Tyler took another swig from his bottle before he handed it to Rachel. She lifted it to her lips and then something strange happened. I watched the water enter her mouth and the muscles in her throat work without success. She couldn’t swallow. With a sound between a sob and a cough, she spat the water out and handed the bottle back to Tyler.
Joshua was watching her with a frown. “We should hurry,” he said. “The sooner we get through to the other side the sooner we can find Rachel some medical help.”
We all crouched in front of the hole and again Rachel’s left hand gave way and her other arm had to support her weight. A coil tightened around my stomach. Was Rachel strong enough to go with us?
Tyler went first, a flashlight in his hand. The glow caught on roots dangling like skeleton-fingers into the tunnel, throwing their spidery shadows at the ground, but it was still too dim to see very far.
Rachel followed Tyler, her left arm pressed against her chest while she used the right one to push forward. I hesitated at the entrance, my eyes trying to adjust to the darkness now that Rachel’s and Tyler’s bodies blocked most of the flashlight’s beam.
I crawled inside and something scrabbled over my left hand, tiny legs sending a shudder through my body. I snatched my hand away. The scent was stale and earthy. The first few feet were steep. My forearms and knees started hurting and my back was screaming at me to straighten. The only sound was our panting.
The further we moved into the tunnel, the stuffier it got. White dots danced before my eyes and I paused, taking deep, yet useless breaths.
“What’s wrong?” Joshua’s voice was muffled. The earth around us seemed to soak up any sound.
“Nothing, it’s just difficult to breathe,” I said.
Tyler and Rachel stopped. I could only make out their outlines but the soft rustling of their clothes and the scraping ceased. Dirt was falling into my eyes, so I closed them, since I could hardly see anything. I felt my way forward, trying not to focus on the way my chest heaved with every breath I took, how my elbows and knees rubbed raw on the tiny pebbles.
My head collided with something hard.
I realized I must have run into Rachel. She didn’t make a sound and I tried to see if she was okay but it was too dark. “Rachel?” I asked in a whisper.
Tyler pointed the flashlight in her direction.
Her back was bent, her arms wrapped around her middle. She wasn’t moving.
“Rachel?” I touched her shoulder and she turned to me, her eyes wide and frightened. Her skin was slick with sweat and she was shivering. She looked like she was having some kind of anxiety attack.
“I feel sick.” She closed her eyes and swallowed. “And dizzy.”
Tyler stroked her back. “Take a few deep breaths. It’ll be okay. I’m here for you.”
Just then, a soft buzz carried down to us. The fence – we were below it.
We moved on but our progress was slower than before as Rachel paused now and then to catch her breath. Her left hand was twitching.
Suddenly a few cursewords from Tyler ahead made me freeze.
“What’s the matter?” Joshua called from his place at the back.
“A part of the tunnel’s caved in,” Tyler replied. “We have to clear some earth.”
God, how were we supposed to do that? There was barely room to move.
Rachel’s breathing hitched. I hoped she was going to make it.
We couldn’t work beside each other because the tunnel was too narrow, so in the end Tyler had to do most of the work. Laboriously, he shifted the earth to the side. Rachel then moved it toward me and I moved it to Joshua.
63 minutes until the passage was free of debris.
88 minutes since we entered the tunnel.
5,280 seconds of endless darkness.
In the distance a beam of light alerted us to the end of the tunnel. Eager to get out of the dark, we all crawled faster.
Rachel and Tyler disappeared into the light, which seemed to scorch my eyeballs with its brightness. I squeezed my eyes shut and collapsed on the hot ground. Within seconds the mud covering my clothes and skin dried. It felt like my skin was a size too small. I opened my eyes, blinking against the stabbing pain. I thought being beyond the fence would feel different but it didn’t. Dried bushes stood on the parched earth before us. The buzz of the fence was like a distant tingling under our skin.
“We need to find a place to stop,” Tyler said. “We shouldn’t be wandering around. They might send helicopters out. We should hide until dark.” Tyler’s gaze found Rachel who lay on the ground, eyes closed and skin sickly pale beneath the layer of mud.
“Let’s move over there,” Joshua said, gesturing toward a small patch of waist-high shrubs. Their half-dried leaves gave us little shelter. We waited until dusk turned our surroundings a murky grey before we set out to search for a place to wash the grime off and find something to eat. Our water bottles were almost empty – though Rachel had refused to drink – and the growls of our stomachs could be heard over the chirping of the crickets.
Suddenly, a buzz sounded in the sky. A helicopter! We dashed for cover under a bush, its thorns scraping my face and arms. The buzzing got louder as the copter approached and with it the pounding in my ears. Last time a helicopter had flown over us we’d been excited, but now there was only dread.
Tyler’s knees were pressed against my lower back and Rachel’s head rested on my shoulder. Their body heat made me feel like I was going to combust.
As the whirring of the blades faded, Joshua peeked out of the bush, searching the sky. “The helicopters are leaving.” He stood. “It’s okay.”
I patted my clothes, sending sprinklings of dried mud flying.
“Are you sure we’re heading in the right direction?” Joshua asked.
Tyler scanned our surroundings. There was nothing to help him get his bearings; bushes, dried earth, and the never ending sky. Nothing else for miles. “I — I’m not sure,” he said as he helped Rachel up.
“I can’t —” She gasped and she sank to her knees. Tyler tried to lift her to her feet but she hung limply in his grasp.
I touched her forehead and flinched from the heat of her skin. She was burning up. “We need to stop.”
“But there’s nowhere we can hide.” Joshua looked around. There was nothing here except for shrubs, parched trees and a burnt down house. Joshua’s eyes met mine and the look in them twisted my insides.
Tyler propped Rachel’s head up on his lap, wiping away the sweat and dirt from her face with his sleeves. She opened her eyes and gave him a weak smile. They deserved some privacy.
“We should look for something to eat,” I said to Joshua, taking his hand. My voice caught in my throat but I covered it with a cough.
“What’s happening to her?” I asked when we were out of earshot. Joshua’s fingers tensed around mine, and the moonlight illuminated the hard lines of his face. “It’s the rabies, right?”
“I guess. She must have been infected during her captivity like your dad. I’ve watched so many people die. I just can’t stand it any more.” He stopped and pulled me against him. I buried my face in the crook of his neck. He was shaking, the cracks starting to show in the tough face he presented to the world. Seeing Joshua afraid scared me to my core.
“She’ll turn or die,” said Joshua bitterly. “There’s no other option. Either way, we’re going to lose Rachel.” The thought was too terrible for me to take in.
“Not if we can find the cure,” I said. There was so little hope but I couldn’t stop clinging to it. I had to – I felt already like I was balancing on the edge of despair.
I tightened my hold on Joshua. I didn’t want to believe him, but I knew he was right. Almost all the people he’d found during his hunts and brought to Safe-haven had either died or turned.
A rustling in the shrubs a short distance away caught our attention and we pulled apart. A fox! Before it could run, Joshua had pulled his gun and shot it.
&nb
sp; Sometimes death was a cruel creeping process and sometimes it happened in the blink of an eye. In a sense the fox was lucky. Luckier than Rachel anyway.
Joshua picked the lifeless creature up and we returned to Tyler and Rachel. She was lying in his arms, her eyes closed.
Tyler’s face looked strangely apathetic. “She fell asleep a few minutes ago,” he whispered.
Joshua started a fire and skinned the fox, his movements steady and skilled as he focused on the task at hand. In time, he handed me a piece of roasted meat. Every bite seemed to stick in my throat. I was past hunger but I ate anyway, while Rachel still slept.
Suddenly, her face scrunched up and she began to writhe and whimper. Tyler put down his food and crawled toward her. The moment he touched her cheek, she woke up with a start, her eyes wide. Rachel gazed at Tyler with so much longing and sadness that I had no doubt she knew she wouldn’t return with us to Santa Barbara. Slowly she reached up and touched his cheek, and he leaned into her palm.
I was scared to fall asleep, afraid Rachel would be gone by the time I woke, but tiredness dragged me down.
“Get some rest. I’ll stay awake to keep an eye on Rachel,” Joshua whispered. He extinguished the fire with dirt and took his place beside me. I held him, my ear pressed to his chest as I listened to the reassuring thud-thud of his heart.
A strange sound –like a gurgled cry – jolted me awake.
Tyler’s face, twisted with panic, came into focus. Tears glistened on his face, silver in the moonlight. Joshua was on his feet before I realized what was happening.
I stumbled to my feet and my body went cold.
Rachel was on the ground, thrashing and kicking as though she was fighting an invisible opponent. Joshua and Tyler went and pinned her arms and legs down, but she kept bucking her hips and back. Wetness pooled out of her eyes and for a terrible moment I was sure it was the puss-like liquid Weepers were known for. Then I realized they were tears.
She was crying and fighting, caught in a horrible nightmare. Her eyes were open. She saw something we didn’t. Hallucinations - a symptom of rabies.
I inched closer and knelt beside Rachel’s head. My hands cupped her cheeks and I tried to angle her face so she could look into my eyes. “Rachel? You’re safe.”
With a sob she went still. Gradually, she settled. Her chest rose and fell – slow but steady.
Joshua and Tyler released her limbs but stayed close by. Tyler was shaking, his face so pale it looked like there wasn’t a drop of blood in his body.
“Thirsty.”
Rachel’s croak made me jump. I scrambled for our one remaining bottle. There wasn’t more than a few gulps left.
I lifted the bottle to Rachel’s lips and the water sloshed against them. Her eyes flew open, a raspy whine escaping her mouth. She lashed out, sending the bottle flying. Joshua and Tyler reached for her flailing arms but she calmed before they had to restrain her again.
Joshua got up, his breath hot against my ear as he leaned close. “It’s hydrophobia. Sometimes rabies stops people being able to swallow water and they become terrified in case they choke.”
So that’s why Rachel had difficulties drinking before we went into the tunnel.
“Isn’t there anything we can do?” I asked.
He shook his head.
I looked over at Rachel. Tyler was stroking her head and her eyes were focused on him but I wasn’t sure if she was actually seeing him. His lips were moving and I caught the tune of a lullaby. In the distance, the first whisps of light turned the sky grey. A few crickets began their song. I couldn’t stand the peace. I wanted to tear the stars down and kick the moon from the sky. How could they look just the same when down here everything was falling apart?
Rachel looked up at me as I sank down beside Joshua. I smiled and the muscles in my face quivered from the effort. The moment her eyelids drooped, I allowed myself to relax against Joshua, my head resting on his shoulder. My fingers found his and I ran my thumb over the scar on his palm.
Minutes trickled by as I listened to the shrubs rustling in the wind.
A dry rasping.
Rachel’s eyes were wide and her lips parted. Her jaw seemed paralyzed. She tried to move her mouth – nothing. Her throat flexed and her arms flailed when she was unable to swallow. We rushed to her side and I started massaging her throat. Panic flashed in her eyes and gurgling noises came from deep in her body. Tyler lifted her until she was in a sitting position but she still couldn’t swallow nor move her lips. Saliva slid out of the corners of her mouth, the consistency like mucus.
Tyler murmured words of reassurance, though the quiver in his voice made them hard to understand.
Rachel’s back arched and a new wave of gurgled coughs sputtered out.
“We have to do something! She’s choking to death,” I said.
Joshua looked away, his jaw tightening.
Noises came from Rachel’s mouth. We all moved closer to catch her words and when I did, iciness clawed at my insides.
‘Kill me.’
Her fingers tore at Tyler’s shirt and her eyes were pleading.
“Joshua,” Tyler said it with so much despair that more tears sprang into my eyes.
“No.” Joshua stood and took a step back. “I can’t.”
“Please, she wants it.”
Tyler’s face crumpled and he reached for his own gun. Rachel relaxed and relief flashed in her eyes.
“Kill me, please,” she rasped.
Tyler bent over Rachel and brushed a kiss across her forehead, whispering words I didn’t hear. Slowly he straightened and pointed the gun at her, his hand shaking. I closed my eyes and braced myself but the shot didn’t come. I looked at Tyler. His arms shook and slowly he lowered the gun. He dropped his gaze to the ground and started crying. “I’m so sorry. I can’t do it.”
Any hint of hope disappeared from Rachel’s face. “I understand,” she whispered. Inch by inch, she lifted her arm from the ground. Her fingers moved, making grasping motions. “Give me the gun.”
Tyler hesitated, then handed it to her. Their fingers lingered against each other for a moment. Her hand slumped to the ground, but she didn’t release the pistol. It was clutched in her fingers as though it was her anchor. Another fit of wet coughing shook Rachel’s body. Blood started to trickle out of her nose. Tyler let out a sob and took a step back. With great difficulty, Rachel raised her arm with the gun. She closed her eyes and wrapped her hand around the cross pendant on her chest. Her lips moved in prayer.
Part of me wanted to stop her. To beg her to wait for us; to see if there really was a cure. But how could I tell her to keep suffering? It wasn’t my choice to make.
I crawled nearer to Rachel, with Joshua close behind me. I took Rachel’s hand. “I’m so sorry that we weren’t fast enough.”
“It’s not your fault. It’s the government,” she whispered.
“We’ll find the bastards that did this to you. We’ll make them pay, Rachel. I promise,” I said. I felt something harden inside me – tight and angry,
She swallowed slowly, her breath rattling in her chest. Her knuckles turned white as she cradled the gun. “I … I must do it now. Before it’s too late.”
I leaned over her and kissed her forehead. “I’ll miss you,” said, forcing myself not to cry. Joshua hugged Rachel gently and whispered goodbye. Then we both got up and moved away, as Tyler went to Rachel’s side. After a few moments, he too, moved away.
We three stood together. The first sunrays bloomed with pinks and purple in the sky. At least Rachel would go with that image in her mind. She met my gaze and pressed the barrel against her temple. Her finger on the trigger tensed. I closed my eyes.
A shot rang out, echoed in my ears and sliced through me. I stiffened. Slowly I opened my eyes, but I couldn’t look. I felt Joshua’s arms around me, and I folded myself into him. His embrace tightened around me; his breath caught in his throat. He buried his face in my hair and took a few deep breaths.
/> Tyler stood frozen, his wide eyes on Rachel’s body. For a moment he was very still as though the life had drained from him when she’d pulled the trigger. Then he staggered past us and fell to his knees beside her.
“Tyler?” I whispered, every word like shards in my throat.
Joshua shook his head and turned away. “He wants to be alone.”
And so we gave him the time he needed to say goodbye.
The dry earth resisted our gravedigging. We had only our hands and soon my skin was scraped and my nails broken off. The sun beat down on us and I could already smell the acidly sweet stench of decay.
The hole wasn’t deep enough. A fox or coyote could dig the body out without difficulty. But there wasn’t time to do more, to make sure Rachel had a good resting place. And how could this place, in the middle of nowhere, be a good resting place anyway? She should be in the graveyard, with people who knew and loved her. I hated the thought of leaving her here alone.
Joshua and Tyler lowered Rachel’s body into the ground. I didn’t look at her until they’d covered her head, then I helped them push the remaining earth over her. Not more than a layer of two inches of dirt protected her from the greedy ravens already monitoring us from a safe distance. I felt like we should say a prayer or give a speech but I didn’t know what to say.
Tyler hadn’t spoken since the shot. He’d had barely even looked at us.
2 hours and 26 minutes since Rachel had pulled the trigger. 22 hours and 15 minutes since we lost Bobby..
Tyler turned away from the grave and started walking. Joshua and I followed. The sweat from digging the hole turned the dirt on my body back into a film of mud. Now the sun was drying everything again and the grime grew into a tight armour of dust on my skin and clothes.
Tyler took one step after the other, moving mechanically, his face slack and emotionless.
“Do you think he knows where we’re going?” I asked.
Joshua blinked. “I’m not sure. He seems kind of out of it.”