I’d spent an uncomfortable afternoon dealing with questions from Alex Turnbull, one of the elders, regarding Shay living in the basement apartment. Linda had been right about the elders having questions and concerns about renting the apartment to her. I spent over an hour talking to Alex—an hour I didn’t have to spare.
At the end of our discussion, Alex remained skeptical. Thankfully, he was agreeable to giving Shay a chance, and not to bring my decision up before the board as a matter of concern. For that I was grateful.
When I returned to the house, Mark sat in front of the television, deeply involved in a videogame. My son seemed to spend more and more of his time involved in these games. I’d tried to get him interested in other activities, but he showed no inclination for anything else. I had few complaints when it came to my son. He got good grades and seemed to get along well with others. He did have that one incident where he’d gotten the black eye. He’d never told me the full story of what had happened. It seemed he preferred to put the entire episode behind him. I understood and respected his decision. I had to accept that he was simply an indoors kind of kid. I loved my son for who he was, and while I would have liked to see him more physically active, I wasn’t going to push him into something he didn’t enjoy.
Sarah was nowhere in sight and I suspected she was at Shay’s, who had been home from the hospital a week now. My daughter spent as much time as she could with Shay. It was good for them both. Shay was bored and restless and Sarah helped keep her occupied. And Sarah thrived on Shay’s attention. My daughter was hungry for a mother and had taken to Shay from the first moment they’d met.
“Where’s Sarah?” I asked my son as I walked into the house. I expected company any minute and put on coffee.
Mark ignored me. “Son. Sarah?” I repeated my question, louder this time.
Without looking away from the television screen, Mark answered, “She went over to see Shay.”
As I’d suspected. Shay wasn’t up for lengthy visits just yet. She remained weak, but determined to return to her classes and work as soon as she could manage it.
I appreciated all the help given to Shay. Several of her friends had stepped up to lend a hand. Lilly Palmer, Sadie and Alice, and a few others I wasn’t as familiar with made frequent visits to check up on her. There wasn’t much for them to do other than offer support, love, and encouragement.
I’d made more than a few visits myself, needing the reassurance that she was doing well. I knew Mark had been over to visit her, too, which surprised and pleased me. They apparently worked on questions of logic and played games involving math puzzles. Not my thing, but the two of them seemed to enjoy that intellectual stimulation.
I would’ve liked to spend more time with Shay myself, but that was impossible. My responsibilities at the church kept me away. I’d been at the hospital nearly 24/7 and was well behind with counseling appointments and other pastoral duties.
At last report Shooter remained on the loose, evading police detection. I’d been in contact with the authorities regarding his whereabouts. Sightings had been reported in the Seattle area, but no arrest had been made. He was a slippery devil, but he wouldn’t be able to avoid capture forever.
Because they were worried about Shooter finding Shay again, Richard and Chuck had made a point of standing guard over the church area with the promise to report any suspicious activity. Thus far, thankfully, they’d seen nothing.
“You going to visit Shay?” Mark asked.
The idea of seeing Shay strongly appealed to me. “I will later. I have a couple friends stopping by in a few minutes.”
“Who?”
“You don’t know them. Their names are Richard and Chuck.”
“They new at church?”
“No…I met them through Shay. They live on the streets.”
If that information fazed my son, he didn’t show it. To this point, he had yet to look up from the video screen, intent on slaying dragons or some creatures from outer space, I couldn’t tell which.
A couple minutes later, just as I’d said, the doorbell rang. I opened the door to Richard and Chuck. Richard came into the house, but Chuck stayed on the other side of the threshold.
“I’ll keep watch,” Chuck announced.
Richard looked hard at his friend. “You said—”
“I’ll stay out here,” Chuck insisted. He peered inside the house, and that seemed to be enough to dissuade him from coming inside. The more I’d come to know Chuck, the more I realized that he was uncomfortable in enclosed spaces. He preferred sleeping outdoors even on the coldest of nights rather than going into a shelter. Both Richard and I had tried to reason with him, to no avail. I didn’t know what had caused this with Chuck and he wasn’t talking.
Even when it came to visiting Shay at the hospital, Chuck hadn’t been by once. Richard had mentioned it all had to do with the elevator and that his friend preferred to wait outside.
“I won’t be long,” Richard said as he came into the house. He removed his knit cap, which had several holes.
He looked a bit uncomfortable himself, I noticed. Without asking, I poured him a cup of coffee, added cream and sugar, and set it on the kitchen table.
Richard’s gaze scanned the room.
“That’s my son, Mark,” I said.
Mark sat with his back to us but raised his arm in greeting.
“Hi,” Richard said shyly, as if he didn’t want to disrupt Mark’s game. Pulling out a chair, Richard took a seat and cupped the mug with both hands while staring down at the brew.
I took the seat across from him and had my own cup. “I understand you’re the one who’s been keeping an eye out for Shay’s brother?”
Richard nodded. “Didn’t know it would lead to this.”
“Of course not. None of us would have guessed something like that would happen. Don’t blame yourself. Hurting Shay is on Shooter, no one else.”
Richard cocked his head to the side. I knew he wanted to believe me but felt terrible that Shay had been hurt.
“What made you want to find Caden?” I asked.
Rotating the knit cap in his hand and keeping his gaze focused down, Richard mumbled, “Shay brought me coffee. She didn’t need to do that. That guy, Frankie, who owns the café, he didn’t want me around. I wasn’t hurting nobody. There’s this grate there, see. It has warm air coming out of it, and nights when I can’t get in the shelter it’s the warmest place to be.”
“I understand.”
“Didn’t think there was anything I could do for Shay, to thank her, you know. I don’t have much and what I got I need.”
“Of course,” I agreed.
“One time she mentioned her brother. Told me she hadn’t heard from him the whole time she was in prison and I thought, you know, that maybe if I found him that I could help him, steer him toward folks who could get him help. I mentioned it to Shay once and she thanked me real nice, but then she said it would be best if Caden sought the help on his own.”
“Caden needs to want to get well himself,” I told him.
“I know,” Richard was quick to tell me. “But I’ve lived on these streets. I know how down a man can get when you start to believe there’s no way out, no one who cares. I’ve been there. If anyone can reach Shay’s brother it would be me. I wanted to do that for her to thank her.”
“It was a thoughtful thing to do.”
“Never knew it would lead to her getting hurt.”
“How’d Shooter ever find her?” That question had played heavily on my mind.
“Think it was an accident that he did,” Richard said. “Like I explained, I put the word out, but I promise you I never gave anyone information about Shay. The only thing I can figure is that Shooter had come looking for me and got lucky when he happened upon Shay that morning. No siree, I had all contact come to me. Not Shay.”
Richard had worried some might place the blame on him for what had happened to Shay. I didn’t, and I doubted anyone else had,
either. Especially Shay.
“What did Shay tell you about Caden?”
Richard shrugged as if unwilling to share confidences.
“I know he’s the one she stole the money for.” Although she’d never justified her actions, Shay had to have known at the time that she’d be prosecuted. She’d sacrificed herself for the sake of her brother.
“I know that as part of her own recovery, Shay has decided it would be best to keep her distance from her brother, and frankly, I agree.
“Have you had any success in finding him?” I asked Richard.
“Nope, sorry. I found out what I could, which wasn’t much. Last I heard he might be living in San Francisco, and that’s a big might. The guy who told me was high at the time so I wouldn’t count him as a reliable source.”
“Keep your ears open if you would. Caden is a threat to Shay. My top priority is to keep her safe.”
“I agree. If I hear anything you’ll know about it.”
“I appreciate that.”
Richard drank down the rest of his coffee and stood. “Got a cup of that I can take to Chuck? Not a fancy mug like this, a throwaway one?”
“Sure thing.” I prepared a cup for Chuck the same way that Richard liked his coffee, thinking his friend would as well. All I could find was a disposable cup meant for cold beverages. Richard didn’t seem to mind, though.
Seeing that Richard had already been on the search for Shay’s brother and found nothing but dead ends, it left me wondering who else I might be able to ask about Caden’s whereabouts, not only to be assured of Shay’s safety but also to help her brother if he was willing.
—
The following Wednesday before basketball with my guy friends, I asked to speak with Kevin Forester at Hope Center.
“What’s up?” Kevin asked when I entered his office. He appeared surprised to see me, knowing we were only minutes away from meeting on the court.
Scooting out the chair across from his desk, I took a seat, indicating that this might take a few minutes.
“Everything going okay with Shay since she’s out of the hospital?” Kevin asked.
“She’s doing great. Eager to get back to work and her classes.”
Kevin leaned back in his chair. “I told her she’s got a job here as soon as she finishes her schooling.”
“She told me.” The faith and trust Kevin and the others had placed in her and her ability had gone a long way toward the emotional healing that had taken place in Shay.
As was his habit after small talk, Kevin patiently waited for me to get to the crux of my visit.
“I need you to do something for me.”
My friend didn’t hesitate. “Sure. Anything.”
Kevin didn’t even know what I was about to ask and had already agreed. That said a lot about him as my friend and about the strong bond we shared. I didn’t have a lot of close friends. I worked with the elders at the church and was friendly with others, but there remained a separation, a distance, between us. Not so with Kevin. We were on an even playing field, comfortable enough with each other to share confidences, our fears and concerns. Had the situation been reversed, I would do whatever I could to help Kevin, should he ask.
“What do you need?”
“Shay has a brother. He was the reason she was attacked. I want to find him. Get him off the street if possible.”
Kevin folded his hands across his stomach. “I know about Caden.”
“You do?” Encouraged, I sat up straighter.
“Richard thought he might be living in the San Francisco area.”
“That I wouldn’t know,” I said, grateful I didn’t need to fill in the details to Kevin. “What I do know is what Shay told me. She’s got a new life now and is looking to avoid contact with him, which in my opinion is a good idea. I want to make sure he doesn’t have any access to her. If he does happen to be in the area, I was hoping you could get him into some kind of program.”
“Drew, of course, but Caden has to want help. Forcing it upon him won’t do any good. He has to be ready.”
I knew that but was hoping to keep Shay safe, and that meant keeping her brother away from her as best I could.
“If the opportunity arises, and frankly I hope Caden is in the Bay Area and as far away from Shay as possible, but anything you could do would be appreciated.”
Kevin sighed and I could sense his concern. Dealing with drug addicts wasn’t my area of expertise. I took eighty- and ninety-year-old widows to lunch. It was only since I’d met Shay and reconnected with Kevin that I’d had anything to do with street ministry, other than my time in the seminary.
“Richard has feelers out and is as concerned as I am. If Caden is in the area, then I believe Richard will do everything within his power to find him and steer him to you.”
“He’s definitely our best resource, but it’s a big if, seeing that all Richard has is a name. It isn’t uncommon for men like Caden to change their names, especially if someone like Shooter or law enforcement is looking.”
I agreed. “I have something that will help.” I reached for the photo I had of Caden and handed it to my friend. “Lilly found this when moving Shay into the church apartment. I had a copy made. Richard has one, too.”
Kevin stared at the photo for several moments. “I’ll pass this around the shelters and do what I can.”
“I appreciate it.”
Kevin straightened slowly. I assumed he was getting ready to head for the basketball court. We’d be a few minutes early, but that would give me a chance to warm up.
Instead, Kevin had a question of his own. “So how are you?”
I gauged how close to the truth I should be. The fact was, I was better than I had been but still had a ways to go. Katie’s death had nearly killed my faith in a loving God. For four long years I’d continued to struggle with that question.
Everything had changed for me after I’d met Shay. We’d found each other at exactly the right moment. I believed there were no accidents in life.
“How am I?” I repeated Kevin’s question. “Better, Kevin. Much better, and a lot of that has to do with Shay.”
My closest friend grinned. “I see the changes.”
“The thing is, I’m at a loss as to what to do with my feelings for Shay. She makes me happy. The children love her. But when it comes to romance, I’m all thumbs. You got anything to help me?”
This time Kevin laughed. “Sorry, you’re on your own, but I’m confident you’ll find your way. You did with Katie.”
Being back at work and school made me feel almost human again. My hair was growing back and I could look at myself in the mirror and not cringe. I was beginning to look like myself.
My appearance had changed since I’d been released from prison. It wasn’t the way I wore my hair or that I used a different brand of makeup. No, the changes were internal rather than external. I was happy, happier than I could ever remember being since I’d lost my mother. On top of that, I was falling in love with Drew and his children. Living close to them was wonderful. I saw Sarah nearly every day; I’d been motherless, too, and could identify with her, young as she was. Mark wasn’t as easy to get to know, but we’d bonded over videogames and enjoyed putting together jigsaw puzzles. He wasn’t as keen to share his feelings, but I was fine with that. He was a teenager and still finding his way. I didn’t know if he was so quiet and withdrawn due to the loss of his mother or for some other reason. So although I was tempted, I never plied him with questions, determined to accept him as he was.
True to his word, Drew insisted on driving me to work in the mornings and then Frankie personally escorted me to the bus stop when I’d finished my shift and waited until I was safely on board. For my night classes I was able to catch a ride with one of my fellow students, which worked beautifully.
When I first returned to my regular routine, I lived in constant fear of running into Shooter a second time. If that happened, I didn’t expect to come out of the encounter alive.
After the first few days I had an epiphany of sorts. I decided I could either live my life in fear or I could—simply put—live my life. I refused to look over my shoulder or stop before turning every corner to make sure I was safe. I chose instead to breathe easy, and to put my trust in God. It was either that or I would soon be afraid of my own shadow.
That decision made a world of difference in my attitude. Living in the church apartment had been life-changing, too. Drew claimed it was small. Apparently, he’d never seen the inside of my tiny house. The apartment had to be four times the size of my previous living space. At first I didn’t know what I would do with all this room. Gradually I started filling it up with stuff. I’d lived without things for so long that this was sheer joy. When I’d first moved in, I’d wander from room to room amazed and thrilled that this apartment was really mine.
Because I loved my new home and enjoyed living close to Drew and the children, I wanted to prove to his church family that they had made a good investment in me. Getting involved was the one way I could think to reassure the elders and any others who had concerns about me that I was trustworthy. I would never do anything to hurt Drew. I owed him so much. To show my appreciation I volunteered in the nursery once a month, taught a Sunday School class, and signed up to be the coordinator of Vacation Bible School, which was scheduled for late in June. I wanted to join the choir but practice was on Wednesday, a school night.
Saturday morning, I walked down to Pike Place Market, which was one of my favorite places in all of Seattle. The market carried fresh vegetables and fruit. Shopping there was an experience all on its own and I loved it. The walk would do me good.
As I trudged uphill after my shopping excursion, my heart warmed with thoughts of Drew. He’d been wonderful in every way. I was falling for him and I was fairly certain he held strong feelings for me, too. Neither of us had spoken of it, but I knew. How could I not, after all the time he’d spent at the hospital with me?