“Hey, hey, hey.” A large, callused hand palmed the side of her face and redirected her attention. “You’re getting kinda flighty on me, Red. Come on, stay here with me.” He stroked her cheek and brushed her hair away from her face. “That’s it, honey. Take some slow breaths for me.”
She hadn’t realized just how close to a panic attack she’d been until he said that. She hadn’t had one of those since her college days when she learned what her sister had gone through. Oh, God…Kat. Vanessa closed her eyes and focused on Jackson’s deep voice, encouraging her to continue the deep breaths. His strong arms now banded around her, offering her comfort and a sense of security.
His lips touched her forehead in a chaste kiss, relaxing her like a dose of Valium. “That’s better. Tell me why you think Kat should blame you.”
Steeling herself for the onslaught of emotions she knew would accompany the admission, she spoke through a clenched jaw. “Because I left her behind to fend for herself. I wanted out so badly that I convinced myself she’d be okay without me.”
“She only had three years left of school, though, right? And since Carl—”
“My mom found a replacement,” she said sharply. “Tommy. From what I gathered, he was another alcoholic. He wasn’t an angry drunk. But I think he was worse. And Kat was the one who suffered.”
She felt him tense, the muscles under her cheek bunching and holding. “What happened?”
“H-he…” Vanessa shivered in his arms as the dark memories slithered along the walls of her brain, steadily making their way toward the light. She couldn’t stop them now. They were too close to the surface. There was nothing left to do but let them come and trust that eventually she could shove them back where they belonged. “I think he abused her…sexually.”
“Christ.” The vehemence lacing his voice sent shivers down her spine. He must’ve felt it because his arms gathered her close. “I’m sorry, honey, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You didn’t.” He had. And she hated it. This woman—this girl—she became when she unlocked the past was not her. Not on the outside. Not anymore. Not since she created her Rules.
“So you’re not sure about what happened?”
She shook her head slightly. “One of Kat’s friends called me and said my mom’s ‘new boyfriend looked at Kat like she was his next meal’ and that Kat had started acting more withdrawn than usual. I called Kat and tried to get her to tell me what was happening, but she just kept saying she was fine and to focus on school. That I’d gotten out, and that’s where I needed to stay.
“So I called my mom. I told her I suspected Tommy was molesting Kat, but she refused to believe me. I screamed. I begged. But nothing I did made a damn bit of difference.” Vanessa took a deep breath and let it out, the tightness in her chest sharpening as her ribs contracted. “I called Kat again. Told her as soon as I could afford the ticket I’d be flying home, but she freaked out. She made me promise I’d stay. S-said she’d h-hurt herself if I came home because of her.”
“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. I know you must have felt helpless, but she did it because she loved you and wanted the best for you.”
Yes, she knew that. But it didn’t absolve her of the suffocating guilt. The tears streamed continually now and her breath hitched on every inhale. Jax tucked her closer against the solid wall of his chest and the steady beat of his heart coaxed hers to slow and match it, until at last the hysterics disappeared and she had calmed enough to finish the story.
“That was the night I drank an entire bottle of tequila while watching NCIS with Lucie. The night I decided to make a set of Rules that would keep me as far away from the kind of life I’d had growing up as possible.” She tipped her head back to make eye contact. “That’s why my Rules are so important to me. Where the inspiration came from might be a little strange, even silly…but I know if I follow them, I’ll never be like them, and I’ll never get involved with anyone like them, either. Not ever.”
“Oh, honey…I still won’t say I agree with your rules, but I understand now why you have them.”
“And do you understand why it’s so hard for me to forgive lying? Of all my Rules, that’s the one I feel most strongly about. Most people might think it would be the one about choosing fists over words, based on my past with abuse.” She swallowed past the lump in her throat, remembering the constant disappointment she lived with as a child. “But physical pain goes away. You know that as well as anyone. It’s the emotional pain that does the most damage.
“My mother made so many promises to me and my sister. Every damn day was another promise: she’ll take us to the park, see our school play, get clean…stop seeing men.” She tried blinking them away, but another stream of tears escaped. “They weren’t just broken promises. They were empty words. All of them, nothing but lies.”
Jackson gathered her tightly, tucking her head beneath his chin. “Baby, I admire you so much. More than ever I know you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met.”
Vanessa shook her head, but he quickly put a stop to it.
“Yes, you are.” He prevented any further dispute by capturing her mouth with his for a sweet kiss. Pulling back, he studied her, his brows drawn together as though turning a thought over and over in his head. He opened his mouth to speak, but then hesitated and shook his head. “We can talk more tomorrow. Right now I want you to close your eyes and get some sleep.”
His words added weight to her lids, making them too heavy to keep open any longer. On a deep sigh, she did as instructed, tucking her head firmly under his chin. He set them into a slight rocking motion again, and moments later, she drifted off to the sounds of the waves on the beach and the steady beat of his heart.
Day 4: Wednesday
Jax woke up to a red-haired angel draped over him, her soft breaths fanning his chest. Late last night, after she’d fallen into a deep sleep, he’d carried her into the room and settled them into bed. As soon as he’d tucked her back firmly against his chest, he let his eyes drift closed and didn’t remember a thing after that until the sun crept over his face just minutes ago.
He reveled in letting his fingers play with her curls until the sun eventually woke her, too. She looked up at him, her lids still heavy with sleep and questions in her eyes. He suspected she might feel vulnerable after sharing so much of her past with him the night before, so he didn’t hesitate to reassure her with a tender kiss.
When he pulled back, she rewarded him with her bright smile. From the very first, it had penetrated his armor as nothing else. But this one in particular did more than that. It managed to wrap itself around his heart, and the strangest part of all… He didn’t even mind. It actually felt pretty damn good.
She gave him one more quick kiss and then leveled him with a stern look. “I expect coffee to be ready and waiting for me by the time I get out of the shower. And if you also happen to have bacon and eggs with it, I wouldn’t turn them down.”
It was so damn cute how she thought she was in charge. He saluted her with a, “Yes, ma’am,” and watched her saunter naked into the bathroom, causing his cock to give a salute of its own. As soon as he heard the shower spray, he called room service, ordered a breakfast fit for a queen to be set outside their door, and then strode into the bathroom.
The shower was a large open stall, big enough for four people, with no door. The three shower heads—one angling down from either side and one straight above—were set in the back third of the tiled walls to prevent the water from splashing out. They had individual handles to allow the user to choose their preferences. Currently she only had the side ones on. Her hair was still dry and she was busy washing her body with a soapy loofah.
Facing away from him as she was, she hadn’t heard or seen him enter. Which was perfect.
As she stepped into the shower sprays, soapy bubbles trailed down her pale, lithe body. His eyes watched in rapture as they flowed over the curves of her hips and the round globes of her ass. The room became thick with steam and the scen
t of oranges and something else invaded his senses to the point of distraction.
She turned on the overhead spray and ran her fingers through her long hair. The bright red curls straightened with the weight of the water and fell down her back like flames licking at her skin. She looked otherworldly, like something out of a James Cameron film.
Unable to stand by any longer, he sheathed himself in the condom he’d grabbed on the way in and stepped into the stall. Without warning, Jax wrapped his arms around her. Anticipating her startled reaction, he held her tight. As soon as she heard his voice, the tension leaked from her muscles, and she tried turning around.
“No. Stay.”
“Jackson Maris, I’m going to kill you for scaring me like that.”
He pressed his rock hard cock into the crevice of her ass, causing her breath to catch. He chuckled. “I don’t think so.”
“Well, I’m definitely going to make you pay for it,” she said without much conviction. “Now, get out of here so I can finish.”
He moved his hands to encompass her slick breasts and gave them a little squeeze. “Unfortunately, I don’t take punishments very well. But if you remember correctly, I do enjoy giving them out.” At the mention of the previous night’s escapades, a tiny moan escaped her lips. “And I have every intention of making you finish.”
Before she thought of another weak argument, he pinned her against the back wall and snaked his right hand in front to reach her clit. This wasn’t going to be a slow seduction in the least. His goal was to get her off and bury himself as deep inside her as possible.
“God yes right there.”
He knew exactly where. Though they’d only had sex twice, Jackson had catalogued every moan, every gasp, and every arch of her body, learning what she liked and how she wanted it. Every woman was different. Only a fool would assume he didn’t have to pay attention to know how to please one from the next.
However, he’d also thought moans were moans and gasps were gasps. That the responses were the same, and it was only when and where he got them that changed.
But Vanessa’s reactions were like a different language. One he’d never heard before and yet mysteriously understood as easily as if it were his own. The sounds she made fired his blood, quickened his pulse, and made his cock harder than steel.
Circling the sensitive nub with a fingertip, he teased her mercilessly, holding her captive when she bucked into his palm to try and create more friction. She reached behind him, digging her nails into his ass. The sharp bites in his flesh were like spurs on a horse, urging him to go faster. With any other woman he wouldn’t have thought twice about the action, but he knew with Vanessa it was her way of taking back some control. If she got the desired response from him, it was a point in her corner.
But this wasn’t her rodeo.
“I don’t think so, Red.” Jackson grabbed her wrists and held them with one hand above her head. “I call the shots. The sooner you learn that, the better.”
“I—”
His free hand closed over the front of her neck and braced her jaw on either side. His mouth crushing hers smothered anything else she planned on saying. His lips pried hers apart and his tongue pushed in, taking command with an urgent force.
She rubbed her ass against his cock. He groaned, a sound she swallowed greedily before he wrenched his mouth from hers and moved to her neck. Biting his way down the taut column, he reached around again and without preamble plunged his long middle finger into her slick, hot pussy. She cried out, her pleasure bouncing off the tile walls and reverberating in his ears, drawing his balls impossibly tighter into his body. In and out, over and over. His actions relentless, her moans his encouragement.
“Oh, God, I’m so close. Jax, please!”
He held his finger still inside her. “Please what?” he growled in her ear.
“Jackson!”
His little wildcat was getting feisty. He was glad she couldn’t see his smirk at her frustration. She’d likely haul off and hit him just for that, if not for stopping when teetered at the edge of climax. But for as easygoing as he was in every other aspect of his life, there were two areas he insisted on dominating. Fighting and sex.
“Please what, Vanessa? I don’t make another move until you say it.”
She groaned, the walls of her sex clenching around his finger in a silent plea of their own, begging for what she struggled to ask. Submitting was still a foreign concept for her, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to. It just meant she needed someone who could give her what she wanted. Someone like him.
“Please, Jax…” Finally she said the magic words, softly and banked with a need that rivaled his own. “Fuck me. Let me come.”
“Good girl.” His lips blazed a slow path from her shoulder, up her throat, and over the shell of her ear before whispering, “I love it when you beg, V. I have half a mind to hold out on you longer just to hear more.” She whimpered. “Shhh, don’t worry. I want my cock buried inside you too much right now. Open your legs for me, baby.”
He dragged his finger out and let it glide up and over her swollen clit, making her spasm between him and the wall. Grabbing his shaft, he gave the order, “Wider,” as he lightly kicked her legs out more. Bending his knees to get himself under her, he rubbed the sensitive head of his dick back and forth over her opening. He felt her trying to bear down on it, aching to be filled. When neither of them could take the teasing any longer, he stood tall and impaled her body, sending them both into a vortex of overwhelming sensations.
Jax brought her hands down from the wall and placed them behind his head. “Don’t move them.” He dug his fingers into her hips for purchase, his chest pressing into her back. Her breasts smashed against the wall, the tops plumped and round. Remembering sucking and licking and biting them made his mouth water and tempted him to flip her around so he could relive the night before. But instead, he doubled his efforts to drive them both off the proverbial cliff.
He hooked his hand under her left leg and hiked it up, opening her that much more and allowing him to slide deeper. Her nails dug into his scalp, shooting fingers of pleasure and pain down his spine that wrapped around his balls.
The spray of the shower still hit parts of them, making their bodies slip and slide without friction. The bathroom echoed with a cacophony of grunts, groans, moans, and cries, indistinguishable as to where they originated.
“So damn tight,” he rasped, burying his head in her neck. “Feels so fucking good.”
Releasing her hip, his right hand found her clit once more and began a feverish dance over it as he continued to pound into a heaven he’d never known.
“Oh! I’m going to— I’m—”
Screaming his name, she scratched furrows into the backs of his shoulders as she spasmed around him. The pain from her nails mixed with the pleasure of his cock being swallowed again and again by hot, clenching woman ripped the last thread he had on his control. With a powerful thrust, he buried himself balls deep and spent himself within her heat.
He wasn’t sure how long they stood there, panting as the water continued to rain on them, but eventually he found the strength to slip from her body and dispose of the condom. He turned her around at last and drew her back into his arms. Her slight body was lax, but he had no trouble holding her up with one arm as his free hand delved into the hair at her nape, and he kissed her slowly, sensually.
When the kiss ended, she gazed up at him with crystalline eyes full of trust and utter contentment…and he lost a part of himself to her in that very moment. Which part of him exactly, he couldn’t say.
The lie. It was eating him alive, especially in times like this. He knew he had to tell her, and the longer he waited, the worse he made things. But every time he thought he could do it, the fear of losing even one hour with her clawed at his gut until he chickened out. Damn those stupid rules of hers. Why? Because she wants to make sure anyone she’s with is a moral and decent guy? No, damn him for being too big of a pus
sy to tell her the truth from the very beginning.
He would man up and tell her.
Later.
After they enjoyed their breakfast together, she went off to do wedding stuff with Robért for the next four hours, and he took advantage of the free time to hit training. Afterward, he talked with Coach for a while about getting him in the lineup for his next fight. Jackson was the last one to enter the showers at the gym, so all the guys were already getting changed or gone.
He winced as he reached across to turn the water on. Needing the mental distraction the pain provided, he’d told Corey not to hold back in their sparring session. The dude delivered and then some. Jax was thoroughly sore and aware of several areas on his body that would be sporting purple marks in the next ten minutes thanks to Corey’s well-placed Muay Thai kicks.
He quickly finished up and was toweling his head dry with brisk movements on the way to his locker. He had to meet Vanessa soon and if he were late, she’d never let him hear the end of it.
“I think that knee to the chest you took in my last clinch was pretty fucking impressive.”
Jackson whipped his head around to see Corey straddling a bench with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Fuck me,” he muttered as he opened his locker and piled his clothes on the bench next to him. “Very funny, asshole. What are you still doing here?”
“Wanted to make sure you were able to walk out of here on your own after the beating I gave you.”
Jax grunted in response. Normally he was right there with the guy, verbal jab for verbal jab, but he just wasn’t in a joking mood.
“Seriously, brah, what gives? You’re not yourself today. In the cage it was almost like you wanted me to break a few ribs for you.”
After pulling his blue camo board shorts on, he straddled his own bench, facing the man who’d been the closest thing he’d had to a best friend since he moved to Hawaii. He dragged a hand down his face, vaguely noting the stubble he hadn’t had the energy to shave that morning after the shower escapade with Vanessa.