“Yeah?” he asked, smiling big as I glanced up at him.
I nodded again. “But absolutely no promises,” I said, not wanting to give him a scrap of hope, then added because I couldn’t sit there even another minute. “Thank you for this, Ryan, and for breakfast, but I really gotta go. I had a long night and I’m exhausted.”
“Sure, sure,” he said, sliding out of his side as I slid out of mine. “Don’t worry. I’ll flag her down and take care of this. You don’t have to wait.”
He hugged me tightly again before letting go, and I hurried out of there. Not even halfway to the storage unit, my phone was pinging like crazy. When I got there, I checked it. It was my Facebook notifications. I had about ten of them. Curiously, because I’d never been all that active on the social site and didn’t even have many friends on it, I clicked on the notifications.
I dropped my head back when I saw the photo of me wearing the ring and smiling big. The caption on it read, She said yes!
Ryan had tagged me in it, so I was getting every notification of his friends and family members congratulating him. Some were making fun of the look on my face because, while I thought my fake smile had been genuine, there was something noticeably off about it. One of the comments urged him to get me to the altar ASAP before the shock of the size of the rock wore off. I also had a Facebook private message. It was from Ryan. I clicked on it and read it.
Technically you did say yes. It’s no one’s business to what that was exactly. ;) All that matters is that the morning ended on a happy note. So I had to share. Sleep tight!
I rolled my eyes and turned off the notifications for the post. Already, in the time it took me to read the comments and then his private message, my phone had dinged a few more times with more comments, likes, and such for the photo.
The search of the storage unit turned up empty. At least, nothing I found triggered anything or helped explain any of the mystery.
Once done, I checked my phone because I’d left it in my car. I realized then that, when I turned off the notifications, what I should’ve done was untag myself so none of my friends would see it, because I already had a text from Clarisse. I read it with a smirk.
Congrats?
Of course she’d be confused. But she’d be easy to explain it to. I then saw Mama’s congratulating me too with lots of question marks and her asking me to call her ASAP. I also had a few missed calls too and I groaned, untagging myself from the picture immediately.
If Ryan wanted to make a fool of himself, when in a few weeks or so he’d have to explain why he was not only not engaged but not even in a relationship anymore, that was on him. I didn’t need to explain any of his nonsense to my friends.
Then I read the next text I had from Nolan, and it nearly stopped my heart.
You’re fucking engaged?!!
Chapter 25
Muttering under my breath, I began texting back to everyone. I told Clarisse I’d call her in a few minutes. I said thank you to Mama and told her I’d call her when I got the chance—that I was really tired and going to bed. Then I texted Nolan back.
It’s complicated. I’ll explain later.
I called Clarisse back too and spoke to her on my way home. I told her all about the awkwardness of the ring and what I’d really said yes to. “In my defense, I did tell him about Nico, just not in detail, only that I’d been talking to someone from my past, someone whom I believed was who my heart had been yearning for all these years. And I didn’t say yes until after he laid it on thick about still being in love and not wanting to give up so easily. I just needed to get the hell out of there already, and it felt like the easiest way of doing so before he went on with any more long and heartfelt speeches. But I have no intention of wearing the thing or even holding onto it for more than a few days.”
She said she figured something was way off. I brought her up to date on everything I’d found since last talking to her, everything Nolan and I had talked about last night, and that he now knew about my suspicions. It excited her more that even Nico had felt the strange connection. But she, too, was at a loss about everything else. Though the girl did like to brainstorm. She threw out all kinds of theories that I quickly negated. Maybe there was stuff in the background of the videos I wasn’t supposed to see or know about: certain cars, photos on the wall, or clothing that might mean something.
“I’ll have to watch them all again tonight, but I watched them almost obsessively last night, and there was nothing of the sort.”
“Did you check the back of your senior pictures? Maybe there was something written on them she didn’t want you to see? Something about Nico. If you two were almost nineteen just after graduating, it would mean she’d known about Nico for almost a year.”
“No,” I said because I knew where she was going with that.
I’d thought the same thing. Maybe Mama had written something on it about my bright future with Nico or about where I was really going to school after we graduated since it seems before the accident she had no intention of moving us out of Huntsville. But I’d taken the frames apart and everything and hadn’t found anything. They were simply our senior photos with our names and graduating year engraved in gold lettering.
“The photos in the box did have more writing on them than any of the other ones I’d ever seen at home, but nothing telling. They were just more descriptive like Madeline at Boulder Creek and the year or Maggie’s first day of ROP. The ones at home usually just had the year and the place we were.”
“Hmm,” Clarisse said and was quiet for a while as I got home and walked in still on the phone with her. “There’s gotta be something, and why wouldn’t she tell you about New York? You think maybe you have anybody there she doesn’t want you to know about?”
“I don’t think so. I clearly remember it being my dream to go to those museums, and other than some video of us by the Statue of Liberty and a few of the other tourist spots, there was nothing else.”
“Remember Nico’s brother said something about Connecticut?”
I slowed as I walked in the kitchen. “Yeah?”
“New York isn’t too far from Connecticut, right? I suck at geography, but if memory serves me correctly, it’s right up there.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I said, my heart speeding up again. “It’s right next to it. I looked it up when I got back from that trip but couldn’t for the life of me make sense of why Mama would say we were moving there. I figured she’d just chosen the farthest place she could think of so no one would think we were still so close and possibly come looking for us.”
“There might be a connection there, Maggie.” Even hearing the name now didn’t feel right. “You should watch them again tonight, but listen very carefully. Maybe there’s something you or your sister say in them you’re not supposed to know about. Maybe your mom says something. Might be cryptic, but you never know.”
“I will,” I said, setting the gift bag from Ryan on the kitchen counter.
Clarisse stayed on the phone with me for a while as I described everything I found that day at the storage unit that meant nothing, until she finally had to go. I hung up and thought about calling Nolan but then thought better of it. It could wait until later tonight.
I called Mama instead and tried to keep my anger in check as I explained about the birthday ring I’d accepted from Ryan only temporarily. It was hard not to snap, especially when she encouraged me to try and be open-minded about him, that despite his faults—that he was working on—he was a good guy. It was all I could do not to lose it.
This woman had single-handedly robbed me of my perfect future with the love of my life. I knew now without a doubt that, if I’d seen Nico from the very beginning, my heart would’ve yearned for him, even if my head didn’t remember him just as it did now. I could’ve been with him all this time, and the memories would’ve likely come back sooner because it was happening now and I’d only known about him for a couple of months.
“I gotta go, Mama,” I s
aid suddenly in the middle of her joyous blathering. “I didn’t get much sleep today, and I’m gonna be a zombie tonight if I don’t try to get at least a few more hours in.”
“Oh,” she said, obviously surprised by the hardened tone I failed miserably to hide. “Okay, honey, yeah, you do sound tired. Get some rest. You’ll probably be gone to work by the time I get home tonight, but we’ll talk in the morning, or call me on your break.”
I hung up and trudged to the bedroom. This whole thing was sucking the life and energy out of me. What hurt most was that the one person I trusted with my life would do this to me. It was deplorable—unforgivable—and it scared me to think I may end up cutting her out of my life because I wasn’t sure any reasoning she might have would be enough. Without her or Ryan, I’d be all alone because even the very idea of hoping for more with Nico terrified me. There was still the chance I was just Maggie with the broken brain who’d been secretly in love with Nico, and he may want nothing to do with me.
Chapter 26
After doing some laundry for a while, the entire time lost in the million things in my head, I’d made up my mind. I’d get a room tonight so Mama would think I was at work and I’d have one more night to investigate. But if I didn’t find anything else, I was confronting Mama first thing tomorrow. I couldn’t put it off anymore. I needed answers before I went insane. I needed to know what the damn truth was. Who was I, and if I was really Maggie, what was my fixation with Nico? Mama had to know. I’d threaten never to speak to her again if she didn’t tell me because I knew there had to be something more to it, and she knew. All her conniving and covering up was proof she knew.
It was five-thirty and Mama wasn’t home yet, so I decided to leave. I took the tote I’d found with the videos, senior photos, and other things. I drove straight to a hotel nearby and checked in. I got comfortable then braced myself for my call to Nico. Of course, he didn’t answer, and I didn’t leave a message. I texted him instead.
The day I drove to Radcliffe and your brothers said they could never tell my sister and me apart you said you could. I’m confused about so many things right now. Can you please tell me how exactly you could tell us apart?
After waiting in vain for over a half hour and no response, it dawned on me that Nolan might know, so I called him. He answered immediately with what was clearly still on his mind.
“You’re getting married, even when you’re not sure you’re Maddie or not?”
“I’m not getting married.”
“So why are you wearing the ring that guy posted all about on his Facebook? His status changed from in a relationship to engaged for fuck’s sake—to you!”
Before I could wrap my brain around the annoyance that Ryan was, in fact, making it clear what he’d insinuated I said yes to, Nolan dropped something else on me. “I told Nico.”
“What?” I gasped, feeling my insides go hollow.
“Not about you suspecting you might be Maddie, but about Maggie getting engaged.”
“Why?” I clutched my chest. “Why would you do that?”
“You didn’t respond or explain. I figured if you’re really Maddie, the love of my brother’s fucking life, it was the least I should do. If he’s also feeling something’s up after spending time with you, then he should know. I couldn’t live with myself if you ended up getting married and I didn’t tell him there was a possibility you were Maddie. So, I had to give him at least this. You were his life. To this fucking day, he’s not over you. Do you understand that, Maddie?”
“We still don’t know if I’m really her.” I wiped tears away because he sounded so sure—so angry—and just hearing him call me Maddie choked me up. “The day I showed up in Radcliffe and your other brothers said I looked just like her and that they’d never been able to tell us apart, Nico said he could and sounded very confident about it. Do you know why?”
“Because you two were like night and day,” he said it like it was a given. “Xavier and Q couldn’t tell you apart because they didn’t know you two the way Nico and I did. In the very beginning, it was tough, but once we got to know you, a simple smile, or just the way you two walked into a room made it so obvious who was who. Maggie was timid, sweet as shit, and Maddie exuded confidence and loved fucking with my brother’s head even before they were officially a couple. She knew just what buttons to push. So yeah, at first glance, you were identical, but once we got to know you, it was obvious. Maggie was so bashful, almost painfully so. You threatened to come after me if I didn’t lay off teasing her so much way back in high school. I used to love seeing her blush. It was just too easy.”
“I dreamed of that,” I whispered.
“Of threatening me?” he asked anxiously.
“No, about telling Nico to tell you then changing my mind and saying I’d tell you myself.”
“You dreamed of that? The night at the lake?”
“Yes,” I said, even more sure I was Madeline now and not Maggie wanting to be me.
“That’s the night it all started,” he said, sounding even more excited. “Holy shit, you are Maddie. That’s the night he came at me and told me I needed to tone my shit down with Maggie. But the even heavier warning was for me to stay the hell away from you, period. After that, every time he saw you, seems you just got deeper and deeper under his skin. You and I bonded because of your attraction to him and mine to Maggie. That’s probably why you’ve felt a kinship to me as opposed to my brothers, who you didn’t feel much for. You were never as close to either of them as you and I were, especially once I got back from my internship here in Radcliffe. It was right around the time you and Nico finally got it together. And then all the sneaking around started until you two were officially a couple.”
My other line beeped, and I saw I had a text from Nico. My heart was instantly at it again, especially given what Nolan just said. I tried to check the text without hanging up on Nolan, but for some reason I couldn’t.
“Let me call you back,” I said, frustrated and anxious. “I need to check a text I just got.”
“Yeah, call me back because, Maddie, I don’t think I’ll be able to keep this from Nico. If you don’t tell him soon, I’ll have to, especially now that you’re fucking engaged.”
“I’m not engaged,” I said, feeling completely flustered and irritated as hell about Ryan’s Facebook antics but was too anxious to read Nico’s text. “I’ll call you back.”
As soon as I was off with Nolan, I clicked over to Nico’s text and read it.
I always knew just by the way she looked at me. YOU would’ve never looked at me the way she did. Ever. It’s why seeing you again has been so weird for me. The way you look at me . . . Only I KNOW you’re not Maddie. And I know I said I wouldn’t say good-bye forever, but I have to, Maggie. This is torture for me.
I hit the call button, already completely choked up and a little pissed. How dare he? I knew this situation was weird as fuck for everyone, but he couldn’t just ignore what we’d both felt this weekend. It was bigger than us, even if he didn’t think I was Madeline.
It went straight to voicemail. For a moment, I thought about texting him again but then changed my mind. I couldn’t think of a single thing to say that might convince him. Instead, I scrambled to search the tote further. I swatted tears away, pissed that they were over a guy who could so easily dismiss me.
My blurry vision nearly burned a hole through the photos, as I tried desperately to decipher why these were any different from all the ones Mama hadn’t kept from me. Why had she lied about the senior pictures? “What the fuck am I not seeing?”
Then it hit me like a gush of frigid ice water. It wasn’t what was in the photos but rather what wasn’t in them. It was one of the smaller photos of Maggie labeled Maggie’s first day of ROP. She was slightly turned and she was pointing at the sign on the building. I brought it closer. “It’s not there,” I whispered as my insides roiled.
I was momentarily distracted when my phone rang, and my heart thudded, hoping i
t was Nico, especially now. But it was Nolan. I sent the call to voicemail. I’d call him soon enough, but at the moment I could barely breathe.
I rifled through the other photos, looking for one of Madeline as my heart continued to race. “This is why he’s so sure I’m not Madeline,” I whispered, already picking up my phone but staring at a photo labeled Madeline at Boulder Creek with the date.
Unlike all the other photos and videos at home where the only way to know who was who was by Mama pointing it out, these were clearly labeled. I jumped off the bed and hit play on the video I’d already set up to watch again, the Silly Girls one. This close up and with us both referring to each other by name, it was plain as day.
My phone pinged in my hand, and I glanced down at the text from Nolan. I clicked on it, even if the tears in my eyes blurred the text, but I managed to read it.
Someone asked Ryan if you’ve set a date, and he said not yet but he’ll make an announcement as soon as you two have one. WTF?!
Feeling like a crazy person still, I dropped the phone on the table and I ran back to the box. I couldn’t stop now to text him. What I’d just discovered was too epic. I pulled out the senior photos and understood completely why she wouldn’t want me to see these because they were also labeled. I touched what I’d missed in the photo those first few times because I was searching for something subtler, more cryptic. Nothing this blaringly obvious.
As the reality sunk in that I now had cold hard evidence, I fell to my knees and sobbed. “Oh, Mama, you had it all planned out from the very beginning.”
This mixture of anguish and the sobriety of finally knowing suffocated me. When I pulled myself together, I stood up with conviction. This ended today not tomorrow. I threw things furiously in the tote, feeling my adrenaline rage. Then I got dressed quickly. The utter fury I was feeling about this almost made me forget that, ironically, I should be overjoyed as well. But it was just too maddening. She’d falsified everything from the very beginning and then patiently waited for years for the perfect opportunity to seal the nail in the coffin.