Mall was called forth, and curtsied, and all but fell down of her terror to be greeted by my lady, and then all must be called and named to her, maids and men and the elders, to their great liking. A little lass there was that, taking hold of my lady’s gown, she bore her up with a “Hey, bonny!” and let her play with the gold chain at her collar, and bade Susan find sweetmeats for all the bantlings, that they might toast her return. “For,” says she, “Dacre’s lass that ga’d awa’s coom yam, a reet lang road, an’ a’.” This set them in a roar, to hear the speech of their country on her lips, but presently she set down the child, and putting off something of her familiar mien, but smiling still, bade them good day, and I attending her, went within to warm herself at the fire. In admiration, I said she had given the folk much content, on which she smiled somewhat dryly and said, aye, she had put them in the hollow of her hand. This seeming a little worldly in one so young, I looked to see if she jested, but was not sure thereof.
In a while, glancing sidelong, she asked did I, being a priest, look to remain in her household, “or how if I should turn you away?” I said I should go as God might direct, who had guided me in places stranger than this borderland. “And surely He is here as elsewhere, and indeed may be closer in these wild hills than in any kirk builded by men’s hands.”
“I have seen little sign of Him thus far,” says she tartly. “We have had a deal of loving kindness this day, go to! If I should follow suit, thou’dst be through my gate, bell, book, candle, aye, and supperless!” Then smiling: “Let be, sir, you shall stay, if it sorts with your priestly conscience to serve a heretic.”
As to that, I told her, I had ministered to folk of divers religions, and to some that had none, coming to believe that so God was served, the form mattered not (which indeed I do hold to most devoutly, knowing that in such a country, where life and death are nearer accomplices than elsewhere, religions must needs be made for men, and not men for religion, as our Lord taught).
“A strange priest,” says she. “Well, you must not pray at me, and you shall be as delicately papist as you may with my people.” Having thought a little, she said: “And if I seek your counsel, you may not presume to instruct me.
I said what service I could do she should have, gladly and in all humility, whereat she bade me sit across from her, and demanded straight: “Then tell me, of your spiritual and worldly wisdom, what I am to do for that fellow we had crouching here – the man Bell! How shall I keep my pledge made in anger before that cheeselip Land Sergeant?”
I said spiritual and worldly counsel were all one: she could only pray. On which she got up, and stamped, with a good round oath, and threw her kerchief on the fire.
“Why, here’s a parrot-screech after the style of those gallant gentlemen! No protection, and nothing to be done! In God’s name, man, is this Arabia?”
I told her it was something worse, and the gentlemen not so cruel or craven as they seemed. The first rule of the border, I said, was that all must look to their own safety, which she could hardly do, having no tenants fit for service, for under my old lord’s governance they had done none, and were grown to that condition where they would hide or run away. In time she might furnish herself a troop of proven fellows mercenary, but that could not be for tonight, when Bell must pay his blackmail or be ridden over by the thieves.
She swore yet again, and of a sudden demanded of me how much was the blackmail. I said, a few pounds, five or thereabouts, and she stood as one thunderstruck and threw up her hands.
“Jesu! And what is five pounds to me? Or fifty, if’twill keep him whole? Good lack, he shall have the money for these caterpillars, and go scot-free for me — aye, he shall be Scot free both ways!”
I could not laugh at her jest born out of relief, but told her it might not be. “Do such, my lady, and you shall be ridden on and your riches extorted by every thief and loose man from Gretna to the Bounds of Berwick! What, the Lady Dacre pay blackmail? Some things are possible, but not that.”
Her face fell like a babe’s, and because she saw the force of this her anger was the greater, to be thwarted wherever she turned. She bade me void her sight in her impatience, and being without I heard a pot smash, and another, and Christ, what a nest of vipers is this, that the wolves may tear the sheep, and it must happen, welladay and be damned! – which seemed to me a great Noah’s Ark in her vocabulary, yet I could not but compassion her in my heart, to be so tried and at a loss, her first day. I stayed near hand, to be of service if need be, and I confess to hear what else might pass, and the maids going in to lay out for her dinner, and Wattie to tend the fire, overheard the following:
MY LADY: What’s your name, sirrah?
WAT: Wattie, Walter, an’t please your grace.
MY LADY: Art grown and sturdy. Can ye fight?
WAT: Fight, my lady?
MY LADY: Aye, fight, wi’ a sword! Can you fight ’gainst these ravagers, these Nixons?
WAT: Lady, I do not know. I maun do as you bid, but I have not fought afore. I’ve no skill in swording, but a serving-man.
MY LADY: Sweet saviour, no! Your skill is to put out the fire! Oh, get you to your logs!
WAT: Aye, my lady, surely. And shall I take the broken man his dinner?
MY LADY: Broken man, what’s he?
Wattie said, the fellow she had denied Master Carleton, on which she bade him find and fetch me in, and turned her wrath on me.
“Since my great need is beyond your counsel, guide me in this nothing matter. What’s to do with this pantry pirate, aside of denying him to that oily knave of a Land Sergeant? How do you deal with such?”
I said from what I heard he was a harmless fellow enough, but if he came to Carlisle he might be made to answer for more than he had ever done, being a masterless man.
“Then I am glad I was so spiteful,” says she. “Sirrah Wattie, give him his dinner, and tell the bailiff to whip him and let him go. What, priest, you shake your head again?”
I said, before she judged, would she not hear him in his own behalf, that might excuse him a whipping. She looked as she would have whipped half the parish, but the maids then bringing in her dinner, said she would dine and see to him thereafter. I made no more ado, but left her, and presently Susan was gone in to oversee the service, and my lady loud lamenting that her grandsire should have set stob and stake in this godless place, ’stead of the south where were no Land Sergeants nor Nixons nor oppressed tenants nor lackaday rascal priests that shook their fat heads and spake naught to any purpose, and where had they heated this broth a Mary’s name, on an ice-floe?
I pitied the broken man that was to serve for her dinner’s desart (as the French say), and sought out Master Hodgson to inquire what manner of man he was, for at this time I had not seen him, but only lad Wattie’s report. After particulars of his lousiness, unworth, knavery, and so forth, he told me that in person this Noble was straight and well enough if he was clean, but for now he looked as though a sheep had shitten him. Thinking that my lady might be the worse disposed towards a draggled dirty fellow, I besought the bailiff, out of charity, to give him water to wash at least, and other to mend his appearance, for, said I, a razor to his face may save him a lash to his back, nor will she thank you to present her a rascal all bemired and filthy. This last determined him, and he went forthwith to see it done, but hearing more clatter from the hall, and loud miscalling of the cook for a rank poisoner, and the Nixons and Bell and the Land Sergeant all in a breath, I doubted my good intentions would be vain in the end.
THE DINNER BEING by my lady called not for Noble to be haled up, and Susan told me she purposed to go a-riding, to see the home farm, and was gone up to change her habit. One had been sent to Naworth to fetch her palfrey left behind with the second and third cotches, these having all her gear and goods, so now I saw why she had come in with such little state, for these cotches were heavy and slow. I saw the palfrey brought in, and an airy white beast it was, bred and proud as its owner, and the people
a-gape at its costly tackle of silver and stamped leather, and the page that held it a pretty shaveling that looked mighty disdain of these common folk. They gaped the more when my lady came down breeched and booted like a boy in doublet and hose of crimson, with a little feather cap and hair bound in a net. Such fashion was not seen in the north, nor yet I believe at the Court, but I have heard that in the west country it is seen where ladies do wear it for convenience and ease, or as I think more likely to show off their fine shape, if they have one. The women fell a-whispering and gleeking among themselves, but she marked it not and talked to the page that fed tidbits to the palfrey.
She would have been away but Hodgson coming said he had brought up the broken man, and what was her will of him. She was ill pleased, and said there was no peace to be had, but seeing the bailiff shuffle and stutter mayhap soothed her sulk, for she tossed her switch to the page bidding him stay for her, heaved a sharp sigh, and strode within like an angry trooper, pulling off cap and gloves and sat her down straight, bidding Hodgson “bring in the crust-picker”.
So now I had my first sight of this Archie Noble the Waitabout that was to turn my life’s course, who was then naught to me yet because I had been at some pains to see him decently arranged I looked at him the more jealously. He was of a good gangling stature, more than two yards tall but a little stooping, perhaps inclining to forty years, for his hair which was fair was gone back from his brow save the widow’s peak that some say is a sure sign against drowning (from which they conclude he is gallows-bound, that being their superstition). His face was long and large as to chin and jaw, not uncomely and looked keenly, for his eye was bright blue and very open, of that seeming candour which to my mind oft conceals more than if his lids were closed. A strange thing that I marked in him was that he was of those who seem to take more space in a room than their body has need of, as they had an invisible presence beyond their limits, which has not to do with apparel or station or any manner put on, but is of their being. For that which covered him I may not call it clothing, so sorry a sight he was, being in ragged breeks and cracked boots, and no shirt but a sleeveless jack of leather such as the riders wore, sewn with plates of horn for defence of which it lacked not a few.
Hodgson led him by his hands bound behind, and set him before my lady, and methought he gave back, looking to see a woman and beholding what seemed at first shot to be a stripling boy, yet when he made out what she was kept his countenance and gave her the look direct. She of her part looked curiously on him, to see one so outlandish and beggarly that cast not down his eyes before her, she not then knowing these borderers who give eye for eye with any whatsoever their quality. And of this I will take oath, that in the moment there was betwixt them a sort of knowing of each the other, such as happens rarely between two at first glance, though they be as far apart as the poles in nature and upbringing and experience or any other thing. I call it not an understanding nor a sympathy nor attraction nor any of the sensibilities with which we may regard one another (though I saw those at work in them before all was done), but fall again on the poor word “knowing”, which I can explain no better.
Now, whether for that, or that he was a likely fellow enough for all his rags that stood before her civilly, not abashed but with a half-bold, half-droll aspect that seemed to mock not others but himself, my lady looked on him more kindly, and speaking lightly as she toyed with her cap’s feather, and called him “larder poacher”, asked his name.
He seeing her so young and studying to please her, answered with that ready wit he had, making play upon his name. “Noble, my lady. Or Noble, my noble lady. Noble lady, my name is Noble. A simple Noble, yet Noble, noble lady.”
This pleasantry unlooked for in such a fellow that should have been in terror for his plight, put her in a little maze, saying was the man mad, at which Hodgson said, not mad, but impudent, and fell to cuffing him and bade kneel to the lady. She told him to strike when she bade him, not before, and wherefore was the fellow bound.
“Why, think on, my lady,” says Hodgson. “’Tis a dangerous arrant rascal.”
“That steals bread and cheese,” says she, “and looks none so dangerous to me.” Then considering the prisoner, to see I think if he had more quips at command, asked him was he dangerous or no.
“Godamercy, lady,” says he, “I think I danger only myself, since ’twas my folly that brought me to this pass. And I had better stay bound, for if of your gracious gentleness ye were to loose me, my gratitude might lead me to speak more than I should, for I have a too-ready tongue, and would not give offence.”
“That you have given already,” says she, “and master bailiff has a sharp cure for it. What, thou hast plundered my kitchen, knave, and yet you give pert answers and smile and look me in the eye!”
“Why, my lady, you are my judge, so where else should I look?” says he. “And if I looked elsewhere, ye’d take it as a poor compliment. And if I smile, ’tis in the hope of winning your kind opinion.”
Now this was said with such a droll humility that for all his readiness my lady was like to smile herself, knowing that he practised on her, yet liking him none the worse for it. Yet being female she must play with him a little, so looked on him less kindly, sitting back in her chair and feigning displeasure.
“Shalt not win it by insolence,” says she. “Look you, Master Kitchen Thief, if you value your back’s skin, study to please me, for I have care enough to be most infernally vexed, what with big-bellied bailiffs and milkymealy priests and give-me-leave-lady officers and handless louts that cannot mend a fire and scabby reivers that grin and gird at me. In short, I am in no good humour, but inclined to sulk and send any nimble-tongued humble-insolent rascal to the whipping-post to vent mine anger. So look how you try to melt me; shalt not melt Master Hodgson’s whip hand!”
The bailiff saw not that this seeming peevishness was less than earnest, and laying hold on Waitabout begged my lady to let him have at him, and was told to keep his place and shuffle a while longer. “Well, fellow, tell me why I should not let him have his way with you, that stole from my kitchen.”
“By your leave, lady,” says Waitabout, “I stole not, for your varlets capped me or ever I might e‘en say grace - nay, lady, this is not impudence, but mere truth to illustrate quam prope ad crimen sine crimine.3 Yet if I plead that, you will think I mock at you, so hadst best whip me and ha’ done.” “In good time,” says she, nodding, but not a little astonished. “And where got you Latin?” “From Father Gilpin of Tynedale, him they called Gallows Priest for that he shrived most at the gibbet-foot. His acolyte I was, and like to have been priest myself, but . . .” “But what, knave?” says my lady, eager to hear.
“Why, in truth,” says the bold villain, looking droll, “I must get him communion wine, out o’ Scotch abbeys, and was ta’en in the lifting of it. Which was no sin, surely, being of the enemy and no more than King Harry did in England that took not only the wine but the abbeys it lay in. Aye,” says he, wagging his head, “I lifted me more than your bailiff, could sup in a twelvemonth.” At which insolence she was surprised into laughter outright, seeing Hodgson enraged, and the jester who knew well how to cap his own sally, said if she doubted his former priestliness she might see its tokens in his present condition, poverty and humility.
“And what of chastity?” asks my lady, more sidelong than I liked. “Art chaste, rogue?”
“The length o’ the border, lady, from Annan to Alnwick!” says he, at which she laughed again, and he asked had he pleased her.
“Enough for the bread and cheese,” says she, and bade Hodgson let him go, with sixpence for his sauciness. Which, though I found him overbold and lacking reverence, yet I was pleased to see that lenity in her which befits those that have rule, but is not found always. Not so Hodgson, who being nettled by Waitabout’s wit said there remained the suspicion of the horse he rode, that might be stole. My lady drawing on her gloves to be away said it was all one to her if he had stolen York Minste
r, and would have put the matter by, but Hodgson clamouring it must be inquired on for the public weal, she bade Waitabout answer her briefly how it was got.
“Why, lady,” says he, “what’s my horse to do wi’ anything?”
She said naught for her part, but the Land Sergeant would be satisfied, so he should answer. To this Waitabout swore the horse was his own, but having no proof nor paper thereto he had liefer not answer at Carlisle for it, where they were wont to hang poor men upon suspicion only.