CHAPTER XV.
"MY LADY AND MY LOVE."
Antonia was wounded to the quick by a revelation that lost her the onefriend whom she had counted as changeless amidst the fickle herd. Sheknew of how airy a substance the friendship of the many is made; and,pleasant as she found the polite world, she had as yet discovered nokindred spirit, no woman of her own age, and tastes, and inclinations,whom she could choose for her bosom friend. Lady Margaret Laroche was,indeed, her only intimate friend amidst the multitude of her admiringacquaintance. But in George Stobart, the man who dared to be uncivil,who gave her vinegar and wormwood when she was satiated with the honeyand roses of modish society, she had found a closer sympathy, a quickerappreciation of her ideas and aspirations, than in any one she hadknown since those old days in Rupert Buildings, where she discussedevery thought and every dream with Kilrush. And stormily as that formerfriendship had ended, she had never contemplated the possibility ofevil passions here, in that stern ascetic, the man who had renouncedthe world, with all its pleasures, follies, and temptations. Aninfidel herself, she had honoured Stobart for his steadfast faith, hisself-surrender.
She was troubled, shocked, distressed by the discovery that her friendwas unworthy. His absence made a blank in her life, in spite of herinnumerable distractions. The memory of his sin haunted her. She triedin vain to banish the offender's image from her mind, and the thoughtof him came upon her at strange seasons, and sometimes kept her awakeat night, like the hot and cold fits of an Indian fever.
She was not the woman to cherish weak sentimentalism, vain regretsfor an unworthy friend. She had lost him, and must endure her loss,knowing that henceforward friendship was impossible. She could neveragain admit him to her presence, never confide in him, never esteemand honour him. The man she had trusted was dead to her for ever. Itwas less than a week after the parting on Westminster Bridge when shereceived a letter which removed all fear of any chance encounter withthe man who had offended her.