“We used to hang out here a lot when we were younger,” Cole said as I rotated around the room, taking everything in. One of the beams holding up the ceiling was covered in Sharpie with different ticks, dates, and the boys’ names marking their different heights as they grew.
When he saw what I was looking at, he ran his finger over one with his name written next to it. “I remember I broke my leg that day,” he said, shaking his head. “Let’s add you.”
He grabbed a marker. It was hanging from the string that was nailed into the beam, waiting patiently to record a new height. I stepped up against the rough, wooden height chart, and Cole’s hands brushed the top of my head as he drew a line. He scribbled my name next to it when I stepped aside, and I realized that the little black mark wasn’t just a testament to how short I was compared to most of the Walters, but a memory.
“There,” Cole said, glancing over his handiwork after hanging the marker back up. “Now that you’ve been inducted permanently into the loft, let me show you why it’s so awesome.” He crossed over to the ledge and leaned over, his hand fishing in the air for a rope that was hanging from the ceiling.
“Cole, what are you doing?” I demanded as he hoisted himself up onto the banister.
“Watch this,” he said and grinned. With one big step, Cole swung through the air like some crazy jungle man, shouting at the top of his lungs before dropping into a huge pile of hay.
I rushed over to the edge, hands gripping the railing as I peered over to see if he was okay. At first, I couldn’t see him because the pile of hay had swallowed him up. But before I could freak out, Cole popped up, sending pieces of dried grass everywhere. “Your turn, Jackie,” he shouted up to me. “Just grab the rope.”
“Like hell,” I said, backing away. I swiveled to the right, moving in the direction of the ladder. “I’m coming down like a normal person so I don’t end up in the ER.”
“Oh no, you don’t,” I heard Cole say below, and before I could reach the ladder, I saw the top of it shake, then disappear, leaving me trapped in the loft. I stared at the empty gap in the banister for a few seconds before I realized the ladder was gone. The sight was strange, like a missing tooth in someone’s smile.
“It’s not funny, Cole,” I finally said, trying to stay calm as I peered down at him. “Please put the ladder back.”
“Nope.” The ladder was still in his hands, but he was easing it down onto its side, far out of my reach.
“If you actually think I’m going to jump out of this loft, then you’re crazy,” I informed him, in my best I-mean-business tone. It was a ludicrous idea.
“Come on, Jackie,” he responded with a whiny-please voice. “It’s not that far of a fall and I promise it’s safe. We used to do it all the time as kids.”
But I was having none of that. “If you don’t put the ladder back up right now—”
“What’s the worst that can happen?” he asked, cutting me off. His arms were crossed over his chest as he craned his neck to look up at me.
“I could break my leg,” I snapped, remembering what he’d told me a couple of minutes ago as we studied the height chart.
“Jackie,” he groaned, his head falling back in annoyance. He rolled his eyes at the ceiling. “I promise that’s not how I broke mine.”
“I’m sorry, Cole,” I told him, firmly planting my hands on my hips. “But I’m not the type of person who takes unnecessary risks.”
“Unnecessary risks? You sound like a stuffy businessman. It’s not like you’re signing a multimillion-dollar contract or something. You’re just doing a bit of rope swinging. It’s supposed to be fun.”
“Like I said before, I don’t see the fun in breaking my leg.”
“Are you always this stubborn?” Cole asked, muttering more to himself than me. Still shaking his head, he made a point of sitting down, his long legs folding into a cross-legged position. “It doesn’t matter. I can hang around all day.”
“I thought the point of this tour was to cheer me up,” I said, “not to torture me.”
There was a pause, and Cole sighed. “I’m trying, but you’re making this very difficult,” he said, as if I was the one who was being ridiculous. “Seriously, Jackie, just live a little.”
Hearing this, I drew in a breath.
I had planned to wait him out, sitting up there on the shabby blue rug until my legs went numb. But then he said that one simple word—live. Looking back on it, I’m sure Cole didn’t mean much by it; he just wanted me to jump. It got to me, though, hanging in the air like cigarette smoke, thick and unwanted, until I almost choked. Why was I still here breathing when my family was gone, their lives cut short? Would they feel as guilty as me, I thought, if it had been the other way around?
A sudden surge of anger throbbed through my body, and I yanked the blue ribbon that was holding back my bangs out of my hair. Using it like a ponytail holder, I tied my locks back before stepping up to the edge of the loft. It took me three tries to reach the rope, my stomach pressed into the railing as I leaned out into the open air, fingers stretching. When I finally had the rope in my hand, I carefully swung my legs over the side and took a deep breath.
“You got this, New York,” Cole was saying now, but I couldn’t see him because my eyes were closed tight.
This was stupid, so unbelievably stupid, and yet, I did it anyway. With one huge push, I kicked away from the banister and sliced through the air with a whoosh.
The momentum that pulled me back and forth managed to drag a string of curse words out of my mouth, and I rounded it all off with a massive, “Walter, I officially hate you!” Finally, the swinging rope slowed, but not before I lost my grip. The ground rushed up around me, and I plunged into a sea of hay.
“See?” Cole said, wading through the hay toward me as I stood up. “That wasn’t so bad.” He was clearly pleased with himself, but my stomach was still up in my throat and the scratchy, dry grass was clinging to me in a million different places. There was still some anger running through my veins, and I slammed my palms into Cole’s chest, shoving him away from me.
At least, I tried to. He barely budged. It must have been the adrenaline that made me do it.
“Don’t you ever do that to me again,” I said, my tongue sharp, trying to make up for the fact that I probably wasn’t too intimidating after the failed push. “Not ever.”
Startled by my outburst, Cole stared at me momentarily, his mouth half open. I narrowed my eyes and glared at him with as much menace as I could muster, fully expecting an apology, but then he was laughing and it wasn’t just a tiny chuckle, more of a full-bellied, hands-on-your-knees kind of laugh.
“Quit it!” I said, when he didn’t stop.
“Oh God,” he gasped, wiping away a few stray tears. “That was priceless.”
“I don’t find anything about this funny.”
“Yeah, because you couldn’t see your face. You were all ‘Grrr’ and it was adorable.”
I choked on the words that were poised on my tongue in response. Adorable. Cole Walter had just called me adorable.
“Hold up,” he said, stepping forward and reaching toward me. I reared back, but Cole kept coming, his hand reaching toward my hair. When he pulled away, there was a piece of hay between his fingers. “Got it,” he whispered.
We were so close now that I could see the tiny scar on his forehead, a small L-shaped nick just above his left eyebrow. As he stared down at me, his eyes glossy with an intense, unreadable expression, it was nice to focus on that one imperfection. Knowing that he wasn’t completely flawless made holding his gaze a little easier.
Except for the soft rustle of the horses, it was silent. It felt like one of those romantic movie moments when a guy and a girl are standing close together, just taking each other in. The room goes silent in an electrifying way, and then he starts to lean in, hesitating for a sec
ond to build the suspense. Then, in one quick moment, he closes the gap between their lips and sweeps the girl off her feet. Standing next to Cole was just like that, except for the kissing part.
“Oww!” I yelped, as an abrupt pain stung my foot. “What the hell?”
Cole looked disoriented from our near kiss, blinking at me in confusion as I hopped away from him, but when a dog with floppy ears emerged from the hay, Cole started laughing again.
“That’s Bruno—mighty hunter of mismatched socks and smelly tennis shoes.”
“He bit me,” I said, looking down at the dog. In reality, it was more of a nibble, something that didn’t hurt, but the sudden nip had been so unexpected that my heart was thumping away.
“You’re joking, right?” Cole said, squatting down to scratch the mutt behind his ear. “Bruno wouldn’t hurt a fly. Probably just thought your foot was an old shoe.”
On further inspection, Bruno did look quite harmless. He was a brown dog, yet the fur on his muzzle was white with old age. He was probably a grandpa in doggy years.
“He’d be sorta cute if I wasn’t allergic,” I said, backing away as Bruno looked up at me, tongue hanging out of his mouth.
Standing up, Cole took my hand and led me over to a section of stalls that I hadn’t noticed before because they were tucked away in the farthest corner of the stables. They were much bigger, and so were the animals within. “Are you allergic to horses?” he asked, stopping in front of a stall with a stunning gray horse. Under the light of the stables, its hair almost looked blue.
“Not that I know of,” I replied and took a step back as Cole unhooked the latch. “What’s his name?”
“You mean her name,” he corrected, stepping inside. “Athena is a girl.” At the sound of her name, Athena shook out her mane before nuzzling Cole’s forehead.
“She’s so…huge.” Now I was inching away as stealthily as I could. Growing up in the city, I didn’t have much experience with animals, but I didn’t want to admit that I was frightened of Athena.
Cole didn’t notice. “You wanna go for a ride?” he asked, his voice jumping up. He didn’t wait for a response; he was already pulling a saddle off the wall.
“No way!” I was backed up against the opposite wall, as far away as I could get. Nothing could get me on that thing—not even a super-cute boy.
“Jackie,” he said as he arranged the saddle on Athena’s back. “Remember what I said about living a little?”
“Yeah,” I shot back. “Remember what I said about hating you?”
It took a bit of coaxing, but Cole succeeded in getting me on his horse. I was so set in my refusal that Cole attempted to trade five of his morning bathroom minutes to me, but I told him there was nothing that could entice me onto Athena. I, of course, was wrong. There was something worth the uncomfortable feeling of sweaty palms and a jittering heart. After promising that he would get Jack and Jordan to stop following me around with their video camera, I let Cole boost me into the saddle.
For the first ten minutes, I kept my eyes shut tight. My every nerve was prickling, and all I could focus on was the horse moving below me. But then I started to notice other things, like the feeling of Cole’s body pressed against mine and the warm spring sun on my face.
Cole took things slowly. He walked Athena through the fields, and the wind rippled the grass around us. I was finally settling in, enjoying Cole’s arms around me as he gripped the reins, when the meadow met up with the forest, the long, waving grass transforming into strong trees. Giving the reins a quick tug, Cole slid out of the saddle. After tying Athena to the nearest tree, he helped me down and we started into the forest, following a well-trodden path.
“You’re going to like this,” he said. Glancing back over his shoulder at me, his face lit up with excitement.
And he was right.
It only took five minutes to reach the clearing, but I knew when we were there. The world around me belonged in a fairy tale. Above us, a forest river ended in a tiny waterfall, the pool at the bottom forming a crystal-clear swimming hole. The sun shone down on the water, making it glimmer like glass, and the greenery around the edge was covered in water droplets sparkling like little emeralds.
The Walters had created a beach entrance with pure white sand, and the water lapped at the shoreline like we were at the ocean. There were two blue beach chairs pushed into the sand, positioned just so, and behind them, a picnic table in the shade. A tree near the water’s edge had wooden planks nailed into it so people could climb to the thick branch that hung over the water. Cole smiled, took off his shirt, and shuffled up the tree like a little boy.
“Now what are you doing?” I asked him, even though I knew.
Cole let out a holler, which was followed by a splash as he cannonballed into the water. “How’d I do?” he asked when he resurfaced.
I shrugged. “Eh, I’d give it a four and a half.”
“Out of five?”
“Ten,” I replied, watching him tread the water.
“Fine, Simon Cowell,” he said, sloshing back up onto the beach. “Let’s see you do better.”
Kicking off my sandals, I dipped my feet in the water to test the temperature, only to hop back instantly. “Are you crazy?” I asked, surprised there wasn’t a thin sheet of ice over the pool.
An alarming grin crept onto Cole’s face. “Maybe a little,” he admitted, before darting forward and locking his arms around my waist.
“Cole! Cole, no!” I shouted, kicking my legs wildly, but he scooped me up in one swift motion and tossed me into the water.
It took less than three seconds for the whole thing to happen, but my body reacted instantly, all of my muscles tensing up in preparation as I soared through the air. At first, when I hit the surface, I felt nothing. An instant later, as my body plunged into the icy pond, the pins-and-needles feeling rushed up my limbs like a chain reaction. I was so caught off guard by the whole thing that I managed to suck down a mouthful of water. I came up coughing, my lungs feeling as if they were frozen solid.
“Your entry was shaky,” I heard Cole saying. “I’ll give you a two, and that’s me being generous.”
“I h–hate you!” My teeth were chattering so badly that I nearly bit my tongue.
“Yes,” he agreed, nodding his head. “I think you’ve already pointed that out today.”
If I wasn’t shivering in big, violent jerks, I wouldn’t have let his cheekiness go unchecked, but I could literarily only concentrate on one thing: “This water is freezing!”
“Yeah,” said Cole as he floated on his back, his hands sculling back and forth to stay afloat, as if he were in the Caribbean. “But it’s great during the summer when it’s piping hot.”
“Really?” I said, not believing him. “I feel like I’m going to get hypothermia.”
“Stop being a baby,” Cole said before diving under the water like a penguin. The Walters must have polar bear DNA, I thought as I took a few strokes toward land. I was positive that I was turning blue.
A hand wrapped around my ankle, and I was yanked under the water. I let myself sink for a second before returning to the surface, choking up more water.
“You okay, New York?” Cole asked, laughing. “Or are you going to need some mouth-to-mouth?”
“That was not funny, Colorado.”
Cole raised an eyebrow. “Wow, where did that sass come from?” he asked.
“Maybe from the fact that you tried to drown me,” I said.
“I did not!” he defended himself.
Instead of responding, I sent a wave of freezing water in his direction.
Cole stared at me in shock as droplets trickled down his face. When he recovered, he wiped them from his face. “Oh, this means war!” he said, splashing me back.
We played in the water, splashing each other and laughing, for a long time.
/> “So besides the fact that my cousin is a total asswipe,” Cole finally asked when we stopped to catch our breath, “what do you think of Colorado?”
We were floating on our backs, looking up at the sky, and by now my body was numb to the cold.
A long sigh escape my lips. “It’s fine,” I said.
“But?” Cole asked.
“But what?” I said back.
“Normally when people sigh like that, there’s a ‘but,’” he said.
“I guess…” I trailed off. I didn’t know exactly how to phrase what I was thinking. Cole remained silent, giving me a moment to think. Finally I looked over at him and said, “Everything’s so different, you know?”
“I’ve never been to New York, but I can imagine.”
“Yeah, I miss it a lot.”
Cole didn’t say anything to that, choosing instead to gaze at me. The water was still for a moment, and I felt like everything around us was holding its breath, but then Cole let himself slip under the surface, his head disappearing with a splash.
“We should probably head out,” he said when he came back up for air. “My mom is going to be pissed that we skipped dinner, and besides, I don’t want you to miss the sunset.”
“Sunset?” I asked, but started swimming toward the beach.
“Yeah,” Cole said, shaking his hair out. “It’s one of my favorite things about living here. After a long day of work, watching the sun set over the meadows is just about the most peaceful thing I have ever seen.”
The walk back to the fields where we had left Athena was even colder than the water, but by the time we were back, I had started to dry.
“Remind me to bring towels next time,” Cole said, helping me up into the saddle again.
“Next time?” I asked, a little surprised.
“Yeah, loser,” he said, swinging up next to me. “This is the spot. Everyone comes here to hang in the summer.”
“Oh, right,” I said quietly. Some small part of me couldn’t help but feel disappointed. I’d thought he meant just the two of us. Then it suddenly registered in my brain what I was thinking, and the warm feeling of shame rushed into my cheeks. A shiver passed up my spine, and I was suddenly aware of how close Cole was behind me. His hard chest was pressed against my back as his arms caged me in. I sat up straighter, trying to put some space between us.