“Oh, my God,” Clarisse said as we got in her car. “The plot thickens. But first, let me say those Cortez brothers hot damn! Your sister was one lucky girl to have Nico so whipped on her. The poor guy is still hurting over her. But back to you. This could be it. This could be who you’ve been having all these triggers about. Aren’t you excited?”
“Yeah,” I said, aware of how terrified I sounded.
“But?” She turned to me as we came to a stop.
“I don’t know. I’m still so confused about everything. My heart feels so conflicted with excitement and the fear of what may come of all this.”
“Well, maybe talking to Nolan will help. According to what everyone had told you, you were the more level-headed and reserved one of the two. But you said you’re sure you weren’t a virgin when you did it with Ryan. Maybe you and Nolan were having a secret torrid affair. Maybe only the two of you knew. Maybe that’s why this has been driving you so crazy.”
Her logic made me a little nervous. It did make sense. I still didn’t understand most of it, but one thing I knew for sure now was that whatever my heart was trying to get me to remember had everything to do with this family.
We pulled up into the parking lot of the tattoo shop. “Till Death,” Clarisse said, reading the sign, then turned to me. “Ready?”
“Ready,” I said, taking a deep breath and opening the door to the car.
Chapter 12
Like Nicolas and his other two brothers, Nolan’s reaction to seeing me was pretty much the same. I’d been right about the photos not doing his eyes justice. They were just as brilliant green as Nicolas’s and his other brothers’. Their tanned skin only made their eyes pop more. Those eyes alone were enough to leave any girl breathless. And breathless was exactly how I felt seeing him.
Luckily, he was just finishing up with a client when we walked in. Unlike my reaction to seeing him online, there were no poofs or flashes, but my heart still swelled. Like with Nicolas—so unlike with his other brothers—Nolan touched my heart.
Biggest difference though was I wasn’t nearly as nervous about speaking to him as I’d been about talking to Joaquin and Xavier. Another big difference between Nolan’s reaction to me and his brothers’ was he rushed to me and hugged me—tight.
Okay, maybe there had been something going on between us. My heart thudded against my chest. Just as Sam from the bar and Nicolas had, Nolan smelled of cigarettes, leather, and some other manly sexy scent.
“Well, shit, Maggie,” he said, pulling away to look at me. “Now I understand why my brother’s been such a fucking mess lately.”
“Xavier and Joaquin told me,” I said with a frown, despite the warmth in my heart from seeing his bright and genuine smile. “I feel so stupid for not realizing seeing me might have such a negative effect on him.”
I told him about how Nicolas had been there when I first arrived at the bike shop today and how he’d stormed out. “I feel terrible,” I said, shaking my head. “But in my defense, I had no idea Madeline even had a boyfriend until the day at the cemetery, much less the depth of it. He asked me that day to keep in touch. Even said please. Then my mother denied knowing anything about him and Madeline ever being in a relationship, so I wasn’t sure what to think.”
God, I was going to kill my mother when I got home!
“Yeah, your mom’s something else,” he said, the distaste heavy in both his tone and expression.
Despite my anger with her, I wanted to defend my mom. I felt like I needed to. But remembering her distaste for Nicolas and all his brothers and her admitting she would’ve had an issue with us being involved with them, I could only imagine how she’d treated or spoken to them back then.
“Was there something going on between you and Maggie?” I turned to Clarisse, feeling completely scandalized by her questioning. “What?” she said with a laugh. “I’m dying to know. Aren’t you?”
When I turned back to Nolan, he was smirking sinfully then licked his lips and nodded. My heart thudded and my breathing accelerated. He was who I was supposed to remember? He was what my heart had been agonizing over all these years?
“We had a little something going on just before you left,” he said with a wicked smile. “We’d been hanging out for some time, but things did get a little . . . heavy just before the accident.”
He didn’t have to say it, but, just by the smolder in his eyes, I knew. He was why I hadn’t been a virgin when I slept with Ryan. That sexy smile said it all. But then that smile waned. “It’s why I was so surprised when you left without saying good-bye. I was surprised you never tried to contact me. It’s not like things were real serious between us yet, but I thought it was a definite possibility.”
I shook my head, feeling bad. “There’s so much I still don’t understand.” Like why, despite how endearing your sweet smile is, I feel like your brother owns my heart, not you. Like why my heart aches to speak to him again. Why? But this at least explained me not being a virgin. Just looking at Nolan and all four of the Cortez brothers, nothing about them said hanging out and things getting heavy meant anything less than them making any girl with a pulse willing to drop her panties in a heartbeat. Regardless of what Mama said about them, they all seemed so genuinely sweet. They might be womanizers and could easily get laid whenever their hearts desired, but something told me they never would with someone they thought might be taking them seriously.
The fact that his brothers didn’t know anything had gotten heavy between Nolan and me spoke volumes. For someone who was known for his mouth and who so easily admitted we did have a thing going, Nolan didn’t strike me as someone who kept a whole lot to himself, unless he cared enough. The way he gazed at me said he did.
“Did you and Maggie hang out with Madeline and Nicolas a lot?”
Nolan’s gaze finally lifted from me, and he turned to Clarisse. “All the time. It’s how she and I got close. Maddie was the outspoken one, but you . . .” He turned to me with a sweet smile. “You were the quiet one to my mouth. I’m probably the most outspoken one of my brothers. Nico is the most reserved. He keeps shit locked up deep inside, and that’s why we were so worried when Maddie died. She was the only thing he ever opened up about, especially because she drove him so crazy in the beginning when he was trying to fight his feelings for her.”
As Joaquin had, Nolan laughed at the memory; then our eyes locked. “But you know what they say about opposites attracting. She was perfect for Nico. And you . . .” He smiled, those amazing green eyes sweeping over me from top to bottom. “Well, I was beginning to think maybe you were perfect for me.”
Clarisse practically danced in place. I could kill her for being so obvious. Despite my not seeing poofs or flashes, I couldn’t help feeling a little giddy myself. My heart did swell at that beautiful smile of his. I finally had some answers, and my gut told me my feeling so much more comfortable talking to Nolan than his other brothers meant something.
Thanks to Curious Clarisse we found out more about Nolan and his brothers. I already knew Nicolas was the oldest. Their Mama had been a busy woman popping them out four years in a row, so they were only a year apart each. Nolan was the youngest and my age. It seemed odd to me that, at eighteen, he and I could’ve done enough so that my body felt so comfortable enjoying sex from the very beginning with Ryan. But then Mama did say they were notorious womanizers who’d even been rumored to have knocked up several girls. So, I supposed it made sense that at eighteen Nolan was likely far more experienced in that area than most boys his age.
“Nico said you’d been out there with a girlfriend then too. So, does this mean you’re single? Not married yet?”
Even this should’ve made me feel uncomfortable. Awkward. Oddly, it didn’t. I nodded as he peered at me curiously like he was waiting for me to elaborate. “I met a guy last year who I lived with for a few months, but it didn’t work out. Your brothers mentioned Shana,” I said, feeling a tinge of a strange jealousy.
He seemed oddly
amused and smirked wickedly, leaving me strangely breathless. “Yeah, it’s why I hadn’t returned your calls. I'd told her about you—the only girl before her I’d ever begun to take seriously—the one that got away. So, when she overheard Xavier telling me about Nico seeing you and asked about it, she sort of wigged out when she found out you’d called. I just wasn’t sure if it was worth the grief. But now that I’ve seen you again, I’m thinking it just might be.”
We exchanged cell phone numbers since the one listed on his website was the landline to his shop. I checked the time on my phone. It was already close to three.
“Listen. We have a two-hour drive home. But you’re okay with me giving you a call sometime?” I asked, feeling hopeful. “I don’t wanna get you in trouble with your girl. But I still have a lot of questions.”
“Anytime,” he said with that same beautiful smile that warmed my heart.
Nolan walked us out, hugging me again just outside the shops door. Glancing down at the card I’d picked up at the counter, I was reminded of something. “Does Nicolas have another business aside from the bike shop?”
Nolan shook his head, staring at me quizzically. “No, why?”
“The day at the cemetery he handed me a business card, but it wasn’t for his bike shop. It said M&N’s Embroidery and Screen Printing. I lost the card, so I tried looking it up, but there was no such business listed anywhere.”
Looking a little stumped, Nolan started to shake his head then stopped, and his eyes widened. “Oh shit,” he said, staring out at nothing. “It’s the business they said they were going to go into together.” He turned to me, his eyes still full of surprise and a little sadness. “Maddie and Nico. Your sister had mad skills when it came to drawing. Nico had taken screen printing in high school, and Dad owned an embroidery shop in Huntsville. So, they were gonna combine their skills. M&N’s was Nico’s idea for the name, their initials and because she liked the candy so damn much. He even had the logo tattooed on his arm after she passed. But I didn’t know he’d had business cards made up, especially not ones he’d still be carrying around. Damn.” He shook his head with a frown. “Nico’s never gonna get over her.”
The dull ache in my heart was back. It hurt to know my sister had shared such a profound love with someone and they’d been so tragically separated. I still couldn’t imagine what that must feel like. The closest thing I had to compare it with were my dreams where I felt so tortured. But I knew that couldn’t possibly be the same.
We said good-bye, and Clarisse and I talked about this newest discovery nonstop all the way home. Given my mother’s impression of Nicolas and his brothers, it wasn’t such a mystery why she’d want to keep me in the dark about them. Whether she admitted it now or not, one thing was clear. Madeline had been very involved with Nicolas and, apparently, didn’t care what my mom thought about it. She might’ve even known or worried that I, too, might get involved with one of the brothers. She had referred to them as charmers. Since Madeline and I were inseparable and apparently so were she and Nicolas, my mom had good reason to worry.
She hadn’t been able to keep Madeline away from Nicolas, and with both of us being eighteen, she knew my rebellion wasn’t too far behind. She had good reason, too, because I already knew I could easily fall for one of the Cortez brothers. What really gnawed at me was that I already felt like I might even be in love with one of them. I just wasn’t one hundred percent sure which one.
I wanted to talk to Nolan again. I needed to find out what exactly the nature of my relationship with Nicolas was. Why the hell was I so drawn to him and what did my dreams mean? Why did I still feel like there was so much more to this mystery? I got the feeling that no matter how much I demanded the truth from my mother when I got home, just like when I’d first asked her about Nicolas, she’d be holding out on me.
“I really don’t blame your mom for being nervous about her daughters getting involved with those guys,” Clarisse said as we sat in traffic. “I mean they’re so deliciously dangerous-looking, and they ride motorcycles, which is a danger in itself. Tattoos or not, my mom would definitely be opposed to me dating someone who rode a motorcycle, even at my age, but most definitely when I was that young.”
“I know, but if Nicolas and Madeline were that in love, then she should’ve just accepted that they were meant to be. That just seems so wrong, and I’ll definitely be demanding she tell me the truth”
“Well.” Clarisse held up a hand. “And I’m just playing devil’s advocate here. It doesn’t sound like your mom had much control over it. From what they said, Madeline was doing as she pleased and long before she was eighteen even.” Clarisse grinned coyly. “Damn, just hearing about it was a turn on. I can only imagine what it’d be like to have any of those guys doing things to me that would have me making noises.” She groaned, gripping her steering wheel, then hit the horn when someone cut her off. “Asshole!” she yelled, even though all the windows were closed.
She turned to me just as quickly, getting back to the point she’d been trying to make before she started groaning. “Another thing. If his own brothers didn’t know anything was going on between you and Nolan, I’m thinking maybe your mom didn’t either. So, it’s not like she willingly took you away from your soul mate and then kept it from you all this time.”
“I feel more for Nolan than I do for any of the other two brothers; that’s for sure,” I said, staring out the window. “I’m just not sure it’s enough for me to believe he was my soul mate like Nicolas was Madeline’s.”
“I feel so bad for Nicolas. Who would think someone as hard-looking as him would be so utterly heartbroken?”
Again, the ache in my heart was back, and I turned to Clarisse. “Why do you think I feel so much for him?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because he’s the first one you heard of?” Clarisse offered. “He was the first one that gave you this glimpse into you and your sister’s exciting past with these sexy beasts?”
I chuckled, glancing out the window again. “Could be.”
It was possible, and I wondered now if I’d be more hung up on Nolan or any of the other brothers had I met them first. Other things still gnawed at me. I got that my mother was against Madeline and me having any involvement with the bad boy brothers. But to go to the lengths she had to take me away so sneaky like? It did seem odd that we had no one. Yet, in all the articles I’d read online, there were such large vigils held more than once to remember Madeline and Shelby. I’d since gone back and examined the photos to see if I might get a glimpse of Nicolas in them, but there weren’t any. My guess is he must’ve been inconsolable and it was too painful to attend. But there were so many people in attendance, and not one of them had reached out after we moved away.
Not that I was hurt or upset by it. I wouldn’t have remembered any of them anyway. It just seemed odd. Mama reminded me each time I happened to mention it that I’d been quiet and reserved and my only friends had been Madeline and Shelby.
That was another thing. Shelby was an only child whose single mom I imagine must’ve taken it extremely hard. Mama said Shelby’s mama had moved out of town just a few weeks before we had. She said she’d heard she went to live with her sister in Oklahoma.
Heard. With Mama and Shelby’s mama both being single moms whose daughters were inseparable, you’d think they would’ve been closer. Why didn’t Mama know for sure where Shelby’s mom had gone, and why hadn’t she kept in touch with her all these years? They shared a tragic bond after all.
I turned to Clarisse with another question. “You think Mama purposely got rid of any evidence of Madeline’s love for M&M’s because she thought maybe it’d remind me of Nicolas and in turn that would remind me of Nolan?”
It was the only thing I could think of. The flashes in my head were too vivid for there not to have ever been any mention of it.
“Probably,” she said, raising her brows. “You might consider not saying anything yet, Maggie. There may be more she hasn’t hid
den from you because she has no clue you suspect anything. If she could keep this to herself and was able to pull off pretending she didn’t know about Maddie’s relationship with Nicolas, even after you called her on it the first time, that tells me she’s good. Obviously, whatever she’s trying to cover up means that much to her. I don’t think she’d just give it up unless you knew more—had more evidence of what that might be.”
I was just taking that into consideration. Would I really be able to hold back not telling her off the moment I saw her at home? Then Clarisse made a show of being excited again and turned to me, smiling big. “But I forgot about that. You remembered something, Maggie. Isn’t that like a total first for you?”
“Yes, it is, but I’m beginning to feel like all these triggers I’ve been having have all been memories too. I just can’t figure them out. But like the Harley at the flea market, I’m certain that was a memory, except”—I turned to her with that still nagging thought— “Nicolas is the one with the motorcycles.”
“There was a Harley parked outside the tattoo shop,” she reminded me. “I think you’re too hung up on the fact that Nicolas was the first who ultimately led you to the Cortez’s and your past with them. Wait until you talk to Nolan again. Keep an open mind. Something tells me he has a lot more to tell you that maybe he didn’t want to say in front of me.”
I nodded. “I did feel far more comfortable talking to Nolan and an endearing pull to him that I hadn’t with the other brothers.”
“There you go,” she said. “That probably means something; you just don’t remember. But I get the feeling that, just like today, you’re gonna start remembering a lot more about your past.”
I had the same feeling, and as exciting as that was, it also scared me a little. I was almost afraid of what else I might find out. So far, it had been a mixture of heartache and elation, but both emotions had been so profound. Knowing—feeling—in my heart that there was still so much more around the corner felt as exciting as it did dreadful.