. A cold, bone-chilling drizzle that invariably found its way to the skin. Abby couldn’t bring herself to care about the physical discomfort. She didn’t even have the energy left to shiver. Her hair was soaked, but she hadn’t even bothered with the hood of the duster. In the scope of things hypothermia seemed like nothing compared to the humiliations she faced in the coming hours—and the prospect of spending the rest of her life behind bars.
Jake rode a few feet ahead of her, his expression stony. Pain sliced her every time she looked at him. He’d been watchful throughout the morning hours. He’d spoken to her several times, but Abby hadn’t responded. She knew it was wrong of her, but she was angry with him. She couldn’t let go of the hurt. Or the sense of betrayal that clamped down on her heart like a vise every time she thought about what he had done to her. She couldn’t believe that after everything they’d shared he was going to go through with this. That he was going to turn her in. She felt the betrayal like a knife in her back.
A mile from the ranger station a chopper flew by low to the ground. Jake reached quickly for the flare, struck it against the leather sole of his boot. The flare hissed, then began spewing orange smoke. Jake tossed it to the ground.
“They spotted us,” he said.
The finality of the statement sent a shiver through her. She wanted to say something, but her chest was tight with fear and dread. What was left to say, anyway?
“They’ll be expecting us.” Pulling up on the reins, he stopped the horse and turned in the saddle to look at her. “I meant what I said, Abby. Don’t think I’m not going to keep my word.”
She ignored him, focusing instead on the horizon to the west, the jagged snow-capped peaks, the hawk wheeling high above the trees by the stream that ran parallel with the trail.
Only when he dismounted and started toward her did she look at him. “Come here,” he snapped.
“What are you going to do, cuff me?”
“I have a few things I want to say to you, and you’re not listening.”
“Look, Jake, don’t make this any more difficult than it already is.”
“Get down off of that mule, or I’m going to pull you off.”
Cursing under her breath, she dismounted, then faced him. “Happy?”
“No. This is killing me.”
“Yeah? You should try it from my perspective. It’s not exactly a walk in the park.”
He stepped toward her. “Come here.”
She stepped back. “Why?”
“I want to hold you for a moment.”
“Or maybe you want something quick and dirty before we get back to the—”
“That’s enough!” he snapped. “That’s not how any of this happened and you know it. Don’t cheapen what happened between us because you don’t like the way I’m handling this.”
“I don’t have to cheapen it. You’ve already—”
“Don’t say it, Abby. Damn it, don’t even think it.”
The pain cut her like a knife twisting under her ribs. Unable to endure it, she reached desperately for her anger. Anything was better than the hurt. “All I know is I slept with you and now you’re taking me back to prison. You claim to believe me, and yet you don’t see fit to keep me out of prison.”
“I’m doing what I have to do to protect both of us. I was hoping you’d have a little bit more faith in me.”
“Forgive me if I don’t, but it seems to me like you’re mostly interested in protecting your own interests.”
“I can’t help you if I lose my credibility.”
“We wouldn’t want that to happen, would we?”
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Jake closed his eyes and cursed. “The right thing isn’t always the easiest, Abby. You of all people should know that.”
For the first time the parallels between Jonathan Reed and Jake Madigan were painfully clear to her. Abby didn’t want to believe it, but experience told her Jake was going to feed her to the wolves to save his career. The knowledge devastated her. Jake was an honorable man, after all. A lawman who would abide by not only his personal code of honor, but by society’s strict moral code. There was no place in his life for a convict.
The knowledge cut her clean through.
“Abby—” He started toward her.
Raising her hands, she stepped back. “Please, don’t do this to me.” She desperately needed to feel his arms around her, but pride wouldn’t let her say it, wouldn’t let her reach for him. She couldn’t bring herself to go to him.
Jake took the decision from her. Crossing the distance between them in one resolute stride, he reached for her. She tried to back away, but he caught her hand and pulled her to him. The solid warmth of his body against hers was like coming home. Abby heard a sob; realized with some surprise it had come from her. Closing her eyes against the pain of holding him close, yet knowing they could never have a future, she clung to him for a moment.
“I know a lawyer over in Boulder,” he said. “He owes me a favor. Buzz Malone and I are good friends. He’s an ex-cop, Abby. He’ll give me a hand. I’ll find proof. I swear, I won’t let you down.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“I always keep my word.” Pulling back slightly, he smiled at her, but the smile was fringed with strain. “You’ll be all right. I’ll get you put in special lockup as soon as I can. Even if it’s over in another county for now, I’ll work on that first, so you’ll be safe. Everything will be fine. I promise.”
Because she couldn’t speak, she nodded. But she didn’t believe him. She’d believed once too many times and the results had shattered her life.
He kissed her then. A hard kiss that shouldn’t have been sexual, but aroused her nonetheless. He was the only man in the world who could do that to her. The irony that he was the same man who was about to destroy her life didn’t elude her.
CHAPTER 14
Half an hour later Jake and Abby rode into the parking lot of the ranger station. Normally, the place was deserted this time of year; most people in Colorado preferred the ski slopes over hiking and camping in the rain. But this afternoon the place was crawling with law enforcement. Two Chaffee County sheriff’s vehicles were parked outside the small, neat building. A white D.O.C. van with a prisoner cage in the rear was parked next to it. At the gate twenty yards away, a Channel Seven news van replete with a satellite dish and a smartly dressed reporter, sat with its engine rumbling like a hungry predator waiting for prey.
Jake stopped his horse a few feet from the nearest Chaffee County cruiser. He heard the door of the ranger’s office slam and looked up. Two burly sheriff’s deputies in matching county-issue slickers approached.
His gaze swept to Abby. Her face blanched when she spotted the two men. Her hands shook visibly as she tangled her fingers in the mule’s stubby mane. She was breathing rapidly, her breaths spewing vapor as if she’d just run a mile.
“Easy, honey,” Jake said quietly. “Just…stay calm. Everything’s going to be all right.”
He could tell she wanted to say something back, but the two men reached them and the opportunity vanished. One of the men took the mule’s lead while the other walked over to Jake.
“Deputy Madigan? You okay?”
“Fine.” Letting the reins fall to the ground, he dismounted. “We’re both cold and hungry and tired as hell.”
The door of the ranger station slammed again. Jake looked up to see Buzz Malone and John Maitland approach. Behind them, two D.O.C. officials followed. Jake recognized one of them as the suit from the morning of the briefing. It seemed like a lifetime ago. The other was a tall, big-boned woman wearing an ill-fitting uniform and a don’t-mess-with-me expression.
Jake couldn’t ever remember feeling so off kilter. He’d always been able to keep a ha
ndle on his emotions, on what he was thinking and feeling and doing. But he had the disturbing impression that these people were going to take one look at him and know he and Abby had become lovers. Aside from getting shot, he couldn’t think of a faster way to end a cop’s career.
He risked a look at Abby. Her face was still sheet-white, but her expression was composed. Even from four feet away he could see that she was shaking. Her hair was wet, and it was damn cold, but he didn’t think the trembling had anything to do with the temperature.
God, he hated this.
“Ma’am, get down off the mule,” instructed one of the deputies, stepping over to the animal’s left side. “Right now.”
“You okay, Jake?”
He dragged his gaze from Abby, caught Buzz Malone’s concerned look.
“Peachy,” he muttered.
“That’s one hell of a shiner you got there.”
“Yeah, well, it’s been one hell of a couple of days.”
Jake knew he should walk away now while the walking was still good. While he still could. But the very thought of leaving her tore at his insides like a vicious little animal.
He knew better than to look at her. Not when his control was tattered and he could feel the rise of her fear as surely as he could taste the bile at the back of his throat. He’d known this was going to be hard, but he hadn’t imagined it would tear him up inside.
The sight of her devastated him. Even cold and wet and disheartened she was beautiful. Fear permeated her expression. She wouldn’t look at him, and Jake instinctively knew why. He knew it would be too hard for her to maintain the guise of lawman and convict.
“Ma’am, I said get down off the mule.” The burly deputy pulled a set of cuffs from his pocket.
More than anything Jake wanted to talk to her, to reassure her, to make her believe that he was going to come through for her.
Without speaking to the deputies or Buzz, he walked over to the mule and reached up to help her down. He was aware of the other men hanging back. He could feel their questioning gazes on his back. For the first time in his professional career he didn’t give a damn.