WE ALL SLEEP DURING THE day, except for Rath. He informed me he was intending to call a meeting with the house staff and let them know they were once again moving back to a graveyard schedule. But the rest of us, myself included, we sleep.
It takes me a while to get there. I lie in my bed, listening for sounds in the house as I see the clock on the desk tick to ten AM. I listen for Anna, hear her shuffling in her room. I listen for Cameron, or Nial. But it’s quiet. Calm. Peaceful.
My new family sleeps and then so do I.
Around seven, I wake to the sound of heated and tense voices. My heart leaps into my throat when I recognize one of them as Ian’s.
Not bothering to change out of my long sleeved sleeping shirt, I barrel out of my room and dart toward the stairs.
Ian stands in the doorway, a heated look in his eyes as he stares at Markov.
“Ian,” I say as I descend, trying very hard not to trip. “You’re back.”
His eyes dart up to my face. “This psycho is a member of your House now?” he demands, holding his hand out toward Markov.
“Ian,” I hiss, taking his hand in mine and attempting to tug him toward the stairs. “Stop. We need to talk.”
“How many of them do you have now?” he demands, not budging one inch. “I’ve been gone just over a week and if I’m not mistaken, I hear five other vampires in this house.”
It’s six, actually. Anna must be out searching for the spy. “Please,” I say, trying to keep the desperation out of my voice. “Can we please go talk in private?”
I glance at Markov, who looks pissed. I imagine how hard he’s holding himself back, and know it is for my sake that he’s doing so.
“Come on,” I say, pulling Ian hard toward the stairs. And he allows me. I hold his hand, desperate for it to cling to mine as we ascend, but it doesn’t.
Down the hall, into my room, and the door is shut behind us.
Ian stands with his back to me, his hands fisted in his wild hair. I watch him for a long moment, waiting for him to say something. For him to ask questions or yell at me. But he just stands there with tense shoulders.
“We found Nial,” I say when I don’t get a breath out of him. “He thought he was the only of his kind. He was alone. He’s a doctor and can get the blood the House needs. Anna came to me. There was a…confrontation, with Jasmine two days ago. Markov and Cameron joined me after that.”
“What kind of confrontation?” Ian asks as he lowers his hands. He looks over his shoulder at me.
And suddenly I’m having a difficult time meeting his eyes. Shame claws its way up my chest over what I’ve done.
“I took advantage of Jasmine’s weak spot,” I say. As I do, I cross to the window that looks out over the back lawn and the river. Ian follows me. I pull back the curtain and he follows my line of sight to the graveyard. “Ian, she had my mother dug up and brought her here from Colorado. And then she left her on my front steps.”
I study Ian’s face and watch for emotions. But his eyes are just sharp. “What did you do, Alivia?”
And the coldness in his voice snakes down my spine. It laces into my heart, eats into my brain.
I tell him. About the crowns. The blood. About the headstone. The fight.
Ian’s hands clench tighter and together. I feel it build inside of him with every syllable I speak.
When I’m finished, I keep looking at him. Waiting.
But he doesn’t say a word. He simply stares outside, packed tight as a waiting cannon.
“Say something,” I finally insist. My own jaw is clenched tight, I feel ready to spring, snap.
Ian shakes his head. He lets out two hard breaths. “What…what has happened to you, Liv?” And finally, finally, he does turn and look at me. And his eyes are hard. There’s no hint of red in them, they look flat black. “Who have you become?”
I take a small step back from him, feeling as if he’s punched me in the face. “I’m still me, Ian.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know how. Not when in just a few short weeks, you’ve gone from wanting nothing to do with the House, to creating a full blown one for yourself.”
Acid flashes through my veins. My temperature rises. “Circumstances change people, Ian. Jasmine killed you. And that…” My voice falters, cracks and crumbles. I look away from Ian as a tear breaks out onto my eyelashes. “And that destroyed me. It…it changed things—me.”
I look back up at Ian to see his eyes soften. Not fully. Not in forgiveness. But in pity. “It doesn’t have to be this way, Liv.”
I take a sniff, clearing away the tears that betray the kind of person I need to be right now. “I think it does. And I guess you’re right. Something has happened to me.”
The door to my bedroom opens and there I see Nial’s face. “Are you alright, Alivia?”
There’s genuine concern in his voice. He looks from me to Ian and back again, his eyes communicating with me that if I need him, he will do anything.
“I’m okay,” I say with a nod. My heart swells with appreciation. He holds my eyes for another long moment, and finally, reluctantly, shuts it again.
“You’ve already got them well trained,” Ian mutters under his breath.
“Don’t,” I hiss, the heat instantly back in my blood. “Don’t you go and do that. I am not Jasmine.”
“What is the difference, Liv?” Ian shouts. His voice keeps rising in volume. “Jasmine used them as her monkeys and now they’re yours. What does it matter, who is feeding them the bananas?”
I close the distance between us in three steps, shoving against Ian’s chest. Hard. His eyes flash red but I don’t back down. “I am not Jasmine!” I scream. “I will earn their loyalty because they will have mine. These people…” I pant. “These people have been here for me! And you…you haven’t.”
“You are such a bitch,” Ian says in a breathy low voice. He shakes his head. “You’re going to use my family against me? Are you really that selfish that you will demand that I abandon my sister, my dying grandmother, to be at your side? You have no idea what they’re going through. Most of the town knows I’m a vampire now. Do you have any idea what Lula and Elle are going through?”
It gives me pause. I hadn’t thought of that until now. Most of the town would know, after hearing he’d died, and then seeing him at my birthday party.
I didn’t consider that.
Ian’s eyes turn cold, and he can read the truth on my face. “I will not be your House prince and rule my enemies with you, Liv.”
His words, the brutal truth, knocks me back. My mouth hangs open and the breath has left my chest.
Well there it is.
There it has finally been said.
“You’ve changed, Alivia,” Ian says. His voice is quiet and he backs away from me one step. The heat dies in his eyes and I can already feel him growing colder. “The Alivia I fell in love with was a fighter. But she never would have sunk as low as you have with Jasmine. She would have recognized that what she’s doing is no different from what her father begged her to stay away from.”
Ice creeps along in my veins. It snakes its way around my heart, creating little fractures as it speed freezes.
“What are you saying, Ian?” I ask quietly.
He holds my eyes for a long moment, not answering me. And as I stare into his eyes, I recall so many moments together. Us in the pool outside. Him between my legs on the kitchen counter. The awkward nights in his cabin. Stolen moments alone sleeping in my bed.
And I just know.
“I’m saying I can’t stay here any longer,” he answers. His voice drops. “I’m saying I can’t be with someone I don’t recognize.”
That it’s over.
I swallow hard as the rest of my body goes numb. Finally, somehow, I nod once.
Slowly, hesitantly, Ian walks around me and I can’t watch as he goes. I listen as he opens my door. As he walks into the room that was his. I hear him gather his few things.
And I lis
ten as he walks down the stairs, out the door, and out of my life.
Death was not strong enough to keep us apart. But this game, these politics that I was born into, they’ve ripped it all away.
TWO DAYS.
That’s how long I allow myself.
I stare at my ceiling. I lie in my bed. I empty every emotion and heated feeling inside of me. I let it all drain out of me.
Because if I don’t, I will destroy myself. I can feel the beast inside of me, threatening to crawl up in my chest. It wants to take up residence in my throat, it wants to choke the life out of me. It wants to wrap its clawed hands around my heart and give a good, long squeeze.
It wants to force tears out onto my cheeks. It wants to make my breath rip in and out of my lungs with the speed of a jackrabbit.
I think maybe I’m fighting off a panic attack.
Two days, that’s how long my House leaves me alone for.
And then, to my surprise, it’s Cameron who first opens my bedroom door.
“Liv?” he asks tentatively. “May I come in?”
I don’t answer him as I continue to stare at the ceiling. But I hear him step inside anyway and close the door. He walks over to my bed and sits on the edge of it. My eyes slide over to his.
There’s concern there, but it’s shallow. There’s a slight gleam in his eye that I can’t identify. “I brought you some brownies,” he says as he holds up the plate he has.
My eyes drift down to them. My stomach gives a growl. I haven’t eaten anything in two days. “I’m not hungry,” I say as I look back up at the ceiling.
“Trust me, you should try these brownies,” he says as he picks one up and wafts it in front of my nose. “They’ll make you feel a lot better.”
I give him a curious look and Cameron’s expression is mischievous and excited. Hesitantly, I sit up and fold my legs on the bed. I take the brownie and nibble off a bite.
And my human body suddenly realizes that it does need food, because my stomach growls again and demands more.
I finish the whole thing off in less than thirty seconds. I go to grab for another, but instantly Cameron’s hand is wrapped around my wrist, stopping me. I look up at him in surprise. “I’d pace myself,” he says with a smile and a shake of his head. “These are very special brownies and not for mass consumption.”
“Cameron,” I say very calmly. “What did you just feed me?”
His eyes are cautious, hesitant. “Just…something to make you feel better.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “There’s weed in those brownies, isn’t there?”
Instead of answering me, Cameron stuffs an entire brownie in his mouth and smiles at me. For a moment I’m horrified. I’ve never touched marijuana before, and now I’ve just been given it without my permission. But I look at Cameron, and see the hopeful look in his eyes. He really is just trying to help.
What’s the harm, I guess?
I shake my head at him, break off a quarter of one of the squares, and stuff it in my mouth. “How long ‘til it starts working?”
Cameron shrugs as he sets the plate on my bedside table and pulls something from his back pocket. “Probably not very long since you’ve never done edibles before. But I brought this to help pass the time.” It’s a DVD copy of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. “You have no idea how truly epic this movie is until you watch it with my special snacks in hand.”
I shake my head and smile. “I think I may have underestimated you. You’re a bad influence.”
He smiles his biggest, cheesy grin. “But I did get you to smile. The saddest thing ever, seeing pretty girls sad.”
I chuckle and shake my head. “Well, I’m not sure about the method, but thanks. I kind of needed someone to pull me out of my funk.”
“You’re welcome,” he says as he stands and crosses to the giant TV on the wall directly across from my bed. Little does he know that just to his right is a wall that opens up to reveal a hidden armory, to his left is a painting that covers a passage way and tunnel that leads outside the property.
He puts the movie in before making a giant, almost impossible to see leap, before landing back in the bed on his back beside me.
“Hey, don’t break the furniture!” I mock screech. “This bedframe is probably older than Markov!”
And he laughs hysterically. “Way older than Jasmine.”
“Certainly older than you,” I say as I lay next to him and the opening credits start. “Baby.” I nudge him in the ribs.
“Hey! I can’t help my age,” he defends as he takes the remote and starts the movie.
“Well, you won’t be the baby for much longer,” I say as I cuddle up to a pillow that’s propped up on his shoulder.
“Pending death and all that,” Cameron says as the movie begins.
“And all that,” I say quietly. “How did you die?”
Cameron reaches for another brownie and waves it around before taking another bite. “Didn’t know one could have enough pot in their system to kill themselves. Maybe it was the pills I took too.”
“You were a druggie?” I ask with a little laugh.
“Only used the good stuff,” he snickers back.
It feels good. Laughing. Smiling. Being with someone who I don’t feel like I have to manipulate to keep. Cameron is easy going. He just needs a friend, and right now I’m in desperate need of one myself.
By about the middle of the movie, we’re both laughing hysterically, and apparently very loudly, because Nial pops his head in to check on us, and we both shush him far too loudly, but that’s funny too and we both can’t stop laughing. Nial gives us a disapproving look, but shakes his head with a smile.
When the first movie is over, we pop in another. And I think we might start another, but suddenly my eyes are on the ceiling and I feel like I’m floating away. I’m not sure how many brownies I’ve eaten now, but it’s been at least two. Maybe five. Numbers are feeling a little like shimmery bubbles at the moment, prone to pop the second I grasp them.
“You ever think about how damn long you’re going to live?” I ask as I study the ceiling above my bed.
“Sometimes,” Cameron says. His voice is a lot more focused than mine.
“I have no idea how old my dad was, but he was old,” I say with a little, quirked smile. “I mean, he had to be hundreds of years old. It’s kind of creepy when you think about it, that he was like, ancient, and he hooked up with my twenty year old mom.”
Cameron snickers. “That is pretty gnarly.”
“Yeah,” I say, licking my lips. Suddenly I’m starving. I need something salty. Like now. But my limbs feel really heavy. “So what’s the deal with you and Trinity?”
He gives a little psh sound and shakes his head. “I’ve been in love with her ever since I joined the House, but she’s only ever looked at me like a friend. Never thought the age thing would be a factor, considering I resurrected at nineteen and she’s only sixteen, but she’s been a vampire for over forty years. I’m just the young stupid friend to her.”
“Ouch,” I say, feeling for him. “That’s hard.”
“Yeah,” he says. He reaches down and pats my leg as my stomach gives a roaring growl. “You have to feed the monster or it will only get worse. Let’s get you some food.”
“Okay,” I say, and for some reason, the way the word sounds is crazy funny to me. I burst into laughter. “Words are weird,” I snicker. I slide my legs off the bed, but put too much momentum behind it or something, cause suddenly I’m slipping to the ground.
But in an instant, Cameron is at my side and catches me before I hit the ground. “Easy there, cowboy,” he chuckles. And suddenly he’s hoisted me up and I’m flung over his shoulder. He starts carrying me out the door and down the hall.
I of course start laughing hysterically again.
“What did you to do her?” Lillian demands when we reach the bottom of the stairs.
“I made her feel better.” And I can hear the smile in his voice. My
hair cascades around my head and I can’t see much of anything. I’m imprisoned by my hair.
That’s funny too.
“You got her high?” Lillian sounds super annoyed and very concerned.
“She’s totally baked,” Samuel laughs.
He laughs, so I start laughing too.
We reach the kitchen. I know, because I see the wood floor end and the tile begin. Suddenly, Cameron flips me right side up and carefully sets me in a chair at the bar. I blink hard, my head rushing.
“Seriously, Cameron?”
That’s Anna. I turn to see her walking in from the ballroom. She looks super pissed.
“Everyone just chill out,” I say. My eyelids don’t want to open all the way. My tongue feels kind of thick. And I’m so hungry. Cameron hands me a bag of chips and I tear into it with vigor. “Seriously,” I say through a mouthful. “I feel great.”
And maybe it’s my slurred words. Maybe it’s the sight of me stuffing my face and crumbs going down my shirt, on the floor, everywhere, but Samuel snorts. Which cracks a smile on Lillian’s face. Anna shakes her head and walks away, but she looks less angry.
“See?” Cameron says with a smile. “I made it all better.”
THE NEXT MORNING, WHICH ISN’T really a morning but more like eight in the evening, I wake with a splitting headache. I just don’t feel…right, is the best way I can describe it. And I’m crazy thirsty.
Thankfully, when I roll over, I find a tall glass of water and two pills on my nightstand.
Nial.
I down both the pills, followed by all the water in two huge gulps. I claw my way out of my bed and use the bathroom.
Even though I have thick blackout curtains in my room, the intense light from our motion sensors outside come spilling into my room.
I’m across the room in a flash, ripping back the curtains.
The lights at the fence line are brilliantly bight. I see a figure fall from the fence.
The world goes dark once again, my eyes feel blind with the instant lack of light.
“Wake up everyone!” I bellow as I dart from my room and start down the stairs. I nearly fall, since I’m not feeling great, but catch myself at the last second. “Anna’s got the spy!”