Cole devoured his in minutes, and I handed him half of mine. “Here. It’s way too much burger for me.”
“You sure?” The sandwich was halfway to his mouth.
“Positive.”
“I don’t know how you girls exist on such tiny amounts of food.” He plowed it into his mouth. The evening’s events had definitely not upset his appetite. He wiped the pristine linen napkin across his mouth. “So I guess you and Jude are a thing.”
His comment caught me off guard, and I wasn’t sure how to respond. Especially because I really had no idea if we were a thing. Jude’s attitude toward me seemed to have changed as drastically as his sister’s spirits.
“We’re not really a thing,” I finally said, and realized my words were depressingly true. As much as I would have liked there to be a thing, I’d gotten myself into something much more complex than I’d imagined. The rocky and unfulfilling relationship I’d had with Chandler at school had been pretty straightforward. Fairly early on I’d discovered Chandler wanted to be with me just as long as no one of importance knew about it. At first, I’d been willing to accept it because I’d had a crush on the guy, and who doesn’t want to be with the most popular guy in school? But my heart was never at risk with Chandler. Deep down, I’d known it, and it’d been easy to let him go. But with Jude, my usual confidence, the usual defenses I put up around my heart had disintegrated with his first kiss. I’d known from the beginning that nothing about the relationship was good or solid, but I’d let myself fall for him.
Cole gulped back the last of his cola. “I don’t know about that. I think it’s a thing to my brother.”
Of course, I desperately wanted to ask him why he thought so, but then I’d never thought of Cole as someone who was good at reading other people’s feelings. His thoughts seemed mostly centered around Cole. I decided to change the subject because this one was making my already bleak mood worse.
“Cole, don’t you think you should let your dad know that things are getting bad?”
He leaned back against the seat. “Yeah, probably. I guess Jude and I have been putting it off because Dad usually blames us when Finley’s upset. Then he comes back with his entourage, and it only causes more chaos.”
“First of all, I like your dad, but there can’t be anything more unfair than him blaming you both for Finley’s depression. She needs some professional help and a doctor.”
He picked at the fries in his basket but this topic seemed to have thrown a curve in his otherwise seemingly endless hunger. “I think my dad has had so many problems with drugs through the years, even with prescription stuff, he thinks they’re all bad now.”
“But he still drinks.”
He chuckled. “I know, ironic, isn’t it?”
“Couldn’t you convince your dad to come home without his people this one time? Finley adores him, and he might be just what she needs to bring her out of this.”
It was rare to see Cole deep in thought, but he seemed to be considering my suggestion. “You might be right. I’ll talk to Jude about it and see what he thinks.”
As we slid out of the booth, Cole checked his phone. “Huh, there are three missed calls from Jude.” He dialed Jude. “He’s not answering.”
I’d left the phone Jude had given me on my nightstand.
Cole looked back at me and both our thoughts could not have been plainer if they’d been floating around our heads in bold print. The hamburger did a full leap and somersault in my stomach as we raced out the door to the truck.
Cole raced up the street toward his house. My fingers wrapped tightly around the arm rest in the car as my intuition told me the worst had happened. Tension and dread pulsated around Cole too. We spotted the flashing red lights long before we reached the security gates.
My hands were shaking and the blood had drained from my head as his tires screeched up the long driveway to the mansion. A fire truck, police car, and ambulance were blocking the curved driveway. A gurney was just being pushed into the back of the ambulance.
Cole slammed the truck into park and we jumped out. Jude appeared suddenly around the back of the ambulance, looking pale white and in shock. As soon as he saw us, rage added some color back to his face.
“Where the fuck have you two been?” he said. The expression he shot me nearly dropped me to my knees in anguish. Jude blamed me for this.
“What happened?” Cole asked.
“Finley swallowed a bunch of dad’s sleeping pills.”
“Is she all right?” Cole asked.
“I don’t know. They’re taking her to pump her stomach right now. I called Dad. He’s on his way. Why’d you leave her alone?” Again his question was aimed directly toward me. Cole did not jump to my defense, and all I could do is cry. Jude spun around. “I’m going in the ambulance. Follow in the truck.”
Through a flood of tears, I stumbled behind Cole to the car and collapsed into the front seat. I slumped down into a fog of despair, wondering if all this was truly happening. At first the summer job had seemed like a dream come true. It was a way to make money, get a taste of independence, and I couldn’t deny the fun of the luxurious lifestyle, something that was completely out of my range of reality. But it had quickly slid into a heartbreaking nightmare. The shocking reality of the scope of Finley’s problems was only the half of it. I’d fallen for Jude, and now, he’d shown me with no question for misinterpretation that I meant nothing to him. If I had, he would never have looked and spoken to me the way he had. Now I wanted nothing more that to be away from this job and this family.
Cole hadn’t said a word, and it was better that way. I was just as angry at him for not saying anything in my defense. But the person I was most ashamed of was me. I’d let Finley down. I’d failed at my job. Even if it was a job that was way out my skill level, I’d failed miserably and there was nothing I hated more than that.
Finley had already been wheeled inside by the time we reached the emergency room entrance. Jude had followed her into the ward. Because he was family, Cole was allowed past the double doors, but I had to stay in the waiting room.
My limbs felt heavy, and my head throbbed from crying as I lowered myself into a waiting room chair. There were pleasant paintings on the wall, and someone had coordinated a color scheme of rose and blue with fake flower arrangements and furniture upholstery. The last time I’d been in a waiting room was when Sophie was three and had fallen and cracked her chin open. She’d needed twelve stitches and she’d bled so much I was certain she would die from it. I remember sitting, holding my dad’s hand, and feeling sick to my stomach with worry. And I remember hating the cold, dreary, and crowded waiting room. We’d had no money or medical insurance, and Mom had held a cloth against Sophie’s chin while Dad drove us across town through irritating traffic to the county hospital. With the amount of blood covering Mom and Sophie’s clothes, I was certain they’d rush them right through the door and to a doctor. But at a county hospital, they took the most life threatening injuries first, and that meant gunshot wounds. There seemed to be a lot of them that day, and we’d waited anxiously for them to help my little sister. It was one of the worst days in my memory, and yet, it had been nothing compared to this day. Jude had been so busy chastising me, he’d left us with little information. I had no idea what kind of shape Finley was in.
Sitting there, with my arms crossed tightly against my churning stomach and a bleak bitter feeling flooding chest, I suddenly knew how badly Finley had been feeling these past few days. Even when things had sunk to their absolute worst, and my family and I had spent several weeks living in our car, I hadn’t experienced this sensation of complete and utter hopelessness. It drained every ounce of energy from me, and I wanted to roll off into a dark hole or fall into a deep, endless sleep . . . just like Finley had wanted.
I’d hardly moved a muscle since I sat down,
and when Cole walked into the room, I was completely stiff from sitting so still. It took some effort to push from the chair and stand up.
Cole looked decidedly better and more relaxed than he had an hour earlier when he’d clutched his steering wheel so tightly I thought it would come off in his hands. “They pumped her stomach, and she’ll be all right.”
I burst into tears not realizing just how terrified I’d been.
Cole put his arm around me, and I pressed my face against his shoulder. I heard footsteps enter the waiting room. I gathered my strength and turned to face Jude.
His skin had barely regained its color. “Eden, I’m sorry.” His voice was low and hoarse and every word caused the pain in my throat to grow. “I was scared and I lashed out and—”
I swallowed hard and attempted to produce my coldest tone. “How’s Finley?”
Apparently, my attempt was successful. Jude looked at me as if I’d slapped him. “She’ll be fine, and I think she’ll finally get the help she needs.”
“I’m glad of it.” It was hard as hell to sound emotionless when every emotion I’d ever felt was swirling inside of me. “I need to use the restroom.” I sidled past him without giving him as much as a glance. He’d apologized, but there was no way to take any of it back. His angry words had sliced through me like an icy blade, and there was just no way to recover from the blow.
I headed through the two automatic doors and turned down the walkway that led to the street. I’d loved my time with Finley, at least the original version of Finley, and Jude had been the first guy who I’d felt I could give my heart to. But as far as I was concerned, my summer job with the King family was over.
Chapter 22
Miraculously, I found a taxi without much effort, and I paid for a ride back to the mansion. I told Tilly that Finley was all right but that I’d returned to pick her up a few things. I looked in on Some Pig. He had curled up on her bed. He lifted his snout as I kissed him on the head and then I went to my room to pack my few belongings into my broken duffle. The only place I could think of going was our old apartment. I still had a key, and technically, it belonged to my parents for a few more days. I had no idea how to find my family, but I was a big girl and I would figure things out once I got there. I was still sick and numb with heartbreak, but I would get over it. The survival instincts I’d developed through my tumultuous childhood years had kicked in.
The taxi dropped me at the bus stop, and I pulled my sweatshirt hood up onto my head and slumped onto the bench to wait for the next bus. Unbidden, my thoughts went back to the day that Jude had gone with me to see my parents. We’d spent the entire day together, and it was that day when I’d seen him outside of his world of luxury and privilege that I knew he was worth falling for. I’d been horrified at the thought of him seeing our shabby apartment, but he’d never shown even an ounce of shock or pity at the way we lived. And we’d ended that day with his second failed attempt at painting me, a failed attempt that made my skin warm just thinking about it.
A burst of air pushed my hood back. The bus had arrived. Once again, my limbs felt filled with lead as I picked up my duffle and climbed aboard. This time I avoided the back seats. My only fear was that the sleazy landlord had taken advantage and overlapped the lease on the apartment. Then I’d have to find a cheap hotel to live in. I had some money in the bank from my first paycheck, but motel rent would eat it up quickly.
The bus ride seemed interminably long, and I sighed with relief as it finally pulled to a stop near the all too familiar mini mart. I stepped inside the small store. The store manager looked surprised to see me.
“You didn’t leave with your family?” he asked.
I put the milk and a newspaper on the counter and shook my head. I paid him and wandered down the sidewalk past the quiet, dark construction site. I doubted that Cole would be showing to work any time soon, but I would avoid walking past it just in case. I was fairly certain that Jude never told him that my family lived nearby.
Televisions flickered through the thin, worn curtains covering the apartment windows, and I could hear the Spencers in one of their usual yell fests. I plodded up the stairs and was happy to see that our apartment was completely dark.
The smell of stale smoke wafted through the air of the cold, empty room. I reached for the light and was relieved to see that the electricity had not been turned off. It looked bleak and vacant without Sophie and Janie scurrying around with their giggles and fluffy socks. My disgusting, lumpy sofa bed was still sitting in the center of the room, and it couldn’t have looked more inviting. Mom had packed all the sheets and blankets, so I stayed in my jeans and sweatshirt.
I drank a cup of milk to soothe the pain that burned a hole in my stomach and then I yanked out the lumpy mattress and sank into the giant hole. I pulled the hood up over my head, curled up into a ball, and cried myself to sleep.
It could not have been much past six in the morning when a loud knock startled me from a deep sleep.
“Eden,” Jude’s deep voice echoed along the second story balcony. He pounded the door again. “Eden, please let me in. I need to know you’re all right.” A long pause followed but I hadn’t heard his footsteps recede. “Please, Eden, let me in. Finley’s asking for you.” His voice had dropped low, and there was enough sorrow in his tone to nearly propel me from the bed to the door.
But I stayed quiet as a statue in the center of the worn mattress, not even daring to breathe. I worried that if I let myself breathe, it would break my resolve and I would go to him. I would have given anything to throw myself into his solid, comforting arms, but he’d torn my heart in two pieces the night before and there was no way to repair the damage. Finally his heavy footsteps pounded the balcony and the staircase. His bike fired up, and he tore out of the driveway and out of my life for good.
I had no time to allow myself the luxury of wallowing in heartbreak and self-pity. I needed a job and a place to live. I had no way to contact my parents, but in a way, it seemed like a good thing. Being on my own had been freeing, and for once in my life, I felt like I could shape my future in the way I wanted it to go. Besides, it had to be much easier on my parents to have one less mouth to feed.
I spread the classifieds out on the mattress and perused them for a long time before I found a promising job as a diner waitress that offered free room and board over the business if I was willing to open the place at six in the morning. It was all the way across town in a rather unpleasant section of Los Angeles, but I couldn’t be choosy. I had worked at a diner during my junior year, and while the work was hard it wasn’t entirely awful.
I picked up the phone. It hadn’t been disconnected yet. I called and got an interview with the owner, a man named Billy, who had a southern accent and who liked to use the contraction y’all.
My biggest problem was a lack of wardrobe. I walked into my parent’s room for the first time since I’d gotten back. The few clothes I’d left behind in Mom’s closet were gone. Aside from the bed and dresser, they’d stripped the room bare. I decided to take a walk down to the thrift shop and pick up a few items.
The landlord was just coming up the stairs with two guys. His eyes opened wide when he saw me at the top. “Eden, your parents told me you were away at a summer job.”
“I was, Mr. Deeter.”
“Uh, I was planning on renting the place out. If you’re staying, I’ll need a deposit.”
“I’m not staying, but according to my calculations, my parents still have this place until Saturday.”
He opened his mouth to protest, but he really had nothing to say. “You need to be out on Saturday then. Is it all right if I show these two the apartment?”
“Yes.” I headed downstairs, and as I passed them, Mr. Deeter stopped me.
“I nearly forgot. Your parents gave me a phone number in case I saw you.” He fished into hi
s pocket and pulled out several pieces of crumpled papers. He sorted through them until he found the one he needed. A phone number was scrawled on it.
“Thank you so much.” I had to hurry and find a dress, so I could catch a bus ride across town. The construction site was already in full swing, but as expected, I didn’t see Cole’s truck. I nearly ran past the site as I headed to the thrift store. I had my parent’s number now, and I would call them as soon as I got back to the apartment. If the diner job didn’t pan out, at least I had a place to go.
Chapter 23
“Well, I checked out the references you gave me and they checked out. The restaurant manager had high praise for y’all,” Billy said. He was an older man with a fluffy head of gray hair and friendly brown eyes. One shoulder leaned down some as if his back was permanently curved or if one leg was shorter than the other.
“I work hard and I’m punctual.”
He shook my hand. “I believe you. You look like a no nonsense girl who wouldn’t lie.”
“Thank you. I am.”
Billy walked around the counter, poured himself a cup of coffee and then offered me one. It was well past nine, and there were only three customers in the place. The booths were covered in a hideous yellow vinyl and the white tile floor was scuffed black, but the place looked clean. A tall man, with a hairnet covering his mostly bald head and an eagle tattoo covering his forearm, shoved food through the cook’s window. There was only one girl waiting tables. She looked to be in her early twenties, and she kept smiling over at me as if she was in desperate need of someone to help her.
“The room upstairs ain’t much, but it has a kitchenette with a hot plate and bathroom with a shower. But I’ve got to warn you, there isn’t much water pressure up there.”