He jerked the wheel to the right, barely making the exit they’d almost passed. If not for her quick reflexes, she’d be facedown in his lap right now. Pulling onto the shoulder of the off-ramp, he cut the engine and turned to face her, anger edging his features.
“You sure you wanna hear this?”
She banished the trace of uncertainty from the back of her mind and met his challenge with a lift of her chin. “Absolutely.”
A hint of sadness flashed through his eyes before the hardness returned. “Fine. Like I said, our mothers were close friends, so Janey was like my third sister and Joey felt the same about mine. We didn’t live in a great neighborhood, so there were plenty of times when we had to protect ourselves and our sisters. But no matter what, Joey and I never ran scared. We dealt with every bully and badass. Only his way of dealing with things was different from mine.”
Kat’s pulse picked up speed, making her cut throb with every beat and her breathing shallow. She dared not move or ask any questions. Irish had finally decided to open up to her. Regardless of whether the decision was borne of frustration or not, she wasn’t about to look the pissed-off gift horse in the mouth.
“Joey preferred to talk his way out of things. Not that he was afraid to fight, ’cause the guy could throw down if he had to. But fighting was always his last resort. Cool as a cucumber, that was Joey.
“Then there was me. I had a short fuse with heavy hands, and I never hesitated to use them. Everyone knew, they fucked with me I’d fuck with them right back. Joey was the peacemaker and I was the brawler, so it was no surprise that he became a cop and I became a fighter.”
A semi passed them, rocking the car slightly in its wake. Irish looked over to watch it stop at the intersection and make the turn. Kat held her breath and hoped he wouldn’t change his mind about talking. She couldn’t let it go anymore. She had to know why he thought himself capable of killing anyone, much less his best friend’s little sister.
Continuing to stare out the front window, he spoke distantly. “Joey always said that one day I’d hurt the wrong person if I didn’t learn to control my temper. That it was inevitable. ” His gaze dropped to his hands, still wrapped in the tape, and became distant. As though he could see the past on the overlapping strips of white across his palms. “He was right.”
Kat scooted closer and placed her hands in his. He curled his fingers over them, giving a quick squeeze. “Tell me what happened.” He shook his head and started to turn away, but she pulled his hands into hers until he stopped and looked at her. “Aiden, please.”
He swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. “Joey became a cop, but Janey went the other way. She skipped school and hung around with the wrong kids. Got hooked on crystal meth.”
Oh, God. Now she understood a little better why he’d gotten so upset at the thought of her having a part in distributing the drug for Sicoli.
“But we never stopped loving her just ’cause she lost her way, you know?”
“Of course not.”
He nodded, almost in relief that she understood. “So anyway, this one night I was celebrating a pretty big win at our local pub. Joey had a shift that night, but I was with Jax and Xander. They were still in training so they weren’t drinking, but I got hammered. I saw Janey walk in with a guy I’d heard was her new boyfriend, but I didn’t give a damn about him. I was so happy to see her I gave her a big hug and kiss, and we talked for a long time before I was dragged away for more celebrating.
“A little bit later I noticed neither of them was in the bar, but her stuff was still on her stool so I went looking for her. I found her outside getting yelled at in the rain by that asshole. The argument must have been about me because she defended her relationship with me and then said if he was so mad he should just leave and she’d get a ride home from me and my friends. That’s when he…”
Oh, damn. She knew what sort of volatile reaction a prick like that would have when challenged. She’d known plenty of them in her day. “Let me guess. He hit her.”
Irish nodded. “Hard. And I lost it. Usually when my temper flared, it was this feeling of rage that consumed me, drove me. But when he hit her, it was like…like an animal inside me being unleashed. I wanted him to know what it was like to get beat on, and I wanted him to beg for mercy before I even considered letting up.
“Xan and Jax didn’t try to break it up—they’d seen him hit her, too, and they knew I wasn’t gonna kill the guy—but Janey…”
His deep blue eyes misted over and his throat worked to rid him of the lump she imagined forming there. “God, Janey.” He plowed his right hand through his hair and fisted a chunk until he winced. Causing himself pain probably helped release the emotions he’d bottled up inside for so long. Her heart broke for him already.
Resting his elbow on the seat back, he kept that fist in his hair and his gaze where she still held his other hand. “Afterward, I remembered hearing her shout for us to stop, begging me not to kill him. But at the time all I heard was the roar of blood in my ears and the sound of our fists meeting flesh and bone. Someone tried getting between us. I didn’t register who it was before Janey’s boyfriend shoved whoever it was out of our way, which was fine with me because I got in another good shot.”
Kat’s stomach lurched. She prayed her assumption of how the story ended was wrong, but she already knew it wasn’t. She’d gone into this knowing the tragic outcome. All that was left was to listen to how it happened so she could help Irish get past his guilt.
He finally lifted his eyes to hers, causing the wall of tears to overflow in a thin stream down his cheeks. “Joey’d finished his shift and decided to come out. I didn’t see him at the end of the block, but I heard him yell Janey’s name. That’s what finally got through to me. I’d never heard him so terrified, so desperate.
“I looked over to see her in the road, struggling to get up in the rain. Headlights swung around and landed on her. I tried to get to her but I wasn’t fast enough. She screamed and—”
He cleared his throat and swiped at the moisture on his face. He kept his eyes averted, looking around at everything in the car and out of it, except for her. Kat wanted to weep for the man she loved. A man so tough he brought men to heel with only a few words and others to their knees when words weren’t enough.
And yet for all his toughness, the one thing completely soft on him was his heart. She’d seen him treat women, coworkers, and even kittens with a kindness and tenderness prone to the gentlest of souls. It was that part of him she fell in love with. The part that saw a scarred woman afraid of a man’s touch and patiently retrained her body and mind to not just accept his touch, but to crave it. For that alone she could have loved him. Lucky for her, there were dozens of other reasons as well.
“Aiden,” she said softly as she cupped his jaw and forced him to make eye contact with her. “It was an accident. Terrible and tragic, but still an accident. You did not kill Janey.”
He pulled her hands down and pinned her with a defiant stare. “Yes, I did. He hit her because of me. We fought because of me. And she sure as hell ended up in the street because of me.”
She opened her mouth to argue, but he cut her off. “I didn’t have to fight the bastard, Kat. I could have threatened his life and taken Janey home. Or had Joey and his police buddies stay on him until they busted him for something. But just like Joey warned me, I let my temper control my actions and it led to Janey’s death. It’s no one’s fault but mine she’s gone. It’s why I stopped drinking and quit fighting. I’m hard enough to control without getting help from alcohol and a career that feeds the darkness inside me.”
“But—”
“Don’t you get it?” he asked, his raised voice sending a chill down the back of her neck. “I hurt the people I love the most because they’re around when my shit blows up. It might not be today and it might not be tomorrow, but eventually something will cause me to snap. And when I do, everyone will be in danger. Including you.”
Chapter Eighteen
She’d leave him now.
Aiden couldn’t have been clearer about the danger she was in just by being with him. Now she would finally understand why he pushed everyone away who couldn’t defend themselves against him. He kept in phone contact with his mom and sisters, but that was about it. He’d never survive if he lost one of them like they’d lost Janey, so he didn’t take any chances.
As it was, Aiden wasn’t sure how his heart would survive when Kat walked away from him. He never imagined being able to love a woman so completely, so intensely. He knew he’d never be unbroken, but somehow she made him feel like his broken pieces were glued back together. That in itself was something he never thought possible. Kind of made her a little miracle worker, his Kat.
My Kat.
Not for much longer.
Without word or warning, she got to her knees and straddled his hips, wrapping her arms around him and tucking her face into his neck. “You would never, and could never, hurt me like that. I don’t agree with your guilt over Janey, but I do understand it. I’ll help you get over it in time, help you heal. You didn’t give up on me, and now I’m not giving up on you.”
Unable to summon the strength he needed to push her away like he should, Aiden held her tight, closed his eyes, and lost himself in her embrace.
He’d made the decision to stay in Alabaster to keep her safe, but in the process it seemed she was determined to save him. An impossibility? Maybe, but that didn’t make her desire to see him redeemed any less amazing. And he loved her all the more for it.
Another semi drove by, making him remember he’d stopped on the shoulder of an off-ramp. He needed to get them to a place to rest for the night. Pulling back slightly, he kissed her soft lips, then lowered his forehead to hers. “What do you say we get out of here so I can find us a room and show you just how much I’ve missed you.”
“Mmm, I’d say that sounds perfect,” she purred.
“Then you’d better get on your side of this bench seat before a certain part of me jumps the gun.”
A devilish glint sparked in her eyes and she bit the corner of her lip, giving her a smirk to match. Somewhere in the back of his mind a robot bellowed, Danger, Will Robinson! but the moment her hand snaked between their bodies to squeeze his balls, all his circuits fried.
She batted her lashes with a fake innocence that had his dick hardening. Well, that plus the whole ball-squeezing thing. “Would this be the part you’re referring to?”
“You’re gonna make this an awfully uncomfortable drive for me, kitten, if you don’t keep your hands to yourself.”
Stroking up his shaft, she raised a challenging brow. “Not if we take the edge off before we go anywhere.”
Aiden damn near choked at the suggestion. The mere thought of her straddling him as he thrust up into her over and over was enough to make his cock punch through both pairs of shorts. “You don’t wanna do that, sweetheart.”
Kat frowned, drawing his focus to that pouting lower lip. Jesus Christ, does this woman do anything that doesn’t tempt me?
“Why not?”
“Because it wouldn’t be the kind of lovemaking you’re used to with me,” he said. They’d both discussed several days ago that she seemed to be doing better. That her mind was starting to trust her instincts more to the point where her eyes drifted closed for short periods without it pulling her into herself. But she still had a long way to go and he didn’t want to push her in the wrong direction. “Public sex is never slow and easy. It’s fast and dirty. I don’t want that to trigger anything bad for you.”
“It won’t,” she assured him, lacing her hands behind his neck. “Not as long as I can see that it’s you. I’ve never done anything like this; it’ll be a first for me. Please?”
He took everything from me, Irish…all my firsts. I can never get any of those things back. They’re gone forever.
Maybe they aren’t gone after all, Aiden thought. He couldn’t give her back things like her first kiss or her first time having sex, but he could give her firsts she probably never even thought of. Whether it was her first time having sex in public or her first baseball game, he selfishly wanted to be the one to give them to her.
He slid his hands up her bare thighs but couldn’t feel her like he should because of the tape on his hands. He’d had more important things to worry about earlier and figured he’d cut it off when they got to their room. But there was no way in hell he’d sacrifice the feel of her on his palms if he could help it.
Using his teeth, he worked at the wrap until he tore a decent chunk to grab. As he unwound it from his hand, he did his best to mentally prepare her. “Listen very carefully, Kat. I wanna fuck you so badly right now I can barely think straight.”
One hand free, one to go. Again he bit at the tape until it ripped and he had an edge to grab. “This is gonna be fast and hard. I want your eyes on me at all times.”
Her breaths were shallow and quick and the scent of her arousal drove him that much closer to insanity. Finally the entire length of tape joined the rest somewhere in the backseat.
“Eyes on me, and you tell me right away if anything gets bad. Got it?”
She nodded.
“Words, Kat,” he reminded her. “Promise me.”
“I will, I promise.”
She’d barely gotten the words out before he crushed his mouth to hers. His tongue plunged inside and dominated her with forceful strokes. Licking and suckling, he ate at her like she was his last meal with only seconds to enjoy her. He fisted his hands in her silken hair and pulled, giving him better access to feast on her arched throat.
But it wasn’t enough. Aiden still felt starved for her.
Reaching beneath her dress, he grabbed her ass with both hands. She moaned and rocked herself over his erection. He hissed in a breath and nipped at the cord in her neck in retaliation. Grasping her panties, he rent them in two, baring her sweet pussy. True to his word, Aiden didn’t tease her or go slow. Instead he reached from behind and thrust his fingers deep inside. She cried out and dug her nails into his bare shoulders.
Pulling out more of her juices, he slicked them over her swollen lips, then slid the wet tip of his middle finger up and circled her tight hole. She gasped but pushed back against it instead of lifting away from it. That small involuntary act conjured depraved desires of plunging deep in her ass to feel her constrict around him until he lost his mind. Then again, if he didn’t bury himself in her pussy in the next thirty seconds, there wouldn’t be any left of it to lose.
Kat grabbed the sides of his face and yanked him back to her hungry mouth. Their tongues danced and fought for control. His timid kitten had become a voracious tiger laying claim to him as much as he did her, and it made his cock steel-hard.
Still, despite her forward nature, he felt a thread of reserve about taking her this way. It wasn’t that he didn’t like it or had ever had reservations of this kind with any other woman. But Kat wasn’t just any woman. She was special in every way and deserved to be treated with tenderness and love. He’d never forgive himself if he ever made her feel cheap or used.
“Last chance, baby,” he forced out.
“I want this just as much as you, believe me.” He narrowed skeptical eyes at her. “I know what you need,” she said, a saucy smile twisting her mouth. “You always make sure I use my words, but what you need this time are the right words.”
Her hands roved down his chest, the sound of her nails dragging along the cotton of his tank making his skin underneath envious. Aiden licked his suddenly dry lips and swallowed before asking, “And what would the right words be?”
She leaned in, closing every millimeter of space deliberately and slowly, until he felt the hard points of her nipples graze his pecs and her sex rocked over his painfully hard erection. Whispering against his ear, her warm breath sent tingles down his spine that wrapped around his balls.
“I want your cock. Hard, deep, and fast. I wan
t you”—she paused to lick up the outer shell of his ear before enunciating the last three syllables for emphasis—“to fuck me.”
Those words sounded dirty normally, but coming from her lips they sounded more carnal than anything he’d ever heard. And damn if it didn’t make him wicked hot, burning up the last thread of his restraint.
Growling a curse of his own, Aiden freed himself from both pairs of shorts, then lifted her up and slammed himself into her tight heat in one swift move. Kat cried out, throwing her head back to expose the elegant curve of her neck.
He held her in place with one arm around her waist and fisted his free hand in the back of her hair. Scraping his teeth up the length of her throat, he felt her tremble. Her nipples pebbled and rubbed against his chest. His mouth watered and he resented not having the time to taste and tease them like he wanted. Promising himself he’d get the chance later, he feasted on her lips and drank of her tongue like the starved man he was.
Unable to hold back any longer, he wrenched himself away and held her gaze as his hands guided her hips up and down his slick shaft. Her fingers dug into the muscles of his shoulders as she took her cue from him, took control, and proceeded to fuck him into oblivion.
Damp strands of hair stuck to her face and her skin shone with her desire in the pale moonlight. A mix of heavy breathing, grunts, and gasps accompanied their frenzied actions and filled his ears with its sweet music. Sweat dripped from his brow and his entire body was strung bow-tight as he desperately tried to hold off his own climax bearing down on him like a runaway train. He wanted to go over the edge with her, but if she wasn’t ready to go soon, he’d be making the trip solo.
“Lean back, baby,” he said, gently pushing her back until her shoulders rested against the dashboard. The position was perfect for the angle he wanted, while the windshield prevented her from dropping her head back and losing sight of him. “Now keep your hips up and let me do all the work.”