We’d been out of town when you were supposed to have taken them and never did get around to rescheduling.
I felt the bile rise in my throat as I remembered what I now knew were padded lies. Mama said she’d left it up to us to reschedule because we were old enough to do it and then admitted that she’d suspected our acne kept us from ever rescheduling. “The time just went by and before you know it, it was too late,” I said, mimicking how nonchalantly Mama had explained why there were no senior pictures of us, as if it were the God’s honest truth.
“What the hell are you hiding, Mama?” I whispered as I studied the eight by tens with our names at the bottom in gold lettering.
Madeline and Margaret and our class year. As usual, we were as identical as ever. Even after all these years, it was hard to wrap my brain around the fact that there’d been someone in this world who’d looked exactly like me.
Sifting through the other photos in the tote, which had just as many answers for me as the senior photos, I decided I was taking the entire tote with me. To hell with Mama noticing. She’d have a lot more to answer for than my having to explain why I’d been snooping.
I rushed to get the tote in my car, locked up the place, and drove back home. Once home, I ordered a pizza and continued to obsess over the photos.
I decided to put the photos aside and, for the next couple of hours, researched stuff online. Feeling mentally exhausted, I stopped to take a long hot shower. When I got out, I was surprised to see I had several texts and missed calls.
“Hmm.” I clicked on the text first. “I must’ve been in there longer than I’d thought.”
The first text was from Clarisse, telling me she couldn’t talk. She was at the dentist then going straight to work but would call me on her lunch break if I was willing to stay up ’til midnight. Otherwise, she could just check her texts and respond whenever she got the chance. I responded that I’d be up.
The second was from Nolan. My heart thudded as I read it.
I heard about this weekend. Did you tell Nico you had feelings for him?
Did Nico say I did? I pulled the towel off my head as my mind raced to remember the exact words when he’d so vehemently denied anything had ever happened between us. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to remember. I’d said I’d been confused and told him about the dreams—that I’d cried when I’d been pulled away from him. Maybe it’s how he interpreted it all.
“Oh, who am I kidding?” I huffed as I clicked over to see who I had missed calls from. “If my body’s response to his touch and kiss hadn’t been enough—”
I clutched my chest, feeling my insides go wild after seeing I had calls from Mama and then Nico. I checked the time; he called less than ten minutes ago but left no message or text. I couldn’t imagine why he’d be calling when we’d just spoken yesterday. As much as I was dying to talk to him again already, even I was going to refrain from calling him for at least a few days.
I scrolled back to Nolan’s text because I had to know now and texted back as fast as I could.
I didn’t but I did admit to having confusing dreams about him. I needed answers. I hoped he might have them.
Waiting impatiently, I combed through my wet hair then shook my fingers through it. When I heard the ping of my phone, I rushed back to the bed where I’d left it. I plopped down and read the text.
Can you talk right now?
Without giving it any thought, I hit the call button on his text. I had every intention of being completely honest, especially given what I’d begun to really believe.
“I’ll take this as a yes you can talk.”
“Yes, I can. What’s up?”
“So, he got back from his trip to Louisville,” he said emphasizing that last word. “The lying sack of shit. And we all knew just by the way he walked into the house that something was up. So, he fessed up to where he’d really been. Said he just didn’t want any of us worrying and that he was fine, but we knew he wasn’t. He wasn’t as bad as the first couple of times he’d seen you, but it definitely did a number on him again, only I couldn’t put my finger on what it was.”
Nolan explained how Xavier, being the second oldest, had always been closest to Nico. That Nico had mentioned running into me again and being forced to spend time with me because of my car situation. But aside from the vague explanation of what we’d done—had lunch while we waited for the tow truck—Nico hadn’t told Nolan much else.
“For obvious reasons, too, I think he felt awkward telling me more. But Xavier and Q were just here at my shop a while ago, and we discussed some of what else Nico had shared with Xavier.” He cleared his throat, unnerving me further, so I braced myself. “He said he felt a strange connection to you, one he’d never felt with anyone but Maddie. That there were too many times he’d felt like he’d been talking to Maddie and that it was clear you felt something too. He told them about the biscuits and gravy and about you kissing the side of his face three times. What the hell are you doing to my brother, Margaret?”
The question and tone took me by surprise, and I got the distinct feeling this was likely something Nolan did when he’d been upset or angry with Maggie. He called her Margaret.
My own thoughts caught me off guard, and I brought my hand to my mouth. It momentarily made me forget about the anger I’d begun to feel about Nolan’s implication. I was already referring to her—my sister not me—as Margaret.
But it was fleeting. The moment I heard him ask if I was still there, I was pissed again. “What do you mean what am I doing to him? What do you think I’m doing, Nolan?”
“I don’t know. Fucking with his head?”
“Why the hell would I do something so cruel?” I spat out the words with as much disdain as he had. “Is there something you’re not telling me about me, Nolan? Was I some raging heartless bitch that nobody told me about? Only someone so completely callous would be trying to play with a man who’s clearly still hurting for the dead love of his life.”
He was quiet for a moment then finally spoke. “Jesus, you do sound just like her.”
The words instantly choked me up. I, too, was unable to immediately react to his comment, but then I did. “I feel like I’m losing my mind,” I whispered as my throat constricted, “all over again.”
“Why? What’s going on?”
At first, I hesitated to tell him. He’d think I really had lost my mind but then remembered Clarisse hadn’t. She said the thought had crossed her mind as well.
“If I tell you something, you have to promise you won’t say anything to Nico about this. I feel like a crazy person even saying it out loud, and I still have no real proof.”
“Proof of what?”
“First, promise you won’t.”
“Okay, I promise,” he said quickly; though it was hardly convincing.
I covered my eyes with my hand as if saying it blindly might help it sound less insane. “Remember I told you I feel like maybe something happened between Nico and me?”
“Yeah, and I said there’s no way?” he retorted.
“Yes, so did Nico when I asked him. He said he would’ve never done that to her and I wouldn’t have either.”
“Exactly, Maggie, you’d never even consider it,” he reiterated then added. “And you and Nico never would’ve done that to me either.”
“Okay, so that’s settled. That couldn’t have happened. Thing is Nico was spot on about us feeling a connection. It’s undeniable, Nolan, and it’s not me trying to play with him in any way. I swear to you.”
I told him about the dreams I’d begun to have that led me to Huntsville this weekend—all of them, including the erotic ones—the visuals of the cave that according to Nico I’d never been to, the biscuits and gravy, and how I’d never once felt shy or reserved as I’ve been told so often I’m supposed to be. How for years I’d had this ache in my heart—the feeling that something or someone was begging me to remember—begging me to come back.
“Come back where? To Huntsv
ille?”
“No. Come back to me!”
“What?”
I shook my head, frustrated, because I knew I wasn’t making any sense, but I couldn’t just blurt it out. It still felt too crazy. So, I told him about my grandma. How Mama lied about her dying of cancer.
I told him about all the other inconsistencies I’d uncovered this weekend. Glancing at the videos still by my laptop, I told him about those, the senior pictures, and the tote I was now rummaging through for anything else that might explain all the lies.
“So, what are you saying?”
Taking a deep breath, I just blurted it out before I’d chicken out. “I’m beginning to wonder if the wrong sister wasn’t pronounced dead at the scene.”
The silence was much longer this time. Neither of us said anything for what felt like an eternity.
“That is insane,” he finally said. “How would that even be possible? Wouldn’t your mom have known? Isn’t there DNA or fingerprints that would’ve made it clear which sister died?”
“Mama identified us at the scene. Identical twins have identical DNA. Since my mama identified us, they didn’t even check the fingerprints.”
“So, you think your mom falsely identified you two?”
“It’s too ugly a thought to accept,” I said quickly. “I’d prefer to think she made a mistake.”
I explained why I’d never really asked her for details about the accident itself. I’d refused to make her relive it.
“What about all the other bullshit lies?” he asked, sounding as disgusted as I was afraid everyone else would be if this turned out to be true. “How do you explain all that?”
“I don’t. It’s what I’m trying to figure out.”
“Why not just ask her? Call her on her bullshit!”
“Because,” I said, feeling frustrated and hoping Nolan’s attitude about this didn’t mean he’d be telling Nico even when he promised not to. “I don’t know what the truth is. And if it turns out to be something more sinister, then I don’t want her to know I suspect anything yet. She may do something to cover up any other evidence that might still be out there. As long as she thinks I don’t suspect in the least, she’ll continue to be lax about it. Like with all the stuff still in the storage unit.”
“It still sounds so crazy. Why would she do that? And how could nobody realize? What about fingerprints? You two have identical prints too?”
“No, and that’s probably the only way they’d be able to tell us apart.” Christ, the more I analyzed this out loud and to someone else, not just in my crazy head, the more certain it seemed Mama really was guilty. “But since Kentucky doesn’t require fingerprinting to get your driver’s license, the only other way they’d be on file is if either of us had ever been arrested or Mama voluntarily fingerprinted us as kids for safety reasons. She could’ve easily said she hadn’t, since she’s the one who’d hold on to the only copy.”
“Fuck,” he whispered, but then his voice went louder. “And why is it you don’t want Nico to know?”
“Because I felt his pain this weekend, Nolan. The eternal pain that’s still torturing him. I’d hate to give him any hope that this might actually be true and then have him lose her all over again if it turns out I’m totally wrong.”
“You might be wrong, but not totally wrong. Something definitely stinks. I really think Nico should know sooner than later. He looked completely dazed yesterday when he walked in the house. If this is true, it makes total sense now why he would.”
I thought about telling him about the dream I had last night, the encounter with Nico, even though I still couldn’t be one hundred percent sure it’d been Madeline’s encounter with him that I—Maggie—had stolen. Or maybe it really was my first encounter as Maggie with Nico. Though the latter seemed oddly out of character for someone whose shy demeanor was very marked in all the videos. As much as I didn’t feel nearly as soft-spoken and shy, Mama’s insistence that I’d grown out of it might still be true.
I decided to hold off just yet. Nolan already seemed anxious about telling Nico. This might just convince him to do it, regardless of what I wanted. We wrapped it up, and I told him I’d stay in touch with anything new I find, and he promised to let me be the one who told Nico when I was ready.
Once off the phone, I clicked on the missed call from Nico and hit the call button.
Chapter 24
The call went to voicemail, so for all I knew maybe Nico had just butt-dialed me. I left a simple text saying, “Tag, you’re it.” My heart fluttered at just the thought of possibly hearing back from him tonight.
I thought of what I’d say to him once I did and how tempted I’d be to mention my theory. Nolan was right. I was going to have to come clean sooner than later. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep this all in. I felt like bursting already.
Minutes after I’d been lying on the bed pondering it all, my phone rang, and my heart began to race again. But it was short-lived. The moment I saw it was Mama I felt nothing but anger. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. I really did. But I knew she was behind my extended nightmare. As if the horrific accident that took my sister and best friend along with my past wasn’t enough, she’d contributed to the agony of my lost past. Maybe if there hadn’t been so many lies from the beginning confusing things further, I would’ve remembered more sooner.
I sent it to voicemail. I just wasn’t up for it now. My day of sleuthing and the long hot shower must’ve done me in because I’d barely lain back on the pillow and I dozed off.
Nico looks me up and down as if he just now noticed me, even though I’ve been standing there in front of him for a few minutes now, like my “thing between his legs” comment garners more reason for a better look. In the past, I’ve caught the way he looks at me many times, like he’s trying not to, but can’t help himself.
“You must be Madeline,” he says, taking another drag of his cigarette. “From what I heard, you’re the wild one.” The humor still dances in his eyes, but his eyeing me feels more probing than playful.
“Well, I am Madeline, but I don’t know about the wild one. What’ve you heard?”
“Oh, I’ve heard about you,” he says with a sly smirk that borders on scandalous.
“I’m more outspoken and possibly too daring for my own good, while my sister’s the quieter more level-headed one, if that’s what you mean. But if you’re implying anything else, I can tell you where you can shove those bullshit rumors.”
He chuckles, lifting his hands up on either side of him. “I didn’t say it was bad. I’ve just heard a few things.”
“Like what?” I cross my arms in front of me and arch my brow.
He might be beautiful to look at, but I’ve heard some things about his smug ass too. So just because I’ve caught him sneaking curious looks my way, it’s not like I’m getting my hopes up about a conceited older bad boy like him. I’d walked over to talk to him for one reason alone, despite my sister begging me not to. Only now I was the curious one.
“You’re impetuous,” he says as he peers at me with inquisitive eyes. “Is it true you jumped into the river off the very top of Pike’s Crest?”
I instantly feel my expression ease up. “I did.” I smile proudly, but just as quickly my smile is replaced with a frown. “Mama almost killed me when it got back to her. God, word gets around fast in this town.”
“Well, it is dangerous.”
“Not if you know what you’re doing, and I’ve been jumping off cliffs since I can remember. Always knew I’d jump from the top of that crest one day.”
Nico takes another drag of his cigarette and only takes his eyes off me for a moment when a couple of girls passing by say hi to him and ask if he’ll give them a ride later. I refrain from rolling my eyes at the two slutty girls. They’re the kind that come out here to hang out at the lake Friday nights, wearing cut off jean shorts so short their ass cheeks hang out. Mama would wrangle me back in the house with a noosed rope if I ever tr
ied walking out wearing anything like that.
With a nod and a grin, he silently responds then turns back to me. “So, is that why you came over here?”
“What?” I ask, ready to tell him off since seeing the two sluts strut by prompted him to ask if that’s why I’d come over.
His chuckling only irks me further. “To ask if it hurt to get my tattoos and about the thing between my legs.”
My face flushes hearing him say it, and I glance around, hoping no one else heard him. “Actually no.” His brows go up in question. “Your brother, Nolan, goes to school with my sister and me. Apparently, he loves making her squirm.”
That only makes him grin even bigger. “Is that right?”
“Yes, it is, and it makes her uncomfortable. I think it’s cute that one of the big bad Cortez brothers has a crush on my sweet bashful sister. But he needs to lay off his adult version of pulling her braids and pushing her into the sandbox. She’s very timid and even dreads her science class now.”
“And if he doesn’t?” he asks with a challenging smirk.
“If he doesn’t,” I say very seriously because he may think this is funny but I don’t. “He’s going to be dealing with me.”
“Why hasn’t he already?” he asks, bringing his cigarette to his smiling lips but stopping before taking another drag. “I mean why don’t you tell him? Why you telling me?”
“Because I didn’t know until just now, and I don’t see him anywhere, so I figured you could pass the word along. Maybe talk a little sense into him in case he refuses. According to Maggie, he’s insatiable when it comes to his teasing and flirting.”
Nico laughs now, just like when he’d laughed about my “between your legs” comment, and Lord have mercy, that smile coupled with that deep laugh . . . be still my heart.
“Yeah, insatiable, that’s my brother in a nutshell.”
“Well, you said it yourself,” I say, not finding this the least bit funny. Poor Maggie is talking about cutting class, and she’s never cut class in her life. “I’m impetuous, remember? You and your brothers may think you know about me because of the things you’ve heard. Nolan has no idea. Bad boy or not, he’ll live to regret the day he messed with the wrong girl’s sister.”