Maybe I could just quit cold turkey. Over the last month or so, every horrific side effect of the drug had vanished—the itching, the stomach pain, the pallid complexion, and the anxiety—all gone. Frowning, I decided the next time I was scheduled to get a hit, I’d refuse and see what happened to my body. I had to stop shooting at some point, and I’d rather do it here at Jag’s house than once I was out on my own. If I could get clean, I could work and save money. Maybe I could even save enough to hire someone to find Cat, like a private investigator. Even if my best friend were dead, I’d rather find out than continue to suffer this agonizing limbo of not knowing.
After scrubbing the grease from my hands and putting each tool in its proper place, I spent the rest of the day in the gazebo, rocking on the swing and staring at the lake while a light breeze sifted through my hair.
“Ma’am…”
My arms flailed and I yelped in surprise. One of the Men in Black was standing on the steps, staring. My stomach clenched and my heart fluttered. It didn’t take a genius to know why he was here.
Here goes nothing.
Calm and collected, I leveled my eyes at the man named Jase. With a deep, fortifying breath, I spoke. “I know why you’re here and I’m not going with you.” The guy couldn’t hide his shock. After blinking several times, he stammered and stumbled over his words, his expression almost panicked.
“But… I have to… I mean, the boss said… Ma’am, you really need to come and get your dose.”
“No, I don’t. I’m not taking it anymore.”
Hands limp at his sides, Jase gaped, clearly not knowing what to do with a disobedient junkie.
“Boss said—”
“Fuck him,” I said and the young man’s face turned ghostly white at the insult I casually flung at a man most people, including this guy, deemed too frightening to badmouth, even when he was nowhere in sight. Well, screw that and screw both of them. I wasn’t afraid of Jag and I wasn’t giving in. Not on this. My body, my choice.
“I can’t—”
I stood and braced my hands on the wood railing of the gazebo, using the height advantage to lean over the man. All of my frustration with Jag, with my life, with my shitty fucking existence, erupted in a loud torrent of curses. “I’m not fucking going with you and you’re not sticking me with a goddamn needle. So go the fuck away! I don’t give a shit if you tell your precious Boss I’m refusing! He can shove his opinion right up his own ass!”
Jase visibly flinched, tripping on his own feet to put distance between himself and my angry tirade. His jaw twitched and I knew he was fighting the urge to just pick me up and throw me over his shoulder. But Jag’s orders were clear. No one could lay a finger on me and I knew it and Jase knew I knew it. With my chin jutting out and a false air of confidence, I spun around and sat back down on the swing, arms crossed as I shot daggers at the Man in Black, daring him to make a move while my heart raced. Mumbling a few choice obscenities, Jase stalked off, probably back to the house to tattle.
Freaking out, I inhaled deep to calm down, my hands trembling. Fuck them all. I owned my body. If I didn’t want drugs, they couldn’t make me take them, and I would fight tooth and nail to stop it from happening.
Hours later, I was still stewing in anger, rocking back and forth, my eyes unfocused as I planned my side of the eventual argument with Jag. In fact, I was so pissed off, I didn’t hear Jag approach until his boots made contact with the wooden steps of the gazebo.
“Go away,” I snapped, not moving to make eye contact.
Of course, in his usual, irritating, domineering manner, Jag ignored me and sat on the swing despite my obvious annoyance. The wooden structure swayed under his added weight. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught him studying me, his brows pulled together. Eventually, Jag gave up trying to figure me out and just asked.
“Want to tell me what’s going on?”
“Go away,” I repeated, hating that I sounded like a whiney brat.
“No. So let’s try again. Why are you angry, Miri? Did I hurt you last night?”
His voice was so sincere, so filled with apprehension, in my fury over the drugs, I forgot how Jag tenderly made love to me while looking into my eyes as if I meant something to him. But no, he sure fooled me. Jag got up and left as soon as I served my purpose. A fuck, a quick lay, a good time, then gone. Disposable. Garbage. Junkie.
“No.” I fiddled with my hair, twisting a long red curl around a finger over and over only to let it slide free so I could twist it up again.
“Miri…”
His low growl pissed me off. For the first time since he sat, I turned to face him. All of the anger, the cutting words I had prepared, got stuck in my throat. Suddenly nervous, I pulled a foot up onto the bench to hug my leg to my chest, resting my chin on my knee.
“You can’t make me take drugs anymore. I don’t want them.” The slamming of my pulse in my ears made it difficult to organize my thoughts. “I’m not doing it.”
Jag stared at me with blue eyes so intense, so focused, I squirmed on the bench under his scrutiny. I was about to argue my case further when the corners of Jag’s eyes crinkled and his solemn expression cracked, slowly morphing into a wide grin.
What the—?
I tilted my head. Was I seeing things? I blinked a few times and checked again. No, Jag was definitely smiling.
I huffed loudly and snapped. “What?”
For some reason, Jag’s response had me more on edge than if he were angry. Angry I could work with. Angry I could argue, pitch a fit, let out the hurt I felt from him fucking and ditching me last night. Happy? I had no clue what to do with happy.
“Miri…” Jag reached for one of my hands but I curled back into myself, tucking them under my armpits. He frowned at my snub, but collected himself quickly. His eyes shone and for the first time since we met, the fearless man in front of me looked… scared. “You’ve been clean for two weeks.”
My mouth fell open and it took me a minute to snap it shut. “I-I don’t understand.” With my hands still under my arms, I gripped my sides, digging my fingers into my ribs. “I’ve… I’ve still been getting injections—”
“Saline.” Jag shifted on the bench, moving closer. The breeze caught the scent of his cologne and body wash, blowing it to my side of the swing. I inhaled deep, the smell bringing back memories of last night, of the time in the garage, of his hands and mouth all over my body. My eyes closed as I replayed the tenderness of his kiss, how it turned demanding and possessive in a way I couldn’t explain yet it thrilled me nonetheless. I recalled the velvet slide of his tongue across my skin and the sharp bite of his teeth as he brutally marked me.
“Miri?” A light touch on my leg jolted me back to the present.
“So what are you saying? I’m totally clean?” A bead of sweat trickled between my shoulder blades. It couldn’t be that easy. I couldn’t possibly be drug free. No withdrawals, no pain, no diarrhea, no cramping, no vomiting?
Jag’s smile faded and his tentative touch became a heavy weight, pressing down on my leg. “I’ve been weaning you off since you got here. You deserve better, Miri. I couldn’t… I wouldn’t, keep you hooked on that poisonous shit.” He squeezed his eyes shut and his beautiful face contorted in pain. When Jag finally opened his eyes, the heartache reflected in their depths was as plain as day.
“But you sell heroin. You’re a drug dealer and you’re calling it poison? I don’t understand.”
Jag stood, extending his hand. He was giving me a choice, to go with him or stay here. As angry as I was about last night, and his absence this morning, my inexplicable need for him won over holding a grudge. I slid my shaking hand into his and every anxiety melted away. Somehow, Jag made everything better just by being nearby. Yes, he was a violent drug lord. Yes, he was capable of horrific, terrible things. Illegal things. Yes, he hurt me this morning.
But I needed to know more. I needed to know the real Jag, the man who loved motorcycles and fast cars and took
in homeless addicts only to clean them up and give them a second chance at life. He had his shitty moments for sure, but I knew deep down, Jag was a good person. A good man. A worthy man.
Jag pulled me to my feet until I was standing in front of him, separated by a couple of inches and a mountain of secrets. Secrets I intended on digging out one at a time, even if it meant revealing my own. His hand in mine, I threaded our fingers together and forced my body to relax. Jag gave me a crooked grin, revealing his swoon-inducing dimples, and tugged me down the stairs.
“Let’s go, doll.”
I’ll go wherever you want. You don’t even have to ask.
11
Boss
Miri handed me her helmet and hopped off the Ducati. I swung my leg over the bike and placed the helmet on the seat and put my own next to it. I didn’t come down to the lake on the Ducati very often. Maybe twice in the last year. Maneuvering the powerful bike across the sixty yards of treacherous, unpaved, rocky ground leading from the road to the edge of the lake meant fighting to keep the heavy machine balanced. Plus, with Miri on the back, even as small as she was, the entire process was a million times more difficult. Somehow, we made it without me dropping the bike.
“This is beautiful.”
Miri faced the lake, her back to me, but I could see her excitement in the way she held herself—shoulders relaxed, one hand at her side, the other shading her eyes from the bright midday sun reflecting off the lake. Pieces of her windblown hair escaped from their tie and fluttered in the breeze.
God, she is fucking gorgeous.
I wanted her by my side every minute of every day. I stepped up behind Miri and slid my hands around her tiny waist, pulling her flush against my chest. Miri was so petite I could rest my chin on the top of her head.
“I come here sometimes when I need to forget,” I said, ducking my head to inhale the sweet scent of her hair.
Miri tilted her head back to look up at me. “Forget?”
I pointed to a flat area next to the shore. “Head over to that spot, doll. I’ll be there in a sec.”
Miri’s eyes narrowed, those emerald green irises sparkling with curiosity, but she stepped out of my embrace and walked toward the small grassy square, somewhat brown from drought, without asking a single question. I unstrapped the tailpack and slung it over my shoulder. Miri was pissed at me over something, I just had to figure out what. I’d gone over the events of last night a million times and couldn’t think of a single thing I could have done to make her as furious as she was this morning when I found her in the gazebo. Hell, if looks could kill, I’d ‘ave keeled over on the spot.
Jase was scared shitless to inform me that Miri refused her morning dose of heroin. I just about laughed in his face. He didn’t know I had been waiting for this day to come, the day she decided on her own that it was time to get clean. It had to be Miri’s decision, not mine. She needed to be in a place mentally where she felt strong enough to not need the drugs anymore, even though technically I’d already weaned her off.
Right now, I was damn lucky Miri wasn’t pissed about being tricked with the injections. In fact, she seemed downright pleased to be drug free. Going by her hostile facial expression right before I told her, I’d half expected a kick to the balls.
Miri’s boots were discarded on the tiny beach and her jeans were rolled up as she dipped her toes in the lake. Smiling, I opened the pack and spread out a thin blanket. I put her boots on two of the corners and mine on the other two to keep the blanket from curling up in the light breeze. Miri must have heard me approaching, because she spoke without turning away from the view.
“This is something else, Jag. I can see why you like to come here.”
I slid my arms around her and followed her line of sight. Lake Travis sprawled out in every direction. Deep blue water gently lapped at the small strip of sand between the edge of the lake and the beginning of the tree line. It was the perfect temperature—cool enough to be refreshing but not cold.
“People camp here durin’ the high season, but it’s pretty much empty the rest of the year.” Miri giggled and the sweet sound made my stomach do flips. “What?” I asked, grinning at her amusement. She definitely didn’t laugh enough. I would have to change that.
“You.” She turned in my arms, putting her hands on my shoulders. I moved my hands to her hips, basking in the radiance of her smile. “When you’re excited, your Texas accent comes out.”
I let out an indignant huff. “I do not have a Texas accent.”
“You do. It’s adorable.” I was about to argue when Miri stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss on my lips. “And sexy,” she whispered against my mouth.
Groaning, I clutched at her waist and tugged her forward, holding her against my body. I deepened the kiss, desperate to taste her again—I had been since the minute I left her room last night. Miri opened beautifully, giving me free rein to greedily devour her mouth. I licked every surface of the hot, wet cavern, twisting my tongue around hers. Consuming. Claiming. Owning. Only when breathing became a necessity did I pull back. My gaze dropped to her swollen lips and up to her dilated pupils. I ran the pad of my thumb across her slick lower lip.
“So fucking perfect.” She nipped at my thumb and sucked it into her mouth, occasionally sinking her teeth into my flesh. “Jesus, doll.” I hissed when her tongue swirled around the end of my thumb and she increased the suction. “Shit!” My cock jerked and I pulled my hand away. Miri moped like a kid who had her lollipop snatched right out of her hands.
Chest heaving, I stepped back and ran my fingers through my hair, struggling to regain my composure.
Talk first. Fuck later.
“Come on, doll. Let’s sit.”
I walked to the blanket and sat. Miri took a moment to pout, but eventually followed, sporting an adorable, petulant look as she dropped next to me. I pulled a bottle of water out of the pack and offered her some. She shook her head so I put it away. With a sigh, I leaned back, my upper body propped on my elbows.
“Are you mad at me, doll?” With the sun shining in the sky behind her, I had to squint to see Miri’s face. Her brilliant red hair literally shone in the sunlight, forming a fiery halo around her head. A light breeze blew loose strands across her face, a few sticking to her lips.
Miri shrugged and fiddled with a length of that stunning red hair. “I’m not sure.”
She was going to make me drag it out of her.
“Explain.” Miri huffed at my demand and rolled her eyes. It was so fucking cute I had to concentrate on not smiling. “Is it because I weaned the heroin?” I asked, knowing that wasn’t the issue.
“No. It’s…” Miri shifted and lay down on her back next to me, folding her hands over her stomach to stare up at the cloudless blue sky. “You left.”
I lowered all the way to the ground, angling my head to watch her carefully. “Left? I don’t understand.”
“It sounds so stupid.”
“You’re not stupid. Nothing you say is stupid, Miri. Tell me.”
She sighed and twisted to face me, our noses inches apart. “I woke up and you were gone.” Her cheeks flushed pink and she shifted her gaze. Nervous fingers picked at a thread on the blanket.
“Doll…” When Miri didn’t respond, I took her chin in my fingers and nudged it until she met my gaze. “There was an emergency in the middle of the night. I was with you, but I had to get up and deal with something work related. By the time it was taken care of, it was too late to come back to bed.”
Her face glowed an even deeper shade of red. That gorgeous, pale, milky skin colored so fucking perfectly, it had me hardening in my pants.
“Oh.”
She thought I fucked and ditched her. No wonder she was pissed.
Miri squeaked when I rolled, ending up on top of her, stretched out until every part of our bodies was aligned from chest to toes. “Nothing but an emergency could ever get me to leave your bed.”
Miri blinked those strawberry blonde
lashes and her ruby lips fell open. I could feel the quickening beat of her heart against my own. “What you said before… That… that I’m yours. Is it true?”
I lowered my head until my mouth grazed hers. “Do you want it to be true? Do you want to be mine? Because I gotta tell you, doll, the thought of anyone else touchin’ you drives me fucking insane with jealousy.”
Those big green eyes never left mine. Miri swallowed and her pupils dilated. “You… you make me feel safe. I want to be with you. I want to be yours.”
“Then you’re mine.”
Without warning, Miri clutched the back of my neck and yanked me down that last millimeter, crushing our lips together. She attacked my mouth as her body arched off the ground. Miri locked her slender legs around my waist and rolled her pelvis against mine. Just like that, my cock was rock hard and leaking. It responded the same way whenever Miri was around, even when there was no actual physical contact. Like this? With Miri moaning beneath me? I was helpless to resist. Desperate for more skin, I sat back on my heels and yanked her shirt over her head.
A loud groan rumbled in my chest and my dick throbbed. I reached down and squeezed the base through my jeans to stop from creaming in my pants. “Fuck, you’re going to kill me. No bra again.”
The corner of Miri’s mouth lifted in a wicked, sexy as sin smirk. “Your guy didn’t buy me any.” She laughed at the expression on my face.
“I’ll talk to him later. If he did that on purpose to get a look at your tits, I swear—”
“He’s a man, Jag. I’m sure he just forgot.” Miri squirmed and bucked her hips again, crying out in pleasure. She slid her hands over her breasts and began tugging on her tight, rosy nipples.