He grabs my face and draws me towards him, kissing me urgently, heatedly, and then suddenly he breaks away and, with an agonising look, he slides me off him.
He’s still breathing heavily, but he doesn’t make any move to touch me again.
What is he doing? Why is he stopping? What’s happening?
He props himself up on his elbow and peers across at me. ‘Sorry,’ he whispers.
I feel instantly cold. I don’t understand. I stare up at him with bewilderment that swiftly transforms into mortification. Has he gone off me because I’m too easy? A chill seeps into my bones and I feel like there’s a block of ice in my stomach.
‘Wait!’ he says suddenly. ‘No!’ His hand comes down to my chest, holding me in place on the mattress. I was about to bolt. ‘I only stopped because…’ He looks torn. ‘I didn’t want to stop,’ he corrects himself. ‘Don’t go,’ he pleads.
I stare at him warily and a moment later he moves to kiss me, hesitating to check I’m OK with it before lowering his mouth to mine. This time he kisses me tenderly, surprisingly tenderly. I didn’t even think Jack was capable of kissing like this. To my surprise, my throat swells and my eyes sting with tears. This is all so confusing.
‘I want to be with you,’ he whispers.
I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but it’s going nowhere.
‘Break up with him,’ he says. ‘Please.’
I squeeze my eyes shut, but the tears spill out, anyway. A moment later I nod. He sighs heavily and draws my body against his, holding me in the darkness.
In the early hours of the morning, I’m shaken awake.
‘Agnes?’ I ask, putting my hand out. It lands on Jack beside me. He’s completely still, but the room is moving and rumbling. I feel like I’m underwater. Am I dreaming?
Jack jerks awake under my hand. ‘Earthquake!’ he says urgently.
I’m frozen as the room sways and the building – thirty floors of it – rumble and shake.
It’s the longest ten seconds of my life.
‘Is it over?’ I ask him, as the ground seems to settle.
‘I think so,’ he replies, drawing me to him. I rest my face against his chest, feeling terror in my gut. We’re on the seventeenth floor, and if the ceiling or the floors above us collapse we’re dead.
‘Have you been in an earthquake before?’ I ask.
‘Yeah. We get them in LA a lot.’
‘How can you live like that?’ I demand to know. I feel so safe in England where there’s barely any threat of natural disasters.
‘It’s OK,’ he says. ‘These new buildings are made to withstand earthquakes,’ he tries to reassure me.
I sit up in bed and look across at Agnes’s bed. She didn’t come back last night. Jack notices and quietly exhales.
‘Did you know she was going to see Brett?’ I ask him.
‘I figured,’ he replies in a monotone.
‘Do you think they’re making a mistake?’
‘It’s not for me to judge,’ he says. ‘Agnes was heartbroken when he left.’
‘She’s going to be even more heartbroken now,’ I point out, perhaps unhelpfully because what’s done is done.
He reaches up and tucks my hair behind my ear. I manage a small smile.
‘What about your promise?’ I ask.
It’s dark, but I can still see him rolling his eyes.
‘Brandon’s going to go mental,’ I point out.
‘He’ll get over it,’ he replies.
There’s a knock on the door. I flash Jack a wary glance and climb out of bed to answer it. I almost jump out of my skin when I see Johnny standing in the brightly-lit corridor.
‘You OK?’ he asks.
ARGH! Jack is in my bed!
‘I’m fine.’ I try to keep my voice steady as I shield my eyes from the brightness. I really hope he doesn’t want to come in.
‘Listen, chick, I don’t want to worry you, but Lewis is concerned about aftershocks. He wants us to make a move now.’
‘Now?’
‘Can you get your things together in the next ten minutes?’
‘Er, yeah, sure, but—’
‘Great. We’re flying home by helicopter.’
‘Wait, what about everyone else? Agnes? Jack?’
‘It’s just a precaution, I promise,’ he assures me.
I nod and close the door, switching on the light. There’s no sign of Jack.
‘Where are you?’ I ask in a loud whisper.
He comes out from behind the curtains, squinting against the light.
I smirk at him.
‘That was close,’ he says. ‘You’re leaving?’
‘Yeah, gotta get packed. You’d better go.’
He rubs at his eyes sleepily. I begin to shovel things into my case.
‘Will you tell Agnes I’ll call her as soon as I get home?’
‘Sure,’ he replies groggily.
‘Thanks,’ I murmur, hurrying into the bathroom to pack away my cosmetics. I start with surprise when I see him at the door, leaning against the door frame.
‘Will you call me, too?’ he asks.
I glance at him warily. ‘Let me go home first, OK? Let me sort things out with Tom.’
He sighs heavily.
‘It’s over,’ I say quietly. ‘Just let me focus on doing the right thing now, OK?’
He nods and draws me into his arms. One last hug, and then I have to let him go, at least until I speak to Tom.
His thumb comes up and traces the faded line of my ‘tattoo’. He bends down and presses his lips to it. His hair still smells of the ocean.
‘Come on.’ I gently push him away. If he starts kissing me again now, I’ll never get packed in time. ‘I’ll see you soon,’ I say meaningfully, returning to my cosmetics.
He rakes his hands through his hair and clamps them behind his head, staring at me regretfully. He gives a tiny shake of his head.
‘Jack!’ I exclaim. ‘Do I have to march you to the door?’
He shrugs slightly helplessly, but doesn’t move, so I decide to do just that. I put my hand on the door handle, about to pull it open, but he stops me, spinning me round so my back is against the wall. His body traps me there and I have to crane my neck to look up at him, but he doesn’t kiss me this time. I can feel his heart beating strong against my chest as he stares down at me with an intensity I’ve never seen before. My body softens towards him, but he doesn’t make a move on me.
And then he walks out without a word, leaving my head reeling and my body cold.
One thing’s for certain: Jack Mitchell is a very confusing boy.
Chapter 32
The plane touches down at Heathrow on a cold and rainy day, but after the earthquake I feel a strange sort of relief at arriving on stable ground.
I smile across at Sam in our First Class passenger seats. ‘Here we are again,’ I say to him.
‘You better not give me any trouble this time, girl,’ he warns.
‘I promise,’ I reply with a grin. I’m so glad he’s the one to return with me, that his leg has healed.
The last week has been a whirlwind – even more than usual. Our gig got a few reviews in the music press and the hype about All Hype has stepped up a level. We’ve even been asked to do interviews with a couple of good publications, but that will have to wait until the New Year, when I’m back. I spoke to Jack, but he kept it professional, which was a little weird, but I had to remind myself that it was the way I asked for it to be, at least until I go back.
I did speak to Agnes, and she told me that ‘it’ hadn’t happened. She sounded a little sad, but she said that she’d fill me in when I got back. Brett is staying in America for a few more weeks, so she wanted to spend every spare moment she has with him. There’ll be plenty of time for us to catch up when he leaves. I’m guessing she’ll need a shoulder to cry on.
Johnny has arranged for a chauffeur to collect us from the airport, so I told Stu not to come. A little part of me st
ill feels disappointed not to see him at the gate, even though it’s a hassle to get to Heathrow.
He’s meeting me at the Jeffersons’ house in Henley. Despite my pleas, I’m not allowed to spend my Christmas holiday at home. But I am allowed to spend my days there, packing up my things.
And Mum’s.
When we pull through the gates of Johnny’s Henley mansion, there are several cars on the driveway, but my eyes are drawn only to the blue Volvo. Tom is here?!
Oh, no. I was hoping to have a bit more time before I had to tell him. I’ve somehow managed to avoid his calls all week, sticking only to texts, but I can’t shy away from it any longer.
Before I can ask who the other cars belong to, the front door opens and Stu comes out, closely followed by Tom, the sight of whom sends a wave of nausea coursing through me. Then out comes Lou, Natalie, Chris and… Libby? A lump forms in my throat at the sight of my oldest friend and, in that moment, I know that I forgive her. God knows, we all make mistakes…
Except that what happened with Jack no longer feels like a mistake.
‘Not happy to see your friends?’ Sam asks with a sidelong glance as my gaze settles on Tom, who’s smiling warmly at the blacked-out car.
I sigh. ‘Just not ready,’ I reply, as the sickness inside me spreads like a disease.
I force a smile onto my face and try to fake delight as I climb out of the car. They all come forward to hug me, Lou and Natalie making excited comments about my outfit and how even my hair looks blonder and wow, I have a tan in December!
I turn to Libby and smile shyly.
‘Hey,’ I say.
‘Hi,’ she replies quietly.
And then I grab her and pull her into my arms, giving her the biggest hug. She squeezes me back, just as hard.
‘Thank you for coming,’ I whisper into her ear.
‘Thank you for not telling me to leave,’ she whispers back.
I give her one last squeeze and let her go.
Stu next. It’s not like we used to hug much, but, now that I’m in his arms, he feels so wonderfully warm and familiar. Tears prick my eyes at the thought that soon I’ll be leaving him permanently. I wonder if he’d consider coming with me. I’ll have to ask him, I decide, and then he pats my back with finality and lets me go.
I find myself facing Tom. Like the traitor that I am, I’ve more or less managed to avoid looking into his eyes as he’s patiently waited his turn, but now I have nowhere to run. He’s here, in front of me, smiling down at me. His tan has faded, but he still looks lovely.
‘Hi,’ I say.
‘Hey,’ he replies, taking me in his arms and clasping me tightly.
The weirdest thought goes through my mind, then: I’m being unfaithful to Jack.
But that’s ridiculous. I shake my head and pull away, smiling around at all of my friends. ‘Shall we go inside?’
Stu takes me aside as everyone else piles into the living room.
‘Was this a bad idea?’ he asks me worriedly. ‘They wanted to come.’
‘It’s fine,’ I reply. ‘It’s great to see them all. I’m just tired, that’s all.’
‘I’m sorry, Jess, I should’ve asked you, but they wanted it to be a surprise.’
‘Honestly, it’s fine,’ I try to reassure him.
But it’s not fine. I feel so on edge around Tom. I had planned to go and see him at home, so I could tell him about Jack in private. As it is, I must put up a front and pretend everything’s OK so that he’s not humiliated in front of our friends.
I discover that Chris also got his driving licence while I was away, and the last car belongs to Stu. He’s finally given in to Johnny’s insistence that he replace his Fiat with something safer, so now he drives a grey Audi.
If I stayed, I’m sure my dad would pay for us to move into a nicer home, too. The thought doesn’t sit comfortably with me.
‘Listen, guys,’ Stu says after a while, ‘Jess is exhausted after her long flight, so how about we let her get some rest now and you can all catch up this week, yes?’
Everyone agrees, but I can’t meet Tom’s eyes as he stands up.
He hangs back until the others have left the room.
‘Are you OK?’ he asks me quietly.
‘Just a bit tired,’ I lie.
‘It’s more than that,’ he says, and I force myself to look at him. His eyes widen at the expression on my face. I’m not denying it.
‘You’re worrying me,’ he says warily.
‘We do need to talk,’ I reply quietly, glancing towards the door and the hall where everyone’s milling around, waiting to say goodbye. ‘But not n—’
‘If you’ve got something to say to me, I don’t want to wait to hear it,’ he cuts me off. ‘I’ll tell Chris to take them home,’ he adds decisively, going out into the hall. I follow him, feeling absolutely sick to my stomach.
‘Mate, can you take the others home?’ Tom asks, his voice wavering so slightly that I’m certain I’m the only one who can tell.
‘Sure,’ Chris replies with a grin, hooking his arm round Lou. Despite how bad I feel, I’m glad that they’re still going strong.
I give Natalie and Lou brief hugs, promising to call in a day or two, then turn to face Libby, who’s hanging back.
‘Are you around this week?’ I ask. ‘It’d be good to catch up properly.’
‘I’d love that,’ she replies warmly, and I can see that she’s fighting back tears.
We give each other another hard hug and then break away.
I really hope that we can be good friends again. We’ve been through too much to give up on each other now. The kidnapping stuff freaked me out, but it wasn’t her fault. Life’s too short to bear grudges, I’ve learnt. But I doubt Tom will see things like that…
I stand at the door and wave them off, then turn to Stu, horribly aware of the tension radiating from Tom as he waits for me to come clean.
‘Tom’s going to stay for a bit,’ I say. ‘We’ll go up to my room.’
‘Oh! OK,’ he replies with surprise. I think he thought he was coming to my rescue by sending everyone home. ‘Sure. We’ll chat later, then.’
I flash him an apologetic smile. He’ll have me for the rest of the week. It’s not like Tom will want anything more to do with me after this.
I lead the way upstairs, feeling like I’m walking into court, about to be sentenced. But I haven’t even made my case yet.
Maybe he’ll forgive me… Maybe. But do I want him to?
We go into my bedroom, my heart beating fast as he shuts the door behind us, and then the space suddenly feels too small. I can’t actually believe I’m going to do this.
I perch on the bed and stare up at him with regret. He doesn’t come to sit down next to me.
‘What have you done?’ he asks in a low voice.
‘I—’ The words don’t come easily.
‘Is it Jack?’ he asks.
Of course he knows. He’s not stupid. He probably has a sixth sense about stuff like this after what his last girlfriend did to him.
But how could I? How could I do what I did to lovely, gorgeous, hottest-boy-in-school Tom? Tom who really seems to love me? Tom whom I love? Don’t I?
My throat constricts, but I nod, my gaze falling to the floor. But I force myself to look at him.
‘What happened?’ he asks in a strangely subdued voice.
‘He kissed me,’ I reply quietly.
His expression doesn’t change. ‘He kissed you? Was that it?’
I try to swallow, but my mouth is too dry. ‘I kissed him back,’ I admit.
It happens so quickly that I don’t know if he fell or moved on purpose, but suddenly he’s kneeling in front of me, his face in his hands in a gesture of absolute despair.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I whimper. ‘I’m so sorry.’
He drags his hands away from his face and stares at me, his warm brown eyes glinting with tears, his face pale, his mouth stretched into a straight line. He looks a me
ss. I’ve done this to him.
He shakes his head at me, speechless.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I say again.
‘Are you in love with him?’ he asks.
‘I—’ I start to speak, but shut my mouth abruptly. I shake my head, but I can’t honestly answer with a no.
Suddenly he’s on his feet again, pacing the room. ‘I knew it!’ he says heatedly, pointing at me. ‘I knew it!’ He knocks his knuckles against his head, then comes to a sudden standstill, glaring down at me.
‘You know this is it, don’t you?’ he asks angrily. ‘This. Is. It.’
I nod miserably. ‘I know,’ I mumble. ‘I know you don’t go back. You don’t forgive. I know.’
‘You’re not even asking for my forgiveness,’ he says bitterly. ‘What the hell is wrong with me?’ he erupts. ‘First Isla, now you. Don’t I deserve to have a girl not cheat on me?’
I leap to my feet. ‘Tom, of course you do! I’m so sorry! I love you, I do. I don’t know how it happened. I wasn’t thinking—’ I realise I’m standing in front of him with my hand on his chest and he’s not moving away. A distant part of me asks what I’m doing. Am I trying to win him back? Do I want to be with him? With him and not Jack?
Jack is unreliable. Tom is on the other side of the world.
Unless I stay here.
I don’t have to go back to LA. I have to move out of my home, anyway, so I could stay here and live in England – even in Johnny’s house, until Stu and I find a home of our own. I could get used to having Sam or another bodyguard watching over me. It’s not so bad. I could still see my friends, I could probably convince Johnny to let me continue going to the same school. I don’t have to go to private school, but even if I did it wouldn’t be so different to going to school with Agnes. I’d still have to make new friends.
Or I could stick with my plan. Pack up my things, pack up my life. Say goodbye to my friends and see them occasionally on holidays. Go back to LA. Live with my dad and Meg, my two little brothers.
‘I’ll see you guys soon, OK?’
That’s what I said to Barney and Phoenix.
‘When will you be home?’ Barney asked, his little face crumpling.