I called Mac and let him know that I was alive. He said that he was staying in the same building as Penny’s room, and would stop by shortly. After we disconnected, I used mental communication to let Donavon know that I was awake. I told him that I would be back in the Hunters’ Village that night, and that I would come see him.
When Mac arrived, Penny excused herself and left us to talk. He asked me about my injuries, and for a detailed account of the night we invaded the house. He listened carefully without comment, but I could tell that he was taking mental notes. He told me that the medical lab had called him late last night, to confirm that there wasn’t any poison in my blood. They did, however, find poison on my suit, around the tear in the fabric. The lab believed that the poison on the blade had allowed it to tear the suit, because ordinarily a knife would not have been able to penetrate the material. They determined, luckily, that the suit had absorbed all the poison before the blade made contact with my skin.
I knew that I’d messed up my mission, and I wanted to assure Mac that I’d do better next time, but I didn’t know how to broach the subject. I decided to go the apology route.
“I’m sorry. I messed up,” I told Mac, after he finished his spiel.
He gave me a hard look. “These things happen. No Hunter, no matter how experienced, can plan for every possible outcome,” he assured me. I did a quick swipe of his mind. I knew that he hated it when I did that, but I needed to know how poor my performance had really been. He was disappointed; he’d staked a lot of his reputation on me being Hunter material. I felt bad that I’d let him down.
“You’ll do better next time. The important thing is that you’re alive,” he smiled. He honestly did believe that was what really mattered.
Before Mac left, he told me I needed to go by Medical before the end of the day. He also informed me that I was expected to be back at practice the day after tomorrow. I asked him to send my greetings to Gretchen, and thanked him for coming.
Penny accompanied me to Medical, and sat with me while Dr. Daid looked at my stitches. He informed me that the wounds were healing nicely, and the stitches should dissolve completely by tomorrow morning. He gave me a mild painkiller shot, and ordered me to come back the next morning.
After we left Medical, Penny escorted me back to my cabin.
You should totally stay with me again tonight. You’ll be so much more comfortable at my place,” she pleaded, once we’d arrived at my door.
“I absolutely cannot take your bed again,” I argued. “Besides, I’m feeling much better today. As nice as your bed is, I really want to sleep in my own,” I was actually feeling a lot better, and more than anything wanted to put this behind me, and get my priorities back on track. If I’d let Mac down, I could only imagine how Henri was feeling. My placement scores at school had assured that I would be assigned to the Hunters, but it was Henri who had spoken up and insisted he could make my Talent useful on Missions. No other team captains had been willing to take the risk.
“Well, if you change your mind, just come on back,” she smiled and hugged me.
“Thanks for everything, Penny. It means a lot to me,” I told her honestly.
“That’s what friends are for.”
I smiled, “yeah, friends”.
I walked into my darkened cabin, and immediately noticed that neither Erik nor Henri was there. Part of me was saddened – the childish part – that they were both gone and not sitting, waiting on pins and needles for my return. Part of me was also relieved. I didn’t want to see Erik. My feelings were becoming muddled where he was concerned. I tried telling myself that I had just been through an ordeal, and I was confusing the gratitude that I had for all that he had done for me with something more.
I assumed that normal teenagers had lived through more than one crush by the time they were my age. Penny had a new infatuation every other day it seemed, but I had yet to have a real crush, unless Donavon counted, and I kind of didn’t think he did. Looking back, I don’t really remember how our relationship went from childhood best friends to teenage boyfriend girlfriend.
One hot summer day we’d been sitting, dangling our feet in the lake. I sat as still as possible, because every movement, no matter how small, caused fresh drops of sweat to leave salty trails down my back. Donavon sat next to me, skipping rocks across the lake’s glass smooth surface. I used my mental abilities to make the huge leaves on the surrounding bushes fan us, creating a small breeze in the otherwise stagnant air.
I was lost in thought, when Donavon put his hand on my arm. I jumped in surprise. When I looked into his eyes I could tell that he was nervous. The physical contact mixed with the intensity of his emotions made it nearly impossible to not know what he was thinking and feeling. I could hear the internal debate in his head – he didn’t know whether to ask if he could kiss me or just lean in and go for it. Only seconds passed, but I grew so impatient waiting for him to make a decision that I leaned over and kissed him firmly on the lips. It was awkward at first, like I imagine all first kisses are, but it didn’t take long before we got the hang of it.
We never had a conversation about being a couple or anything, it just happened. Nobody seemed surprised. I hadn’t really thought about him like that before our kiss, but after it only seemed natural that it had happened. I never felt nervous or uncomfortable around Donavon. I also never felt the thrill of an adrenaline rush like the one I got when Erik touched me. I wasn’t sure if that was what a crush felt like, but I hated myself for feeling whatever it was. I hated having any feelings for Erik that weren’t platonic. It was a betrayal of my relationship with Donavon.
Gratitude, I told myself. Gratitude was the feeling I had for Erik, just gratitude for helping me through a difficult situation.
A vision of his turquoise eyes swimming with tears filled my mind. I shook my head as if to erase the mental picture, before my emotions became even more confused.
I went straight to my bed, and was planning on climbing under the covers when I noticed the light on my communicator was blinking. I hit the hologram button and Henri’s head materialized, telling me that he was staying in the city with a friend, and that Erik would also likely stay in the city. Thank goodness, I thought, kicking off my shoes and climbing into bed. I opened my mind and reached out to Donavon.
“Want to come sleep with me?” I asked. I sort of hoped he’d say no. I really wanted to be alone, but my conscience reasoned that if I asked, it would alleviate some of the guilt I was feeling about Erik
“I’ll be right there.”
Donavon knocked three times on my door, and then pushed it open. He walked over to my bed without turning the light on, and climbed in next to me.
“Are they going to be gone all night?”
“Yup. Henri left me a message.”
“Is he staying with Frederick?”
“How did you know about that?” I was surprised.
Donavon shrugged, “I’ve hung out with them in the city a couple of times. Frederick’s pretty cool. He used to be with Toxic. It’s pretty well-known that Henri stays with him before he leaves for a mission, and when he gets back.”
“He used to be with the Agency? Is he a Talented?”
“Technically he’s Talented, but very low-level. He wasn’t placed after graduation, and after working a remedial job here for a couple years, he got permission to leave and went to work in the city.”
Very interesting. I knew that some people weren’t placed in a major division after graduation, because their powers weren’t strong enough to be of use to the Agency. I didn’t that know people actually left Toxic. I figured that even a remedial job with Toxic was better than being off by yourself. The Agency provided everything for their Operatives: housing, clothing, food, everything.
“Do you hang out with Erik when you’re in the D.C.?” I asked, before I could stop myself.
“I have, but not often. He and Harris have been friends since school, so sometimes we all go out together. Why?”
&nbs
p; “Just curious,” Why did I want to know? Did it really matter? I tried to clear my mind; I was worried that thinking too much about Erik might cause me to project my thoughts about him onto Donavon.
“I’m leaving in a couple of days for a mission,” his mental voice was hesitant as he changed the subject.
“Why didn’t you tell me last night?”
“I didn’t want to bother you with it. It’s not a big deal, it should be simple. I should be back in a couple of days.”
“Well I’m glad that we get to spend tonight together then,” I kissed his cheek softly. Another wave of guilt washed over me when I thought about the reason I’d reached out and asked him to come over. I was lying on my good side, so I rolled on to my back and pulled Donavon’s head down, giving him a kiss on his lips this time. “You’ll be careful?”
“I’m always careful.” He leaned in, and kissed me again.
We talked well into the night. It felt so good to just spend time with Donavon – I felt like we were back at school, sneaking into each other’s rooms late at night. I was so tired, but I didn’t want to fall asleep, not yet. I wanted to spend every minute that I could with him, since we so rarely had the chance to do this anymore. The more time that I was with Donavon, the less confused I felt about Erik. By the time I finally closed my eyes, I was able to convince myself that any feelings I had for Erik were strictly limited to gratitude. At some point I think I fell asleep, mid-sentence.
I woke up when Donavon eased himself out of bed before sunrise.
“Where ya going?” I mumbled, reaching towards him.
“I have an early practice. We have a lot to go over before we leave for this Mission. I also don’t really want to be here when Erik gets back,” he whispered. He kissed my cheek. “I love you.”
“I know,” I replied, likely incoherently. Donavon sighed, and then I heard his quiet footsteps moving towards the door. I was already back to sleep when Donavon closed the door softly behind him.
I was fifteen when Donavon left for his Pledge year with the Hunters. The day before he was scheduled to leave school we spent the whole day up by the lake. Donavon packed a picnic of cheeses, breads, and jams that he’d borrowed from his mother’s kitchen. In between eating, swimming and making out, we laid on blankets, soaking up the sun. We were drying from our latest swim, watching the sunset, when Donavon rolled up onto this side and leaned over me.
“It’s going to be hard at first, Tal, but promise me you’ll hang in there,” Donavon’s blue eyes were clouded with nerves.
“Of course I will. You promise me that you won’t forget me once you’re surrounded by all those city girls,” I teased.
“I don’t think it’d be possible for me to forget you. I literally can’t get you out of my head,” he joked leaning down to kiss me softly. He ran one hand along my hip and my upper thigh. I responded by wrapping my leg around his waist. Our kisses became deeper, more desperate. My heart was pounding in my chest, and my stomach was queasy in a good way. Where his skin touched mine, I felt alive. There was barely any material separating us since we were both wearing bathing suits and where his skin touched mine, it tingled. He moved his mouth from mine and started kissing my neck. I gulped air greedily, trying to catch my breath. His hands were running over every inch of my exposed skin.
“Donavon, I love you,” I whispered.
“What?” he pulled back, I’d caught him off guard with my admission.
“I love you,” I said in a clear voice. He just stared at me, a gambit of emotions racing through his mind.
“I don’t know what to say,” he finally responded, pushing my leg off of him.
“I think that this is where you say you love me too,” I said slowly, pushing him the rest of the way off of me. Donavon looked everywhere but at me, refusing to meet my eyes. “I see how it is. You expect me to have sex with you, but you can’t even tell me how you really feel about me?” I exploded. By this point in my short live, my temper was already part of my trademark.
“I don’t know, Tal. I mean I’m only seventeen, how do I know if I love you?” I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. All of the air rushed out of my lungs. I focused my energy, and bore into his mind.
“Talia, don’t,” Donavon ordered sharply, realizing what I was doing. He scrambled further away from me, and covered his head with his arms like that would help to keep me out of his mind.
“I know that you love me, but if you’re too scared say it out loud, fine,” I kept my voice as calm as possible even though I was so mad that I could’ve spit fire. “I’m going back to my room, don’t bother coming to say goodbye tomorrow,” tears filled my eyes and threatened to spill down my cheeks.
I grabbed my clothes and ran from the woods, leaving Donavon alone by the lake. Donavon tried to reach out to me several times that evening, but I blocked his attempts.
Very early the next morning I heard a knock at my door – I knew that it was Donavon the moment I heard the tapping.
“Go away,” I sent, still reeling from the night before.
“Tal, open the door,” Donavon’s mental voice commanded.
“No.”
“I’d really rather say what I have to say to your face.”
“Well I’m not letting you in, so you can say whatever you want from out there,” my irritation was obvious.
“Natalia, I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment I first saw you, when I was twelve. I’m sorry that I was too scared to say it yesterday,” his voice was soft, but my hearing was acute enough that I could hear him through the door, and he knew it. I mentally pushed the door open. Donavon ran over and fell on his knees next to my bed. I threw my arms around his neck.
“I love you, Tal,” he pulled me tight against his chest.
“I know, Donavon.”
Even though he’d finally said those words, I was stubborn and still hurt from his earlier rejection. We both knew that it would be a long time before I said those three words to him again.
Chapter Nineteen
Something crawled in my ear. I swatted at it. I felt it again, slithering down my neck this time. I reached to scratch the place that it had been, when I heard stifled laughter.
“Erik, you’d better be out of my arms reach when I open my eyes, or I’ll make you sorry,” I grumbled without opening my eyes.
“Won’t be hard, your arms are pretty short,” Erik teased.
I opened my eyes and rolled over to face him. I groaned at the dull ache in my side.
“Think you’re funny?”
“Sure do,” he smirked.
“Did you meet a nice girl in the city?” I asked, changing the subject.
“I met a girl who was nice to me,” he did his eyebrow wiggle. I felt another stab. This one was something akin to jealousy, and I immediately hated myself.
“I’m sorry I asked,” I only hoped that he didn’t know how sorry I really was.
“Where’s your boyfriend? I expected to find him here since we left you all alone last night,” Erik’s tone changed to one of mild disgust.
“Why don’t you like him?” I demanded.
“It’s not really so much that I don’t like him,” he replied, evasively.
“Then what is it?” I was perplexed by the animosity between them.
“We’re just not compatible, I guess,” Erik mumbled, looking uncomfortable.
“You don’t have to date him. I just wish you’d be civil to him.”
“For you Talia, I would do anything,” he bowed gallantly.
“So you’ll be nice to him?” I pressed.
“You said civil. Nice is pushing it,” he warned.
“Civil,” I agreed. “Thank you, Erik.”
I got up, dressed, and made my way over to the Medical building. The Medic removed my bandages and confirmed that my stitches had dissolved. I was now left with two thin scars, one on my stomach and one on my back. The skin was tender and pinkish. I was amazed by how quickly the wound had he
aled. The Medic used a laser scanner, passing it over my scars again and again, fading the raised skin until it was non-existent. When he was done, the skin was still discolored, but he assured me that too would fade in a few hours. My internal damage would take a little longer to heal, but cosmetically I was good as new.
I felt better about the Erik situation after spending the night with Donavon, but I was still hesitant to return to my cabin. Spending the night with Donavon had reminded me why I loved him, but just seeing Erik made me think and feel things that I didn’t understand. Both Donavon and Penny, were working so I took the opportunity to finally have some alone time. I strolled, leisurely around the compound. For the first time in months I was completely alone. Not just physically, but mentally too. I’d forgotten how nice it was to by myself with my own thoughts.
I hadn’t realized how heavily everybody else’s stresses were weighing me down unit they were gone. Henri was overwhelmed by his position as team leader. He constantly worried that he was too young to be in such a high position. He worried that I wouldn’t perform in the way he had hoped when he requested me as part of the team. He worried that I’d get hurt, and that Mac would blame him.
Erik maintained a carefree attitude on the surface. He was indifferent to the Agency and the war with the Coalition. If it were up to him, he wouldn’t have gone to McDonough School. Unfortunately, like every other Talented child born in the United Sates, he hadn’t had a choice. He mostly worried about how long he’d be able to keep up his city going party boy and Agency Operative. He also worried about disappointing Henri by not taking his responsibilities seriously enough. But most of all, he worried about me.
Maybe my feelings for Erik were only a reflection of his feelings for me, I mused. I hoped so. If Henri’s feelings could affect me, then surely Erik’s could too, right? After all, my mind and Erik’s seemed to have a strong connection, even stronger in some ways than my connection with Donavon. I knew that I could project my thoughts, my feelings, and my will on to anyone, but Erik was the first person I’d subconsciously done it to.