~*~
Ella
Right or wrong Ella had made the decision to place her phone on mute when she saw Felix drive up tonight. After the conversation she’d had with Grayson today, she had a feeling he’d be calling or at the very least texting her. As much as she tried to hide it today, Grayson had picked up on her unease and she’d confided in him.
Felix would never understand if she tried to explain it to him. There was no way she could without him blowing up. Of course, she’d been right. Grayson had called twice already and texted her a few times. She read them quickly.
I hate that you’re hurting. I just want you to know that, like today, you can always open up to me. I meant it when I told you I’d be here for you no matter what and I’d never say I told you so.
Ella frowned, deleting it then scrolling down to the next one.
I read the story you mentioned. I hate this shit for you. Call me if you need to talk.
Just as quickly as she’d deleted the first one, she deleted the second one as well, feeling an enormous wave of guilt wash over her. She’d have to talk to Felix soon enough about this but not yet. She was tempted to call Grayson back when she saw his last text.
I’ll be up late. DO NOT hesitate to call me no matter the time. I mean it.
Ella sat there staring at the text as her eyes began to well up. She glanced at the clock; it was just past midnight. For a few long pensive moments, she continued to stare at the phone. With a deep breath, she made up her mind. Ella hit speed dial. Grayson hadn’t been kidding. He answered on the first ring.
Chapter 23
Felix
The next day was another different day. When they were both done for the day, instead of going back to his place like they usually did, Ella said she felt like going to the show. They’d gone to the show a few times already. Weeknights, like that night, were good for not being spotted by too many fans, and then once the lights were out, no one was the wiser. But Felix was looking forward to being alone with her tonight. He was anxious to make up for last night.
Of course, as usual, he gave into whatever she wanted. Besides, it didn’t mean that they couldn’t go back to his place afterward. They dropped her car off at her house and headed to Universal City Walk.
At least she didn’t choose a chick flick. It was a comedy they’d both been talking about wanting to see. They were out early too, but any hopes of going back to his place to finish the night as he’d hoped were squashed.
“I need to get up early in the morning. I have another session with my dad’s therapist tomorrow.” She pouted when she saw the disappointment in his eyes but then smiled. “My dad’s really making progress, and apparently, I’m an enabler to his hoarding, so the doctor asked to see me again.”
Felix smirked. He could’ve told her that a long time ago. Just weeks after they’d cleaned out her place, she’d mentioned her dad having gone to yard sales several times, but she excused his bringing home more stuff to fix, because it was just a hobby.
“Doesn’t he have enough stuff to fix already?” Felix had asked.
“No, that’s the thing. He fixes everything so fast he runs out of stuff to fix, so he has to get more.”
She’d smiled so proudly and sweetly Felix had just kissed her and let it go. In a way, he too was an enabler. Just like Ella couldn’t say no to her dad about bringing more stuff home, Felix would never insist she should. Luckily, Ella was as smart as she was amazing. She finally came to the conclusion that it wasn’t going to be so easy to stop her dad’s hoarding. He needed therapy. His hoarding was a form of OCD, and he needed treatment to deal with it.
There was no way Felix could hold this against her. She should be there with her dad tomorrow. Grudgingly, he’d agreed to drive her home. Their goodbye kiss had been a long one, so he ignored the fact that she’d pulled away again when his hands started to roam. It was ridiculous to think she was avoiding sex or any intimacy past kissing. They had been in a parked car in her driveway with her dad in the house. Of course, she didn’t want for things to get too heated.
As he drove away finally, sporting the biggest throbbing boner in the history of the world, he attempted to quell the thoughts of a similar situation from his past: sleeping in the same bed with Bianca up in Big Bear unable to touch her. Little did he know at the time it was because she’d already fallen for Gio and they’d been running around behind his back. Even though he never imagined it was with Gio, Felix had begun to suspect something might be up with her. Still he would never forget how blindsided he’d felt when the truth came out.
This was not the same.
He only hoped tomorrow wouldn’t be another different or weird day because he didn’t know how much longer he could put up the trusting, self-assured boyfriend act.
~~~
Felix got the call he’d been waiting on around noon.
Ella had told Felix last night she’d be in at ten after her morning session with her dad’s therapist was over. The appointment was at 7:30 a.m., and it was only an hour. She’d have plenty of time to get to 5th Street on time. Yet she’d missed her ten a.m. class, and this time she hadn’t gotten anyone to cover.
When Nellie had come in to ask Felix if he’d heard from Ella because this was so unlike Ella and she was worried, the guys had been okay with him breaking his rule of not using his phone during training to call her. Nellie had already tried calling her, and she wasn’t answering or responding to her texts.
His first instincts were that she’d been in an accident. The guys had even told him to relax when he’d jumped out of the ring to go call her. She didn’t answer, so he’d called her dad. Her dad had confirmed two things: he hadn’t even had an appointment with this therapist that morning and Ella had left to meet someone for breakfast at eight.
She hadn’t specified with whom. Her father said she’d only said she was meeting a friend then heading to work afterward. Felix might’ve felt underhanded about asking, but given the circumstances, he really hadn’t given a shit.
“I forgot to ask her. Do you know if she was able to get her car smogged the other day?”
Her father’s answer had left Felix almost winded. “Her car doesn’t need to be smogged,” he’d said cheerfully. “I took it into my friend’s shop up the street a couple of months ago like I do every year, and he does it for a twelve-pack.”
Blindsided.
It was how he felt all over again. Felix had stopped short of asking her dad what she’d worn to meet her friend, but his insides had instantly ignited. There was no question about it. This was no misunderstanding. Ella had been feeding him bald-faced lies. Her unease with him touching her and her avoiding sex hadn’t been all in his head after all.
All the memories of what he’d felt when Bianca had blindsided him assaulted him. Then the memories of Shelley reconnecting with her ex the whole time Felix had been going out to spend time with her inundated him. She’d said it was because she thought she and Felix’s lives were too different for things to work out. It was such a familiar feeling, only this time it hurt like hell.
Had he really been that blind about Ella being okay with all the tabloid shit—waking up to news vans parked up her street? The tabloids had even taken a few infuriating jabs at his understated new girlfriend being so unlike any of the glamorous girls he’d dated in the past. Had Grayson managed to finally talk sense into her? Felix wanted to fucking roar at the top of his lungs, but at the same time, the pain was brutal. Was his Ella maybe still in love with that asshole?
Felix played back the last two days then the last several weeks of her strange behavior. He sent her one text before stalking back into the training room.
We need to talk. I know you’ve been lying to me.
It took everything in him not to say anything he’d later regret. His heart was still holding on to the tiny sliver of hope that this might not be what everything was fucking pointing at. When the guys asked if he’d gotten a hold of Ella, his only response had been,
“No, get my gloves on.”
The moment his gloves were back on he nearly clobbered the guy he was sparring with.
“What the fuck, Felix?” Noah said, jumping in to separate them.
He’d seen the exchanged glances between Noah and Gio. Gio seemed more worried while Noah looked instantly annoyed.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you and Ella, man,” Noah had said as he waved the guy Felix had nearly clobbered out of the ring.
Felix paced around the ring, his chest heaving; he was so worked up but didn’t say a word.
“All right,” Noah said, realizing this wasn’t something Felix was going to just snap out of anytime soon—or ever. “He can’t be in here sparring like this,” he said to Gio. “He’s gonna kill someone. Let’s get him on the big bag. You can punch that thing as much and as hard as you want.”
Another training rule Felix had broken in light of the news he got from Ella’s dad was he brought his phone in the training room with him in case she called. He wanted to hear her explanation ASAP. He figured good or bad news it was better he got the news sooner than later. So when his phone rang, he froze first then walked over to it.
“Answer that,” he said to Noah then rushed to Gio already pulling on the strings of his gloves off with his teeth.
He glanced back at Noah, his heart already pounding again as Gio continued to undo the strings, and he heard Noah ask her if she was okay. After a moment, Noah looked up at Felix and smiled. “She’s fine. Just lost track of time. She’s already called Nel—”
“With who?” Felix demanded. Noah gave him a strange look. “Ask her who the fuck she was with.” Gio finished and Felix pulled his hands free. “Give me that. I’ll ask her myself.” The second the phone was at his ear he did. “Who were you with?”
“Felix, we need to talk.”
As expected she sounded upset—remorseful—guilty.
“So talk. Why did you lie to me not just about today but the other day?” His voice got louder with every word he spat out. “You didn’t get your car smogged.”
“I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you weeks ago, but—”
“Weeks ago!”
He fucking knew it! He had to walk away from the mirrored wall before he punched it. It was only then that he noticed the training room had cleared. Noah had likely cleared everyone out.
“Yes,” she practically whispered. “But I want to do this in person.”
Felix remembered how full of compassion she’d been when he’d explained so angrily that Shelley had dumped his ass in an email.
“No! I wanna know now!” He jabbed his finger in the air, feeling his aching heart nearly explode. “Whatever it is, you already waited weeks to tell me. So do it now!”
All he could think of was that the motherfucker had gotten to her. Grayson had convinced her Felix was no good for her. As mad as that made him, he already knew he’d be willing to beg her if he had to. He was too far gone to let his pride win out and not even fight for her. He wouldn’t even think about everything she might’ve been doing with Grayson these last three days or past few weeks. If he did, he’d be sick.
He heard what sounded like soft crying, and his pacing slowed. It was really this bad. “Ella.” His voice was strained now too. “Just say it.”
“You need to be strong, Felix,” she said, and she was definitely crying, “because I don’t know that I can this time.”
Be strong? His slowed pacing came to a halt. “Strong about what?”
“I didn’t wanna say anything because I was hoping it was nothing, and I didn’t wanna scare you for no reason. I know how important it is for you to focus right now.”
Felix’s feet were glued to the floor now. He was frozen in the middle of the room. If he was scared before, he was terrified now. It was becoming clear he’d been way off, but what she was saying now sounded so much worse.
“A few weeks ago I noticed a small lump in my breast. I made an appointment to have it checked. They found a small tumor and set up a biopsy. It’s why I took the day off the other day, but I still didn’t know, so I didn’t wanna say anything. They told me to come back today and they’d have the results in . . .” Her voice broke even more, and she sounded hysterical like she could barely catch her breath. Felix was having trouble breathing himself. “It’s malignant, Felix. I have breast cancer. I’m so scared!” She took a long trembling breath. “I can’t tell my dad. He’s doing so well with his therapy.”
The buzzing in Felix’s ear was so loud he could barely hear himself talk. “Shhh,” Felix said in an attempt to calm her and himself, feeling everything inside him go completely numb. “Don’t be scared, baby. It’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna be here for you.” She’d asked him to be strong, and he was going to, damn it, even though he felt ready to fall apart. The aunt he’d told her about being diagnosed not long ago had gone fast. As the tears blurred his eyes, he swallowed the lump building fast in his throat and continued. “Where are you?”
“I’m at Carmen’s.” She sniffled. “She’s the only one who knows. As soon as I can pull it together, I’ll be heading home. I already told Nellie I won’t be making it in today.”
“Don’t worry about work. They’ll figure things out here. Listen,” he said, wiping away the tears that streamed down his face. “I’m gonna shower up, and I’ll meet you at your house in a little bit, okay? Everything’s gonna be fine, sweetheart. I promise.”
The moment he was off the phone with her, the phone slipped out of his hand and he fell to a knee and crouched over but didn’t collapse like he thought he might. One knee was still up and he used it to support his arm; his other fist pushed against the floor, keeping him from just falling over, and he allowed himself to cry for a few moments.
This was something he already knew he’d never survive. Felix would be strong for her sake—use every single penny he had, every connection he had to fight this—but if . . . This would be the end for him.
Felix pushed himself up onto his feet with a roar that ended with him sobbing into his hands. This was so fucking unfair!
He wouldn’t be able to take another loss like this in his life, especially not his Ella.
His baby.
His life.
Chapter 24
Ella
The first thing Ella had to do was come clean to Felix about Grayson. She didn’t want what she’d done in sheer moment of panic to come back and haunt her, not when she had so many bigger things to worry about.
Ella had met Felix outside her house because she didn’t want her dad to see her that way. She’d managed to stop the crying because she knew she was going to have to pull it together.
“Thank you so much,” she said to Carmen before getting out of her car.
Carmen reached over and squeezed her hand. “Remember if there’s anything you need just call me.”
Ella smiled and nodded. Felix was already waiting for her outside his car. She hugged him as soon as she reached him. Being in his arms felt like heaven, but she wouldn’t allow herself to cry anymore. She’d done enough of that all day.
“How you feeling?” he asked, searching her eyes, his own full of concern.
“Scared,” she admitted. “But we need to talk about something else first. Can we go for a drive? I’m not ready to face my dad yet.” She smiled nervously. “My eyes are still too puffy.”
They drove for a bit in silence, and then she just let it out. “The other night when you came over and Grayson was here”—he turned to her, his brows furrowing instantly—“my nerves about the biopsy were still really raw. He noticed something was wrong immediately and started questioning if everything was okay. My dad was there, and I was afraid he’d hear us talking. Grayson insisted I tell him what was wrong, so I took him outside and told him what I knew he’d want to hear just to shut him up. I said all this media stuff was beginning to get to me, and, of course, he was instantly all over it. But I needed him to leave because I didn’t want you upset that he?
??d been there long, so I told him to call me instead.”
Felix pulled over, shut the car engine off, and turned to her. “Are you upset about the media? Because—”
“No! I told you I don’t care about any of that stuff. I swear to you. I just panicked.” She reached for his hand, laced her fingers through his, and squeezed. “I didn’t want my dad picking up on me being upset.”
“So Grayson’s calling you now? You’ve been talking to him, Ella?”
“No.” She shook her head adamantly. “That same night after you left I checked my phone because I knew he’d be calling and he had. I had several missed calls from him and texts. So I called him back and explained the truth. But, Felix, I made it clear to him that my asking him to call me had been for no other reason than to get him to leave. He knows that things between him and me can be nothing more than how they’ve been up until now; although, he did beg me to keep him updated on my health.”
Felix’s expression had softened until this last comment. It went hard again, so she nodded quickly. “I told him if it was bad news”—she glanced away for a moment, unable to continue looking into Felix’s suddenly desperate eyes—“I’d likely be too caught up to be calling or texting but that I’d have Memo update him.” She looked Felix in the eyes again, this time with all the conviction she could muster. “I’m gonna beat this. Do you hear me? But I need you to be strong, and the last thing I need is any outside negativity added to all this. I should’ve never said what I did to Grayson. I panicked and I’m sorry, but you have to know Grayson is not and will never be an issue for us, okay? Just like the stupid tabloids haven’t been and will never be.”
Ella was about to keep going. She could go on and on assuring him that what she’d said to Grayson was a complete lie. She really hadn’t and wouldn’t let anything in the media get to her, not as long as Felix continued to show her so unequivocally how devoted he was to her. He’d been doing just that from the very beginning. Felix opened the door and got out of the car. Instinctively, so did she and met him just outside the passenger side.