“So, what happened?” Alice asked as bluntly as Reggie would have. They did indeed belong together.
“I fucked up,” Eric said. “I know—that’s nothing new.”
She went to stand on one side of him, Reggie on the other. She said, “Do you know what I hear in my head when I look at myself in the mirror? I hear every child who ever made fun of me when I was an overweight kid, every boy who laughed at me when they heard I liked them, every snicker from the mean girls. Those voices don’t go away. And there was a time in my life when they almost won. I starved myself down to ninety pounds. It didn’t matter what the scale said. I thought I was still too big. I was in and out of the hospital, frustrating my counselors. I’d lost my job because of so many absences, had stopped paying my rent, and was getting ready to just give up.”
“I’m so sorry you went through that,” Eric said sincerely. This side of Alice wasn’t something they’d ever spoken of before. Because before now it’s always fucking been about me.
Alice smiled across at Reggie. “It was a lifetime ago. I met Reggie while he was doing electrical work in my apartment building, and he became my guardian angel. He checked in on me, nagged me to eat, dragged me out on crazy expeditions that took my mind off what I was going through.”
Reggie’s expression turned tender. “It was nothing.”
Alice shook her head. “It was everything to me. You didn’t judge me, and I needed that.” She met Eric’s eyes again. “Eventually I told him what I heard when I looked at myself. And do you know what he said?”
“No,” Eric said, “but I want to.”
“He told me his head was full of horrible things people had said to him, too, but that the trick was to not let those voices rule you. Denying them doesn’t rid you of them. Facing them doesn’t silence them. You have to embrace them as part of your journey, see them as something that you use to make yourself stronger. I still sometimes hate what I see in the mirror, but then I try to look at myself through kinder, stronger eyes. I strive to be healthy rather than perfect. When that doesn’t work, I talk about it just to get it out of my head, and that helps.”
Eric’s eyes misted, and he looked away, his hands fisting at his sides. “I don’t know who I am anymore. I thought I could put everything behind and become someone new but . . . now . . .” He waved at the three areas. “Which one am I?” he demanded of Reggie.
Reggie shared a look with Alice. “They’re all you, Eric. You’re an angry rich bastard, a natural entertainer, and a good guy at your core.”
Alice added, “Maybe it’s not about becoming someone new, but about embracing who you are. Yeah, you’re angry, but you don’t have to let your past win. Sure, everyone thinks of you in that ridiculous spandex suit when they see you, but that doesn’t have to define you. Wayne Easton isn’t someone you created; he’s always been in you—in your generosity with everyone around you. Remember when you didn’t want to do another movie as Water Bear Man, but went ahead and filmed another one anyway because you knew it would change the lives of everyone else involved? You employ more people to run this estate than some businesses have on their payrolls, and I’ve never seen you fire anyone—not even when Reggie suggested it. You’re the first one to suggest a person deserves a second chance. That’s the Wayne in you.”
“She’s good, isn’t she?” Reggie asked proudly.
“Fucking incredible.” Eric wiped a hand down his face. “Alice, I really screwed up with Sage. She was nothing but good to me, and I was horrible to her. I was angry and, if I’m honest, scared. She said she never wants to see me again, and I can’t blame her. Even if I ask her for another chance, what kind of husband would I be? What kind of father? I’m a mess.”
Alice went over to slip under Reggie’s arm and hug him. “We’re all a mess. Reggie doesn’t talk much about his childhood, but he told me about it, and let me tell you, he’s every bit as scarred as the rest of us.”
“Hey,” Reggie said in playful protest.
“I love you more for it,” Alice said, going up on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. “You would be a kind and loyal husband, Eric, because that’s the kind of friend you have been to us. You’d be a caring father, because you take care of those you love. Our children adore you, and that says a lot. They don’t care how many mistakes you made before they knew you. They only know how many times you’ve listened to them, remembered what was important to them. You can’t fool children—they see your heart.”
A spark of hope relit inside Eric. “How much of this should I tell Sage?” He gestured to the wardrobes. “If I get another chance with her . . . Is this something any woman wouldn’t run from?”
Alice looked up at Reggie with love in her eyes. “With the right person, you don’t have to hide who you are.”
Reggie’s cheeks flushed beneath her attention. “How much longer until the kids get back from school?”
Alice shot Eric a concerned glance. “Are you okay if we run?”
Eric chuckled and waved them away. “Get out of here. I’m fine.”
He smiled as they hurried away, grateful to have them in his life and happy that they had each other. When he looked at himself through their eyes, a kinder view of himself shone back. What had Alice suggested? Embracing even the negative in him because it made him stronger?
He met his eyes in the mirror and thought about how beautiful Alice hated what she saw in her own reflection. He wondered what Reggie hid but now understood why he never spoke of his life before meeting Eric. If two of the most incredible people he knew shared the same struggles he did, then maybe, just maybe, it was time to be kinder to the man in the mirror.
I can be a real bastard.
But I’m a natural entertainer, and I’m determined to be a better person.
That’s who I am.
Could that be enough for Sage?
It was time to tell Sage everything and let her make that decision. He took out his two cell phones and laid them side by side on the makeup table. He needed to call her—but as Eric or as Wayne?
Which one would she pick up for?
Something this important couldn’t be rushed.
He would probably only have one chance to get it right.
Chapter Fourteen
The next morning Sage was woken by a loud pounding on her apartment door. She rolled over and pulled a pillow over her head. She had every intention of getting up and having a productive day, but not before the sun came up. The banging continued, followed by her neighbor yelling a profanity-sprinkled request for the noise to stop.
Sage hauled herself out of bed and threw the door open angrily.
Dressed in a business suit and pumps, Bella strode past her, then gave her a long once-over. “Never do that to me again. Tell me you’re angry. Tell me you don’t want to talk. But don’t just ignore my calls. I was afraid you were dead.”
Sage closed the door behind her. “I’m sorry.”
“You should be. You scared the crap out of me.” Bella took a deep breath and began to calm down. “Are you okay? What happened?” She checked her watch. “I have about thirty minutes before I’m due across town, so start spilling.”
Sage sat on the couch and pulled a blanket up around her. “I’m not ready to hear ‘I told you so.’”
Bella joined her on the couch. “Fine. I’ll save all lectures for later. Just tell me if there’s anything I should presently be worried about.”
“No. It’s over. You were right. Wayne Easton was hiding something.”
“I know. It’s kind of all over the internet that he came here yesterday.”
Sage made a pained face. “So you already know.”
Bella leaned over and touched Sage’s arm. “I don’t care about him. I care about you. What happened?”
There wasn’t another soul on the planet Sage would have told the truth to, but she didn’t have secrets from Bella. She backtracked to their day at Stonehenge and how he’d left without an explanation. Then how s
he’d recognized him from a news clip. It was impossible to look her friend in the eye as she confessed how the visit the day before had gone.
“You slept with him? Oh, Sage.”
Sage shrugged. “I thought—I hoped it would get him to open up to me. It did. He told me exactly what he thought of me.” She blinked back tears. “Of course he thinks I’m after his money.”
“He said that?”
“Not even as nicely as I’m saying it.”
“What a dick.”
“Yeah.” Sage hugged the blanket closer. “I didn’t tell you about his grandmother yet. That’s the icing on this cake.”
Bella’s jaw dropped open as Sage told her about what Delinda had said to her the day she’d gone to apologize.
“She can’t threaten you,” Bella ground out. “I’ll—”
“Relax, Bella, we’re past that.” Sage updated her on Delinda’s visit yesterday. “She says she’s sorry about everything.”
“She should be. What a bitch.”
“She was trying to protect her grandson. He was once engaged to a woman who really was after his money.”
“According to her. You don’t know if any of that is true.”
Sage closed her eyes and laid her head back on the couch. “I can’t live like that, Bella. I can’t doubt everything everyone says.”
“He lied to you.”
“I tell white lies to people every day. Not all lies are equal.”
“Bullshit. People are either honest or they’re not.”
Sage raised her head and met her friend’s eyes. “Then you must have a very low opinion of me.”
Bella opened her mouth, closed it, then said, “You sure know how to sway someone. You could be a barrister. You know I love you.”
“I know. I’m just saying I don’t know how I feel about any of this. I threw him out and told him I never wanted to see him again, and I meant it. He left and hasn’t called. I should feel good about that, but I don’t.”
“I’m sorry, Sage. I’m sorry this guy wasn’t who you thought he was.”
“Me too.”
Sage’s phone binged with an incoming message. She checked it.
Wayne: I was an ass. I should have told her who I was.
She frowned and went to put the phone down when her phone binged again, this time from a different number.
Eric here. I was the ass. I got scared and said things she has every right to hate me for.
Bing.
Wayne: You’re right. You were the bigger ass. You shouldn’t have left without telling her how much she means to you.
Bing.
Eric: You could have done the same. You knew she was the one for you from the first day. Admit it, she’s all you’ve thought about since then.
“Who is messaging you?” Bella asked.
Not yet sure what she thought of it, Sage answered, “It’s Wayne and Eric. They’re both sending me messages, but like they’re talking to each other. Eric’s arguing with himself.” She held the phone up for Bella to see.
“Oh my God, that is so w—”
“Sweet? You’re right,” Sage said, redirecting her. Yes, she was still angry with him. Once again, she would have turned down flowers and gifts, but this self-deprecating texting was winding its way through her anger.
“Okay.” Bella didn’t sound convinced. “Sage, I don’t know about this guy.”
Wayne: It’s time to tell her everything.
Eric: Do you think she would meet me for coffee?
Wayne: You? Where could you go that everyone wouldn’t be snapping photos and recording your conversation?
Eric: Well, she doesn’t want to see you anymore, not since she found out about the scar.
“They’re right,” Sage said.
Bella’s eyes rounded. “You realize he’s just one person, right? And that one person is fucking with you? Block him.”
Sage reread the messages and shook her head. “He’s apologizing.”
“While revealing a possible mental disorder.”
“Bella, just because you don’t understand him doesn’t mean he’s crazy. Do you know how many times in my life my parents have questioned my sanity because I didn’t fit into their definition of normal?”
“This is different.”
“To you.”
“Touché.”
Wayne: Invite her here. She trusted you enough to show you her life. Show her yours.
Eric: Here? You mean to my haven, the one no one knows about except my electrician? She’d never come here.
Wayne: She might if you told her that it would help her understand you.
Bella took out her own phone and began to type furiously.
“What are you doing?” Sage asked.
“I’m telling my assistant to clear my calendar for today. I know what you’re about to say, and there is no way in hell you’re going there alone.”
Sage hugged the phone to her chest. Curiosity warred with the memories of everything Eric had said to her as he left. Was having her questions answered worth risking a repeat of that feeling? “I have to know. I don’t expect it to fix what’s wrong between us, but I want to understand him—even if who he is isn’t someone I decide to be with. Does that make sense?”
Bella grudgingly nodded. “I guess. But I’m telling my office where we’re going.”
“That’s fair.”
“With instructions to send the police if they don’t hear from me once every hour.”
“That’s a little much, but okay.”
“And I’m making sure someone knows where we are at all times.”
“That might actually be a good idea.” Sage wanted to assure her it wouldn’t be necessary. Eric was a public figure. He wasn’t dangerous. Then Sage remembered how far his grandmother had gone to protect him. She considered herself irrepressibly optimistic, but that didn’t mean she was oblivious to the fact that not everyone could be trusted.
With her thumb hovering over the incoming messages, Sage wasn’t sure at first which one to respond to. She finally chose Eric.
Sage: I’m still angry with you, but I’m willing to hear what you have to say.
Eric: I could come to you, but it’s hard to go anywhere without some kind of disguise.
Sage met Bella’s eyes, then typed, I’ll come to you.
He sent her the address along with detailed instructions. Sage almost told him she was bringing Bella but decided not to. Trust was like a snowdrop; if trampled it had a difficult time recovering.
A short time later, Bella pulled her car up to the back gate of a large walled property. It opened for them, then closed as soon as they pulled past it. “This is a new suit. If I piss myself, you’re paying to have it cleaned.”
“There’s nothing scary about an automated gate.”
They drove down a long gravel driveway toward the barn Eric had described in his text. “Right there. Eric said drive toward the bushes.”
“It would be nice if he met us out here. I don’t like this.” Bella parked several feet from the bushes. “So, what now?”
Sage texted: I’m here.
Eric: Drive into the bushes.
Sage: I’m parked right next to them.
Eric: Then just keep pulling forward.
Aloud, Sage said, “He said we should keep pulling up to the bushes.”
“I’m not scratching the front of this car,” Bella protested.
Sage: Where are you?
Eric: Pull into the bushes and you’ll see me.
Sage: No. I don’t want to scratch my car.
Eric: Trust me?
It was a loaded question and one without a simple answer. I used to.
Eric: I won’t let you down again. Pull forward.
Sage read the message to Bella, who swore and pulled forward. The bushes lifted and moved to the side, revealing an entrance that led beneath the barn. Sage sat forward. It was the coolest thing she’d ever seen.
Bella turned the engine off. br />
Eric appeared in the opening and walked toward the car. When he saw Bella, he walked over to her side and held out his hand. “Eric Westerly.”
She looked from his outstretched hand to Sage, then reluctantly accepted his grip. “I’m being polite, but know I really want to punch you in the face.”
His eyebrows rose and lowered, but he smiled politely at her before heading over to Sage’s side of the car. “I’m glad you came.”
There was so much she wanted to say, but she held it back and merely nodded.
His eyes were dark with emotion. “I don’t blame you for bringing someone with you. I haven’t given you much reason to trust me.”
“What did you bring me here to see?”
He motioned down the dark tunnel. “It’s in there.”
“No way in hell,” Bella said. “Not going to happen.”
Eric took her refusal in stride. “Would you feel better about coming into the main house first?”
“You call that a house? I’ve seen palaces that were smaller,” Bella said.
“I wouldn’t mind seeing the inside of your home,” Sage said to Eric, and gave Bella a pleading look.
“Mind if I get in the back, then?” he asked.
Sage got out of the car, and Eric folded his large frame into the tiny back seat. Sage almost smiled at the gymnastics involved. She glanced at Bella and remembered all the reasons why she shouldn’t. Eric might be charming now, but that didn’t excuse how he’d behaved the day before. Would anything he said mend her trust in him? Sage climbed back in, and the three drove over to the main house without speaking.
They parked in front of a large stone staircase and got out. The sprawling, stately home was ostentatious at best. That he lived here was a negative in her book. What kind of man would own such a home? Not one she could imagine herself with. Her heart sank a little. The staff lined up at the door simply reinforced her guess that she’d have her answers by the end of her visit, but they wouldn’t be ones that changed her mind.