“You can eat if you want,” I said. When that elicited nothing, I changed my wording. “Eat your chicken, Renee.”
She obediently picked up a chicken strip and began working her way through the tray while I looked on with a growing sense of dread. Dread—and anger. Did the Alchemists really think this was a better alternative than someone questioning authority? Even if the most severe of the effects wore off over time, it was still sickening that they could do this to another human being. When I’d discovered I was protected from re-inking, I’d thought I was home free in that regard. And it was true: I was. But everyone around me, whether they were friend or foe, was at risk if the Alchemists went overboard with their re-inking. It didn’t matter if this extreme of an effect was a rarity. Even if it only happened one time, that was one time too many.
“Drink your milk,” I ordered when I realized she’d finished the chicken and was just staring at her plate again. She was halfway through the carton when the chimes rang. “Time to go, Renee. That sound means we have to go somewhere else.”
She stood as I did, and I looked up to see two of Sheridan’s henchmen approaching. “You need to come with us,” one of them told me.
I started to comply and then saw Renee’s helpless expression. Ignoring my escort’s urging, I turned to her and said, “Follow along and do what the others do. See how they’re putting their trays away now? Do that, and then go with them to the next class.” One of the guards tugged my arm to move, and I resisted until I saw Renee nod and join the others with her tray. Only then did I let the duo lead me out, and they didn’t look pleased at all by my small act of defiance.
They led me to the elevator and then down one level, to the floor where purging took place. I wondered if not finishing my own lunch would make that experience more or less unpleasant. To my surprise, though, we walked past the usual door and kept going to the end of the hall, where I’d never been. We passed closets labeled respectively as kitchen and office supplies and then continued on to doors that were ominously unmarked. It was into one of these that they took me.
This new room looked like the usual purging ones, save that the chair had strange arms on it. They were larger than the ones I was used to but still had restraints on them, which was all that mattered. Maybe this was the new upgraded model from wherever they got their torture devices from. Sheridan was waiting in the room for us, holding a small remote control. The guards strapped me into the chair and then, at a nod from her, left us alone.
“Well, hello, Sydney,” she said. “I must say, I’m disappointed to see you in trouble.”
“Are you, ma’am? I’ve been in purging a few times this week,” I replied, thinking of how the others had been incriminating me recently.
Sheridan made a dismissive gesture with her hand. “That? Come on, we both know it’s just the others playing their games. You’ve actually been doing remarkably well—until now.”
A spark of my earlier anger returned. Sheridan and the other authorities were well aware of when someone legitimately stepped out of line compared to when that person was simply being ganged up on. And she didn’t care.
I swallowed my rage and put on a polite face. “What exactly did I do, ma’am?”
“Do you understand what happened to Renee today, Sydney?”
“I heard she was re-inked,” I said carefully.
“The others told you that.”
“Yes.”
“And did they also tell you not to help her when she returned?”
I hesitated. “Not explicitly. But they made it clear in their actions they weren’t going to.”
“And don’t you think you should have followed their lead?” she pushed.
“Begging your pardon, ma’am,” I said, “but I thought my duty was to follow your instructions, not those of my fellow residents. Since neither you nor any other instructor told me not to help Renee, I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. In fact, I thought acting compassionately toward another human was something right. I apologize if I misunderstood.”
She scrutinized me for a long time, and I met her gaze unblinkingly. “You say all the right things, but I wonder if you mean them. Well, then. Let’s get started.”
With a push of the button, the screen came on, showing a typical picture of happy Moroi.
“What do you see, Sydney?”
I frowned, realizing she’d forgotten to inject me with the nausea-inducing drug. I certainly wasn’t going to call her attention to it, though. “Moroi, ma’am.”
“Wrong. You see creatures of evil.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I said nothing.
“You see creatures of evil,” she repeated.
This new turn of events left me uncertain how to proceed. “I don’t know. Maybe they are. I’d have to know more about these particular Moroi.”
“You don’t need to know anything except what I’ve told you. They are creatures of evil.”
“If you say so, ma’am,” I said cautiously.
Her face remained tranquil. “I need you to say so. Repeat after me: ‘I see creatures of evil.’”
I stared at the Moroi in the picture. It showed two girls, close to my age, who looked like they might be sisters. They were smiling and holding ice cream cones. Nothing about them looked evil at all, unless they were about to force that ice cream on some diabetic children. As I mulled this over, the armrest on my right suddenly clicked. The top of it slid back, revealing a hollowed out compartment below that was filled with some sort of clear liquid.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“Do you see creatures of evil?” Sheridan said by way of answer.
I must have taken too long to answer, and Sheridan pushed a button on the remote control. The restraints that held my arm in place suddenly began to move, lowering my arm down. It stopped just as the bottom of my arm grazed that liquid and then began raising my arm back up.
Grazing was all that was required, however. I cried out in pain and surprise as a burning sensation spread over where my skin had touched the liquid’s surface. Whatever chemical was in it made it feel as though I’d just touched a pot of boiling water, searing my exposed flesh. Once my arm was away from the liquid, the pain began to slowly ebb away.
“Now then,” said Sheridan, far too sweetly after what she’d just done. “Say ‘I see creatures of evil.’”
She didn’t even give me a chance to respond before repeating the same procedure, letting my arm stay down a bit longer than before. Despite that, I was more prepared and managed to bite my lip to stop from crying out. The pain was there all the same, and I exhaled in relief when after a few moments, she raised my arm up and allowed me a small recovery.
It was short-lived, and she soon said, “Now say—”
I didn’t give her a chance to finish. “I see creatures of evil,” I responded quickly.
Triumph lit her features. “Excellent. Now let’s try a different one.” A new image came, this one showing a group of Moroi schoolchildren. “What do you see?”
I was a fast learner. “I see creatures of evil,” I said promptly. It was ridiculous, of course. There was nothing evil about these Moroi or the subsequent pictures she then began showing me. I’d vowed to myself in solitary that I’d play whatever games it took to get me out of here, and if she needed me to parrot back this lie in order to make up for helping Renee, I’d gladly do it.
A Moroi couple, more children, an old man … on it went. Sheridan flipped through face after face, and I responded accordingly. “I see creatures of evil. I see creatures of evil. I see—”
My words fell short as I stared up at two more Moroi—two Moroi I knew.
Adrian and Jill.
I had no idea where she’d gotten the picture, and I didn’t care. My heart leapt as I looked into their smiling faces, faces I loved and had missed so terribly. I’d imagined their faces countless times, but there was no substituting the actual image. I took in every detail: the way the light
played off Adrian’s hair, the way Jill’s lips curved in a shy smile. I had to swallow back a wave of emotion welling up within me. Maybe Sheridan had meant to punish me by showing them, but it actually came off as more of a reward—until she spoke again.
“What do you see, Sydney?”
I opened my mouth, ready to recite that inane line, but I couldn’t do it. Looking into those beloved faces, their eyes sparkling with happiness … I couldn’t do it. Even telling myself it was lie, I couldn’t bring myself to condemn Adrian and Jill.
Sheridan wasted no time in acting. The chair’s device lowered my arm into the liquid, farther than it had before, so that my arm was immersed about halfway. The shock of it caught me off guard, and it was made worse by her leaving my arm there even longer than before. Whatever acid was in that concoction burned my skin, setting every nerve on fire. I yelped at the pain, and even after she raised my arm, I still found myself whimpering as the effects lingered.
“What do you see, Sydney?”
I blinked back tears of pain and focused on Adrian and Jill. Just say it, I told myself. You need to get out of here. You need to get back to them. At the same time, I suddenly wondered, Is this how it starts? How I become like Keith? Would I start off by telling myself that what I said was okay, so long as I knew it was a lie being used to avoid pain? Would that lie eventually become truth?
At my silence, Sheridan lowered my arm again, dipping it even more than before. “Say it,” she said, her voice devoid of any human emotion. “Tell me what you see.”
A low moan of pain escaped my lips, but that was it. Internally, I tried to give myself a pep talk: I won’t say it. I won’t betray Adrian and Jill, even with empty words. I thought if I could just withstand the pain a little longer, she’d give me a reprieve like before, but instead, she lowered my arm even farther so that it was completely immersed in the liquid. I screamed as I felt it sear my skin. Glancing down, I expected to see my flesh peeling away, but my arm and hand only looked pink. Whatever this compound was, it was designed to feel like it was causing more damage than it was.
“Tell me what you see, Sydney. Tell me what you see, and I’ll end it.”
I tried to fight against the pain, but it was impossible when I felt like I was being burned alive.
“Tell me what you see, Sydney.”
The pain built and built the longer my arm stayed submerged, and finally, feeling like a traitor as I met the eyes of those I loved, I blurted out, “I see creatures of evil.”
“I didn’t hear that,” she replied calmly. “Say it more loudly.”
“I see creatures of evil!” I yelled.
She touched the remote, and my arm was lifted and released from its liquid torture. I started to breathe a sigh of relief, and then suddenly, without a word of warning, she dunked my arm again. I screamed at the pain, which lasted about ten more seconds until she brought my arm up again.
“What are you doing?” I exclaimed. “I thought you said—”
“That’s the problem,” she interrupted. Through some silent command, her henchmen returned and began unfastening my restraints. “You thought. Just like you thought it was okay to help Renee. The only thing you need to be doing is what you’re told. Do you understand?”
I glanced down at my arm, which was a dark, angry pink but in no way showed the true extent of what I’d just undergone. I then looked back up at Adrian and Jill, feeling guilty for my weakness. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Excellent,” Sheridan said, setting the remote down. “Then let’s get off to your next class, shall we?”
CHAPTER 10
Adrian
“ADRIAN?”
I opened my eyes and squinted into the face of a girl I didn’t know. She was fully dressed, and I was fully dressed, so that at least was a promising sign. Seeing the confused expression on my face, she gave me a wry smile.
“I’m Ada. You crashed here last night. But you’ve got to go now before my parents get home.”
I managed to sit up and saw I’d been lying on a hardwood floor, which explained the ache in my back and head. Glancing around, I saw a few other partygoers in similar shape, rustling themselves up and heading for the door. Satisfied I was on my way, Ada rose from her kneeling position and went to kick out the next unwelcome overnight guest.
“Thanks for letting me stay,” I called after her. “Great party.”
At least, I assumed it had been, if I’d crashed on the floor. An empty bottle of vermouth lay near where I’d slept, but I didn’t know if it was mine or not. I hoped not. Getting drunk on vermouth was just sad. The last two weeks had been a blur of decadence and debauchery, but this was the first time I’d actually stayed over somewhere. Usually, Nina managed to see that I got back to my place. For a moment, I felt hurt that she hadn’t been here to look after me again. Then, I vaguely remembered that it was Monday now, and she hadn’t wanted to stay out late before her workweek started.
It looked to be about six in the morning when I stepped outside, and the rising sun was merciless on my hangover. Few people were out yet. On vampiric time, this was pretty late at night. People would be going to bed in the next few hours. Even the guardians had light patrols this time of the day, and I only passed a couple as I trudged back to guest housing. One did a double take when he saw me.
“Adrian?”
I thought maybe my reputation had preceded me, and then I saw it was Dimitri. “Oh, hey,” I said. “Good morning. Or something.”
“Looks like you’ve had better,” he observed. “I’m just finishing my shift. You want to go get some breakfast?”
I considered, unsure of my last solid meal. “My stomach’s pretty empty. I don’t know how it’ll react to that.”
“The fact that you’re unsure probably means you need food that much more,” he said, which sounded like the weirdest logic I’d ever heard. “At least in my experience.”
I wondered how much “experience” he had in these matters. I really didn’t know what he did in his free time. Maybe there was more Russian vodka being consumed than I knew about. I always just figured when he wasn’t working, he and Rose were off grappling on training mats, or whatever passed between those two as foreplay.
“You sure you don’t want to go home and cuddle up with Rose?” I asked. “Wait … is she even back? Weren’t they at Lehigh?”
“They’ve been back for a week,” said Dimitri patiently. “Come on, my treat.”
I followed along because really, it was hard to say no to Dimitri Belikov about anything. Plus, I was still processing the news that I’d lost enough time for Rose and Lissa to be back that long. “I can pay. Or, well,” I added bitterly, “my dad can, since that’s the only way my mother and I can apparently survive.”
Dimitri’s expression stayed neutral as we walked into a building that held a number of restaurants, most of which weren’t open yet. “Is that why you’ve been living in such a pit of despair since you got back here?”
“I like to think of it as a lifestyle choice,” I told him. “And how do you know what I’ve been doing?”
“Word gets around,” he said mysteriously.
The restaurant he took us to was chock-full of guardians who must’ve just gotten off their shifts. It was also probably the safest place at Court, judging from their numbers.
“What I do is my own business,” I said hotly.
“Of course it is,” he agreed. “This just hasn’t been your kind of business for a while. I’m surprised to see it come back.”
The restaurant served buffet breakfast, and though my mother would’ve fainted at the thought of serving herself, I obligingly took a plate and followed Dimitri into the line. Once we had our trays, we settled into a small table in the corner. He didn’t touch his food and instead leaned toward me with a look that meant all business.
“You’re better than this, Adrian,” he said. “Whatever the reason, you’re better than it. Don’t trick yourself into thinking you’re weaker than you a
re.”
It was so like what Sydney had told me in the past that it momentarily took me aback. Then, my anger returned. “Is that why you invited me here? To lecture? Don’t even act like you know anything about me! We aren’t that good of friends.”
That comment seemed to surprise him. “That’s too bad. I’d hoped we were. I’d hoped I knew the real you.”
“You don’t,” I said, shoving my tray aside. “No one does.” Only Sydney, I thought. And she’d be ashamed of me.
“There are a lot of people who care about you.” Dimitri was still the picture of calm. “Don’t turn away from them.”
“Like they’ve turned away from me?” I demanded, thinking of Lissa’s refusal to help. “I tried asking for help, and I was refused! No one can help me.” I stood up abruptly. “I’m not hungry anymore. Thanks for the ‘pep talk.’”
I left my untouched tray and stormed out on him. He didn’t follow, for which I was glad, since he probably could have literally dragged me back with no effort. I left from anger—and also from humiliation. His words hurt, not just because they leveled judgment at me—judgment I’d already been giving myself—but because they again reminded me of Sydney. Sydney, who’d always said I was so much more. Well, I’d done a damned good job of proving her wrong. I’d failed her. Dimitri’s words had driven that home, even if he didn’t realize it.
I went back to my room and downed a couple shots of vodka before crashing into my bed and falling almost instantly asleep. I dreamed of Sydney, not in the spirit magic way I’d hoped, but in the normal way. I dreamed of her laughter and the exasperated—yet amused—way she’d say, “Oh, Adrian,” when I did something ridiculous. I dreamed of sunlight turning her hair to molten gold and bringing out the glints of amber in her eyes. Sweetest of all, I dreamed of her arms around me, her lips pressed to mine and the way they could fill my body with desire and my heart with more love than I’d ever thought it capable of holding.