“I realize, Pastor, that you and I have had our differences over the last few weeks. I hope you understand this has nothing to do with any of that.”
While it was true we tended not to agree, especially when it came to Shay, I didn’t hold any resentments. I let Alex know that. “True enough, but I also accept that you have always had the church’s best interests at heart, as do I.”
“I appreciate you saying that.”
“The church is doing well,” I commented. “Better than it has in a long while.”
No denying that attendance was up substantially. “But you’re here because you believe there’s a problem,” I said, urging him toward the reason for this meeting.
Alex stiffened and stared down at the carpet for several seconds as if gathering his resolve. “It gives me no pleasure to tell you this.”
“What is it, Alex?” He was beginning to worry me.
“It’s about Shay.”
My relaxed pose instantly dissolved and I straightened and crossed my arms. It bothered me that he’d targeted Shay almost from the first moment she’d come into my life. I couldn’t imagine what she had ever done to deserve this man’s dislike. “What now?” I demanded.
Alex met my eyes and I read a mixture of emotions, the most prominent one was regret. “I know you think I carry hard feelings about what happened with her a few weeks ago. That incident with her brother.”
“She had no control over that situation, as you well know.” I refused to let Alex blame Shay for her brother’s behavior, especially when I was the one who had led him to her.
“I was never keen for the church to rent her the apartment. In the last few weeks, though, I’ve had a change of heart.”
I relaxed somewhat, encouraged by the news.
“Shay has been great,” Alex said. “I’ve kept a close eye on her and there’s nothing she isn’t willing to tackle. She volunteered to work in the nursery this morning, rocking the babies when the woman who was scheduled had to stay home with a sick child.
“Last week, Shay filled in for one of the Sunday school teachers at the last minute.”
I knew about both incidents. The children in the Sunday school class had loved Shay. She’d been creative and fun. She’d told the story of the Good Samaritan and asked the children what they would do if they saw someone in need. Then she had them write letters she planned to give to Richard and Chuck to let the men know they were loved.
This morning I noticed the bin for the collection for the food bank was full and I was convinced it was because Shay had opened the children’s eyes to the needs of those less fortunate.
“When I saw that Lloyd Kincaid wasn’t able to fulfill his duty because of his recent surgery, I was mildly surprised that Linda asked Shay, on Lloyd’s behalf, to fill in for him.”
Lloyd counted the money from the collection basket and readied the bank deposit for Monday morning.
Uncrossing my arms, I grew still and struggled to hide my defensive posture. “Why are you surprised, Alex?”
The head elder clenched his hands into tight fists, clearly uncomfortable and irritated. “It isn’t a secret that Shay went to prison for embezzlement.”
“She’s never tried to hide it,” I reminded him.
Alex gestured with his hands. “Most churches wouldn’t ask someone with that kind of history to count and deposit donations.”
“Were you aware that Hope Center plans to hire Shay as their bookkeeper?” I asked him. This was my way of letting him know that Hope Center trusted Shay and I didn’t feel we could do any less.
Alex nodded. “I heard. But bookkeeping is a bit less tempting than dealing with cash on hand, don’t you think?”
“What are you saying, Alex?” I asked, growing tired of this discussion.
He exhaled and pinched his lips together before he spoke. “Pastor, I am concerned for Shay, fearing she is being put in a position of temptation.”
“Shay would never steal from the church.” I would stake my retirement fund on it. “The only reason she stole the money was to save her brother.”
Alex nodded. “Her brother is in trouble again, isn’t he?”
It was hard for me to control my patience. “Yes, but Shay has no contact with him. Alex, please, what’s your point? My family is waiting.”
With a look of deep concern, he edged toward me. “Last week before the collection was given to Shay to count out for the bank deposit, I added up the cash donation myself.”
Cash wasn’t uncommon, but most parishioners contributed to the church either online or by writing a check. The cash donations generally came in small bills.
“And?” I asked, seeing that there was obviously more Alex had to tell me.
“It came to three hundred and twenty-five dollars in cash.”
“And?”
“The deposit slip showed only three hundred dollars. Twenty-five dollars was missing.”
“You could have easily added the amount incorrectly,” I insisted.
“I thought the same thing,” Alex agreed. “I wrote it off as a problem with my addition. Twenty-five dollars isn’t a large amount. However, to err on the side of caution, I decided that I would do the same thing this week.”
“Without Shay knowing what you were doing?”
“Correct.”
“And?” From the flow of this conversation, it didn’t take a genius to figure out what he was about to tell me.
“There was a hundred-dollar discrepancy.”
My heart fell and I closed my eyes while I struggled to find a plausible explanation. “The elders gather the collection plates,” I offered, although there wasn’t one I wouldn’t trust with my life. I’d known these men and women for the entire time I’d been at Seattle Calvary and found them completely trustworthy.
“Unfortunately—or fortunately, as the case may be—I was extra-careful to keep tabs on the money collected today. The only person who had access to the cash is Shay.”
“You’re sure?” I had a hard time believing it.
“Positive.”
With nothing more to say, I nodded. “I’ll take care of it.”
Alex reached out and touched my sleeve. “Drew, I really didn’t want to be the one to tell you this. It hurts me, knowing how much faith you’ve put in her. I know you have strong feelings for Shay.”
“I do.”
To his credit, Alex looked utterly miserable. “I’m sorry.”
As best I could, I accepted his apology. I’d take a day to mull this over before I confronted Shay. While everything within me screamed she would never steal from the church, I also knew Alex wouldn’t stoop to lying about something this serious.
To complicate matters, Shay was at the house with the children. It had become part of our routine for her to join Mark, Sarah, and me for Sunday dinner.
My thoughts were heavy as I walked toward the house, my steps slowing with regret and worry as I approached.
Sarah had the door open even before I got to the porch. “We’ve been waiting and waiting.”
“Sorry, sweetheart, I had a quick business meeting.” I kissed the top of her head as I entered the house.
“I’m hungry and so is Shay.”
“Where’s Mark?” I asked. Generally he was one of the first to the table. He’d been going through a growing spurt and seemed to be hungry all the time.
“In his room. I don’t think he’s feeling well,” Shay told me.
Welcoming the excuse to escape for a few minutes, I sought out my son. Sure enough, he was lying on top of his bed, looking miserable. I sat on the edge of his mattress and pressed my hand over his forehead. “You feeling sick, buddy?”
“Yeah.” If he wasn’t playing his videogame or had his face stuck in his iPad, I knew something was wrong.
He didn’t feel feverish. “Upset stomach?”
Mark nodded. “Yeah. It’s cramping. You aren’t going to force me to eat chicken noodle soup, are you?”
“N
ot unless that’s what you want.”
“I’d rather stay here and sleep, if that’s all right.”
“Sure. Call me if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
Although Mark was at the age where he didn’t appreciate displays of affection from his father, I leaned down and kissed his forehead.
“Dad,” Mark groaned. “I’m not a kid.”
“You’ll always be a kid to me,” I said, struggling not to smile. His grandmother had knit him an afghan that was neatly folded at the foot of his bed. I reached for it and pulled it up over Mark’s shoulders. As soon as the knitted piece settled over him, Mark’s eyes drifted shut.
I closed the door as I left his room.
“Is Mark okay?” Shay asked as she finished dishing up the pot roast and potatoes with carrots.
“He might be coming down with something. He wants to sleep, and I think that’s probably a good idea.”
Shay carried the platter over to the table and sat down with Sarah on one side and me on the other. She automatically stretched out her arms for the three of us to link hands while I said the blessing.
For a moment, my words faltered before I could continue. When I finished, I opened my eyes and looked at Shay.
She must have noticed my scrutiny because she caught my eye and smiled softly. Looking at her now, so breathtakingly lovely, I found it hard to look away. It seemed impossible to believe she would steal from the church. Steal from me. Surely she understood what that would do to our relationship.
Although dinner was cooked to perfection, I had little to no appetite. Sarah insisted she play a game of Yahtzee with Shay after we finished with the meal. I was grateful, unsure if I would be able to keep up the pretense that nothing was wrong much longer.
“I’ll do the dishes,” I volunteered.
“We should all help,” Shay suggested.
“Dishes?” Sarah moaned as if I’d asked her to clear the church parking lot of snow with a single shovel. “Daddy, please. I’ve been wanting to play Yahtzee forever, but Shay said we had to wait until after dinner.”
“It’s fine,” I insisted. “I’ll do the dishes.”
Shay and Sarah played the dice game and I used the time stacking dishes in the dishwasher as an excuse to avoid talking to Shay.
She noticed, though. I knew she would. I’d never been good at hiding my feelings.
After I finished the dishes, I checked on Mark and wasn’t surprised to find him asleep. If he wasn’t feeling better in the morning, I’d keep him home from school. I left my son’s bedroom and carefully closed the door so I wouldn’t wake him. I found Shay standing behind me in the long hallway.
“Mark’s sleeping,” I whispered.
Shay’s gaze held mine. “Any problems over at the church?” she asked.
Her question left me wondering if she knew about the missing money. Made me wonder why she hadn’t mentioned it.
Stop.
I would ask her. That was the fair thing to do. But first I needed to consider how best to pose the question. For me to ask was major. I wanted her to know I trusted her and believed in her. At the same time, if something had happened that I didn’t know about, some reason she would need that money, then I had to give her the space to explain. How I approached her would take consideration and I needed to mull it over.
“Drew? Church? Problems?”
“Nothing I can’t handle,” I answered, hoping that would be the end of her questions.
Her eyes bored into mine.
She knew.
I could tell simply by the way she looked at me. Right away I detected a subtle change in her. For the first time since I could remember, she couldn’t look me in the eye. My stomach muscles tightened and it felt as if a three-hundred-pound man had climbed onto my back and was pressing me down. I struggled not to slouch forward.
Soon after our brief exchange, she left. For the first time in a very long while, I was grateful to see her go.
What Alex hadn’t said, but seemed to imply, was that each week the amount would rise. The first couple weeks were probably a test to see how much the thief could get away with before anyone noticed.
My heart was sick. It was almost as if I had a case of the flu.
“Daddy?” Sarah said, coming to sit next to me. “Are you sick, too? Like Mark?”
I offered my daughter a soft smile and placed my hand on the top of her head. “I’m not feeling good, either, I’m afraid.”
“Do you have the flu?”
“I don’t know.” How could one explain to a child that what I suffered from was a troubled heart?
I received word via Caden’s attorney that my brother wanted to see me. It took me a long time to make the decision. I knew that after several days in jail, he would be sober. I was stronger now, more sure of myself, and unwilling to risk my future to enable my brother to continue in his destructive lifestyle. This wasn’t the first time he’d asked to see me. Following his arrest, he’d made several attempts to reach me. For my own emotional well-being, I’d refused. I felt ready now.
Monday afternoon, as soon as I’d finished my shift at the café, I headed over to the county jail and put in my request to see Caden. It took fifteen minutes before I was approved. When the clerk returned, she apologized for the delay. I suspected the waiting time was because of my own felony conviction. I was smart enough not to ask.
After another wait of ten minutes or longer, Caden was led out in an orange jumpsuit, wearing slip-on shoes with white socks. He didn’t look at me but kept his eyes lowered. Seeing that he’d been the one who asked to see me, I remained silent, patiently waiting. The last time I’d talked to my brother had been the night he’d shown up at the church apartment. He’d been high on drugs and/or alcohol and abusive, wielding a knife, which he might easily have used on me. With that in mind, I was content to wait him out.
An uncomfortable amount of time went by before Caden looked up. He offered me a sad, broken smile. “Guess you’re mad,” he said.
I shrugged in reply. I certainly had every right to be angry. If not for the counseling I’d received at Hope Center, I would be ranting at him now, filled with righteous indignation, spewing my anger at him. Over the last sixteen months I’d learned how to accept my own responsibility in what had happened, when I’d stolen money from the bank. And with help I’d found a way to forgive him, not because he’d asked or because he deserved my forgiveness. I’d done it for my own peace of mind, to unburden the heavy load of resentment, refusing to cart it around any longer. That didn’t mean I was willing to be drawn back into his craziness, however.
“Why’d you come?” he asked next.
“You asked and you’re my brother.”
“Not much of one, though.”
I didn’t disagree. “I’ve been praying for you, Caden.”
“Praying?” he repeated. “You pray now?” He made it sound like I’d taken up sword-swallowing.
“I do.”
His eyes widened, as if he found this hard to believe. “Next thing I know you’ll become one of those women preachers you see on TV, carting around a Bible.”
“I have a Bible,” I admitted freely, “and, even better, I read it.”
Caden’s mouth sagged open. “What happened?” he cried, as if I’d announced I’d been captured by aliens and been zoomed up to their spaceship.
“I have a new life now.”
“What happened…I mean after you got out of prison? You said you’re a different person, and I can see that you are.”
Condensing the story as much as possible, I relayed how I’d been released from prison with only a few hundred dollars to my name and had walked into the church, where Drew had found me. I went on to explain how Drew had helped me to get into the program at Hope Center. Caden listened intently as I explained what had happened in the time since I’d graduated out of the program.
My brother held my look for several awkward moments while I told him about
my current job at The Corner Café, my bookkeeping classes, and my hope of being hired to work at Hope Center in a few months. He didn’t ask questions or speak until I was finished.
“Sounds like you have a great new life now.”
“I have a promising future that’s filled with opportunities I never had before.”
A look of sadness settled over him. “I’m a big loser, Shay…I’m—”
“You’re not a loser,” I said, cutting him off. “You can have a decent future, too.”
“A future in prison, you mean. I stabbed a cop, Shay. They don’t write that off with a slap on the wrist. It doesn’t matter that I was high. I’m looking at some serious time.”
I couldn’t deny his reality. “You’re probably right.” I didn’t want to raise his hopes, but I knew both Kevin and Drew were working behind the scenes, talking to the prosecutor and Caden’s court-appointed attorney, offering alternative solutions to a lengthy prison sentence. No matter what connections my friends had, the bottom line was that my brother was looking at time in prison.
“It’s what I deserve,” Caden whispered, his head lowered. “Especially after what I did to you.”
I wasn’t about to excuse his behavior or write it off, either. “I agree it was low. You threw me under the bus, little brother.”
He chanced a look at me. “Would it help if I told you I regret it? But Shay, I didn’t have any choice. If you didn’t give me the money, they were going to kill me.”
I didn’t want to talk about the past. He wasn’t ready to accept responsibility for his actions and I wasn’t going to rub his face in his mistakes. I’d paid the price for being stupid and allowed him to sabotage my future. But one thing I’d learned through all this was that even the most negative events in my life—prison, nearly landing on the streets of Seattle, homeless and lost—I had turned them all into something good.
If none of that had taken place, I might never have met Drew, might never have received the counseling and emotional healing I needed to become the person I am now.
“I don’t hold any resentment toward you, Caden. I have a new life now. I’ve met a good man. I’m happier than I can ever remember being since Mom died.”