Joe leaned out the window. “Wait. Steve. Wait! I’m sorry.”
The roar of Motorcycle drowned out Joe’s apology. He sat on the edge of his bed, unable to move. The draft from the open window went unnoticed. What was I supposed to do? How am I supposed to help him? He’ll have to take care of himself. What’s wrong with living in a group home anyway? Heck. What kind of friend am I? No, I don’t have to be his friend. He’ll find his grandparents. He should have done that in the first place. He’ll be fine. I’m not gonna worry about him. Joe shut the window and climbed into bed. Crazy Indian. No. He’ll be fine.
At six A.M. Joe sprung upright in his bed. “Find his grandparents? Be with his grandparents? Be with them?
***
“Puppet, did you sleep at all? Judith put her hand on Maddie’s head
“A bit.”
“I know this is hard, but you mustn’t keep worrying about this friend of yours. You’ve called the police. That’s all that can be done. You have to let them handle the matter.”
Maddie sat crossed legged by their 12-foot Christmas tree; her eyes fixed on the countless oversized red and white balls catching the rising sun’s rays. She looked down and shook her head. “Mom, the police just laughed, like I was playing a joke on them. ‘Well there’s nothing we are able to do with no more information than this, sweetie.’ Great load of help they were. Mom he could be dead. And that’s all they could say.”
“I know. Why don’t you go on back to bed and try to get some sleep? You need some more sleep.”
“I guess. I will. I should.” Maddie got up and kissed her mom on the cheek. “I’ll be okay mom. And Steven, I’m sure he will be okay.” Maddie went to her bedroom, sat on her bed and opened her laptop.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“Another call for you on the landline. ID says Kline. These people shouldn’t be intruding on our Holidays.” Howard sighed and tossed the phone onto Maddie’s bed. “Another boy from that hospital? I don’t know what’s going on, but make it snappy. And I want you to set some boundaries with these people.”
“I will dad. But maybe he knows something. I’ll be down in a minute. Just go. Go!” Maddie waved her hand toward the door. Howard backed away and slowly shut the bedroom door. Maddie took a deep breath. “Joe? … Yes, he called me last night … Oh my God … My God no. I don’t believe it. I was so afraid he was dead. … No, now listen I’ve found six trailer parks on the north side of Fayetteville. Four of those seem to back up to wooded areas. And three of those are on Indian land. And two of those are zoned for development. He said they were planning to bulldoze his forest. It has to be in one of those two trailer parks. … County assessor records and Google, how else? I’m going call the police again … What? He said what? … I know they’re dead … He wouldn’t do that, no way … You’re right, we don’t know … Yeah, yeah, we have to find him … No. Let me come to your house, it’s closer to northwest side … No, I’m sure. I’ll come there.”
Maddie tapped on her parents’ bedroom door. She opened and peeked into the room. “That was another boy from the hospital. Steven’s with him. He’s fine. Guess his dad was drunk. Things are okay though.”
“Well good. You can relax now.” Judith said.
“Yeah, and you’re right mom, I need some sleep. I just took a Trazodone. I’ll try to sleep some more now I know he’s okay.”
“Madeline! You shouldn’t have done such a thing. We’re to have our Christmas breakfast soon, open presents, then we’ll get dinner ready. Our sacred traditions. And now? Trazadone? Why would you do that puppet? You’ll be out for ages now.”
“Sorry. But if I don’t get some more sleep I’ll be knackered and irritable and just stress you all out. I’ll set the alarm and be up in time to help with dinner. We’ll do pressies after that. It will be good. The perfect Christmas.”
“You sure you’re alright? Any urges … to … to cut? I know that Steven stressed you out. Are you okay?”
“Really mom, no urges. Just need to catch up on sleep. I won’t say goodnight, cause it’s not night. So … see you later. And … yeah, Merry Christmas.” She started to close the door and peeked back in. “Honest, I am good. It’s going to be a great Christmas.”
Maddie went to her room pulled on a pair of jeans, a plaid flannel shirt, and a thick black wooly pullover sweater. She grabbed a pair of Sorel snow boots and her blue North Face Amore Ski Jacket. She tipped-toed down the back stairs and out the back door, then slipped on her coat and boots. She got into her Jeep and offered a quick prayer of thanks that her parents’ bedroom was on the other side of the house. Lies. More Lies. God, I shouldn’t do that. But some lies are okay. It’s not for me, it’s for someone else. Some lies are necessary.
***
“God. This is weird. So weird.” Maddie said as Joe closed the car door.
Joe looked at her face and forced a smile; surreal memories swirled in his mind and secret feelings stirred in his belly. “Yeah, it is. Weird. Wow. It’s really you. I … It’s … yeah, weird.” Dumb, don’t be so dumb. God she’s so … goddamn beautiful. Geez. I can’t do this. No, it’s okay. It’s okay. “Nice Jeep. I always wanted a Wrangler. But I wouldn’t choose yellow.”
“What’s wrong with yellow? I love my yellow Wrangler. Here, take my I-phone. We’ll try that one first. Make sure I go the right way. Not sure I trust these GPS things, but I couldn’t find a map.” Maddie backed out of the driveway and pulled away. She slammed on the brakes.
“Damn! What'a doing?”
Maddie undid her seat belt and grabbed Joe’s coat and pulled him toward her. “Give me a hug you big jerk. It is good to see you.” She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed tight. “How are you Joe? Really, how are you?”
The warmth of her body filled his soul and made him realize how alone he had felt since leaving the hospital. He’d forgotten how much he needed her, wanted her. His hand stroked her hair. She stiffened and pulled away. He said, “How am I? I’m … alive. Alive and well. Actually, I’m great. Well, great till last night when I got spooked by a wild Indian. Hey, you look good … different. Yeah, your hair’s growing out on the side. And purple and blue streaks now. I like it. And glasses. No glasses.”
“Contacts.”
“I liked you in your glasses. You look so different. Older. Geez, I mean in a good way. You look great. Really great.” Joe paused. Her expression seemed odd; maybe confused, maybe hurt; was it angry? He felt his face heating up. “And, your ass, it still looks real good.” Finally, she laughed. “But how are you? Really.”
“I’m okay. No, I’m good. Can’t show you to prove it, but no cutting. Sober from cutting for two months.”
“Good for you. You think we can find him?”
“Oh yeah. We’ll find him. We will.” She put the car in gear and accelerated quickly.
After a few seconds of silence, Joe said, “It’s so creepy he called you, and then comes to my house. ‘I’m gonna live with you. I’m gonna live with you.’ He kept saying that. I don’t …” Joe stopped. He tried to identify the feeling that made his heart speed up. “I don’t know how to help him. I don’t know what I should have done last night. I should have done something more. If he’s dead, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have let him go. He still thinks I’m his best friend.”
Maddie glanced at Joe. “Aren’t you? Hey, he won’t be dead. I don’t think he has the courage to kill himself.”
“You think? I do. If he listens to those voices, I think he would.”
“Well, we’ll just have to save his life. We’ll put those voices in their place, Joe.” Maddie reached over and patted his knee. “How’d he get my number? And you? How’d you get my house number? You wouldn’t even take my cell number, and wouldn’t give me yours, you arrogant bastard. Too good for us crazy people.”
“I was a bit of a jerk.”
“A bit?”
“Would it help to say sorry?”
“Not particularly.
“I?
??ll say it anyway. Sorry. Sorry I was a jerk. And I don’t know why. No. That’s a lie. I just thought it was better to leave the hospital and … well, everything about it behind. It was a nightmare I wanted to escape from. Never wanted to think about it again. But I was a jerk, you’re right. Anyway, Steven stole some stuff, from the nurse’s clipboard. I don’t how he gets away with stuff like that. Some sort of information sheet, had your number and address on it. He must have stolen mine too. He tried to give me yours, but I gave it back to him. The bastard must have stuffed it in my backpack. Here’s what’s weird. I had this feeling last night, to look in that backpack. And there it was, stuffed in a side pocket. I figured he might have called you or gone over to your house.”
“Funny how we can get those feelings, intuitions, whatever. You think God speaks to us? Like that? Maybe he’s sending us to save a life.” Maddie glanced at Joe.
Joe shrugged his shoulders. God. Faith. He wanted to believe in God or something; but the faith thing just didn’t add up. The older he got, the less sense it made. There were days, now and then, when he would decide there was no God and the most logical thing is to be an atheist. But most days he felt a niggling fear that told him he should believe, just in case there was something out there. “Maybe. I don’t know what I believe. Hold on … you’ll turn up there, at the next light. That should take us north to the bypass, if this thing’s right. I guess I don’t know what to believe anymore. It’s too confusing. And in the end, does it make any difference?”
“Yeah, it does. Gee, if there’s no God, well, we humans and all this, is just a freaky cosmic accident. There must be more to life than what we see. Otherwise what’s the point?”
“Does it matter what the point is? Steven, he thinks he sees more than we can see. I really don’t want to be like that.” Joe knew his uneasiness surfaced in his curt response.
Maddie snapped, “It’s not crazy to have faith you know. Faith in something.” Maddie paused, took a deep breath and spoke slowly, “I sometimes wonder if the crazy ones aren’t so crazy, and the sane ones are the crazy ones. Sometimes I think I’m crazy, too crazy. And sometimes I … I wish I was real crazy; like crazy crazy. And sometimes I think I’m the only sane one alive.” She stopped and bit her upper lip, then laughed and said, “God, I need to shut up.”
Joe grabbed her elbow and held it. He said, “You better, before you drive me crazy. Anyway, aren’t we all supposed to be crazy? I always remember what my grandmother used to say, ‘everyone’s crazy except you and me and sometimes I wonder about you.’” Maddie laughed. Joe rubbed her arm. “It’s good to … to be with you. It is. Okay. Wait. Slow down. Next left I think. Should be a road a few up miles up. You’ll take that. The trailer park shouldn’t be far from there.”
***
“My God, what now?” Maddie stopped the Jeep. Fifty yards ahead, surrounded by large oak trees, was a doublewide trailer. Four police cars sat in front of it.
“Well. We just go up and ask them what’s going on. That has to be Steven’s trailer. We have to find out what’s happened.”
They walked slowly down the narrow gravel driveway lined by an abundance of trees and overgrown bushes. A light dusting of snow did little to lighten up the bleak and forbidding scene unfolding before them. As they neared a large clearing where the trailer set, Joe nudged Maddie’s shoulder and said, “Good God. Look at that.” Rusted appliances, dilapidated cars, and piles of scrap metal covered the front yard and side of the home.
“You talk.” Maddie said as a female police officer approached them.
“Merry Christmas.” Joe said in a less than cheery manner. He glanced at Maddie and tilted his head, knowing she was thinking that was an idiotic thing to say.
“You two from this trailer park.”
“No mam.”
“What’s your business here at seven AM on a Christmas morning?”
“Worried about a friend. He said he was coming to visit his father, but he’s not been answering his cell.”
“No one should be answering their phone this early on Christmas. What are you doing here?”
Joe put his hands in his coat pockets. His words came out quickly. “Look, he called last night. Said his dad was drinking and maybe using drugs. He sounded scared. We wanted to check on him. He wasn’t answering the phone.”
“Your friend lives here? Who else lives here?”
Why can’t the police ask a question without it sounding like they’re making accusations? I hate cops. Joe took a slow breath as he tried to decide what he should and shouldn’t say. “We’re not even sure. We think his dad lives here … by himself. Our friend, Steve, he just came to visit … you know, for Christmas. Steve, he lives with us. Has for a long time. He’s like our brother. And before you ask, his mom’s dead. Is he here? What’s going on?”
“Not at liberty to say. What’s your friend’s full name? And age.”
“Steven. Littleaxe. He’s sixteen.”
“What’s his cell number?”
“I don’t remember.”
“234 8792. My brother has a terrible memory.”
She wrote the name down. “Your names? Address.”
Maddie put her arm through Joe’s and said, “Jenifer Jones. And this is my brother Tom. We live at 2113 Northwest Randolph Boulevard. Our parents are Patty and Brent Jones. 353 7351 that’s the home phone. We need to know if Steven’s here. If he’s okay. We know his dad’s …”
“His dad used to beat him. Could beat him bad when he got drunk. We need to know he’s all right. You see he called us late last night and said his dad was drunk. And now his cell phone’s dead.” Joe interrupted Maddie. “Who called the police? Do you know? And why?”
The officer looked at Joe and shook her head slightly. She turned and started walking back to the trailer. She turned her head back and said, “I don’t know what you two are up to, but there is nothing more I can tell you. Go home, it’s Christmas. You should be with your parents.”
“They’re worried about him too. They sent us to find him.” Maddie enunciated each word carefully.
With her backed turned as she was walking toward the trailer, the officer said, “I suggest you two move on.”
“Jones? Couldn’t you do better than Jones? But that was pretty damn good. You must have professional training to lie like that.”
“I’m a natural. What can I say? It’s a gift. Let’s get back to the car and wait, and see what’s gonna happen.”
Perched on the warm hood of the Jeep, an eerie silence encompassed the pair as they watched police officers going in and out of the trailer. They huddled around in groups of twos and threes, then one or two of them would go back to deal with the unimaginable scene inside the trailer. A long ten minutes passed before an ambulance slipped past the Jeep and slowly made its way down the driveway. “Let’s leave. I can’t watch this.” Maddie whispered. She hopped off the hood and got into the Jeep. She started the car and called out. “Get in here! Let’s just leave.”
Joe got into the jeep, rubbed his hands briskly and put them against the air vent. “We have to watch. Make sure. One or two bodies. One or two.”
“He would never kill himself. And I sure can’t see him coming back here to kill himself in front of his … his dad.”
Joe shrugged. “Why not? You know, he still loved his dad. And that makes no sense to me.”
Maddie nodded. She turned on the radio, Michael Buble’s version of I’ll be Home for Christmas started playing. Joe began to sing along. Maddie moaned, “Oh stop. It doesn’t feel like Christmas, not anymore. It’s just not real, sitting here waiting to see … Golly, look at that mess out there. It looks like a … what do they call them? A rubbish tip, where they go and dump everyone’s garbage. Geez, how could Steven live there? How could any human being live like that? You know the inside has to be as bad or worse than the outside.”
“Yeah. God. What’d Steven used to say? ‘Nature’s my home.’ I can see why. He had to escape that sh
ithole. He said that an old Indian saying, ‘nature is my home.’ He’s a long way from home living in that garbage dump.”
“No he’s not.” Maddie pointed to the forest to the south of the house. She gasped and shouted, “My God! That’s where he is! In the woods. Probably froze to death. We have to find him.”
***
Maddie put her hand on Joe’s shoulder. “Maybe this is stupid. We’ll never find him in these woods. We’ll just get lost. And I really have to get back home, like soon.”
With exaggerated panic Joe said, “Oh my God! We’ll be lost in this forest forever, and we’ll freeze to death. Oh my God! Our parents will never find us. Frozen corpses buried under the winter’s snow never to be …”
“Shut up!” Maddie hit his arm with her gloved fist.
Joe laughed, then shook his head, “Can’t stop now. Just look for something that may be a path of some sort. He said he came out here all the time. If he came out of his front yard, it’d be more over that way. There’s got to be something like a trail.” Joe grabbed her hand and pulled her along behind him as they stepped over a fallen tree.
“Do you think Steven’s really crazy? I’m mean like, really seeing things? He sure acts crazy sometimes.” Maddie asked as she steadied herself holding Joe’s arm.
“Crazy is what crazy does. If that’s true, he’s as crazy as they come. He sure should be taking his meds. But I think … well, acting crazy is how he survives. He smarter than he acts, you know.”
“He sure is scary sometimes. That anger, it scares me. Someone’s going to really hurt him someday, someone who doesn’t understand he has problems, who doesn’t care what he’s had to deal with. Joe, do you ever wonder what your life would be like, I mean, if you’d grown up as he did? Sometimes I wonder what I’d be like if I had grown up with really bad parents. My life has been so easy. Too easy. Nearly perfect.”
Joe shook his head, “I know this, I would have killed myself a long time ago. Or, more likely, killed my parents. But … being raped by your uncle for two years, that would make one’s life pretty shitty.”
Maddie let go of Joe’s arm and pushed him away from her. “Shut up Joe. Shut up.”