“You gonna pass out on me, Livvy?” He lifts a brow and I can’t take my eyes off his face. As if he knows this, that dark eyebrow of his goes even higher.
He’s so pretty. I shake my head but immediately stop, since the movement makes everything start to spin. “I’m fine,” I reassure him, wondering if I should give him a thumbs up.
No, that’s totally cheesy.
He licks his lips and heat licks up my thighs. I press them together, wishing he’d just get on with it and kiss me again. Touch me again. Maybe help me take off my clothes so we can get tangled up with each other…
“Livvy.” He whispers my name and then he’s right there, hovering above me, his face in mine. I can feel his breath, his body pressed close to my side. His hand is on my stomach, gently pushing my shirt up so he’s touching bare skin, and I close my eyes, letting the sensation of his slightly rough fingers on my body wash over me. “Your skin is so soft.”
I say nothing, too focused on the path his fingers are taking. They circle around my belly button before moving upward, skimming across my stomach, seemingly counting my ribs, exploring every inch of my torso. My T-shirt is pushed up even farther, until his fingers are tracing along my bra, over it, caressing the exposed tops of my breasts, and oh my gosh…
He leans in and presses his face against my chest, breathing deep, as if he’s trying to inhale me. My hands automatically go to his head, fingers sinking into his soft, thick hair as I hold him close. His hands and mouth are doing such magical things that I start to ache. Throb. I need more. I want so much more, but I’m scared. I don’t want to take this too far. Not tonight. I barely know Ryan. Yes, his kisses make my toes curl and I’m willing to do a few things, but…
Not everything.
Ryan lifts his body away from mine and my eyes fly open to find him watching me, his breathing ragged, his eyes glittering with lust. Just looking at him makes me catch my breath, my skin breaking out in goose bumps. When he shrugs out of his shirt I have to bite my lip to keep myself from saying something outrageous. Or moan. Or whimper.
Watching the boy I’ve been lusting after for weeks whip his shirt off like no problem is enough to make me weak.
He tosses the shirt on the floor before returning his gaze to mine. “Your turn,” he says with a little chin flick.
I scoot into a sitting position and tug my shirt off with shaky hands, letting it fall beside me on the bed. I’m tempted to cross my arms over my bra-covered chest—it’s such an automatic reaction—but I don’t. Instead I sit up straight and hope he appreciates what he sees.
“Nice,” he murmurs, his gaze locked on my chest.
Okay, I guess he does appreciate me, though really this isn’t that big of a deal. “You’ve already seen me like this.” I shrug, remembering the tiny bikini Em made me wear. “You’ve even touched them.”
“I know, considering I just did it.” The wicked gleam in his eyes makes me shiver.
“No, I mean at Em’s party. Remember that night?” Oh God, if he forgot, that’ll be embarrassing. That should tell me how much I really matter to him.
As in, I probably don’t matter that much.
“I definitely remember that night.” He shifts closer, his voice low and a little rough. I clench my thighs together in anticipation. “From the first moment I saw you, Livvy, I knew I had to have you.”
I want to believe him. But those first encounters between us, he’d been with Em. Chasing after Em while flirting with me on the side. Now Em is forgotten and he’s got me locked up in a room in Tuttle’s house, our shirts off and our breaths coming fast. Something is going to happen tonight, something big, and I really don’t want to stop it.
But once it happens, will he dump me for someone else, like he did to Em?
“You’re so hot.” He touches me, his fingers drifting down the length of one bare arm. “And so real. There’s no bullshit with you.”
I frown. That almost doesn’t feel like a compliment. From the expression on my face, I think he can sense my uneasiness. “Is that a good thing?”
“Definitely. People can be so fake, but not you.” He kisses me before I can protest, before I can even utter a word. His kiss is all-consuming, hot and deep, and I give in easily, forgetting what he said, forgetting my earlier thoughts.
I go willingly when he pushes me back, so I’m lying on the bed. He hovers above me, his hands braced on the mattress on either side of my head, his right knee in between my legs. He leans in and presses me into the mattress, his hot, hard body covering mine, and I gasp when he breaks the kiss to trail his lips down the length of my neck. I throw my head back and close my eyes, his hot mouth burning my skin, and I clutch at him, another gasp escaping me when he lifts his knee up and pushes it between my thighs.
Oh. His knee presses against a particular spot and I shudder. I cant my hips and rub against him and there it goes again. A thousand prickly points of pleasure sweep over my skin and I blink open my eyes to find him watching me.
“You like that,” he murmurs, his mouth curved in a dirty smile.
I nod, my lips parting, but he steals a kiss before I can say anything. His tongue thrusts into my mouth in time with his knee and I’m grinding down on him, essentially dry humping his leg, but ohmigod, I really don’t care.
It feels too good to stop.
Ryan murmurs dark words of encouragement and I’m so caught up I can’t think. Can’t worry if he’s dirty talking me, can’t focus on the fact that I’m shamelessly riding his knee. I’m close. I don’t want to stop. I don’t ever, ever want to sto—
The door crashes open and Ryan springs away from me, leaping off the bed so fast I can’t believe it actually happened. My heart nearly trips over itself as I scramble off the bed and then immediately duck behind it to hide, barely peeking over the edge to see who interrupted us.
Stupid Cannon stands in the doorway, a very tiny, very cute girl with long brown hair spilling over one shoulder standing next to him. I don’t recognize her at all. My brain is so fuzzy with lust and confusion that I wonder what happened to the blonde from Sonic, which is stupid. Why am I thinking about that girl?
Looks like Cannon’s over her, though I shouldn’t be surprised. He doesn’t usually stick with just one girl.
None of them do.
“Get the fuck out,” Ryan says, his voice rough with anger.
Cannon grins, not bothered by Ryan’s tone at all. “Dumbass. Don’t you know you’re supposed to lock the door?”
“I thought I did, asshole.” Ryan grabs a pillow and tosses it at Cannon. It glances off the side of his head, making him scowl. “Now leave.”
“Aw, come on. Aren’t you two done in here? My girl’s not down to put on a public show.” Cannon wraps his beefy arm around the tiny girl’s neck, giving her a squeeze before he sloppily kisses her cheek. She giggles and tries to bat his arm away, but it’s pointless. He clearly overpowers her.
“We’re a little busy.” Ryan is so irritated it’s obvious. Yet Cannon doesn’t care at all. He’s too intent on finding his own place to hook up.
“Looks like you’re pretty much done with this one.” Cannon cackles evilly, his gaze going to me. I peer over the edge of the bed, my cheeks going hot at his words.
With this one.
Well, that’s sort of crude.
“I’m not,” Ryan snaps. “Now get the hell out of here.”
“Jeez. Whatever man,” Cannon mumbles as he steers himself and the girl out of the room, pulling the door shut behind them.
“Shit,” Ryan says the moment they’re gone. He lands on the mattress, his weight making it rock, and leans over the side of the bed to study me. I feel exposed in just my bra and jeans so I pull my knees up to my chest and stare back at him, unsure of what to say.
I’m also feeling really, really stupid. That entire moment was humiliating as crap.
“You okay?” he asks gently.
I nod. Look down at the floor. Anywhere but at him. I’m
too embarrassed. Sobriety has hit me hard and my buzz abandoned me the moment the door slammed open. “I should go find Amanda,” I murmur.
He blows out a ragged breath. “Good luck. I think she’s with Tuttle.”
Of course she is. She’s off having some wild and mysterious affair with the most wild and mysterious boy at school, yet here I am freaking out over a minor interruption by an idiot football player. But that interruption stopped us from taking it any further. And it ruined my mood. I’m not interested anymore.
Not at all.
“I need to find her.” I pull my phone out of my pocket and start texting her, ignoring how Ryan’s stomping around the room, picking his T-shirt up off the floor and shoving it back on. He tosses my shirt toward me and it lands on my shoulder, startling me. I look up, surprised at the babyish way he’s acting, how he won’t even look in my direction.
Irritation zips through my veins as I tug my shirt back on. It’s not my fault we were interrupted. He was the one who was supposed to lock the door.
I finish typing my text then hit send.
Where are you? I want to go home.
“So.” Ryan’s voice causes me to glance up and I find him standing directly in front of me, imposingly tall considering I’m still sitting on the floor. “Cannon ruined everything, huh?”
It’s easier to blame it on Cannon. I might’ve frozen up eventually. I definitely wouldn’t have let Ryan take it any further than messing around.
“Yeah, definitely.” I offer him a tiny smile. I feel bad, but seriously. I can’t get back into it. That’s just…how I am. Even with Dustin. Every time we messed around, even when we only kissed, I’d get a serious case of the guilts the minute we were done and I’d end up full of regret. I don’t know what it is about having to deal with boys during the aftermath, but I don’t handle it very well.
Probably means I have a serious hang up and possibly even daddy issues, but I don’t feel like psycho-analyzing myself at the moment.
“It was fun while it lasted, right?” He offers me a hand and I take it, letting him haul me to my feet. He tugs me closer, planting a soft, sweet kiss on my lips and the guilt slowly evaporates. He doesn’t seem mad. I didn’t have to turn him down so that makes the entire situation while embarrassing, also easier.
I feel like all is right in my world.
My phone buzzes and I glance down to see Amanda’s response.
Me too. Meet me in the living room in five minutes.
Relief fills me and I smile up at Ryan, whose brows lower in confusion. But I don’t explain myself. I just send a quick reply to Amanda before I slip out of his arms and stuff my phone back into my pocket.
It’s nice having a friend I can count on.
The minute I walk in the door Saturday afternoon, I can tell Mom is pissed. Instead of acknowledging her, I head to my bedroom without saying a word. I don’t even bother looking at her, though I can feel her watching me.
And I’m trying my best not to freak out.
My heart is racing as I open my door and walk inside, tossing my backpack on my bed. I ended up spending the night at Amanda’s after all. When we met in Tuttle’s living room last night, she’d looked so sad, like she’d been crying. I’d asked her if she was all right and she assured me she was fine, but I don’t know. It didn’t look right. And she’s never one to tell me what’s up with her and Tuttle. He didn’t even make an appearance before we left, though Ryan was sweet and kissed me goodbye, telling me we should get together over the weekend.
My thoughts floated in the clouds the rest of the drive to Amanda’s house, and she remained so quiet, her silence allowed me to bask in my head. I relived the moment with Ryan again and again, cutting out Cannon’s interruption. I focused on the taste of Ryan’s lips, how they felt on my skin. When he pressed me into the mattress with his big body, his knee between my legs, me rubbing against him with zero shame…
My night with Ryan was one I never wanted to forget.
We snuck back into Amanda’s quiet, dark house and crawled into her bed. She crashed out almost immediately while I lay there staring at the ceiling and still thinking of Ryan. Imagining what might’ve happened if Cannon hadn’t interrupted us. Would I have let Ryan do more? Would I have ended up doing something I’d eventually regret?
I think of his smile, his deep, rumbly voice, the way he looks at me…
“Olivia.”
I squeal and turn to find Mom standing in my bedroom doorway, her arms crossed in front of her chest and a sour expression on her face.
“Hey. Uh, what’s up?” I ask weakly, mildly annoyed when she walks into my room without me inviting her.
Of course if I said that, she’d give some speech about how it’s her house and she owns it and blah, blah, blah. And I’d have to bite my tongue and not mention how Dad was the one who bought this house and gave it to her in the divorce, so really she can’t take all the credit. It would then turn into this giant, ugly argument and I’d probably end up getting grounded, and that is the absolute last thing I want to deal with this weekend.
“You tell me.” She drops her arms to her sides and shuts the door behind her. “I think we need to talk,” she says.
Worst words ever. I land heavily on the edge of my bed, staring up at her as I try my best to act calm. There is a whole mess of things she could want to talk about and I have no idea which one she wants to discuss. “Okay,” I say carefully. “What’s going on?”
Mom sits in my desk chair, turning so she’s facing me. “Where were you last night?”
What? “I told you. I went to the football game with Amanda and then I spent the night at her house.”
She studies me, her gaze laser-sharp, as if she’s trying to see into my brain and discover all of my dirty little secrets. When she looks at me like that, it’s kind of terrifying. “I’ve never even heard of this Amanda girl before.”
It takes everything within me not to roll my eyes. “I told you a while ago, we just started hanging out. Amanda Winters. I’ve gone to school with her since kindergarten. She’s in honors classes and she plays in the band.” Well. That last bit is a lie since she quit, but I’m trying to convince Mom that Amanda isn’t a bad influence. I’m probably the bad influence in our friendship.
“So you weren’t with Em?” Mom looks shocked—and confused.
I blink at her, surprised by her question. “No. I saw her at the football game, but that was it.”
“You didn’t leave with her?”
“No, after the game was over, I went with Amanda back to her house.” Lies. Now it’s my turn to study her carefully. “Why? What’s going on?”
Mom sighs and shakes her head. “I don’t know. Cindy called me last night at almost midnight, looking for Emily. She sounded very upset. And…possibly a little drunk.”
Oh, shit. Yeah, sometimes Em’s parents like to party, but nothing too outrageous. “Do they know where she is now? Has she still not come home?”
“I haven’t talked to Cindy since she called, but I promised I would talk to you and ask you about Em and if you know what’s going on. Has she been acting different lately?” Mom frowns. “I feel like you two have drifted apart since you came back from your father’s.”
“We sort of have,” I admit, feeling bad. I don’t want to tell my mom the truth. It’s none of her business and besides, if I told her what happened, then I’d have to explain what’s going on with me and Dustin, and that’s just…too involved for my taste.
“Cindy sounded worried. She told me a lot of concerning things about Em.” Mom hesitates, her expression unsure. “Are you positive you weren’t with her last night? I won’t be angry with you if you were. I don’t care what you were doing, I just want to make sure Em’s safe.”
“I wasn’t with her, Mom. I swear. I don’t know what’s going on.” Worry eats at me. What if she’s still gone? What if something terrible happened to her? I can’t imagine losing Em for good, or even losing Em for a little wh
ile. Yeah, we’re on the outs right now, but that’s different.
This feels…serious.
“I’m going to call Cindy and tell her what you said. Hopefully Em’s home now, but who knows? Her mom made it sound like she’s gone wild lately and this was one incident among many.” Mom stands and heads for the door, pausing before she opens it. “I’ll let you know what I find out.”
The moment she shuts the door behind her I fall backwards on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. My mind is racing at all the possibilities. What the hell is Em up to now? Where could she be? Did she run away? Is she over at some guy’s house and forgot to call her parents? Where’s her car? Where’s her stuff? Why isn’t she answering her phone? Is it off? Is the battery dead?
Reaching for my phone, I unblock her number, then send her a quick text.
Where are you???? I’m worried!!! My mom said your mom is looking for you!!! Please tell me you’re all right. :(
I wait five minutes. Ten. Fifteen.
No reply.
So I decide to text someone else.
I need your help. Can I come over?
The answer comes in less than thirty seconds.
Yes.
Dustin is outside sitting on his front porch steps waiting for me when I arrive not ten minutes after I sent my last text. Normally I would’ve run straight over, not caring how I looked or what I was wearing. But for some weird reason I wanted to look nice. I brushed my hair and braided it. Put on a different shirt and applied mascara. It’s so stupid, like I want to impress him or something, while I’m also freaking out over Em.
But I’m a bundle of mixed emotions when it comes to Dustin and Em and Ryan and…everyone. Even stupid Fitch, who eyed me appreciatively when I darted through the kitchen earlier and told Mom I was going over to Dustin’s for a little bit. She seemed so pleased that I was actually going to Dustin’s house she didn’t even protest or stop me. Fitch told me to take my time and even winked at me, which skeeved me out.