Alex reached under the counter and turned the music down a bit. “You guys want a burrito or something?”
“A Deus ex Mexicana?” Jay said.
“I’m okay,” I said. “I think. I may change my mind.”
“Who’s the chick?” Jay said.
“I’m not a chick. I’m a lady.”
“Well, then. Who’s the lady?”
“This is my friend Lucy,” I said.
“Nice to meet you, Lucy,” Alex said. He was sitting on the counter, gently kicking his legs back and forth. He looked so cute in his baggy cargo pants and the ancient-looking yellow T-shirt that he was wearing wrong side out. “Dade told me that you’re a cool cat and I trust his opinion. Do you want a quesadilla? A chimichanga?”
“She should have a Deus ex Mexicana,” Jay said, pointing at Lucy. “I’ve never seen a girl eat one before. It would be interesting to see.”
“What in the hell is a Deus ex Mexicana?” Lucy asked.
“Something you don’t want,” I said.
“I’d take a taco,” she said. “Two tacos.”
“Two tacos for the lady,” Jay said. “I’m on it.”
He jogged to the counter and swung his legs over in one smooth motion.
“So what brings you here?” Alex asked.
“We were just driving around, doing nothing,” I said. “Thought we’d stop by.”
“Glad you did.” He was looking at me with this mischievous grin. It was a look that seemed to serve no other purpose than making me insanely horny. And it was working.
“So, Alex,” Lucy said. “Dade’s told me so much about you.”
“He’s mentioned you too. Good that we’re finally meeting.”
“He really likes you.”
“Lucy,” I said in a warning tone.
Alex laughed. “I like him too.”
“Good,” she said. “Because if you break his heart, I’ll cut your Taco Tacos off.”
“Sounds painful,” Alex said. “But I catch your drift. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. And in turn, I don’t either.”
The sly grin never left his face. “What are you two doing tonight?” he asked. “Wanna start trouble?”
“What kind of trouble?” Lucy asked. “Sounds like it could be fun.”
“Bert McGraw is having a party at his parents’ house,” Alex said. “After Jay and I close up, we’re going to stop by. I need to make an appearance. Should be huge. Ten kegs. Kids from every high school in eastern Iowa. Or at least all the stupid ones.”
Jay came out of the kitchen with a bag of tacos. He handed them to Lucy. “The SUV crowd. The cool kids. The rich kids. The preps.”
“Shell necklaces and too much cologne,” Alex said.
“Guys with too much gel in their hair,” I added.
“It’s always too much gel,” Alex said. “Even a single drop of gel is too much.”
Lucy jumped in. “Even the mere thought of gel is too much.”
Jay smiled at her. “There you go. Lady Lucy’s getting the hang of it.”
“You know, I’d really rather not see Bert McGraw,” I said.
“The last time I saw him he called me a faggot in front of the entire Cedarville High lunchroom.”
“Screw that guy,” Jay said. “If he does or says anything to you, come find me.”
“No, find me,” Alex said. He curled his arm in front of himself and flexed his bicep. “I’ve got bigger muscles.”
“I’ll be fine,” I laughed.
“Totally,” Lucy said. “And actually, if he does say anything, come find me. I’m stronger than both of these fools combined.”
Chapter 13
It was almost midnight by the time I turned my BMW onto Bert McGraw’s street. Alex was in the front seat with me. Lucy and Jay were in back. Bert lived on Cedar Glen Way, a street that ran through a subdivision called Cedar Glen Terrace. It was known around town that if you lived in Cedar Glen Terrace, you were hot shit. The houses were huge, set back far from the street with sprawling lawns that their owners probably referred to as grounds. A few had circular driveways in front and one even had its row hedges trimmed to look like a line of horses bucked back on their hind legs. It made me think of Fessica and all the horses in her bedroom. I made a mental note to find her in the next few days and apologize. We parked at the end of the row of cars that lined the streets. The red pickup truck in front of us had a Cedarville Warriors decal on its rear windshield, a big blue W outlined in red.
“School pride confuses me,” Jay said.
“Let’s go in, get our business done, and leave,” Alex said.
“Sounds good to me,” Jay said.
Bert’s massive house was all noisy and lit up, a box of music and light and crowd noise. A hundred pointless conversations blending into one. There was something almost apocalyptic about the way kids were coming toward the house from both ends of the street like blank-minded zombies slouching toward the scent of beer. Of course Bert McGraw was such a douche cougar that he had his younger brother Chip working the door. Chip was basically a younger version of Bert, a short bulldog-looking dude with psychotic eyes. We huddled in with the other people waiting to get in the door.
“This party is so gonna get busted,” Jay said.
“You okay?” Alex asked.
“I’m fine,” I said.
“You look green.”
“Really?”
Alex laughed. “A little. You can wait in the car, you know. I don’t think you have to, but—”
“Dade’ll be fine,” Lucy said. “You’ll be fine, right, Dade?”
Somehow hearing her saying this swept away the small amount of nervousness I felt. I would be fine. No one was going to say or do anything. I was here with friends. If anything came up, they’d be there to help.
“She’s right,” I said. “I’m fine.”
It was our turn at the door. Two of Chip’s friends were standing in front of it with their arms crossed, two chubby fifteen-year-olds trying to act like they were tougher than they really were. Chip stood off to the side, a clipboard and cell phone in his hand. A metal baseball bat rested at his feet.
“I don’t know you guys,” he said flatly. “Not familiar. Explain?”
“I know your brother,” Alex said. “We’re old friends. Is he around?”
“I need a name,” Chip said. “No one gets anything without a name.”
“Jesus Christ,” Lucy said.
“I’m Alex Kincaid. But you can call me Jesus Christ.”
Jay put his hand to his mouth, but not before letting out a little laugh. Chip gave us a hateful glare and made a call on his phone. After a brief conversation he hung up.
“So do we get the bat?” Alex asked.
“No,” Chip said. His friends were still leaning against the door and staring at us. “Bert says you get in. But any excuse to use the bat, I will.”
“What the heck, man?” Lucy said. “What did we do to you?”
“Well, I don’t like dirtballs,” Chip said. And then he looked directly at me. “And I especially don’t like faggots.”
I looked over at Alex. I thought back to the cafeteria, when I’d looked over at Pablo after Bert had called me out during lunch. The same silence that had blanketed me then now blanketed me and my three friends. Chip went on staring at me angrily while his fat friends snickered to themselves. I waited for Alex to make the next move.
“Come on,” Alex finally said. His voice was quiet, serious. “Let’s go inside.”
His friends parted. Jay led the way through the front door with Lucy and me close behind. I could feel Alex close behind me and then I couldn’t, and I looked back and saw him talking calmly to Chip McGraw, just a few inches from his face. Chip was staring back at him coolly, his anger slowly turning into something else, something more dangerous. The corners of his mouth were slightly perked in a small, menacing smile.
“What did you say to him?” I asked once Alex had caught u
p with us in the foyer.
“Nothing. Let’s make our rounds and get out of here.”
The main hall was crammed with people standing around, their voices mixing with the hip-hop that was playing all through the house. The floor bounced under my feet with each thump of the bass. A curved staircase led up to the second floor, where a line of girls stretched along the railing, their fingers loosely holding plastic cups over the crowd of people below them as they took note of the comings and goings. About half of them whispered and looked down at us, specifically at Alex. He looked up at them and gave a little wave. Three of them broke from the line and hurried down the stairs.
“Gotta do some business,” Alex said, patting me on the shoulder. “You three mingle or something. Worst-case scenario we’ll meet up back here in half an hour. Text me if there’s trouble. Stick together.”
Alex broke away and met the girls at the bottom of the stairs. They all had wads of cash in their hands. I thought about how so many of his relationships seemed based on drugs. I wondered if we’d ever create a bond that would be stronger than that, a bond that would set us apart from that world.
“Let’s find booze,” Lucy said. “Otherwise this is going to be unbearable.”
“I hear that,” Jay said.
The three of us made our way through the crowded house and into the backyard. The McGraws’ pool was bigger than ours, and yes, it made me just a little bit jealous. People were splashing each other and wrestling over inflatable rafts and beach balls. Others were lying on the chaise longues, smoking cigarettes and pot, pointing at the antics going on in the water. There were clusters of kids everywhere engaged in loud conversations, girls screaming yes and no and laughing and guys high-fiving and roughhousing. There was a table off to the side covered with bottles of booze and mixers, red plastic cups and bowls of sliced lemons and limes, and standing right beside it were Judy and Jessica. We all noticed each other at the same time.
“Those girls with the hooker makeup don’t look happy to see us,” said Jay.
“Me,” I said. “They’re not happy to see me.”
“I could take them,” Lucy said.
We went over to the table and made ourselves drinks without saying anything. I focused on mixing the perfect vodka and cranberry. I could feel them off to my left, staring.
“Hey,” Judy said. “Hey you. In the green shirt.”
I looked over at them, trying to give off the impression of someone who didn’t care.
“Nice haircut, blowjob,” Judy said.
“Nice tits, slutbag,” Lucy shot back.
“Who in the hell are you?” Jessica said.
“We’re with Alex Kincaid,” Jay said. “So leave us alone. We’ll be gone as soon as he’s done.”
“Alex is here?” Jessica asked. She turned to Judy. “Do we want anything?”
“Since when did you guys start hanging out with Alex Kincaid?” Judy asked us.
“We’re his friends,” Jay said.
Judy rolled her eyes.
“Whatever,” she said. She looked directly at me. “Hey, blowjob. If I see you even looking at my boyfriend, I’ll fucking eviscerate your spleen.”
“Why don’t you tell him to stay away from me,” I said.
“Like that would ever happen,” Jessica said, cocking a nostril in disgust.
“Watch your mouth,” Judy said, stepping toward me.
“Okay,” Jay said. “Time to move to a different area of the party.”
We retreated to a less populated area of the yard.
“Those girls are super pleasant,” Jay said.
“Ignore them,” I said. “I think Judy’s just pissed because somewhere she knows that her boyfriend is still after me.”
“Scandalabra,” Jay said.
“This party is like a mixer of suck,” Lucy said. “It’s like the place you’d go to meet people you’d never want to meet.”
We stayed quiet for a bit, just watched everything happening around us. Jay whipped out his new cell phone, some skinny silver thing he’d ordered from Japan that played MP3s and took crystal-clear video. He showed Lucy how it worked. I just stood back and watched it all. From the outskirts of the party the whole thing looked sorta beautiful. Everyone was so happy. Even Jessica and Judy had stopped sneering and were now pouring tequila shots with Travis Peabody and the hotness that was Darnell Jackson. Their mouths all hung open in laughter. Someone shot a bottle rocket out one of the windows toward the top of the house, and everyone started whooping and yelling. Two more came out in quick succession, almost like echoes. Twin whistles sailing over our heads and popping out over the neighbor’s yard.
Jay looked up. “I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. This party is so gonna get busted.”
“I sorta want to get in the pool,” Lucy said. “Is that terrible?”
“I’d get in the pool,” Jay said. “Dade, would you get in the pool?”
“I’m not getting in the pool.”
“Jay, Dade has a pool. He’s over pools.”
“I’m not over pools,” I said. “I’m just not taking my shirt off in front of any of these people.”
“I’ll get in the pool with you,” said Jay.
“Did I say I was getting in the pool?”
“I feel like that’s where you were going with it,” Jay said.
Lucy stared at the people splashing around in the water. She bit her lip and shouted, “Screw it! Who cares?”
Jay let out a loud yell and pulled his shirt over his head. He’d barely passed it over to me before he was kicking off his shoes and dropping his pants. His hot pink briefs seemed electric against the dark brown of his skin. People were looking over at us. Lucy took off her shirt to reveal a leopard-patterned bra. And then her pants. She was wearing lacy turquoise panties, somehow weirdly unexpected. They ran and jumped into the pool. The rest of their clothes lay on the ground in two strangely controlled piles, as if their owners had simply evaporated. The two of them came up from underwater, laughing at the spontaneity of it all. I smiled too. It’s the summer, I thought. They waved and I waved back.
I retreated farther toward the back of the yard. There was a private little area there, a stone bench hidden behind two large Japanese lilacs. I ducked into the hiding spot and took a seat there with my drink and Jay’s blue T-shirt. The area was no larger than fifteen feet in diameter, with branches dangling just over my head and the sweet smell of lilac wrapping my head in an invisible cocoon. The noise and lights of the party went on beyond the branches and the leaves like some other world, one that wasn’t as meaningful as my new small one. I was still holding Jay’s blue T-shirt. I rubbed it between my fingers. It was the kind of T-shirt that made you jealous, it was that perfectly worn in. Without thinking, I brought it to my face and sniffed it. It smelled like fancy cologne and boy. I wondered where Alex was. I imagined him talking to some girl, charming her with his grin and listening to her talk about something pointless like her job at the mall or her new haircut before they made their transaction. Or maybe he was in a tiny room somewhere with Bert and some of the other guys playing straight and sharing a joint. Everywhere my mind put him made him feel far away and not mine.
“Hey. I thought that was you.”
I looked up. Pablo was standing in the small entrance to the space. He was buttoning the last button of his fly, probably after pissing somewhere in the dark recesses of the yard. Typical Pablo. His body was loose, lacking his usual rigidity. He was probably drunk or high or both.
“Hi,” I said in the least friendly tone I could muster.
“I didn’t expect to see you here.”
He came forward and sat beside me on the little stone bench. It was a lover’s bench, designed to inspire closeness. It was made for two people, but was actually only big enough for one and a half. My right arm pressed against his left, his familiar mass of muscle, skin, and bones pulsing next to me. I hated the way I could feel myself yearning for him whenever he came around.
I wondered how long I’d have to wait until there was no trace of him in my heart or mind anymore.
“Isn’t this breaking the rules?” I asked. “Aren’t you afraid Judy is going to see us?”
“I’m just saying hello. Isn’t saying hello allowed?”
“You made up the rules,” I said. “You tell me.”
“Well, I say it’s allowed.” He was smiling, trying to be charming. It had been so long since he smiled at me like that. Compared to Alex’s winning grin, it was nothing. At least there was real affection and a genuine desire for connection behind Alex’s grin. Pablo’s was just a mask to throw me off.
“I’ve missed you this summer,” he said. “I’ve really, really missed you.”
“Good,” I said. “I hope you have.”
“Why you gotta be so mean?” he said.
“Why should I be nice to you after you were such a dick to me at Cherry’s?” I said.
“Oh, come on,” he said as if he’d completely forgotten about us running into each other there. “I was caught off guard. I was nervous.”
“I thought you said you couldn’t be like that,” I said. “I thought you were dedicated to Judy and a normal life and that whole idea.”
“I was,” he said. “I am. I just went there to make sure.”
“And are you?”
He waited a few seconds before speaking. “I don’t know.”
“Well, I met someone else,” I said. “So whatever you decide in the future, keep me out of it.”
He shot me a look of disbelief. I would’ve said he looked hurt, but I wasn’t sure that Pablo Soto could ever really feel pain or rejection.
“Fine,” he finally said. “Be that way. See if I care.”
“I’m sure you won’t,” I said. “You never do. It’s impossible for people like you. I’m finally over you. I’ve finally met someone who wants to be with me and doesn’t make me feel ashamed of who I am. I’m not sure even the best version of you could offer me that.”
I didn’t realize how fast my heart was beating until I was finished speaking. I finally felt bigger than our situation, bigger than his confusion. He stared at me in shock. It was clear he hadn’t expected there’d be someone else. We sat there in our little pocket of silence like some fucked-up version of Romeo and Juliet.