I wince internally because damn if that isn't a pointed jab at me, although I know Flynn probably didn't mean it that way.
"I'm going out to dinner with mom and Peter tonight."
"That's good. I'm happy for you that things are working. And Peter, nice guy, right?"
"Yeah, it's weird. I like have a stepfather now. And can you believe they have a Berner? I mean, what are the chances of that?"
Laughing, Flynn says, "I know. I about died when I saw their dog. Crazy."
We both chuckle a little and then lapse into an awkward silence. This is killing me... this friendly banter. Which is completely ironic, since this is how we would normally interact when we were just friends.
But now it seems so empty and cold. It doesn't fulfill me in the way I thought it would. It makes me realize that what I could have had with Flynn would have been so much better.
Flynn just stares at me, waiting for me to say something.
"Are you going to come back home at the end of this shift?" I blurt out with an underlying tone of begging, which... okay... I'm swallowing my pride here.
Flynn glances away with guilt in his eyes, and then looks back to me. His eyes are sad. "I think I'm going to stay at Tim's for a little while longer. You know... give you some space. Figure things out."
"Oh," I say, my voice low and dejected. "Okay."
I wait and he doesn't say anything more. My heart is heavy but I put a smile on my face. "Well, I guess I'll let you get back to work. I just wanted to drop by and thank you for what you did with my parents. You're a good man, Flynn."
His smile is warm but it doesn't reach all the way to me. It's polite, with some satisfaction that he completed a job well done. "Sure thing. I'll catch you around."
He turns away from me and the minute he can't see my face, it falls, the smile disappearing into a world of hurt that's going on in my heart right now. I turn around, walking dejectedly from the station.
The man I love is slipping away, sliding through my grasp, and I tried my damnedest not to let it happen.
Except... I didn't lay everything out on the table.
Spinning around, I see Flynn just about to walk through a door in the back.
"Flynn!" I yell out to him.
He turns but doesn't make a move toward me. The door he was about to go through opens, and a few fireman come through, walking over to the truck we had been standing near. I watch for a moment as they open up a few compartments to place items inside.
He looks at me with question. He doesn't come any closer and he's not going to make this easy on me.
I take a deep breath and decide to jump in with both feet. "Do you still love me?"
The two firefighters standing there look up at me in surprise. They then glance over to Flynn and I follow their gaze. He starts walking toward me, and I'm mesmerized by a lazy smile that slides into place.
"You know I do," he says, having to talk loud so I can hear him.
The two firefighters now turn completely away from the truck, and lean back against it, absolutely content to forgo their duties and watch this drama play out.
Swallowing hard, and letting my nervousness go, I start walking to meet him halfway. When I stop just before him, he looks down at me with his beautiful eyes, and I say, "Good. Because it seems I may have been remiss in telling you the same thing."
Flynn's eyes flash hot and I see joy filter in. His dimple pops out before the smile even fully takes over his face.
"You love me?" he asks in wonder.
"I do. You're my hero, Flynn Caldwell. Not because you pulled me out of a fire, but because you pushed me into love. It's for that reason I love you."
His hand reaches out and tucks a stray lock behind my ear. He then cups the back of my head, just staring at me. "And when did you come to this realization?"
"Oh, only about two hours after you walked out of my life. The pain was unbearable. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I let you down."
"You never let me down, Rowan. You just took a while to learn not to fear love."
"I don't fear it now," I tell him boldly.
He gazes at me... a long, deep look of devotion. "I love you, Rowan. Always."
"Kiss her," one of the firefighters yells out to us.
We both look over at him and start laughing. When we turn back to each other, the humor dies out and something hot replaces it. Flynn pulls me to him, framing my face with both hands. I love how he holds me this way and I close my eyes as his lips touch mine.
It's soft at first, a gentle touch to remind me of all the care in the world he has for me. But then he deepens it and my arms wrap around his neck, melding my body to his. I can hear his co-workers yelling catcalls, but then it all dissolves into silence so I only hear the beating of our hearts.
We kiss and kiss and kiss, not wanting to let each other go.
Even when the speakers jolt to life, emitting several loud tones and then a buzzer, we continue to kiss. We ignore the pager that goes off on his hip, and he kisses me deeper.
I'm vaguely aware of the back door opening and more firefighters running through. I can hear them talking, putting on their turnout gear, but I ignore it all. I only think about kissing the man I love with my entire being.
"Goddamn it, Caldwell. Get your ass in gear!"
I jump back from Flynn and look over to see an angry man with snowy white hair glaring at him.
"Sure thing, Chief," he says with a cocky grin but never taking his eyes off me.
Leaning down, Flynn gives me one more quick kiss and then starts trotting backward from me toward his turnout gear.
"Just wait 'til I get off shift. I'm going to rock your world, baby."
I blow a kiss to him. "You bet your sweet ass, you are."
Turning away, I practically skip out of the fire station and start walking toward our apartment. Not thirty seconds later, two fire trucks go whizzing by me, sirens blaring. The engine honks its horn as it goes by me and I give a friendly wave toward my man as he heads off to work.
Four Years Later
"I'm as big as fucking house," I complain.
"No, you're not," Flynn assures me.
"Well... I'm as big as Capone," I say, looking at the furry monster as he walks beside me.
"Not even."
"I look like a whale," I insist.
"You're way more beautiful than a whale," he tells me but I roll my eyes at him. "And you smell way better, too."
"Thanks!" I say, nudging him in his side and he shoots me a grin.
We stroll across the green grass toward the group of people sitting in the distance. We decided to meet in Central Park and have an impromptu picnic get together.
"Hurry up, preggers," Flynn urges. "I'm starving."
"I'm hurrying as fast as a fat woman can waddle."
Flynn turns to me and scoops me up in his arms. "You are not fat. You are decidedly pregnant with my child, and frankly... I like you like this. I think I might keep you pregnant from here on out."
"No fucking way," I assure him. "This is the only time I'm going through this."
I'm seven months pregnant and I can't believe I'm not ready to give birth yet. I feel like I'm ready to pop. My back hurts, my feet are swollen, and about the only good thing that has come out of this pregnancy is that Flynn seems to be hornier than normal so I get lots of sex.
He tells me that the fact I'm carrying his child in my belly makes him want to fuck me all the time. Which... now that thought makes me horny, and I have hormones coursing through me that tend to get out of control.
"Let's go home and make love instead," I say as he carries me across the grass.
Flynn's eyes turn hot and he actually looks back over his shoulder to gauge the amount of time it would take to get back to the car. Then he shakes his head. "Nope. Sorry... we have people waiting for us. We'll just need to make up for it later."
"But, baby," I whine. "I'm horny now."
"You're always horny," he commisera
tes.
"Well... so are you," I grumble but truth be told, I'm excited about this little outing.
It's summertime, the air is warm, and my clan is reuniting.
Yes, my clan.
Because when I married Flynn Caldwell three years ago, I gained a new family, and it's growing by leaps and bounds.
As we reach the group, Flynn sets me on my feet and I hurry--waddle--over to Danny, who struggles to her feet. She's seven months pregnant too and we bump our bellies together in a show of camaraderie. We told our husbands we want to share a room when we go into labor but I don't think they're buying it.
Hugging me, she says, "You look gorgeous."
"I look like a whale," I whine again, so someone will validate me.
"No, you don't," Flynn mutters on autopilot, because he's heard me bitch about my weight about twenty times a day. "Anyone up for throwing around the football? Please... anyone... to get me away from this crazy, hormonal woman."
The guys all laugh and stand up in unison. Most of them have been there and they feel sorry for Flynn.
I watch as the gorgeous group of men head off to play boy games. Ryan, Nix, Linc, Cillian, and Flynn. Now dayum... that is some prime meat right there.
Oh, God. I'm so hormonally horny!
Amelia runs after the men, shouting, "Daddy... I want to play, too."
Ryan turns around and scoops her up, tossing her into the air. She is the spitting image of Danny and screams in delight once she's caught. He walks back and hands her to Danny. Kissing her on the head, he says, "Later, pumpkin. Right now the daddies are playing."
She pouts but then she sees Capone standing there and scrabbles out of Danny's arms to throw her arms around him. He flops on the ground and rolls on his back, groaning in delight when she starts scratching his belly.
"Can we get a dog, Mommy?"
"Ask your dad," Danny answers.
"Dad," Amelia yells, and Ryan turns around. "Can we get a dog?"
"Ask your mom," he yells back.
I burst out laughing when Amelia rolls her eyes at her parents and goes back to loving on Capone.
"Come sit down, you two," Renner calls out. She's sitting on a blanket nursing Ben, who just turned six months old. She has a blanket strategically placed over her breast and looks peaceful and serene. She and Cillian are staying with her parents for a few months this summer while his band is on break.
I walk--waddle--over to the blanket and ease myself down beside Emily, who's lying on her back with her hands tucked under her head. I find a comfortable position because I know I won't be getting back up until Flynn gives me a hand.
"How's the lima bean doing?" I ask her as I pat her tummy. Emily and Nix are almost seven weeks pregnant and they wasted no time in telling everyone. She made the calls while holding the stick she peed on she was so excited. Flynn and I waited until the three-month mark before we divulged our secret.
It was nice... sharing the most wonderful secret in the world with the man I love.
"He's doing great... or at least, the doctor says so when she showed us the ultrasound. He looks like a bean to me."
"Still convinced it's a boy?" I ask.
"Yup. Absolutely convinced but I think that's just because Nix wants a little boy so badly, he's about ready to pee his pants."
Laughing, I reach into the picnic basket and start rooting around for sustenance.
"Hey," Ever says. "We're not ready to eat yet."
I glare at her and growl, "Don't mess with the pregnant woman."
Ever laughs but I see the look of longing when she glances at my stomach. She and Linc have been trying to have a baby for the past two years, but aren't having any success. They've been trying IVF and she got pregnant on the first try, but lost the baby at six weeks. My heart broke for her then and sometimes, I feel guilty that it happened so easy for Flynn and me. I got pregnant within two months of going off the pill.
"How are things going with you?" I ask pointedly.
Ever puts on a brave smile and says, "It's going. We're going to try one more cycle and if it doesn't work, we're going to adopt."
Reaching over, I grab her hand and Danny lays a hand on her shoulder. "It will happen, Ever. Whether you get pregnant, or you adopt... it will happen."
Ever smiles and the light reaches her eyes. "I know it will. I'm just so anxious to be able to sit around with you girls and tell baby stories. I can talk hockey stats 'til I'm blue in the face, but I want to dish about baby poop."
Renner wrinkles her nose. "I'm so over baby poop. I'm ready for this kid to get potty-trained."
Danny laughs. "You have a ways to go, Ren. I hate to tell you that the poop is going to be around for a while."
"Well, I'm not looking forward to getting fat like Danny and Rowan," Emily pipes in. "You look miserable."
"Hey," I say in mock outrage. "I'm not fat... I'm pleasantly plump."
As if to prove my point, I find a piece of fried chicken in the basket and pull it out. Before I can even get the basket closed, Danny grabs it out of my hand. I look at her in surprise.
"Hey, like you said... don't mess with the pregnant woman," she says, and then takes a huge bite.
Shrugging my shoulders, I reach back in and grab another piece. Taking a bite myself, I moan in ecstasy. "Damn, this is good. Almost better than pregnant sex."
The girls all look at me with their mouths hanging open.
"What?" I ask with my mouth full. "Didn't you guys have sex like all the time when you were pregnant?"
"Nope," Danny says.
"No way," Renner chimes in.
"Hell yeah," Emily says.
I give Emily a dismissive glance and then look back at Renner and Danny. "Really? I thought it was a pregnant thing. Flynn and I are screwing like bunnies."
Danny chokes on her chicken and I give her a slap on her back. Gasping for air, she says, "Not Ryan, he's afraid he'll give the baby a concussion."
Ever starts laughing and bends over, holding her stomach. "You're kidding, right? He can't really believe that."
Danny chuckles. "I know. The doctors told him it's safe, but when we have sex, he goes at it with the speed of a turtle. He likes to be super gentle, and while I like it tender, there's something to be said about a good hard..." Danny stops and glances at Amelia, who thankfully isn't paying attention while she loves on Capone. She lowers to a whisper, "Well... you know."
"Well, when I was seven months pregnant, the only thing I wanted from Cillian was for him to keep me supplied in ice cream and to massage my feet. He was a good sport though."
Ever, who is still snickering, says, "I'm not so sure I want to be pregnant anymore. If I had to give up sex with Linc, I'd die."
"Well, if you're anything like Flynn and me, you won't have to," I assure her.
"So, is your mom going to come in for the birth?" Ever asks.
"Yeah, she and Peter are going to come and spend a few weeks here. Thank God we moved into the larger apartment so we have room for the nursery and to put them up as well. It will be nice to have the help."
I am so looking forward to my mom coming in. Over the years, our relationship has healed and then grown very strong. Next to Flynn, she's become my best friend and we talk several times a week. At first, I know she was trying to make up for lost time, but I assured her we had all the time in the world to get to know each other again. My heart has never felt lighter because of it.
My dad... not much to tell there. He died about six months ago. My mom called to tell me and I had a moment of sadness that he died all alone. But then I put it out of my mind. He was a virtual stranger to me and there was no bond there to miss.
I did, however, gain a new dad with Peter. He's awesome and I've grown to love him very much. He walked me down the aisle when I hitched myself to Flynn.
Looking out at the guys playing football, I think about what type of father Flynn will be. It's probably the thing I'm looking forward to the most... watching him hold our child.
We have no clue if it's a boy or a girl, both of us wanting to be surprised.
If it's a boy, we're going to name him Nathaniel Nixon and if it's a girl, she'll be Elizabeth Anne. I'm secretly hoping for a boy, but more than anything, I'm hoping for good pain medications.
Us girls lounge around and chit chat, dishing on babies and sex, but we find ourselves having to talk in code around Amelia. I eat another piece of chicken while Danny abstains and I wonder why I'm as big as a whale.
The men eventually tire themselves out, or get bored, since they're done playing in about fifteen minutes and head back to the group. Flynn sits behind me and pulls me back into his arms, so my back can take a rest. His arms come around my waist to rest on my belly. The baby gives a little kick in response and Flynn chuckles.
"I think it's a boy... that's a football kick if I ever felt one."
"Yeah, and I think it was to my bladder. I got to pee."
"Come on, hot mama. Let me help you up."
With Flynn's help, it's not so hard getting to my feet and he walks with me to the bathroom.
"You don't have to walk with me to the bathroom," I tell him.
He grabs my hand and squeezes. "I'm never leaving your side."
"You can't go in with me," I tell him sternly.
"I'll wait outside. I've got your back... and hopefully your ass tonight."
"You have the most awesome pillow talk, baby."
We're silent as we walk, swinging our hands back and forth. I look down at my belly, taking note that I can just see the tips of my shoes briefly flashing with each stride. It's just one of the things I find I will treasure about pregnancy.
"Flynn?"
"What's up?"
"I feel bad for Ever not being able to get pregnant. I mean... as much as I bitch about it, knowing that she might not be able to experience this is kind of tearing me up."
"I know. Linc's having a rough time, too."
I'm careful with my next words, because this potentially could cause a fight. "What do you think about me offering to carry their baby for them? If she can't get pregnant?"
Flynn snaps his head toward me and looks at me in surprise. "You're kidding, right?"
"I don't think so. I actually think it's something I really want to do. I mean, they could say no, but I think I'd like to offer it."
"I thought you said you were never going through this again."
"Pfft," I scoff. "We're definitely having at least two kids... maybe three. Because it is oh so fun trying to get pregnant."