She leaned forward and did just that. They had already made love twice but Ashleigh already felt like they could go for number three…
His hands came up to cup the back of her head and they kissed. After she withdrew she stared at him, his hands still there on the back of her head. She lay down and snuggled against him and he closed his arms around her protectively. She needed this type of love from him, where there was no judgment, no expectation to be someone else, where she could learn how to be just Ashleigh. This is the type of love that was slowly healing all of the damage that she had heaped on herself all of her life; from the time that she was the fat one in the family and Mama kept putting her on diets that didn’t work…because she had secreted candy away and would binge when no one was around.
Even DeAngelo didn’t know about it. Every time he stepped out on her with one of his many pretty slender girls, Ashleigh always found solace in food and fantasy; movies where the ugly duckling turned into the swan.
And now, for the first time in her life, she didn’t care about being a swan. Christopher had shown her the value of the most important beauty of all; internal beauty. Ashleigh closed her eyes and pressed her lips against Christopher’s neck and that is the way they fell asleep.
CHAPTER 8
The first thing Monday morning, Christopher marched into his Commander’s office. “Sir…I need to talk to you about something pretty important.”
Bruce Koepke sighed. He liked Beast. He didn’t want to lose him, but he already knew what he wanted to ask.
“Beast, you’re a heluva Marine. You know that or you wouldn’t be on an elite force. I don’t want to lose you, son.”
Christopher could barely meet his Commander’s eyes. Finally he relaxed his formal posture and looked steadily at the older man who was more than his Commander, who was his friend.
“Bruce, I’m a Marine for life. That’s never going to change. But…I can’t go out on missions anymore. I’m not going to quit The Marines…but I want to step down from the DHS.”
Bruce frowned. “TK, some of the others have spouses, girls, kids-”
“Yes, sir.” He looked uncomfortable. It wasn’t easy to talk about his facial deformity and how it makes you take a step away from the rest of the world, until you didn’t even feel like you belonged. “When I didn’t feel like I had anything else, I always had The Marines. I always fit in here. When my father…couldn’t even remember my name I had the guys here—and you. The team is about as close to me as my own blood family.
“What made me into a person fit to serve in this Special Task Force is that’s all I had and I put everything into it. But now…I got something else. It don’t mean that I don’t want to serve my country, or my protectees. It don’t mean I won’t deploy when I’m called. It just means that I don’t want to go out on any more special missions.”
Bruce studied him and then nodded once. “Damnit, son…start putting in for other jobs then. I’ll start the paperwork to remove you from the duty roster. Are you sure about this?”
“Yes.”
Bruce stood and shook his hand and clapped his back. “Well, if you found something that you love more than The Marines, I’m happy for you, Chris.”
He nodded and his face broke into a happy smile. “I have.”
~***~
Bruce told him that it might be best not to mention to the rest of the team that he would be reassigned. It bothered him that the guys might be mad at him or even feel that he was letting them down. He couldn’t think of a better group of guys to work with. And he didn’t like holding back from them, but there was no need to create tension over something that was purely a personal decision.
Also, he didn’t feel the need to mention it to Ashleigh either. They had never discussed his missions in any detail and he didn’t see any reason to tell her about his decision until he had at least found a new position. He hoped he could find a post nearby. He could even see himself being stationed at the airport…though he would miss watching Ashleigh on the monitors—not that she would be happy knowing that he had been perving her at every available moment. But he didn’t think he was doing it in a stalker I-got my eye on you kind of way…well…maybe he was. But it was done more to give him joy and not to keep tabs on her, though he had seen that she hadn’t returned to the vending machine for more candy bars.
Over the course of the next few days it seemed that everything was falling comfortably into place. Ashleigh noticed that the tension had left Christopher; he joked and laughed again. And Christopher was contemplating some very important steps into his future; first step was the career change from special forces and then next…he wanted to make his relationship with Ashleigh permanent. He realized that they were still new and he worried about her feeling rushed but he also knew that he wanted to live with her for the rest of his life. He’d known that after the very first night they’d made love.
One day after his talk with Bruce, Christopher walked into the lockers and the guy’s all turned and looked at him. His brow gathered and he quickly thought back to what he and Ashleigh had done during their workout. They hadn’t done anything overtly sexual had they? No, he was very mindful of the damned security camera and now that they spent most mornings with each other, that problem was generally satisfied before even arriving to work.
He shrugged and frowned. “What? Don’t tell me you guys got another bet on me?”
Carlos gave him a snort. “We never had a bet on you.” He looked away quickly. Christopher’s frown deepened.
“Then what?!”
TK was the one to answer. “Commander just announced that we got called on a mission.”
Christopher’s face paled. “When?”
“Seven days.”
Christopher swallowed. It had only been a month since he had asked for a change of position. It hadn’t been enough time to find a new post…And now he understood why the guys were giving him ‘the look’. They looked forward to missions so it wasn’t that. It was because he was in a new relationship.
You never wanted to be sent on a mission right after getting married, having a baby, starting a new relationship. The superstition was that something would happen to you and sure as shit you’d leave someone a widow or fatherless. He didn’t buy into the superstition but…he couldn’t deny that he had seen it happen time and time again; whether it was because the guy’s mind was preoccupied, or because he was trying to be too careful could very well be the reason. Regardless, being in a new relationship was the kiss of death on a mission.
He left the lockers and went straight to Bruce’s office.
“Sir, I heard we’re scheduled for a mission.”
“Christopher…I couldn’t get you off the roster in time. You’re going to have to serve this one.”
His charcoal eyes were dark and troubled. “What if I’m able to find a new position before we ship out?”
Bruce shook his head sadly. “You’d still have to hit the best qualified list and get selected before you could be considered in a new position; and that’s the only thing that’s going to get you off the roster. Just to BQ takes two weeks alone. I’m sorry son. My hands are tied.”
Christopher thanked him and left. Damn.
One more mission.
That night Christopher took Ashleigh out for dinner. He preferred eating at home even if they picked up something and carried it back. Although, preferably he liked cooking for them and that way he had leftovers for lunch the next day and could make sure that Ashleigh was eating healthy. But he wanted to tell her about the news some place nice.
Ashleigh was excited about going out. More than anything she was just happy to dress in something other than sweats for her man. She put on a sexy red dress. It was size 14 and she thought that she could have worn it in a size 12. Now she was allowing her mind to accept the fact that she was no longer the fat girl. Yes, there were a lot of people that would look at her and still see someone that could stand to shed more weight. But luckily, that i
s not how she saw herself.
They sat in a dimmed restaurant that had a candle on the table and soft music playing in the background. She smiled. “Baby, what do you think about the six of us renting out a house for the weekend when we go down to Georgetown? That way Lance and Rick can be discreet and Lance won’t feel so left out with us there.”
Christopher had been quiet and thoughtful when Ashleigh spoke. He looked at her. His mouth drew down at the corners. “Sweetheart…I’m not going to be able to go to Georgetown.”
“What? But why?”
He reached for her hand. “We got called on a mission. It starts in seven days.”
Ashleigh’s mouth dropped open. A mission; with guns and fighting and terrorists…and of course she couldn’t stop her mind from recalling all the news around Bin Laden’s capture and death. Would Christopher be involved in something like that?
His hand squeezed hers. She looked at him, her eyes troubled. “Christopher…”
“Sweetheart, I’ve been putting in for a change of duty. I asked to be removed from the task force. But this came up before my Commander could get it to go through. But this will be the last mission I’ll need to go on. Just one more, honey. Okay?”
She gripped his hand. “How long?”
“Two months.”
A harsh breath left her. She watched his eyes. “What are you going to be doing?” She had brought up his missions before but could tell that he didn’t like talking about it with her. It was still kind of vague to her.
“We’re not going to know that until we get briefed.”
She didn’t speak for a moment and then she swallowed. “Will you be going to places like Afghanistan of Iraq or will you be staying in the states?”
He shook his head slightly. “I don’t know, Sweetheart.”
“Have your missions ever been in places like Iraq?” He didn’t answer. “Do you really fight terrorism by going after drug dealers and gang members, Christopher? Or do you actually hunt down real terrorist like Bin Laden?!”
He reached out and stroked her cheek. “Sweetheart, I do exactly what I told you I do.” She was studying his eyes but found that she couldn’t read them; he was just looking at her with lots of love and sincerity. “I can’t tell you exactly what I do because it’s classified. And when I don’t share these things with you, it’s not because I’m trying to be secretive. It’s because what I tell you might risk your life, my life, my team’s life…and the safety of our entire nation.”
She cupped her hand over his and kissed his palm. “I understand.” She closed her eyes and nodded. She wouldn’t ask him again. But of course it made it worse…not knowing just how dangerous her man’s missions were. She gazed at him, noting his big toned body and she remembered the look of his team. They were big and in top physical condition. Guys like that weren’t just sitting around drawing up plans. Guys like that are who carried out those plans…
“And you’re not going to have to go on any more after this?”
He nodded. It caused him so much anguish to see her so distraught. “I won’t be placed on missions, no, but I’ll still be active. You understand that don’t you? I can still be deployed-”
“I understand that. It’s the…missions that…” that required him to do things that were extra dangerous, things that others couldn’t, things that no one could know about…
He watched the emotions cross her face and wished he hadn’t taken her to a restaurant and that they were back at home where he could pull her into his arms and kiss away her fears. He looked down at the remainder of his partially eaten meal.
“Do you want to just get boxes and take the rest of this home?”
Ashleigh nodded. He paid the bill and they went back to his house. His brain couldn’t stop wondering if he should have asked her to marry him weeks ago. Yet that would have definitely fed into the superstition. And he couldn’t ask her before leaving--that wouldn’t be fair to her if…It would feel like a desperate move to reassure her that he would return. And Christopher didn’t picture asking her to marry him in that way.
~***~
While Christopher fed Maggie, Ashleigh picked up Christopher’s guitar and began plucking absently on the strings. He peeked into the living room before joining her on the couch.
“Do you want me to show you how to play?”
She shook her head. “No.” She passed him the guitar. “I want to hear you play.”
He placed the strap over his shoulder and watched her. He played several love songs before he realized that she was on the verge of crying. Christopher abruptly stopped.
“Ashleigh, baby, I’m sorry! I was trying to make you happy not sad.” He had already placed the guitar to the side and pulled her into his arms where she buried her face into his massive chest.
She tried to chuckle but it just came out like a sorry croak. “I’m okay. I just…two months is so long.” Damnit…she knew that she sounded like a whiny baby and that’s not what she wanted, especially now that she had grown accustomed to seeing him every single day. She didn’t want him to think she was one of those needy people that didn’t know what to do without a man constantly at her side, though that is pretty close to how she was feeling. She wanted him to focus on coming back safely…not on her emotional stability.
He rubbed her back and sighed. “Two months is a long time. But it’ll go faster than you think.” She suddenly moved her hand beneath his shirt and his muscles tensed at her soft touch before he melted into butter.
“I think we should make every single night memorable.” She looked at him with open desire. Christopher silently nodded his agreement before he leaned forward and kissed her, his hand moving behind her head. There was desperateness to their kissing. Ashleigh’s hands clutched him and when he stood, lifting her, she wrapped her arms around his neck without breaking the kiss.
Christopher carried her to his bedroom and partially covered her with his body as he lay her down on her back. He sat up on one elbow and looked down at her. Her lids were heavy and half hooded as she, in turn, watched him.
“I love you; more than anything.” He whispered.
Her breath caught in her chest and the tears that she had been fighting finally sprung into her eyes. She wiped them quickly and sniffed back tears.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry-”
“Don’t cry Ashleigh…” He showered her face with kisses; attempting to kiss away her tears. With trembling hands she reached between them and pushed one down into his pants. Christopher sighed and lifted himself up enough to undo the button and pull down the zipper. Ashleigh gripped his semi-hard cock while his eyes closed and his own breath became strained. She quickly craned her neck forward and kissed his jaw until he turned his head so that she could kiss his lips. She kissed him hard and frantically and Christopher rolled onto his back, eyes still closed. Ashleigh moved on top of him and he could hear her soft cries of desire, passion, sadness…
And then he felt the kisses trailing down his torso and suddenly her tongue jabbed at his frenulum and he groaned. Her hand on his shaft was firm, causing it to quickly swell. And when her warm, wet tongue danced around the sensitized head, Christopher’s body began to tremble and his hips thrust forward. He licked his lips and blew out a loud breath, resisting the urge to bury his fingers in her hair, resisting the urge to fuck away his misery.
Finally he cupped his hands on each side of her face and thrust gently in and out of her mouth. Ashleigh groaned, her eyes closed in deep concentration, tears wet on her lashes.
“Love you, Ashleigh…” He moaned. “Love you…”
She released him and he opened his eyes to see her tugging down her panties and hiking up her dress. There was a lost, anxious expression on her face as she quickly straddled him. Christopher’s lips parted at the sight of her. She was pure sex. He should have fucked her mouth. It’s what she wanted. With a groan she lowered herself onto him. He saw her grimace and he didn’t move, though the feel of her tight passage m
ade standing still nearly impossible.
But once she’d lowered herself completely and her round ass was flush with his testicles, Christopher reached forward and gripped her hips, holding her in place. He rolled his pelvis against her and then he thrust upward repeatedly, each move punctuated by a loud grunt. Ashleigh’s hands gripped his wrists, holding him while she threw her head back and sought his rhythm, matching it. Her hips rolled counter to his clockwise.
The friction was maddening. Ashleigh brought herself up and Christopher’s hips followed. He thrust, seeking her heat, his hips moving quickly, withdrawing enough only to thrust back into her rapidly.