“Either way it’s water under the bridge. I got a text from Ms. Bernadine, saying Crystal was home.”
“Dad told me. Do you think she’ll be mad at me?”
Roni shrugged. “No telling, but if she is, I doubt it will be for very long. You did the right thing by coming forward, Zoey. The truth will always set you free.”
Her answering smile warmed Roni’s insides. “Now, you and Tiger Tamar need to get back to sleep. We have church in the morning.”
“One more hug, please.”
Roni obliged her and let the feel of her thin little arms fill her with even more joy. Zoey scooted back beneath the bedding, and Roni placed a light kiss on her cheek. “Night, baby girl. Love you.”
“Love you, too. I’m glad you’re back.”
“So am I.”
Buoyed by the visit, Roni entered the bedroom she shared with her husband and found him asleep as well. “Reggie,” she called softly. “Wake up, your baby’s home.”
He didn’t move. He’d left the light on in the bathroom so she could see her way around, and she was thankful for the small act of kindness. Moving quietly, she eased open a dresser drawer to extract a nightgown. Leaving her discarded clothes on a chair and wishing he’d turn over and say hi, she made use of the bathroom and turned off the light. She crawled into bed. She waited for him to pull her close. Nothing. The measured cadence of his breathing never changed, so she whispered, “Night, baby,” and hoped sleep would take away the pain.
C H A P T E R
5
At church on Sunday morning, while the congregation raised their voices in the processional hymn, Crystal held the large cross aloft. Acolytes Zoey and Devon, carrying their lit torches, walked solemnly at her side down the center aisle. Zoey was pretty sure Crystal was mad at her because she hadn’t said a word while they were in the basement putting on their vestments. Usually Crystal would straighten the necks of their white cottas to make sure they weren’t all crooked, but this morning she and Devon had been on their own. Now, as she and Devon reached the altar and stuck their torches in the wall holders and took their seats, Crystal sat too, but never made eye contact.
When the hymn ended and Reverend Paula began to recite the opening prayer, Zoey took a discreet look out at the sea of faces spread out over the sanctuary. Nearly every eye was on Crystal. Some faces wore smiles, others appeared relieved. She couldn’t tell how Tamar felt, but something about her expression made Zoey think their collective great-grandmother was none too happy with the town’s oldest teen. But no matter the congregation’s mood, Zoey was glad she was home; she just hoped Crys didn’t stay mad at her forever.
It was good having Mama Roni home too, and as always she was dressed up for church. She had on a pretty green suit and one of her big matching hats. Zoey had expected Daddy Reg to be happy about her being home too, and that breakfast would be filled with smiles and them making google eyes at each other as they always did. Instead the kitchen was silent, and they acted like strangers at the table. She wanted them to act like they used to, but being a kid, she couldn’t say anything, so she finished her bacon and eggs and went up to her room and waited until they called her to leave for church. All the kids had been told that if something was bothering them they were to go see Reverend Paula and talk to her about it. Zoey wondered if the adults had been given the same advice, because although her parents were sitting next to each other, Momma Roni was staring straight ahead, and so was Daddy Reg. She loved them both, and it made her sad to see them so unhappy.
After the service Zoey followed Devon and Crystal down into the basement to take off their vestments and hang them up in the acolyte’s closet. So far, Crystal still hadn’t said a word to either of them, and she looked kind of down. Zoey put her black cassock on the hanger and placed the cotta on top. Because she wasn’t tall enough, she handed the hanger to Crystal, hoping she wouldn’t yell at her. She took it without a word and did the same for Devon. Zoey mustered up her courage to ask if she was mad, but changed her mind when Tamar walked in. Zoey and Devon shared a quick look. Neither had any idea why she was there, but the way her eyes were focused on Crystal made them take a small step backward to get out of the way.
“Hi, Tamar,” Crystal said.
“Hello, Crystal. Everyone’s glad to have you home, and so am I.”
“Thank you,” Crystal replied softly.
“So, how do you feel?”
“Dumb, stupid. All of the above.”
Tamar nodded as if she understood, but with Tamar one couldn’t be too sure. She walked closer to Crystal and, to Zoey’s utter surprise, opened her arms, and Crystal, eyes filled with tears, stepped into the embrace and let herself be enfolded. She and Devon shared another look. Zoey couldn’t ever remember seeing Crystal cry.
Tamar placed a kiss on her forehead and asked quietly, “No place like home, right?”
“Right.”
Tamar gently released her hold. “One day you’re going to fly away and soar so high you’ll make this whole town proud. It just isn’t time yet.”
Crystal nodded and grabbed a couple of tissues from the box that always sat on the table next to the closet. She wiped her eyes and nose.
“You and Bernadine make your peace?” Tamar asked.
“Not yet.”
“She loves you a lot.”
“I know, and I feel awful worrying her like I did.”
“That’s why the Spirit gives us youth, so we can do dumb stuff, learn from it, and move on.”
Crystal offered up a watery smile. “I guess.”
“Anyway. I just came down to say welcome home.”
“Thanks,” Crystal whispered.
Tamar’s eyes swept over Zoey and Devon, and Zoey’s heart froze in her chest, but Tamar didn’t say anything. With a swirl of her hems, she was gone.
Devon exhaled a sigh of relief, and Zoey released the breath she’d been holding in, too.
Crystal turned to her. “Sure wasn’t expecting that.”
“Me neither.”
Devon crossed his arms and said self-importantly, “She’s probably going to make you paint the fence anyway.”
Zoey glared. “Shut up.”
“Bet you ten dollars.”
An exasperated Crystal pointed at the open door. “Go!”
“You can’t make me,” he threw back.
Crystal did her best imitation of Tamar and walked up real close. “Sure I can. Want me to show you?”
That was all it took.
After his exit, Crystal asked, “What is wrong with him these days?”
“He is such a pain in the behind. Been crazy ever since he went down south.”
“Never thought I’d want him back in his suits and those stupid ties again.”
“I know.” She regathered her courage to ask, “Are you mad at me?”
Crystal shook her head. “Mad at myself for being so stupid, but not at you.”
“I memorized the license plate when you left and told Sheriff Will. I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry for. I was the one who screwed up.” She stared off and was quiet for a moment before confessing softly, “Nothing turned out like I thought it would.”
Zoey wanted to ask what that meant, but having already used her daily allotment of courage, she kept the question to herself. “I’m glad you’re back.”
“Me, too. Give me a hug.”
Zoey went gladly, and when the hug was over, they both smiled.
Zoey said, “Rocky’s giving me free dessert. You want to go to the Dog later and split a sundae?”
“No, I need to go home and talk to my mom.”
“Oh. Okay. Then I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”
“Yep.”
Zoey gave her a wave and left to find her parents for the ride home.
Bernadine couldn’t remember ever seeing Crystal so solemn. As they drove home from church, she didn’t press her for details about the two-day adventure in Dallas, even thoug
h she dearly wanted the full story. As requested, she’d had her purloined phone turned off, and whoever had it was now was free to do whatever thieves did. Diane had not accompanied them to church. In fact, she hadn’t even shown her face that morning. Once again, Bernadine fantasized about her sister running away, and a smile curved her lips.
“What’s funny?” Crystal asked.
“Just imagining my sister climbing out of a window and disappearing before we get back.”
“You don’t like her?”
“Let’s just say we don’t see eye to eye.”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s selfish, mean, and a first-class witch.”
“Oh. She older or younger?”
“She’s the baby.”
Crystal nodded understandingly. “I don’t know if I have any brothers or sisters. I mean, the kids here are sorta that, but no clue whether I have any real sibs.”
“We could get in touch with your aunt, if you’d like, and ask. Might be nice to get a definitive answer if it’s something you’ve been wondering about.” Crystal’s aunt had been instrumental in exposing the true identity of Crystal’s no-good father, Ray Chambers, who’d come to town masquerading as a handyman.
“Maybe.”
By then they’d reached the house. Bernadine pulled Baby into the garage, and after the door lowered behind them, they sat in the shadowy silence. When Crystal didn’t make a move to get out, Bernadine turned off the engine and waited, watching her child staring out the window at something only she could see.
“Diego was right,” she finally said.
“About what?”
“About me being a princess now, not knowing how to be on the streets anymore.”
Bernadine thought back on Crys’s meeting with the twenty-one-year-old, motorcycle-riding bad boy Diego July that past summer. She’d convinced herself that Diego was in love with her. She’d been wrong.
“I so wanted everything in Dallas to be exactly the way it was when I left.”
“And it wasn’t?”
“No.”
“Time doesn’t stand still, honey.”
“I know that now. Even my best friend Kiki was different. I figured we’d pick up right where we left off, party, go to the clubs—but she has twins now. She doesn’t do the club thing anymore. Just takes care of her kids.”
“Having children can make you grow up.”
“I thought maybe she could get a babysitter, but she just laughed. Said she didn’t have the money, and even if she did, she wasn’t going to waste it on going out.”
Bernadine thought she liked this Kiki.
“I told her about my life with you and how nice you are and all the places we’ve been, and she wanted to know why in the world I’d wanted to come back to Dallas.”
“What did you tell her?”
“I tried to explain how slow it is, that there’s nothing to do. She started yelling at me like she’d turned into Ms. Lily.”
Bernadine let a small smile show.
“So I told her she didn’t understand, and she was like, right—she had no idea how it felt to have someone take her in and give her all the stuff you’ve given me, and that she definitely preferred living on food stamps with two babies and no life.”
Bernadine was liking Kiki more and more. “Is she with the father of her twins?”
“Yes. His name’s Bobby. He’s working two jobs and trying to get his GED so he can start his own business. Something to do with pimping out cars.”
“Good for him.”
“They’re really struggling, though. Their apartment is tiny, and one of the windows was cracked and they drive an old beat-down van you can hear coming a mile away.”
“Is that the life you want?”
“No. I wish they didn’t have to have that life either.” Crys looked her way. “I know I have no business asking for anything after what I did, but can they live here with us?”
Bernadine was taken aback.
“I don’t mean in our house, but in town someplace. Bobby wants to work on cars, and Amari’s dad has the garage, which would be perfect. And Kiki’s a hairdresser. Be nice not to drive all the way to Hays to get our hair done.”
“You’ve been thinking about this, haven’t you?”
“Just last night, after I got back and looked at all the stuff I have, and how Kiki would love to have even just a little bit of it.”
Bernadine knew Crystal had a good heart, but this was surprising. “How about we talk about it again in a few days.”
She nodded.
“So tell me what happened with your shoes.”
She sighed. “All I wanted to do was go to the club, and Kiki’s cousin Ross offered to take me. So I went. Thought I could hold my liquor. I couldn’t. Had too much. Passed out and woke up so sick I thought I’d never stop throwing up.”
“Oh, Crys.”
She shrugged. “Then I realized my purse was gone along with my phone, my jacket, and my shoes. Kiki warned me to watch my back around Ross. I should’ve listened.”
“But why would he take your shoes?”
“Wasn’t him. It was his girlfriend. She kept saying how cute they were and wanted to know where I got them and if she could try them on.”
“What?”
“Yeah, after I got through throwing up, I had to walk all the way back to Kiki’s in the freezing rain, barefoot.” She retreated into silence again, and when she looked at Bernadine, there were tears in her eyes. “I was so cold and my feet hurt so bad,” she whispered.
Like any mother, Bernadine’s heart ached for her child.
“I lasted one day. One! I tried to get a job as soon as I got to Dallas, but I didn’t know my whole social security number or have an address, so I couldn’t even finish filling out the application.”
Bernadine wondered what had gone through Crystal’s mind when she realized she didn’t know as much about how the real world rolled as she thought she did.
“Tamar told me at church that I’ll get the chance to fly away when I’m ready. Can I still go to college?”
“Is that what you want?”
“Yes. I want to finish my triptych for that art show in LA next year, too.”
“Okay.”
“I promise to never do anything this dumb again. Ever.”
“Going to hold you to that. Your mom is way too old to go through this again.” Bernadine thought back on who Crystal had been when she first arrived, with her tats, ratty gold weave, and urban attitudes. In the years since, she’d grown and blossomed and made incredible strides. She hoped the maturity would continue to grow so that when she did fly away, the wings would be strong and true. “Anything else you want to discuss?”
“No.”
“Then let’s go in and see what Diane’s been up to.”
Inside, Bernadine made the introductions. Diane eyed Crystal up and down. “You should be grateful my sister took you in, instead of running away and causing her trouble.”
Crystal’s mouth tightened, and angry tears filled her eyes. Bernadine said to her softly, “Go on up to your room, Crys. I’ll see you later.”
Crys nodded and left quickly.
Because Bernadine didn’t bother veiling her anger, Diane responded with, “What? I’m not supposed to call her out? Apparently somebody should. She needs to know how blessed she is.”
“How do you know she doesn’t?”
Diane’s chin rose in challenge.
“This is her home, and I’m not putting up with you bullying her. You don’t know a thing about her or her circumstances.”
“Why are you defending her? Have you had her tested for drugs?”
“You have two seconds to shut your mouth or get out.”
“I’m going to my room.”
“Not yet. How long are you planning on being here?”
“I hadn’t really thought about it.”
“Then do, because if you’re going to be here more than a week, you’ll ne
ed to start looking for employment.”
“What? Why?”
“Because you’re a grown woman.”
“But I’m also your sister.”
“So that means you get to loll around and not contribute to the food you’re eating and the bills.”
No response.
“Yes, you are my sister, but you’re also single, and single women have to take care of themselves, especially financially.”
Diane’s face was as sullen as a teenager’s.
“Or you can leave.”
“You know I have no place else to go.”
“And why is that?” Bernadine asked gently.
More silence.
“Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to look in the mirror and acknowledge truthfully what you see.”
“Thank you, Iyanla Vanzant. Or is it Dr. Phil?”
Bernadine held on to her temper, reminding her sagely, “You’re the one with no place to go.” The underlying message of Reverend Paula’s sermon that morning had been about choosing to be kind over being right. Bernadine was trying to use that philosophy with her sister, but Diane didn’t seem to be appreciating her restraint. “So figure out what you want to do and let me know.”
With nothing more to say to the sulky-faced Diane, Bernadine headed upstairs.
Two doors down at the Garland house, Roni ended the call with her manager Jason West and set the phone aside. For years she’d wanted to do a tribute CD for the musical matriarchs like Billie Holiday, the great Ella Fitzgerald, and Sarah Vaughan. Securing the rights to the songs had proven difficult, but Jason had finally worked things out and was ready to get back into the studio. Although she was equally ready, she knew Reggie wouldn’t be happy with this, so she’d asked Jason to hold off on the project for the time being. He wasn’t pleased, and truthfully neither was she, but marriage was supposed to be about compromise. Never mind that she was the only one compromising, or at least that’s how it felt. Why had she gone through all the trouble of having a studio built in town if she wasn’t going to use it? Swallowing her resentment, she walked into the study, where Reggie seemed to be retreating more and more. “Hey. What’re you doing?”
He glanced up from papers in his hand. “Checking out this medical conference I’m going to in Seattle on Tuesday.”