It was obvious that Erik already knew the instant we walked into the practice arena. The look on his face told me exactly how he felt about it; he was even less pleased than Henri. The practice was intense, charged with unspoken anger (Erik), anxiety (Henri) and nerves (me).
I stuck to my now-daily routine, and headed to the target range after our workout. To my surprise, Henri joined me, quietly correcting minor issues with my technique and stance. Patiently, he coached me through Sim scenarios using our mental communication. He was doing it because he was worried about me. He didn’t really think that I was ready for such an assignment, but I wasn’t offended. He was probably right. But I had one week to become ready, I had no choice.
The following day, a techie from one of Toxic’s special Technology Development sections arrived at Headquarters. I left practice halfway through to spend the afternoon familiarizing myself with the equipment.
Techno Talents, or techies, had an un-quantified gift for technology. They could develop and configure any type of technological device. The techies spent all of their time at Toxic Research and Development facilities, coming up with new technologies and ways to implement them.
The techie’s name was Blaine, and he told me he’d graduated from the McDonough School ten years before. His almost-entirely-gray head of hair, and the deep creases at the corners of his muddy brown eyes, made him look much older than his twenty-eight years. He’d been stationed at the main techie outpost outside Philadelphia since graduation, with his wife and three children, only one of which exhibited any Talent thus far. His eldest son, Brine, the Talent, would be starting at the school the following year.
Blaine began practice by giving me a pair of eyeball lenses, and I carefully put one in each eye. Every time that I blinked, a tiny imager affixed to the surface of the lens would take a picture. Once I took all of the pictures that I wanted, I was to put the lens into a special compartment on a handheld communicator. The pictures would instantly upload, and I could view them on the small display screen. Admittedly, the lenses were pretty cool.
Next, Blaine handed me a second set of lenses that were loaded with facial recognition software. One lens scanned facial features and, if the person was in Toxic’s database, all of their information appeared on the display surface of the other lens. Blaine had me walk around Headquarters to practice using them. I quickly learned that I was going to need a lot of practice. In order to scan a person’s facial features, I had to get a straight-on view of their face. At first, I only managed to actually scan every fourth person. The really tricky part came when I did scan somebody’s face, and his information popped up on my other lens. Trying to read the information with one eye, while still walking and scanning with the other eye, was next to impossible for me. I kept walking in to things, mostly Blaine, and he promised me that we’d work with the lenses every day until I departed.
That evening, I poured over the first pieces of intel that the Cryptos had compiled. Penny was part of the team that had intercepted the initial communications about Ian Crane’s visit to Nevada, so she offered to help me go through the material. Gratefully, I accepted her assistance. I might be proud, but I wasn’t arrogant. I needed all of the help I could get.
We’d just ordered room service and were sitting with the intel spread across my purple carpet, when we heard a knock at the door. It was way too soon to be our food, so I opened my mind, then gave Penny a huge smile. Henri and Erik.
“Thought I was supposed to do all the prep work alone?” I called, mentally opening the door for them. Technically, it was a violation for Pledges to receive outside assistance when preparing for their solo assignment. Penny’s face reddened; she knew that she could get in a lot of trouble for helping.
“Everybody cheats,” Erik grinned. “Obviously you’re not above it, since you seem to already have help,” he nodded his head in Penny’s direction and she blushed even deeper.
“This is a suicide mission for a Pledge. I’m not letting you go there unprepared,” Henri explained, folding his extremely long legs under him as he plopped down on the floor next to me.
“Thanks,” I smiled at both of them. I might not be able to have them with me in Nevada, but having them here now would be almost as good.
The four of us worked well into the night, and I could barely hold my eyes open when Henri finally declared the night’s session over. Technically, since it was my solo mission I should be the one calling the shots, but I was so overwhelmed that I was happy to submit to his authority.
Erik lingered after Penny and Henri left. He lounged on my bed looking perfectly at ease in its mass of purple and white. When I saw him sitting there, I suddenly wasn’t tired anymore. Erik patted the bed next to him, and my head filled with the sound of my heart ricocheting off my ribcage. I climbed on to my bed and sat next to him. He wrapped one arm around my shoulders, and I leaned my head against his chest. He rubbed his stubbly cheek against my hair, while absently tugging on one of my curls.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered after a moment.
“For what?” of all the sentiments that I’d expected him to express right then, sorrow wasn’t one of them.
“Tal, this mission is really dangerous. A Pledge shouldn’t be doing this. You shouldn’t be doing this for your solo mission. I’m sorry this happened to you, that you were chosen.”
“I’m not,” my voice was strained, but I meant what I said. I wasn’t sorry that Mac had picked me. This mission was important, and I was the only one that could do it; I felt a certain delight in that fact. “I’ll be okay, Erik. You’ll see. I can do this.”
“I know you can, Tal, but that doesn’t mean you should.” I opened my mind and could feel his trepidation. Unlike Henri who thought that I wasn’t ready, Erik believed that I was capable, but he was terrified of all the “what if’s”. His level of concern elated me. His arm tightened around me, so I scooted closer to him. I wanted to will him to stay with me like this, holding me all night. I didn’t feel safe with him the way I had with Donavon; I felt something that I liked even more. I felt reckless and out of control around Erik, and it thrilled me. I wanted to be close to him so bad that it hurt. I didn’t trust myself when I was near him, but I did trust Erik. I trusted him with my life, and I wanted to trust him with . . . well, more.
“I should go,” Erik mumbled into my hair.
“No!” I said, more forcefully than I’d intended. “Will you just stay for a little longer?” my voice sounded whiny, but I didn’t really care.
“Are you sure?” he asked, uncertainly.
I nodded.
Erik kicked off his leather sandals, laying back on my pillows, and I curled up into a small ball facing him.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Erik asked, reaching over to smooth my hair away from my face. His fingers brushed my against my cheek, sending violent shivers through my whole body.
“The mission? No, not really,” I shook my head. The mission was the last thing that I wanted to talk about right then.
“Are you scared?” he asked in a soft voice.
“Yes,” I answered, without thinking. Of course I was scared.
“Good, fear is good. It’ll keep you on your toes. It’ll keep you alive,” he pulled me to him and I buried my face in his chest. I inhaled his earthy scent, and reveled in the soft fabric of his t-shirt against my cheek. Unlike my own erratic heartbeat, Erik’s was steady and strong. He was probably used to lying in bed with members of the opposite sex. Either that or he really didn’t have romantic feelings for me. The thought made me shiver, goosebumps springing up on my exposed arms. Instinctively, Erik rubbed his hands up and down my skin, instantly transforming my flesh from icy cold to searing hot.
I wanted him to kiss me, even more than I had the other night, but I was content just to have him hold me. The pounding of my pulse and the buzzing in my mind weren’t going to let me sleep, but I closed my eyes anyway. Erik moved his hands from my arms to my back, gently massaging a
way all the knots of tension. He tickled the back of my neck with his fingertips, and I giggled into his chest. I wasn’t sure if he meant to tease me, but that’s what it felt like. When I couldn’t stand it anymore I looked up at him, my eyes locking with his. I pulled myself up, so that we were face-to-face. His beautiful eyes were indecisive, so I made the decision for him. Risking rejection and humiliation, I leaned in and pressed my mouth to his. His lips were soft, tasting fresh and clean.
He was surprised at first, and didn’t kiss me back. I panicked. Ashamed, I blushed and pulled away from him. My earlier misgivings returned, and I tried to scramble even further back on the bed. Our eyes met again, and he tightened his arms around me, pulling me to him. He crushed his mouth to mine once again. A small moan escaped me and he kissed me harder, deeper. I dug my fingers into his biceps, and felt his muscles flex. I clung to Erik, convinced that if I let him go, this moment would end, and I never wanted it to end.
When we finally broke apart, I couldn’t catch my breath. I could feel my chest rising and falling so fast that it hurt, but in a good way. I could feel Erik’s heart pounding along with my own. He gently placed one of his hands on my chest, just above my heart, which only made my breath come even more quickly. He rewarded me with a mischievous grin. He kissed me again, so softly that his lips just barely made contact with my own. I melted into him again, my whole body going limp against his.
“I should go now,” he sighed.
“Why?” I demanded, once again scared that he might regret kissing me.
“Because you need your sleep and if I stay too much longer, you won’t get any,” he chuckled. Relaxing, I grinned at him. He wasn’t sorry he’d kissed me. Delight coursed through me at the realization. His eyes were still twinkling with desire.
He brushed his soft lips across both my cheeks and my forehead before climbing over me and out of bed. He pulled my quilt up, tucking it around my body. He leaned down and gave me one last, lingering kiss, before whispering, “Night, Tals.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
The next day it was back to business as usual. Erik treated me just the same as every day since I’d arrived at headquarters. I’d been nervous about seeing him, but his nonchalant attitude both frustrated me, even while putting me at ease. It wasn’t like I wanted him to walk into the practice arena and kiss me good morning; that would’ve been weird – but I also didn’t want him acting like nothing had changed between us. Our relationship had shifted, become more intimate.
If Henri suspected anything, he didn’t let on. He pushed me harder in practice, making me repeat every move until he was satisfied. At the firing range, he forced me to run through the Sim targeting schemes, over and over, until I managed to fire Kill Shots each and every time. He barked orders into my head during the Sim, restarting the scenario if I made a mistake. I didn’t want to appear ungrateful, but I was concerned that if he kept pushing me this hard I might have a breakdown before the week was over.
Blaine’s techniques were much gentler. He patiently led me throughout the compound with my lenses, praising me when I managed to snap solid pictures of the passerbys. He didn’t even complain when I stepped on his feet. When I apologized, he assured me that I wasn’t the only person to have so much difficulty. He was so nice, almost too nice, and I felt bad for being so abysmal at it. I practically missed Henri’s tough love approach by the end of our session.
After my exhaustive day of physical and mental abuse, I wanted to slip between my comforter and my sheets and never come back out. Unfortunately, that wasn’t a viable option, because Penny, Erik, and Henri were already waiting outside my door when I emerged from my too short shower. I tried not to grumble when I opened the door to let them in – at least they brought dinner. Once again the four of us worked well into the night, analyzing intel, pouring over floor plans, and outlining different strategies. By the end of our session my eyes were glazed over and a dull throbbing had developed in the base on my skull. Even Penny’s normally happy-go-lucky attitude had diminished over the course of the evening, and when she said goodnight her voice was strained and tired. Henri’s eyelids were dropping and his shoulders were hunched when he rose to leave with Penny.
Erik stayed after the other two left, but only for a couple of minutes.
I sat on the edge of my bed, and Erik stood in between my knees, his hands kneading the knotted muscles in my shoulders.
“I don’t want to distract you right now, I know how much you need to focus,” he said, leaning down to kiss the side of my neck.
Closing my eyes, I reveled in the way his mouth moved over my skin. He was right, but I actually had to bite my tongue to keep myself from begging him to distract me. Despite the words of caution, Erik’s lips moved slowly to my jawbone, before gently closing around my bottom lip. Falling on to my back, I grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him down. Erik caught himself before his chest hit mine, planting his hands on either side of my head on the mattress. Our lips were locked, and I reached up to touch his face, cupping his cheeks with my hands. He turned his head slightly to kiss the inside of my palm. His gesture was so sweet that I couldn’t help but beam, even though my mouth felt empty without his. Suddenly, I felt the blanket under my head tighten, and I saw Erik’s knuckles turn white as he balled the comforter in his hands. The thoughts racing through his mind made me both embarrassed and thrilled. While I knew I shouldn’t be doing anything to further his desire, I couldn’t help it; I wrapped my legs around his waist, and pulled his hips against mine.
My bold move surprised Erik and he hesitated before his mouth found mine again – the kiss was intoxicating. When he broke it off, my head was spinning so fast that I definitely felt drunk. His lips moved down my neck, then my collar bone, his tongue moving slowly across the tender skin, and I nearly whimpered. Erik trailed kisses to the top of my shirt, and using his teeth he pulled the neckline down just enough to expose the top of my bra. My hands moved down the back of his t-shirt, exploring the contours of his lean back. One of his hands moved to my waist, his fingers lightly skimming the space where my tank top and pants didn’t quite meet, before closing around my waist. His thumb danced lightly across my hip bone.
“You should really go to sleep now,” he mumbled, his mouth now in the hollow of my throat.
“I’m not that tired,” I gasped, gripping his shoulders tighter, and glad my nails weren’t long enough to leave claw marks.
I felt Erik’s lips quirk into a smile against my neck.
“You need to your strength, and I need a cold shower,” he said playfully, as he raised his face to meet my eyes. The passion in the depths of his irises excited me almost as much as his touch. I knew how much harder my reaction made it for him to restrain himself. Erik was worried about distracting me from my Solo Mission, but he also didn’t want to rush me in to doing something I wasn’t ready for.
Sighing, I regretfully detangled my legs from his waist. Erik smoothed my shirt back in to place, letting the tip of his index finger slip beneath the waistband of my pants to touch edge of my underwear. Closing his turquoise eyes, he emitted an audible moan as he felt the lacey material. I brought my lips to his, and kissed him softly. A pained expression clouded his features.
“Cold shower,” he repeated against my mouth.
Not wanting to test his willpower any further that night, I released my death grip on his shoulders.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” he whispered, gently biting my earlobe, as he climbed off of me to help me crawl under the blankets. Light as feathers, his fingertips tickled my nose and eyelids, before pressing gently against my lips. They lingered there just long enough for me to kiss the pads.
“Night, Erik,” I said in a voice that was barely audible.
“Night, Tal” with that he left. I fell asleep smiling so big my cheeks hurt.
Every day leading up to my Solo Mission was more grueling than the one before. Henri pushed me harder and further than I’d thought I was capable of.
Every time my sore muscles protested, I cursed him silently . . . and sometimes not-so-silently. Every time that I complained to Erik, he reminded me that Henri wasn’t being callous; he cared, and wanted me to be prepared. I knew that was true, but when I tried telling my blistered index fingers that, they didn’t want hear it.
Erik began to tag along on my morning training runs. He never spoke, since he knew that I used the time to cycle through my senses. Even in silence, I appreciated his company. I knew he worried that his presence distracted me – in truth, it did – but sometimes I really needed the diversion.
When Erik was with me, he consumed my subconscious. When I was alone, the possibility of my impending death took his place; obviously, thoughts of Erik were vastly preferable.
With Henri’s continued tutelage on the target range, my confidence rose from one day to the next. He pestered the Cryptos until they programmed the simulator with the floor plan of Ian Crane’s temporary home, so that I could practice navigating my way through the levels.
Blaine gave me a third pair of eyeball lenses, loaded with the floor plan for the home and GPS tracking. He explained to me that, depending on the security surrounding the estate, either the GPS would update the map as I moved through the house, or just the static image of the general blueprint for the entire estate would appear on the lens. Even if it was the latter, that would be sufficient for me to find my way in and out in a pinch. Since I’d memorized the layout, I wasn’t worried, but I did feel better knowing that I had the lenses to fall back on. Blaine spent every afternoon leading me around the compound, until I finally stopped running into him while regarding the information on the lenses.
Penny went above and beyond, tracking down all of the intel she could muster. She was almost as worried about me as Erik and Henri were; “almost” only because she’d never been on a Hunt, so she couldn’t appreciate how dangerous this one really was.
In addition to learning to use all of the handheld technology gadgets, there was one other thing that I would likely need to use on my Mission, one I was very excited to train on: a hover vehicle. Since I would be alone on my Mission, Mac had no choice but to authorize driving lessons. Unfortunately I had so many other, more pressing, matters to attend to throughout the week, so I only had time for one lesson. It was the very definition of a crash course – pun intended. Henri showed me how to use all of the buttons and switches on the dashboard, most importantly the autopilot button. Autopilot took care of every aspect of driving, except for getting into the air and setting back down. I loved the feel of sitting in the driver’s seat, holding the wheel in my hands; it made me feel in control, and lately I’d felt so out of control that, it was a welcome change.