Anna Perry and the Perry kids had finally arrived.
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the perry kids have a lot to learn, and medication to take
ANNA PERRY SAT IN FRONT OF THE GAMING TABLE in the Perrys' state-of-the-art screening room, drumming her fingers against the green felt. Next to her sat Laurie, her fingers poised on a laptop computer. The sixteen-foot-wide projection screen in the front of the room showed a colorful PowerPoint presentation page that displayed PERRY CHILDREN SUMMER GOALS in marquee lettering.
Mara sat across from them, pensive and tense after the early-morning encounter with Ryan and his new girlfriend. Next to her were two empty chairs. Jacqui and Philippe were late. A bearded, bespectacled gentleman in a shabby tweed suit, holding a notebook, sat on Anna's left. Mara wondered who he was.
A slim eleven-year-old girl walked in, a skinny teen Mara had spied leaving the helicopter earlier. She hadn't recognized the girl from far away, but now she could see that she was someone very familiar indeed.
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"Madison!" Mara called. "Hi, sweetie!"
The newly svelte Madison allowed Mara a cool nod. Last summer, Mara had been Madison's champion, defending her against a mean ballet teacher and bucking her up when William teased her. Mara attempted a hug, but Madison stood out of arm's reach.
"Anna, do you like this shirt on me?" Madison asked, turning to whisper in Anna's ear. The little girl with curly hair who favored oversized T-shirts and shorts had grown up to become a Jamie Lynn Spears clone with flat-ironed locks, wearing bootleg jeans and a tight tank top that showed off her midriff.
A few minutes later, Madison kissed the air next to Anna's cheek and pranced out the door, just as Jacqui rushed in, her hair wet, followed closely by Philippe. The two of them seemed to be sharing some secret joke, and Mara noticed Anna's lips pucker at the sight of them.
"Philippe! Vous vous etes bien installe?" Anna said graciously in a perfect French accent.
"Out, madame, il est tres beau ici," he said, giving her the full benefit of his smile.
Anna glowed. "Well, Kevin and I are so glad to have everyone here for the summer," she said grandly. "I take it, Jacqui and Mara, you've met Philippe. Philippe, Jacqui and Mara have worked for us before, so they can fill you in if I forget to mention anything. This will be very short, as I have
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a committee meeting at the Parrish in a few minutes." Anna was forever dropping names and making allusions to various nabobs of Hamptons society, which always went over the heads of the au pairs.
"First, let me introduce you to Dr. Pell Abraham, William's new therapist. Dr. Abraham will be monitoring William for his hyperactivity disorder. Jacqui, I don't need to remind you what happened in Palm Beach. Needless to say, we can't have that happen again. My scars have disappeared with laser therapy, thank God. Laurie, can we have the lights, please?" Anna asked. "First slide. Thank you," she said, as the PowerPoint page gave way to a screen showing a photo of William sticking his tongue out, next to a bullet-pointed list of his "issues." At Anna's direction, Laurie had put together a PowerPoint presentation on the Perry children, as neatly organized and soullessly rendered as a corporate sales pitch.
"As you can all see, we're hoping to send William to Eton next year, and they won't accept him if he fails to qualify due to his mental illness," Anna said, using a laser pointer to highlight the words ADHD disorder -- new prescriptions. "Dr. Abraham will be conducting experiments and focusing on how William's family life affects his condition. Please don't mind him as he sits in on activities or asks questions."
Mara blanched. Not only was Anna getting rid of the kid, she was sending him clear across the ocean. Eton was an elite English boarding school that counted the future king of England as an
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alumnus. Anna had found a way to further her social-climbing aspirations as well as divest herself of her most difficult stepchild. Worse yet, this summer there was going to be some weird doctor following him around and taking notes. That should do wonders for William's behavioral problems.
Laurie clicked the remote, and Zoe's screen came up. "We think it would be wonderful if Zoe learned to speak another language this year. Kevin and I were so pleased when she started reading that Portuguese children's book last summer. But we think she should really branch out to a more . . . ah, historically and culturally rich language. Something a little more challenging. We've chosen Russian. I studied Chekhov in college, and I think it will be wonderful for her to get a head start on the classics."
A seven-year-old studying Russian? How were they going to manage that? Mara had barely passed Spanish. It was just like Anna to choose a language that neither of the foreign-born au pairs spoke.
"As for Cody, Dr. Abraham has alerted me to the fact that he has begun to exhibit warning signs that hint of a borderline personality. So he will also have to be monitored very closely."
Jacqui took copious notes, which Mara had to snigger at, while Philippe put his hands behind his head and kicked his chair back. He yawned openly.
The slide clicked, showing a weekly calendar.
"We've decided on a very packed schedule for them this
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summer. Idle hands, idle minds, the devil's playground, and all that. Sundays and Mondays are surfing in Montauk, Tuesdays are music and art appreciation, horseback riding on Wednesdays, kabala camp on Thursdays, and etiquette and ballroom dancing at the country club on Fridays. Saturdays they can do as they please, but I hope you can encourage the children to do something productive, like practice their meditation. Spirituality is so important." Anna nodded to Laurie and the lights flashed back on.
"Excuse me, Anna, what about Madison? Do we have any goals for her this summer?" Mara asked.
"Madison is eleven. Too old to have an au pair anymore," Anna said. "No need to worry about her. We're so proud that she finally found success with her new diet!"
The rest of the day was a manic blur, and when the kids were safely tucked into bed, Mara and Jacqui returned, exhausted, to their room. Philippe had skipped out soon after the first disastrous tennis lesson. (William had used his racquet as a blunt instrument, Zoe swung hers like a baseball bat, and Cody could barely lift his.)
"I'm so tired!" Jacqui said, heaving herself up with difficulty onto the top bunk. "I don't remember last summer being this much work!"
Mara's mouth opened with a ready reply, but when she saw Jacqui's face, she burst out laughing. At least Jacqui was around to
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lend a hand this time--who even knew where Philippe had gone?
They'd barely had a chance to relax when the new phone began to ring.
"Au pairs!" Mara answered, just as Anna had instructed them, even though it made her feel silly.
"No kidding," Eliza guffawed. "You bitches coming over or what?" she demanded. "My parents just left for the night and I just found a great mojito recipe. Bring mint!"
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when skinny-dipping at night, it helps to get sloshed
WHEN THEY ARRIVED AT ELIZA'S HOUSE, IT WAS ALMOST
ten o'clock in the evening, since Jacqui had insisted on trying to find Philippe to invite him to come along. "It seems rude to just leave him here," Jacqui told Mara. Even though she'd promised herself no more boys, there was nothing wrong with being friendly, was there? But the French boy never resurfaced, and Mara, who was tired of waiting, persuaded Jacqui to leave him a note with directions to the Thompsons' house instead. The only car left in the driveway was Ryan's Aston Martin, and even though the Perrys had always assured them they could use any car in the lot that was available, they decided to hitch a ride to Westhampton with one of the day staff instead. They figured they could call a taxi or something for the ride back.
The Thompsons' rental was a weathered New England cottage with an inviting wraparound porch. It was nestled in a pretty cul-de-sac and shaded by a grove of bent oak trees. Several single-passenger kayaks and long wooden paddles were stacked on its front l
awn.
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Eliza greeted them at the door with a tray of frosty mojitos in tall glasses.
"About time," she chided, handing out drinks. "I thought I'd have to drink these all myself."
Eliza gave Jacqui and Mara a quick tour. "I don't think they've renovated since the seventies," she sighed, shaking her head at the orange shag rug. "And of course, we're on the wrong side of the highway," she added, since the house was located north of Route 27.
Mara looked around admiringly. She really couldn't understand Eliza sometimes. Sure, it was nothing like the Perrys' designer show palace on Georgica, but it was airy and comfortable nonetheless. While the house looked small from the outside, Mara counted six bedrooms--two in the attic, three on the ground floor, and one downstairs in the expansive finished basement, complete with a dartboard and a foosball table. Eliza had no idea how good she had it.
They made their way to the back patio, where Eliza pointed out the "crummy" pool and the "gross" hot tub. The three of them sat at the edge of the pool and let their legs dangle over the side, balancing their drinks carefully.
"This is delish," Mara said, taking a big gulp from her glass, careful not to splash on her shirt. The sugarcane and mint mixed with the rum had a pleasant salty but sweet taste.
"Mmm," Jacqui agreed. God, it was heaven to be away from those kids. She borrowed a cigarette from Eliza's pack. Eliza lit
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one too and offered Mara one. After shaking her head, Mara changed her mind and took one as well. They puffed contentedly, sipping their drinks.
Eliza asked them about their day and listened keenly as Mara described her disappointment at finding Ryan involved with someone else so soon.
"I know Allison Evans," Eliza said carefully, keeping her voice even. "I didn't know they were together. Are you sure? Because Ryan has lots of girlfriends--I mean, friends who are girls," she said a little awkwardly, thinking of how she was one of Ryan's "friends who are girls" as well. "Maybe you should ask him about it?"
Mara shrugged. "What's the point? He totally acted like I was nothing to him." She drained her glass, feeling the effects of the rum. "I should have known."
Jacqui put her arm around Mara's shoulder in sympathy and gave her a squeeze. "It's okay, chica, everyone makes mistakes," Jacqui said as she looked at Eliza meaningfully. If Eliza was ever going to own up to Palm Beach, this was the perfect time to do it.
But Eliza didn't meet Jacqui's gaze. "Look at it this way, Mar, at least you know you're not going to die a virgin," she said ruefully, stubbing out her cigarette on the tile.
"You and Jeremy never--?" Mara asked.
"Dating long-distance didn't really work for us." Eliza sighed. "He's supposed to stop by the club tomorrow. But I don't know. . . .
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I'm afraid he might be seeing someone else too," she lamented. Jeremy had finally returned her call yesterday. He'd said he was really looking forward to seeing her, but he'd been curt and distracted on the phone.
"With my track record, I'll probably never get to do it. Something always happens. I'm just trying to give it away, and no one will take me up on it!" Eliza whined, fully aware of how ridiculous she sounded.
"Here lies Eliza Marie Thompson," Jacqui said in a grave tone. "The Last American Virgin. She tried to give it away, but no one would take it. May she rest in peace."
Jacqui and Mara giggled. Eliza pretended to be insulted and then gave in to the laughter bubbling up inside of her.
"C'mon," she said, dragging them up to their feet when their giggles subsided. She was suddenly energized with a new plan. She grabbed the bottle of rum. Screw dangling their feet in this dinky little washbasin--the ocean wasn't far.
To get there faster, they cut through the neighbors' yards diagonally, ducking under clotheslines and stepping over kids' go-carts until they reached the shore. They watched the waves rumble in, cresting on the horizon. The cool night air smelled damp and salty. Eliza stuck a toe in the water. "It's warm," she marveled. The Atlantic was never warm. The waters off Long Island usually felt like an ice bath, especially in the evening. In Eliza's buzzed state, she decided it must be a sign. "Let's go swimming!" she said, exhilarated.
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"Hello, we're not wearing bathing suits," Mara protested, wading into the shallows. The water was comfortably temperate, but still. . .
"So what?" Eliza shrugged, already tossing off her cardigan. She felt hot from all the rum. A dunk in the ocean sounded like the perfect way to cool off.
Jacqui held her glass and assessed the situation. The water felt wonderful on her bare feet. She finished her drink and followed Eliza's lead, stepping out of her cotton sundress. She rarely wore any underwear anyway, and she ran laughing into the waves.
Eliza shed her T-shirt and capris, then quickly removed her bra and underwear as well. She whooped as she caught up to Jacqui in the water.
Jacqui and Eliza splashed around happily, calling to Mara. "C'mon, Mar! Or do you only swim naked with boys?" Eliza called teasingly, reminding Mara that she'd been caught skinny-dipping with Ryan in the Perrys' pool last year--by her boyfriend, no less.
That did it. Mara unbuttoned her blouse and stepped out of her jeans. She hitched her camisole over her head and folded her underwear neatly on top of her clothes.
"Banzai!" Mara laughed, as she cart wheeled into the ocean.
They swam around lazily for a while, feeling delightfully wicked. This was what summer was all about! They floated on their backs and looked up at the stars and then took turns dunking each other. After a little while, the alcohol they'd drunk wore
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off and they all discovered the same thing, at just about the same time: The water was freezing!
"I'm c-c-c-cold!" Eliza said, shivering as she ran back to shore. She was in such a hurry to get back into her clothes, she put her shirt on backward. Mara and Jacqui followed, laughing at how stupid they'd been not to bring towels. They watched the waves roll in, and were about to head back, when Eliza was struck by an idea.
"Does anyone have a pen?" she asked, holding up the empty bottle of rum.
"I do," Mara said, fishing in her pocket and handing it to Eliza.
"What are you doing?" Jacqui asked, watching Eliza carefully peel away the label. Eliza smiled as she scribbled a few lines on the back of the label. She showed them what she had written, then folded it in thirds and stuck it inside the bottle. She screwed the cap back on, nice and tight.
"Did you ever do this as kids?" Eliza asked.
Jacqui and Mara shook their heads.
"It's fun. You never know who's going to get it," Eliza said. "Who's got the best arm? Mara?"
Mara shrugged and accepted the bottle. She threw it in a wide arc, and the three of them watched the bottle bob up and down until it disappeared into the waves. They trudged back to Eliza's house in good spirits.
"So you guys are coming tomorrow night to the club, right?
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I'll put you on the list," Eliza said, as Jacqui flicked her cell open to call a taxi.
"Okay," Jacqui said slowly. She was already feeling worried about getting caught sneaking out tonight. "I guess it depends on when we get the kids to bed. ..."
"Yeah, I don't know," Mara said. "I have this dinner thing earlier."
Eliza gripped Mara's shoulders affectionately, as if to shake away her doubts. "C'mon, it'll be fun. It's the first weekend of the summer. Promise."
"Is Ryan going to be there?" Mara asked, thinking she really didn't want a repeat of that morning again.
"So what if he is?" Eliza asked. "I mean, well, Mara--"
But suddenly, there was a flash of headlights as an Aston Martin Vanquish convertible turned into the driveway.
"Bonjour!" Philippe called out. Obviously, he had no qualms about using Ryan's car.
"Am I too late?" Philippe asked, a crooked smile on his lips when he saw how disheveled the girls were, their wet clothes plastered to their bodi
es.
"No, you're just in time," Jacqui replied briskly, "to drive us home."
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anna perry is a lot younger than her botox implies
THE NEXT EVENING, AFTER WRESTLING THE KIDS TO
bed, Jacqui walked into the playroom--a carpeted, windowless room in between the girls' and boys' bedrooms--and began putting away toys, games, skateboards, Legos, plastic pistols, Barbie dolls, and assorted talking stuffed animals in the plastic chest. The kids' wing was located in a remote, almost inaccessible corner of the house, behind a soundproofed door. Jacqui noticed that the kids couldn't have been farther from Anna's bedroom unless they were in the servants' cottage, but that a dual-level walk-in closet, complete with a built-in wet bar, was located right off the master bedroom.
Jacqui finished her task alone, since Mara was getting ready for her date with Garrett, and Philippe had wandered off again. But when she walked back to the cottage, she found Philippe sitting--no, lounging on the steps outside.
The lazy bastard. He was never around when they needed him. Jacqui put her hands on her hips, ready to give him a piece of her mind.
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Seeing the look on her face, Philippe handed her a rolled-up joint. "Not really my scene," he explained, motioning back toward the house. "Here, take a poof."
It really wasn't a great idea to get stoned right on the property. Especially if she was concerned about getting a stellar reference from the Perrys at the end of the summer. But she was feeling a little tense . . . and, well, she wasn't one to turn down a hit. She accepted it and inhaled, feeling the acrid smoke hit the back of her throat.